


Part of Your World

by emilyevanston



Series: Chris and Emily [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe RPF, Real Person Fiction
Genre: Abusive Parents, Aftercare, Anal Sex, BDSM, BDSM Negotiations, Bondage, Breathplay, Dating, Developing Relationship, Disney Loving Chris Evans, Dom Chris Evans, Dom/sub, F/F, F/M, Fame, Flogging, Forced Orgasm, I wrote this a long time ago, Love, Multi, Name-Calling, Oral Sex, Orgasm Denial, Phone Sex, Pre-Captain America: The First Avenger, Recreational Drug Use, Sex Toys, Sexual Assault, Smut, Spanking, Supportive Relationship, There's a lot of things I might add to this list because I forget, Threesome - F/F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-19
Updated: 2018-09-23
Packaged: 2019-07-14 04:17:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 48
Words: 132,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16032809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilyevanston/pseuds/emilyevanston
Summary: Doctor Emily Stephens has just moved to LA to start a new job when she meets a man who ignites something within her.  Something she didn't know existed.But as she and Chris develop their relationship and explore their sex life together, Chris leaves to film a series of movies, and Emily has to navigate a new life and a long distance relationship.-Story takes place just prior to Chris accepting the role of Captain America-





	1. Chapter 1

I stepped out of the hot LA sunshine into the air-conditioned Barnes and Nobel.  When I accepted the post-grad position in the Biology department of UCLA, I knew it would be hot in LA.  I thought being an Aussie girl I’d be prepared.  I was not.  Being in the city, the heat was oppressive, but on top of that, it was dry.  Humidity is awful, but I have never experienced the just moisture draining dryness of LA before.  

   I wandered up and down the aisles browsing the books and interesting games and toys they seemed to stock.  I love bookshops. I probably don’t need any more books, but I honestly can’t help myself. I guess for some people, books are always needed.  A display caught my eye.  It is a table full of leather-bound books with gilt edges, so I immediately gravitated towards it.  Another customer was browsing them, tall, with light brown hair and kind of a stupid looking beard that was mostly goatee but with stubble making up the mustache part.  He also looked like he spent a lot of time in the gym.  I have a quick nasty thought about him not being able to read and then mentally slap myself.  God, that was bitchy, Emily.  Don’t think things like that about people just because they like to work out.  It’s not like you don’t spend time at the gym.

   I noticed they had a leather-bound copy of ‘The Hitch-hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy’!  I picked it up and looked it over longingly.  It isn’t as pretty as the other books, with its weird, round, green alien on the front, but I instantly fall in love.

   "Oh, that one is really good, right?  42 and all that?“  The guy next to me said.  I smile and look up, for the first time noticing his piercing blue eyes.

   "Yeah,” I laughed, turning the book over “It’s my favourite series, but I probably shouldn’t be buying it just because it looks fancy.”

   "Oh, why not?  You have to treat yourself sometimes.“ He said grinning.  

   "Sometimes maybe,”  I laughed again “But not all the time.” I didn’t put the book down though.  Part of me thinks he probably has a point.  I look at the book he’s holding.  It’s a collection of Irish fairy and folk tails.  "That one looks nice too.  What stories does it have in it?“

   "I don’t really know.”  He replied “Nothing I really recognise. I was thinking about buying it for my sister.  She just announced she’s pregnant.  I’m very excited about having a new niece or nephew.  I wanted to buy her a gift, and we’re a part Irish family.  I thought it would be nice.”

   He held it up to show it to me like he wanted my opinion.  I reached over to take it, and our fingers touched briefly.  Something passed through us like electricity.  I’ve read people say things like that, but I have always scoffed.  The idea is ridiculous.  I look up at him to see if he felt it too, and he was staring at me, his mouth slightly open.  He went to say something but looked away.  I looked down at the book and opened it.  It did look lovely.  "I – I think it looks beautiful.’  I stammered. “I’m sure your sister will love it.’  

   "Thanks.  I’ll think I’ll get it.”  He said taking the book back.  "By the way.  My names Chris.“  He said holding his hand out and I shake it.

   "Nice to meet you, Chris.  I’m Emily.”

   I put the copy of 'The Hitch-hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy’ down.  "Oh, you’re not going to buy it?“  Chris asked, almost sounding disappointed.

   "No, I better not.  I haven’t even lived in LA long.  I have a lot of household stuff I need to buy still.  I probably shouldn’t be spending my money on books I already own.”

   Chris started to fidget like he’s considering something.  "Well, I probably should be going,“ I said.  I don’t really actually have anywhere to go, and I am enjoying talking to him, but standing around chatting in a bookstore with strangers can only last so long.  

   "Wait a second,”  Chris said, picking the book back up.  I stopped and turn to look at him.  He was remarkably good looking.  Not normally my type, but the way he looks awkwardly holding the books out in front of him is quite cute.  "So this might sound a bit weird.  But hear me out.“  He stopped for a second like he was building himself up.  "Would you mind if I bought you the book.”  I went to interrupt, shaking my head “No, wait.  If we were at a bar now, I’d be buying you a drink, or at least offering to.  I mean I guess you could turn that down too.  But you know, it wouldn’t be weird if I offered.   But we aren’t in a bar, we’re at a bookstore, so yeah, how about I buy you a book instead.”

   I laughed.  The words had come out of him at a million miles an hour.  I don’t think he could have acted 'awkward pick up in bookshop’ if he tried to.  I wasn’t sure about this though.  A book is not the same as a drink no matter what he said.  But at the same time …

   Then the idea hit me “Okay,” I say, “But only if you then let me buy you coffee.”

* * *

   We went together to pay for the book and then headed back into the sun to find somewhere to have coffee.  Chris assured me that while coffee, in general, was pretty bad in LA, there is at least one decent place near where we were.  He led me to a cute looking place with lots of wood and soft squashy looking sofas and we head inside and order some drinks and sit down.

   "So, I know you already told me you just moved to LA, but I could tell you weren’t a local when you spoke.  I’m very observant.“ Chris joked as we waited for our order "So are you from England?  Is the heat a lot for you?”

   I laughed “No, not England.  Australia.” I answered.  He immediately looked embarrassed.  

   "Oh no,“  He said, "Well then I guess you’re used to the heat.”

   "It’s fine, you aren’t the first person to think I’m English.  You won’t be the last.  And not really. I mean, it does get very hot where I’m from.  But it’s humid too.  This dry heat is weird to me.  But you don’t totally sound local either.  Am I right?“

   "I’ve been here a while now.  But no, I’m from Boston originally.”  He answered.  "I came here for work.  I’m an actor.  Is that why you’re here?“

   Of course, he was an actor.  How could he not be?  "Well, I’m here for work,  but I’m not an actor.  I’m a scientist.  I have a job at UCLA.”

   "Oh wow, really?“  He said sounding quite surprised.  I wondered if he was surprised because he thought I didn’t look like a scientist or because he barely met any.

   "Yeah, zoology and conservation is my specialty.”   I answered   “I’m going to be looking at the coyote numbers and behaviour while I’m here, mostly.  But also teaching.”

   We talked for ages.  Coffee became lunch and we ended up spending most of the day together.  I found him very easy to be around.  At around four we decide we had better part ways. He asked for my number, which of course I gave him, and he walked me to my car.

   "So, I’ll call you.“  He said, standing slightly awkwardly by my car.  He ran his hands through his hair and looked down at his shoes. He was obviously working himself up to ask me something again. I reached up and touched his arm, running my hand along his bicep.  "Emily, I had a really nice day.  I quite like you.”

   "Same.“  

   "Would you mind if I kiss you goodbye?”  His shyness was endearing. I wouldn’t have thought he had any problem getting women to kiss him.

   "No, I don’t mind,“  I said, my breath catching.

   He leaned forward and our lips met. It was brief and gentle. But it ignited something in me.  My hand went to his face almost involuntarily, and he leaned into it.

   We both sighed.  "I’ll see you,”  he said eventually, stepping back and holding the car door open for me. I slid inside and started the car.  He closed the door and stepped away and I waved as I back the car up and drive away.

   "Oh my god, Emily.  What was that.“  I said as I glanced up and watched him wave in my rear view mirror.


	2. Chapter 2

The following day was Monday, and I spent the day at the University setting up my office. I’d been given my teaching scheduled for the first semester. Two first-year biology classes. I’d never taught first year before. I’d done tutoring, and filled in for lecturers on later year classes back when I did my Ph.D. But never actually run a whole class by myself. Both classes had around 300 students, and I was so nervous. I decided to go take a look at where the lecture halls were exactly, even though there was still 2 whole months before the lectures started. Anxiety is fun like that.

My phone buzzed. It was a private number. Assuming it was something to do with work, as I still had lots of orientation events to attend, and it was quite possible that paperwork still needed to be done somewhere, I adopted my super serious work voice. “Hello, Doctor Emily Stephens speaking.”

“Doctor? You didn’t say you were a doctor?” Said the voice on the other end “Oh, sorry it’s Chris.” It quickly added.

“Hi Chris,” I said. I suddenly felt giddy and excited. Something I had never really experienced before. “Yes, I did. I told you I’m here doing a postdoc.”

“Oh yeah, right.” He replied. “I guess I didn’t really put the two things together. You know, I guess when I think of doctors I think of the ones you go to when you're sick.”

I laughed.

“I was wondering if you might like to come out with me this Friday. There is a band I like playing at the House of Blues. I know it’s kind of chintzy, but the band is good,” He was rambling again.

“No need to talk it down, I know nothing about it. New here, remember?” I interrupted. “And I’d love to go with you. I really like live music.”

Chris laughed. It was deep and warm and made my stomach flutter. “Great! Great!” He exclaimed, sounding very excited. “You can eat there, but I prefer not to. So maybe we can get dinner first? I know a nice Italian place nearby. Do you like Italian?”

“It’s my favourite.”

“Shall I pick you up then? Maybe around 7?”

I quickly agreed and gave him my address. We talked for a little longer and when I hung up I was grinning ear to ear.

* * * * *

The week went by pretty quickly. I met some colleagues I hadn’t had a chance to meet yet, and we all had lunch together. I also received an offer to talk at an upcoming conference in Oregon, which was exciting. I didn’t have a lot of work to do yet. Field research takes a little bit of planning and given I’d only just started a week ago, I hadn’t managed to get that far, but my supervisor had spoken to me about us going out to Joshua Tree and checking out their field research station.

Friday arrived, with scorching heat. I decided to just work from home. I had air-conditioning and I’d found it was always cooler here out of the sun.

As 7 o'clock approached, I decided to get ready. I had chosen to wear a cute 50s style rock-a-billy dress with a pale blue fabric decorated with foxes. I did my best to make my make up match the style of the dress, though my inexperience with using makeup often. I surveyed myself in the mirror. My long dark hair was coloured various shades of purple, blue and pink at the ends. I had done minimal styling, just leaving it loose and swept back with some product to stop my curls poofing up like a poodle. I’d just managed to pull of winged eyeliner I think. They were small wings, and a little uneven, plus they’d taken me four tries to get sort of right, but I liked the effect. Combined with the mascara on my already quite long and dark eyelashes and the shade of blue my dress was, my eyes which often just looked an indistinct grey looked very blue. I was most happy with my choice of lip gloss. The dark red popped against the creamy white of my skin. I really liked the effect.

At 7 on the dot, there was a knock on the door, and I answered it to find Chris wearing a pair of tan trousers and a blue and white plaid button up shirt that he had unbuttoned at the collar and the sleeves rolled up a few times. He exuded a casual confidence that many people try very hard to pull off but just seemed to come naturally to him. I caught myself biting my lower lip as I assessed him, and quickly stopped.

“You look gorgeous, Emily.” He said as a greeting, leaning down to kiss my cheek.

“Thank you, you don’t look half bad yourself,” I answered, stepping through the front door and locking it behind me. “And you’ve colour co-ordinated with me. Which I appreciate.”

He laughed, “Well, I aim to please.”

He offered me his arm in a way that almost seemed unconscious. And I took it, hooking my arm around his elbow and giving it a little squeeze.

We walked to his car, it was a fairly new looking Lexus. I know absolutely nothing about cars, but I also know most ‘actors’ couldn’t afford something like this. Maybe he actually really made money acting? I just assumed when he said, actor, he meant barista who occasionally acts. Well, aren’t I a pretentious dick? Or maybe I’m right and he’s really good at his other job. He could be a personal trainer. I bet he’d be good at that.

We both climbed into his car. It still had the new car smell.

“Nice car. So you’re actually pretty good at the whole acting thing, I take it.” I asked as I buckled up.

“Thanks. Yeah, well I work. Which is the main thing with a job I guess.” He answered laughing. He started up the car and as we pulled away he reached over and gave my hand a little squeeze. “I guess you haven’t googled me then.”

I looked at him slightly puzzled. “What? No.” I answered. “I mean, I don’t actually know your last name, so not sure I could have if it had occurred to me. But it also didn’t really occur to me. I don’t think I’ve ever googled someone I just met. Why, have you googled me?”

He shook his head. “No, I like a little surprise. And my last name’s Evans.”

I wondered what that was about. I studied his face for a little while. He seemed a little tense all of a sudden. “Did you want me to google you?” I asked.

“No.” He said quickly. “I mean it’s okay if you do. I’m not hiding anything. But it would be nice if we got to know each other a bit first.”

That seemed a little strange to me. I mean he said he wasn’t hiding anything, but then why would you care if I googled him? I wouldn’t care if he googled me. The most he’d find was some papers I’d written and possibly some drunk photos on Facebook. So unless you were hiding something? Maybe he was just worried about me finding some terrible movie or TV show he’d been in. Or maybe he was a porn star? Oh god, what if he was in porn? Do I care about that? I don’t know if I care about that or not. Oh no, now I’m panicking. Emily get a hold of yourself.

I shook my head quickly to clear it. “If you don’t want me to google you, I won’t.” I finally said. He seemed to relax immensely. “Maybe we should make a deal, no Googling each other until we know how we feel about each other?”

“Deal.” He quickly agreed.

After a relatively quick but typical traffic heavy drive through LA, we found a place to valet park the car on Sunset Boulevard and we headed over to a little Italian restaurant named Amerone Kitchen.

The restaurant was tiny, and we were seated in a far corner. We let the waiter help choose a wine for us, as we both seemed equally unfamiliar with what passed for good wine. We sat quietly surveying the menu for a minute when I felt Chris’ fingers graze along my forearm as I rested it on the table. I lowered the menu and smiled at him.

“Hello.” He said.

“Hello,” I replied. I suddenly felt strangely shy.

The waiter came and poured our wine then took our order. I ordered a wild mushroom ravioli and Chris some sort of Lamb dish, we also at the last minute decided to split a bruschetta.

“So tell me, are you liking LA?” Chris asked as I took a rather large sip of wine.

“That depends,” I replied, “ Do you want the honest answer or the polite foreigner answer?”

Chris laughed loudly. “Polite foreigner.” He said.

“Oh, its lovely, the weather is so warm. And the beaches are very nice.” I said putting on a mock polite and excited voice.

“Now, honest.” He said

“Honestly, I haven’t seen much of it yet. And what I have seen is quite hideous.” I answered. “Also, have you noticed that people in the service industry are overly nice, but they won’t look you in the eye? Or is that an American thing in general.”

Chris laughed again. “No, that’s definitely a trait of those in Southern California. Though people in the service industry will always be very friendly everywhere, it does seem to come more naturally to people in other states. Have you never been to America before?”

“No, this is my first time. I haven’t really had much of a chance to travel at all. My parents only recently started earning the kind of money that might have had room for international travel, and I went straight from high school to university, where I’ve been for the past 5 years. I spent 3 months in China before coming here at a Panda research base doing a kind of expensive internship thing just for fun.” I took another sip of wine.

“But that means you haven’t been to Disney Land yet,” Chris said, completely bypassing the bit about Pandas to go to the important issues.

I shook my head adopting a serious face. “No, I’ve never been to Disney Land. It’s a travesty.”

“Well, we’ll have to do something to rectify that soon. Maybe that’s what we can do for future dates, I’ll take you to see touristy shit.”

“Yay! Touristy shit!” I said clapping my hands.

“Have you been to the Hollywood Walk of Fame yet at least?” He asked as the waiter showed up with our food. There was a quick flurry of activity as he placed our dishes in front of us, checked we were both okay and didn’t need anymore and disappeared again.

“Yes, I’ve been to the Hollywood Walk of Fame. And Grauman’s Theatre. It’s all quite horrible, isn’t it?” I answered.

Chris laughed again his hand touching his chest over his heart. “Yes, it really is.”

We had a lovely dinner. I mean for starters, my ravioli was delicious. But just spending time talking to Chris was awesome. I felt so comfortable. I learned he had 2 sisters and a brother. Most of his family still lived in Boston, but his brother was in L.A. working as an actor too. He learned that I was one of two kids, and that I had a younger brother back in Australia and that I’d owned a horse as a teen. I learned he played the guitar and piano and loved watching football. He learned that I thought his use of the word football to describe the game he was talking about was being loose with both the words foot and ball. He insisted he pay for dinner, I insisted much more forcefully that we split it.

After dinner, we walked over to the House of Blues. It was a bit of a walk for LA standards, but as we’d parked about halfway between the two venues, it was the most logical thing to do. The sun was just starting to go down. We walked arm in arm up the street until we arrived at the House of Blues.

The House of Blues was as chintzy on the outside as Chris had said. It was built to look like an old barn or something. Both the walls and roof were rusted looking corrugated iron. And there was a faux water tower to the side with the words 'House of Blues’ painted over a heart on it.

We walked downhill to the back entrance being used by people going to see the band. The venue appeared to be broken into two parts. One part is a bar/restaurant and the other a live music venue. Chris apparently had some kind of VIP ticket or something, as when he showed the security at the gate they directed him to stairs off to the left away from where the rest of the crowd were going. We grabbed a small table on the balcony and perched myself on a bar stool.

“I’ll go get us some drinks, what do you want?” Chris asked.

“A beer would be great. Maybe something local?” I replied.

He gave me a brief kiss on the head, a move that I would normally cringe away from in someone I had known for such a brief amount of time. A part of me felt like he was overstepping the whole social rules of a first date, but this stronger part of me, a part I was a little angry with really liked it. It was such a familiar comfortable move. Like we’d known each other forever.  To be honest, I really liked when he touched me. I liked us touching. I’m quite tactile anyway, always hugging and holding my friend’s hands. So part of me craved it so much being among complete strangers for the last few months. But it wasn’t just that. It was him. He made my skin tingle and my stomach flutter in a way I’d never experienced. It wasn’t that I’d never dated anyone before. I had. I had been with my last girlfriend for 3 years, I thought we might get married (or as close to as you can when you’re in a same-sex relationship in Australia) at one point. There and also been other briefer and more passionate encounters that had affected me in different ways. I wasn’t some pure, innocent, virginal being learning about love for the first time like you sometimes read about, but this thing I was experiencing with Chris was new. I hoped my feelings wouldn’t lead me astray.

Chris returned with two beers just as members of the band walked out on stage. People started applauding, though the band had yet to acknowledge anyone or start playing at all.

I looked at the bottle Chris had placed in front of me. It was a Stone IPA. I took a sip and grimaced slightly.

“God, that is one heavily hopped IPA,” I said.

“You don’t like it? It’s kind of a thing here. Not normally what I choose either. But you did say local.” He said. He wrapped his arm around my waist as he spoke, and I leaned into him a little without even thinking about it. “We can trade if you like.”

“No, no it’s fine.” I laughed “Just came as a shock.” I took another sip over exaggerating my enjoyment. “Mm, yummy.” He laughed at me and gave me a little squeeze.

The band seemed finally ready to play and a short, slender woman with warm, brown skin, wearing black shorts over fishnets, huge boots, and a red checked shirt stepped out on stage. Her hair was dyed a vivid blue and styled in short twists. Everyone in the crowd cheered.

The band was good. Nothing too edgy or out there, but upbeat pop rock with a slight punk edge. I bounced around to the music up against the railing to the balcony. I could feel Chris watching me for a while. It wasn’t long before he came and joined me, wrapping his arms around me from behind. “They aren’t particularly bluesy,” I said leaning my head back and yelling over the sound of the music.

“No,” He said pressing his mouth against my ear “The house of blues doesn’t really book too many blues bands actually.”

During the second set, the band started playing a slow ballad. Chris spun me around to face him. “Dance with me properly?” He asked. I pressed myself against him and wrapped my arms around his neck. His arms wrapped around my waist, but he trailed one hand up along my arm, and taking my wrist he moved my hand so he could hold it, pressed between us against his heart. The gesture made me melt and I leaned my head into his shoulder. We stayed like that, swaying to the song for a few minutes when his other hand moved up my back, along my neck to my chin. He lifted my head to look up at him. His eyes looked so intense. I hadn’t noticed how dark and long his eyelashes were until then. I wanted to touch them. To feel them flutter against my skin.

“Kiss me.” He mouthed. It was a request, not a command. My stomach lurched and I leaned up to him. Our lips met. Softly and without rushing his lips parted as the kiss deepened, I followed his lead, sucking softly on his bottom lip. We parted and stared into each other’s eyes, still swaying to the music. Then the song stopped and another fast-paced rock song started up.

Chris laughed and leaned down to my ear again “I forgot we weren’t alone for a second then.”

I laughed at him and gave him a small push on his chest. Turning back around to face the band. His arms engulfed me from behind again, but this time he pulled me against him, and I leaned back letting him support my body from behind. It felt natural like we belonged.

* * * * *

Chris drove me home, and after we pulled up at my apartment building, we sat in the car talking for a while. It wasn’t about anything particularly. More like neither of us wanting to end the night. Eventually, I said I had better go up to bed, as it had gotten ridiculously late. I leaned over to kiss him good night.

This kiss was explosive. I had intended it to be not much more than a peck. Maybe a brief, soft goodbye kiss but as soon as our lips touched it was like electricity surged between us. It was urgent and rough and full of a primal need. Our mouths clashed against each other, sucking and biting. Our tongues were batting to explore each other’s mouths. His hands were everywhere, one plunged deep into my hair, holding me in place, the other was on my legs, at my back, on my breast, at my throat. It was like it wanted to touch every part of me. Mine were no better. It was like they had a mind of their own. Running up his back, along his chest, tugging at his hair. One of us, and I’m still not sure who, banged into the car’s horn making it sound loudly, and we broke apart panting and giggling.

“You can come upstairs if you like. I don’t mind.” I said panting.

He didn’t answer, but ran his hand through his hair and then danced his fingers across his mouth, pinching his lower lip.

“I mean, I want you to. I – I want you.” I pressed.

He shook his head. “I want to.” He said, and I gaped at him. “I do. But I think we should take things a bit slower than this. We only just met. Can you give me time?”

I was shocked, I could count the number of times I’d been turned down for sex on one hand and I’d never been turned down after a kissing session like that. I took a deep breath and sighed. He had just as much right to turn me down for any reason he liked, just as I had a right to turn him down. He wanted to take it slow. That’s fine. I can do slow. I think.

“Sure, I can do slow,” I assured him, and myself. “Whatever you need.” I leaned over and kissed him again, this time just a brief peck on the cheek.

I opened the car door and Chris grabbed my hand. “I had a really good time.” He said, “I want to see you again, as soon as possible.”

I smiled at him reassuringly. “I did too. It was really fun. I haven’t had a fun date like that for a long time. You have my number, and currently, you’re my only friend in LA, so I’m almost certainly free whenever you are at this stage.”

He squeezed my hand and let go, and I slid out of the car.

* * * * *

Back up in my apartment, my first thought was about Googling him. The fact he had asked me not to, of course, made me want to do it more. I had promised though.   So instead of pulling out my phone or switching on my laptop, I went and got ready for bed. I went to the bathroom and removed my makeup and brushed my teeth. Then went to my room changing my dress for a pair of light pajamas with cartoon cats on them, and lay down.

As I lay in bed my mind raced. Why didn’t he want to come up? Was it me? Maybe he  _is_  a porn star. He doesn’t want me to google him because he’s in porn, and he doesn’t want to have sex with me because having sex is just too close to work. I mentally slapped myself. “Snap out of it, Emily. People are allowed to turn other people down for sex and not have their motives questioned.” I scolded myself out loud. Of course, I was right. If I had been the one to ask to take it slow and he’d been acting like I was I’d call him a big, whiny, entitled baby. Just because he was a man and I was a woman doesn’t mean he can’t want to take things slow.

I thought about the kiss in the car. Well, that makes it sound like I quietly contemplated it. It was more like the memory of it came crashing down on me. The softness of his lips, his tongue pushing against mine, exploring my mouth. I imagined that tongue working over my clit and it tingled in response. I squeezed my legs together and wriggled at the thought. Then my mind went into overdrive.

I imagined his hands, exploring my body. Grabbing my breasts. Pinching my nipples. As I did my own hands slipped up under my shirt, massaging, tweaking. I moaned, arching my back. I imagined him grabbing my hips roughly and pushing my legs apart. My legs spread. I imagined his beard tickling the inside of my legs as he kissed up my thighs. My right hand ran down my body, slipping under the waistband of my pants. I imagined him licking and sucking on my clit, as my fingers started to rub the small nub. I started panting, as my body gave into my touches. I imagined him climbing up on top of me and entering me as I pushed my fingers up inside of me, hooking them around to reach my g-spot. Both my hands were at my cunt, rubbing and pinching, probing. I let myself build my orgasm as I imagined Chris holding himself above me, holding my hands above my head, slamming into me again and again. And suddenly I was there, my orgasm washing over me. My body bucked against my hands and I yelled out. I slowed down my stroking, gently bringing myself down, panting and sweating and dripping wet.

 ****I rolled over onto my side. My mind finally still and my body relaxed and soon I was asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

I woke late the following day and decided to take a run before having a shower or eating. I quickly dressed in my purple sports bra and black shorts and tied my hair back into a high ponytail. I took a little extra time applying sunscreen as I burn so quickly, grabbed my iPhone and then headed out.

The LA sun was baking, and there were plenty of people out punishing themselves like I was. It’s funny how close to naked people in Southern California get when they run thanks to the heat. I decided to stick to the UCLA campus paths for my run to keep away from the traffic as much as possible, and passed groups of runners, the men rarely wearing shirts, and the women rarely wearing any more clothes than I was. I had originally started running in LA in yoga pants and singlet, but when I saw how overdressed I was, I just adapted. It was definitely more comfortable this way.

After about 45 minutes my stomach started to make some rather inhuman hunger noises so I headed home. At the stairs to my apartment, I decided to practice my free running and jumped from one railing to another to the landing of my floor. Chris was standing outside my apartment holding a tray of coffees and a paper bag which I assumed was holding some kind of pastry, and pulling his phone out of the pocket of his jeans. I pulled the earbuds out of my ear and greeted him.“Chris, what are you doing here?” I asked. He turned startled.

“Emily, I – I was just…” he stuttered then trailed off. I could see him sizing me up, his eyes slipping up and down my body. And I suddenly felt self-conscious. I was hot and sweating and there were huge wet patches on the parts of my clothing that sat closest to my skin.

He put the coffee and bag down on the bench I kept on my patio and he stalked over to me. “You look amazing.” He said going to wrap his arms around me, but I twisted away.

“Gross, Chris. I’m gross, don’t try and touch me.” I said feeling a little disgusted in myself. I went to unlock my front door.

“You don’t look gross.” He said, a sexy growl to his voice.

I made a sound of disgust and stepped inside. He grabbed the coffee and bag and followed me in.

“You didn’t answer my question,” I said turning on him as the door closed.

“I just felt bad about how things ended last night.” He said. “I get the feeling you were disappointed. So I bought you coffee and -”

I took the coffee from his hands and put it on the table as he talked then turned to him and placed my finger over his lips. “Don’t. You don’t need to explain. And you definitely don’t need to apologise.” I said pressing myself against him. “Do you think that if it were the other way around I’d be at your house saying sorry? Because I wouldn’t be.”

“I just didn’t want to think I don’t want you, because I do.” He leaned down and kissed me, pushing me up against the wall. I ground my body against his. I could feel his cock stiffening through his jeans, pressing against me. He broke away and held my face in his hands. “It’s just …”

“Seriously, stop. You don’t have to explain, and your trying is making me feel like the worlds biggest jerk. You can say no to sex for whatever reason you want.” And then I suddenly remembered I was a sweaty, stinking mess. I pushed him away from me. “Ugh, no. Shower. I need to shower. Make yourself at home. I’ll be super quick.” I quickly gestured around my two-room apartment at my kitchen, TV, and couch.

I showered as quickly as I could while still washing my hair. I wrapped my towel around me and stepped into the hall. I glanced down to the lounge area to see Chris looking over my shelf of comics. He turned as he heard the door close.

“God, Emily. What are you doing to me?” He sighed. “Every time I see you, you’re sexier than before.” I poked my tongue out at him and darted into my room.

I dried myself and dressed quickly, throwing a yellow sundress on. I wandered back down the hall towel drying my hair. Chris was still pawing over my comic collection. He had a copy of the amazing spider-man out of its protective sleeve and was flicking through it.

“You really are into comics aren’t you?” He said, glancing up at me.

I laughed. “That’s only about four months of collecting,” I answered. “I have boxes and boxes of them back home in Australia. I’ve been reading them since I was in fifth grade.”

Chris gave a whistle. He placed the comic back in its sleeve and returned it to the shelf. I flopped onto the couch and he came and sat next to me, putting his arm around me and kissing me on top of the head. I snuggled down into his chest and starting playing with his hand, tracing my fingers over his large palm and up the prominent veins up his wrist. I was surprised by how quickly we’d started to do these familiar affectionate gestures. It normally took me months and months before I wasn’t second-guessing every move I made when I was around another person I was interested in. But here I was, having spent less than two days with a man, and just snuggling up to him on the couch.

“So what about comic book movies? Do you like those?” Chris asked me.

“Some of them. Others are bad. Like all movies I guess.” I answered simply.

“Which ones do you like? Spider-Man? Ironman?”

“Spider-Man one and two were good. Three was terrible. Iron Man was great. How good is Robert Downy Jr in that?”

“What about Fantastic Four?” He asked

“Well, it’s not great. Not as bad as Spider-Man three. I do remember being a bit disappointed by Julian McMahon’s performance.” I said, still tracing his veins. It felt like he suddenly relaxed against me like he’d be tensing up before. “I normally really like him, but he was so wooden in it. The dialogue was pretty shitty though.”

“Did you see the second one?” He asked me.

“Fuck no! Why should I? Is this a test? Like if I like Fantastic Four too much or not enough then I’m not girlfriend material? Because I feel that way about pizza with pineapple on it.”

That made him laugh a lot. “No, not a test. Just wanting to see how far your comic book love went I guess.”

He started running his free hand up my side and cupping my breast. He leaned down to my ear and I could feel his hot breath against me “So what do you want to do today?” As if in answer my stomach growled loudly.

“Oh god,” I said mortified as he cracked up laughing. “Eat I suppose. I haven’t had anything yet.”

Chris jumped up and bought the coffee and pastries over. I opened the bag he passed me and saw a chocolate croissant inside. I fished it out and bit into it greedily. Making a lustful moan as I did. “Oh god, you are so good,” I said to the pastry. Chris laughed at me again. And sat down facing me, watching me as I ate.

“Did you not get yourself anything?” I asked taking a sip of the coffee. It had gone cold. I grimaced and put the cup on the coffee table.

“Yes, but I ate it already.” He said.

He started running his hands up my legs, never taking his eyes of my face. It made my skin tingle, sending little waves of excitement through me.

“Don’t be a tease,” I said, giving him a playful kick.

He took his hands off me and lent back into the sofa. “Sorry, you’re right.” He sighed running his hands through his hair. “But seriously, do you want to hang out today? Go do something together?”

“Yeah sure, but first I need to eat something else.” I flicked crumbs from my hands got up and grabbed myself a banana. He watched me as I peeled it and broke a piece off, popping it in my mouth.  

“You know, when I see people eat bananas like that I assume they’re doing it because they think it will look too sexual otherwise.”

I laughed “What like this?” I proceeded to tilt my head back and ease the fruit into the back of my throat. I then slid it halfway out of my mouth again, looked Chris dead in the eye and took a massive bite. “What is with the preoccupation with sex this morning anyway? You aren’t acting like a guy who actually wants to go slow.” I said through a mouth full of fruit.

“I don’t know.” He said exasperated, covering his face with his hands.

I got down on my knees in front of him and leaned on him, taking his hands in mine. “If you want to have sex, we can have sex. But this innuendo needs to be dialed back if you don’t.”

He shook his head. “Look, I guess the thing is, I’ve had a lot of sex, with a lot of women. My number is large, Emily. I’ve had lots of one night stands. And I’ve had longer term girlfriends too. But I go fast. And that’s cool for someone you don’t plan on seeing again. But my last girlfriend we got super physical really quickly. And then I found her sabotaging our birth control. I confronted her, and she said she wanted to make sure we were always connected no matter what. I don’t want to get tricked by someone because I moved too quickly before we could build up trust. But I’ve never done that before. So I’m not sure how.”

I rocked back onto the balls of my feet. “Yikes.”

“And now I’ve scared you off.” He said pulling his hands away from me.

I shook my head leaning forward again, rubbing my hands up his muscular legs. “No, no, no.” I said “I’m not scared off. I just can’t believe someone would actually do that. We can go as slow as you need. Just try not to lead me on. I guess, maybe tell me when you’re ready in explicit terms. ‘Emily, I’m ready to have sex with you.’ I know it’s not romantic, but then I will know if you’re making jokes or just getting carried away. But also try not to go overboard with the jokes or getting carried away.”

His face softened, and I felt a part of me melt. He leaned down and softly kissed me. It was a pure and sweet moment, and it felt like my heart skipped a beat. “Thank you.” He sighed.

“So about today?” I said changing the topic “I am certainly free and up for doing things.”

“We could go over to Venice beach if you like. It will be busy, but it could be fun.” He suggested.

“Aw, not Disney Land?” I said pouting.

“Oh god no.” He groaned. “Disney is a relationship tester at the best of times. But the middle of summer holidays in this heat, with all those kids on vacation. Nightmare! I’ll take you in October when it’s cooler and everyone is at school. Plus they’ll have the Halloween decorations up.”

“So we’re still going to be dating in October?” I asked

He smiled “I hope so.” Suddenly he pulled me into his lap and started nuzzling my neck. “Or we could just hang out here and make out.”

* * *

We decided we would go over to Venice Beach. It was very busy. We ended up having to park quite far away and walk in, and then almost immediately regretted the decision, because there were people everywhere. Chris bought us each a shaved ice on the boardwalk, and we strolled along hand in hand people watching. He’d decided to take his t-shirt off and tuck it into his jeans. And still looked quite overdressed compared to all the other men around. I can’t lie though, when he took his shirt off, I was more than a little impressed. My reaction was almost Pavlovian as I appraised his muscular body.  His muscles were well defined, and he sported an impressive six-pack. And his chest hair was while definitely thick was a light brown, and didn’t hide any of the impressive toning of his pecks. I caught myself sucking on my lower lip as I stared.

He gave me a goofy grin. “Like what you see?” He teased and did a ridiculous bodybuilder pose.

“Shut up.” I giggled, blushing. And he pulled me over into him, ticking my ribs.

As we walked along I noticed people would occasionally turn and watch us walking by. I assumed checking him out, as in my sundress I was basically dressed like a schoolmarm compared to some of the gorgeous people on the boardwalk. Although, both Chris and I were both very pale, maybe the sun’s reflection off our skin was blinding them, and they were making sure we weren’t a couple of reanimated corpses.

One guy actually stopped us for a minute and asked Chris for his work out technique.

“It’s mostly good genes, dude,” Chris answered a little flustered. “And I pick things up and put them down.” The guy laughed graciously though, complimented Chris again, and shook his hand before leaving us to continue on our way.

We stopped on the pier and leaned on the railing, watching the ocean. “So before, when you said your number was big, how big is it?” I asked trying to appear nonchalant.

“No, Emily. Don’t do this now.” He groaned,

“Why? How big is the number? I won’t care you know?” I said. And in the back of my mind a neon sign with the words “Porn Star” flashed.

“It’s just big, okay?” He groaned, “Why don’t you tell me your number first, and then I can judge if you’re ready to hear now.”

“Hey, that’s not fair,” I said lightly smacking him on the chest. “That just means you’re going to lie to me. What if my number is really low, and then you think I’ll never be ready to hear? Or what if your idea of big isn’t my idea of big, and when you hear my number you get all embarrassed?”

“Well, I’m not going to tell you now.”

“How about this?” I said. “What if I tell you something that I’ve done, sexually speaking, that is quite shocking and I’ve never told anyone? And then you can tell me the number because no matter what my number is, or what your number is, it probably won’t compete with that.”

Chris tugged his lip as he considered my proposition. “I do really want to know what your secret is. So, I am going to agree.”

I leaned up to his ear and whispered: “Back when I was doing my undergraduate degree I had a threesome with my supervisor and his wife.”

Chris’ hands immediately shot to his face and he gasped. “Oh my god, Emily. What were you thinking?”

“It doesn’t matter what I was thinking. I told you now you have to tell me.”

He groaned. “Fine, I honestly don’t even know exactly, in the thirties at least. Maybe up to forty.”

I whistled. “And you’re what? 28? 29? That’s more than your age. You really are a great big slut aren’t you?” I wrapped my arms around his waist and leaned up and kissed him.

He nodded moaning a little into my mouth. “At least I never fucked my teacher.”

I dug my fingers into his side, and he squirmed. “Ouch, my feelings,” I said in a mock hurt voice.

He grinned. “So, now you know mine, what’s yours? Please don’t say 2. If the only people you’ve had sex with is your teacher and his wife, I’ll have to jump into the ocean.”

“No, not two.” I laughed, shaking my head. “Four.”

“Four? Including the teacher, and his wife? Fuck.” He drew the word fuck out to about four syllables.

“Yes, including them. Two girls, Two boys. I started latish I guess.” I said. “There was the guy I lost my virginity to, who basically broke up with me the next day.”

Chris drew his breath in sharply through his teeth. “Ouch, men are the worst.”

“Yeah, they are.” I said giving him stink eye “Then I dated a girl, Jessica, for a bit over three years from when I was about nineteen to twenty-two. And then a year or so after we broke up, my supervisor, Peter approached me about a three-way. I think he was trying to spice up his failing marriage. I was curious about that kind of thing. But it wasn’t good. I don’t think she was really into it. And well, it didn’t help them at all.”

“Maybe we can try that again sometime.” He growled.

I scrunched my face up at him. “Maybe, but you’re kind of getting ahead of yourself there, buddy.” I teased.

“Hey, you know what’s weird? My longest term relationship was with someone named Jessica too.”

"That is kind of weird. I hope it wasn’t the same Jessica.”

Chris laughed.

He took my hand and we started walking again, vaguely headed toward the Ferris wheel.

“So you’re bi-sexual, huh?” He asked as we walked along.

“Yep.”

“And you’ve only been with a man twice, like ever?”

“Yes,” I sighed “Please don’t be that guy. I don’t need teaching in the ways of heterosexual lovemaking.”

“Oh god, no. Sorry.” He said sounding mortified. “I didn’t mean that, just, well I don’t know, I guess maybe my mind did go there. I didn’t really think about how you probably have heard that kind of thing before.”

“Well, I have. A lot. It’s probably the leading factor in why I have only been with men twice ever.” I snapped.

He stopped walking and I turned to face him. He stepped up close to me and took my chin in his hand.  "Emily, I’m really sorry I made you feel like that. And I’m really sorry that so many other men have made you feel like that too. You don’t deserve to be reduced down to some kind of conquest. And it isn’t what I want from you anyway. Please forgive me.“

I didn’t say anything for a bit, but I could feel myself softening.

"Okay, I accept your apology.”

“I’d like to kiss you now.”

I gave a short nod. And he leaned down and pressed his lips to mine. I resisted at first, still a little mad.  But soon I felt myself open up to him and responded to the movements of his mouth.

We broke apart and continued walking.

“Want to go on the Ferris wheel?” Chris suggested

“I thought you’d never ask.”


	4. Chapter 4

The next month and a bit was a whirlwind.  Work became more hectic as I worked on lesson plans for my upcoming classes.  I also went on a trip out with some colleagues to Joshua Tree to take a quick survey of the area and it’s wildlife and to meet with some of the rangers at the park so they would be familiar with me and my work and make suggestions for where to find coyote packs.  It was on this trip that I met Gaby, a southern California local who was in her second year of her postdoctoral position.   Gaby was a young and bubbly Latina girl whose family had immigrated from Mexico just before she was born.  She was short, and curvy, and styled her hair in an adorable pixie cut.  And she was a geek about just about everything I was.  We spent the first hour of our trip to Joshua Tree talking about Harry Potter.  We even made the two tenured professors driving us, stop at Skull rock so we could pose for a photo like we’d both summoned the dark mark.  We became fast friends and ended up hanging out quite regularly.  She introduced me to the geeky world of LA, and I was loving it.

    I was still seeing Chris of course, but he was in and out of town for usually a week or more at a time.  When he was back, it was usually only for a day or two, which he’d want to spend the whole day together.  I was happy to oblige.  He never spent the night though.  Just the day.  We’d started to become quite comfortable just being around each other without actually having to go on a date.  Not that we weren’t doing that too.  But I was actually finding it just as nice to be at home working on my laptop while he sat on the sofa reading over scripts.

    By the end of August, we still hadn’t had sex or really done anything much more heavy than a few long make-out sessions.  But Chris seemed to be becoming more trusting of me, and just, in general, more comfortable with us.  We were both getting quite antsy though. And I didn’t think he’d be able to continue going slow for much longer.

    In September he invited me around to his house.  He hadn’t done that yet, and I never pressed him about it.  I figured it was probably just a case of a horrible housemate, or maybe he spent all his money on that car and was embarrassed by his crappy home or something.  It didn’t bother me in any case.

    It was late afternoon when I drove into his neighborhood, the crappy home theory was quickly pushed out.  Before I left, after punching in the address into my GPS, I didn’t realise how into the Hollywood Hills he actually was.  Once again the words Porn Star flashed through my head.

    I pulled into his driveway.  The house wasn’t a massive mansion, and anywhere else it may not have been a million dollar house.  But here, it was a million dollar house.  I can’t tell you why, but I suddenly felt a little sick.  It was a two-story high white brick house, that you accessed via a walkway between the higher up driveway and the second story.  I could see below me and to the right was a hot tub in an outdoor entertaining area, and I could only imagine how good the views were on the other side of the house.  

    I went to knock on the door, but Chris pulled it open as I raised my hand, and immediately embraced me, picking me up and kissing me as he held me above him.  

    “Well, hello there handsome.”  I said, slightly breathless, “It’s nice to see you, too.”

    A funny bulldog darted out the door and started dancing around us, wagging his whole body and snuffling around our feet.  I crouched down and started petting him, as he tried to lick my face.  "Chris, you have a dog!  Why didn’t you tell me you had a dog?“

    "That’s East.  He’s the best.”

    “You should have bought him everywhere with you.  I miss having a dog around so much.”

    Chris grinned his goofy grin and dragged me inside.

    “Is this really where you live?”  I asked staring around the room as he led me to his lounge room.  The house was white inside too, but with exposed dark wood beams on the ceiling.

    “It is.” He said.  

    I gulped.  "Chris, how can you afford this?“  

    He laughed and turned me to face him.  "You never did google me, did you?”

    I shook my head.  I was actually starting to feel faint.  "Chris…“

    He kissed me again.  It was brief but forceful.  "Let’s watch a movie.”  He said.  He took my hand and basically dragged me to sit next to him on the sofa.  He immediately turned on the TV and a film started playing straight away.  I wasn’t paying attention though.  My eyes kept switching between him and gazing around the room.  

    “Watch the movie.”  He said nudging me in the side with his elbow.

    “Chris…”  I said again.  I was basically gulping for air now, willing myself not to throw up.  I felt like I’d been lied to.  Like he hadn’t really been himself with me at all.  Not once.  

    And then I heard his voice coming from the TV screen.  I looked over.  He was playing the second Fantastic Four movie.  The one with the Silver Surfer.  And there he was, on the screen.  

    I gasped one hand flying to my mouth and the other pointing at the screen.  Chris just started laughing.

    I looked over at him, still pointing and covering my mouth.  "That’s you.“  He couldn’t contain himself and roared with laughter.  Rocking back onto the sofa.  "You’re Johnny Storm.”

    He couldn’t get control of himself.   So I punched him in the side.  "I thought you were in porn you arsehole!“  I shouted at him.  This set him off again, rolling around laughing.  

    "You thought I was in porn!”  He gasped, he was laughing so hard now, tears had formed in his eyes.  I punched him again.

    “Why did you lie to me?”  I asked. My shock was starting to be replaced by actual hurt.  "You’re the star of this movie.  Well, one of them.  Why didn’t you tell me that?“

    He started taking big gulps of air while he tried to get control of himself.  And he hit pause on the film.

    "Em, you have to understand.  For a while now most girls, at least the ones who I meet outside of work, they just want a piece of fame.”  He took my hands in his.  "When I met you and it was obvious you didn’t recognise me.  I wanted to keep that bit of anonymity and get to know you without the pressure of celebrity.“

    Tears had started to prick my eyes.  And I blinked trying to hold them back.

    "Oh, babe.”  He said, taking a thumb and wiping a tear from my eye.  "I didn’t do this to hurt you.  That ex of mine, she wanted a baby so she could tell everyone she’d had this ‘hunk celebrities’ baby.  Can you understand why I wanted you to get to know me without that first?“

    I took a deep breath and nodded.  But something inside me seemed to break, like the pressure of all this new information was too much for me, and the tears just seemed to crash through.  I was really properly crying now, and I couldn’t seem to stop.  Chris wrapped his arms around me and held me to his chest.  My tears immediately began soaking through his shirt.  He stroked my hair and held me as I tried to get control of myself.  He didn’t say anything until I’d composed myself a little, which I appreciated.

    I looked up at him from my spot on his chest and he ran his fingers down my cheek.  "I’m sorry.”  He whispered.  

    “It’s- it’s okay.” I stammered through my shuddering breath.  "I get it.  It was just a – a lot of new information.  It’s like I’m meeting – meeting a new person.“

    "I’m still the same person.  I’m really not even that famous. I can guarantee you’ve seen more movies with me as the lead than this.  But you didn’t recognise me.  That’s how most people are.”   He explained.  "But unfortunately when a lot of people find out too soon, they just want to have a piece of me.  I liked that that wasn’t you.  And I trust you.  I want us to move forward and start thinking of us actually really being together.  I know we haven’t been together long, but I’m really falling for you.“

    And with all this new information the tears came again.  "What – what movies?”  I stuttered.  "Wait.  What?  You’re falling for me?“

    Chris laughed and pulled me back into his chest, kissing my head.  "I am.”  he sighed into my hair.  "Do you know how much it means to me that you didn’t google me?  That you just trusted that what I was hiding wasn’t something awful?  How much I love just being around you in your tiny apartment, with your massive collection of comic books and toys and that you’ve never looked up who I was and what I do?  That you just trusted that I wasn’t going to hurt you.  You are beautiful, and fun, and kind, and outspoken.  I want to really commit to this.  Commit to us.“

    I took a big shuddering breath. "That’s nice to hear,”  I said.  "But what movies?“

    He laughed again, taking my words as the acceptance and tension breaker I had meant them to be.  He pulled out his phone and unlocked it.  Opening the browser he handed it to me.  "There you go. Google away.”

    I typed in his name.  It bought up the little google Wiki page thing that happens when you google someone who actually has a public identity.  There was his photo at some premiere or something, looking very handsome, but a little younger in a tux.  Under his name was a brief bio, with his age, the names of his parents and siblings.  And then a list of movies.  

    He pointed to the picture from Fantastic Four. “So you’ve seen that.”  He said. I nodded.  "What about this one?“  His finger moved to Not Another Teen Movie.  

    "Yes,”  I said, starting to feel quite stupid.  "Who were you in that?“

    "Um…”  He trailed off like he didn’t want to tell me.

    “Chris.”  I pleaded.

    “The lead.”

    I groaned and buried my face into his chest again.  I knew these movies.  How had I not recognised him?  Sure, they weren’t movies I particularly liked.  But I’d seen them.  You’d have thought I’d have at least had the whole 'where do I know you from’ thing happen.

    I pointed at the listing for Push.  "This movie came out this year!“  I cried.  

    "I know, I was at the premiere.”  He laughed.  And I groaned again covering my face.  

    “You don’t have to be embarrassed about this you know.”  He laughed.  "Seriously, no one recognises me very often.  And I like that you didn’t.  And it’s not liked I ever really lied to you.  I said I was an actor, and I said I made money from it.  Nothings changed at all.“

    "Easy for you to say.”  I huffed.

    Chris shifted our positions on the couch.  I was now lying face up, his arm supporting my head and he was laying beside me but over me, his face hovering over mine.  Looking into my eyes, with his stunning blue ones.

    “Emily?”  He said gazing down at me.  I nodded as my reply.  "I’m ready to have sex with you.“

    I laughed and covered my face with my hands.  This part of me wanted to smack him for his terrible timing.  Dumping all this information on me and then propositioning me.  But mostly I really just wanted it to happen right now.  I wanted him to just take me roughly without even checking to see if I was okay with that.  

    He took both my hands in his free one, and moved them away from my face.  Then leaned down he kissed me.  It was slow and deliberate, his tongue probing into my mouth, his lips sucking on mine.  I gave in immediately my hands grabbing at his hair and pulling him down into me more.  I felt his cock begin to stiffen against me, and I moved under him so he was pressed on top of me.  He ground his crotch into mine, and I moaned.  He suddenly broke our kiss and pushed up so he was holding himself off of me with his arms.

    I let out a frustrated groan.

    "Em, maybe now isn’t right.  You’re emotional.  I didn’t mean right now anyway.”  He said, almost apologetically.  "I don’t want to take advantage of you just because you haven’t been able to process this massive information dump.“

    I nodded.  He was right of course.  But I still wanted him.  I had been wanting him since our first date.  I wanted his beard to rub up between my thighs.  I want his cock to penetrate me.  To bring me to orgasm again, and again.  

    I slithered out from under him and pulled myself up into sitting position, my legs pulled up to my chest.  "Fuck,”  I said simply.

    “Yeah.”  He said laughing and adjusting himself.  "So, what do you want to do?“

    I shook my head.  "The only thing I can think about right now is your face buried in my crotch.  But that’s probably not what you meant.”

    He let out a soft moan, and his hand went to his mouth.  He sucked on one finger as he stared blankly out of the window.  "That is a pretty pleasant thought.“  He sighed as he finally looked back at me.  "What about if we order pizza and we eat it in the hot tub?”  

    I shook my head.  "I don’t have a swimsuit.“

    He raised his eyebrow at me.  "I don’t mind.”

* * *

    An hour later we were both naked in his hot tub drinking beer and eating pizza.  It was actually the first time either of us had seen the other naked.  We had both stood for a minute admiring each other’s form before Chris had remembered that his neighbours could actually see down into the yard if they were in their bedroom, so we quickly jumped into the water giggling.

    Sitting in the warm water we watched the sunset over LA.  I sighed and snuggled contentedly into Chris’ shoulder.  He snaked his arm around me and started caressing my breast, fluttering his fingers over my nipple and rubbing it between his thumb and index finger.

    “I guess I’m not really mad at you,”  I said, taking a sip of beer.  

    “I can’t believe you thought I was in porn.”  He laughed.  

    “I don’t know how you can blame me.  You know how many actors I’ve met since I’ve been in LA?  And most of them have been serving me food.  I kind of forgot that people can actually make money acting.”  I explained.  "And well, look at you.“  To emphasize my point, I ran my hand slowly and deliberately down his chest, and along his stomach.  He shivered.  

    "And you didn’t want to check before continuing a relationship?”

    I shrugged.  "You asked me not to look into you, and well, it’s just a job right?  I actually wondered if maybe that’s why you didn’t want to have sex sometimes.  Like, it was too much like work.“

    He choked on his beer, and I patted him on the back as he coughed and spluttered.

    "Well, I’m glad you aren’t mad at me.”  He said when he was finally able to breathe again.  "I’m also glad we didn’t have to watch more than five minutes of Fantastic Four.  That movie was a piece of shit.“

    We settled back into our former spots, me resting in the crook of his arm, as he softly resumed stroking my breast.  I felt really relaxed, and actually almost started dozing off, when his hand increased in pressure, massaging, groping my flesh and pinching my nipple.  I let out an involuntarily groan, and my hand fell to his thigh, stroking the muscle, and working my way towards his cock.  

    I turned my head up to face him, my mouth open, and he fell upon me.  Our mouths tangled together, sucking, biting.  Our tongues exploring each other’s mouths.  Just as my hand reached his cock and my fingers danced along the shaft, he grabbed my hips and lifted me so I was straddling him.   I let out a low moan, as his member pushed against my pubic mound.  

    He moved his mouth down to my right breast as his hand continued working on the left.  He caught the nipple in his mouth and began sucking and nibbling while his pelvis ground into mine.  I arched my back and threw my head backward, wanting him to have complete access to me.  I reached down between us, and started rubbing the end of his cock, and at the same time probing some fingers between the folds of my cunt.  I began to rock my hips, and we both moaned.  

    "Maybe, we should go back inside?”  Chris asked, his voice husky and full of desire.

    I nodded reluctantly.  I just wanted to continue here, but neither of us had bought protection with us to the tub, and anyway, fucking in the water is just asking for an infection.  Plus, there was the whole neighbours issue.

    We both quickly clambered out and wrapped our towels around us.  As I picked up our abandoned clothes, Chris swooped me up into his arms and I squealed.  Which East took as meaning it was time to come running over and bark at us.  

    Chris jogged inside still carrying me.  His bedroom was located just off the patio where the spa was, so he didn’t have to go far before he threw me onto the bed.  I squealed again as I bounced against the mattress.  My towel had fallen off around me, and I lay wet and naked staring up at him.

    “I have been wanting to do this for so long.”  He growled, letting his own towel fall to the ground.  My eyes drank him in.  His toned body.  His muscular arms, with the network of bulging veins.  His cock, thick and long and ridged standing rock hard before him.  And his beautiful kind face, sweet lips, and stunning blue eyes staring down at me with complete desire from behind his long dark lashes.  There was nothing I wanted more right this moment than him.

    He knelt down in front of me and pushed my knees up and apart.  "Now, there was something you were saying before about my face buried in your crotch?“  

    "Don’t be a tease.”  I giggled, playfully pushing at his chest with my foot.  He grabbed my leg, and placed it over his shoulder then disappeared between my legs.  I closed my eyes, and reached for his hair, as I felt his stupid beard tickle the insides of my legs.  I spread wider for him, and he began to probe me with his large hands, teasing my labia apart.  His tongue danced along my folds and circled my clit and I gasped.  I could feel him smile against me and his tongue began working solely on that small nub, circling it, pushing on it, he sucked it into his mouth and I started to groan and grind against him.  He used one hand to hold my hips down, and the other pushed inside of me.  He probed inside of me, pushing on the walls as he continued to suck and nibble at my clit.  And then suddenly he found what he was looking for, pushing hard against my g-spot I actually yelled out, my orgasm was on me almost immediately, barely needing any kind of build up.  I clutched desperately at his hair, as he worked my cunt.  Moaning, crying out, panting.  I could feel my inner walls spasm against his fingers and squeeze them. And as he finally began to slow down, I shuddered.

    “Fuck me.”  I groaned, as he sat up and looked down at me.

    “Oh, I plan to.”  He chuckled.  

    He went to wipe my juices from his mouth, but I sat up and stopped him.  "I want to taste myself on you.“  

    He grinned at me.  "Fuck, Em.”  He growled.  And kissed me.  I relished the taste, sucking and licking my juices from his lips.  Probing my tongue into his mouth and tasting myself there.

    I pulled away.  "Your turn now.“  I grinned, taking his cock in my hand.  But he shook his head.  

    "The thought of your gorgeous lips around my dick makes me nearly come.  I won’t last if you actually do it.  And I want to fuck you.”

    “Well, at least let me help you with the condom,”  I said, biting my lip and looking up at him.

    He grunted, and reached past me to his bedside table, pulling a condom packet from the top drawer.  

    I took it from him and pushed him onto the bed.  Kneeling between his legs, I tore the packet open and without taking my eyes from his, I placed the condom over the head of his cock.  Then I bent over and rolled the rest of it over his shaft using my mouth.  He moaned and bucked his hips against me.  I sat back up and straddled his hips, and started to grind against his cock.  I was so wet that it slid between my folds easily.  

    I reached down between us and guided him inside of me.  We both let out a moan as he entered, my walls clenching against him.

    I started rocking against him, grinding on him.  His hands were all over me, running up my back, grabbing my breasts.  Without even realising I’d reached down, and started rubbing my clit, using him inside me and my fingers to quickly bring me to the edge of orgasm again. He grabbed my wrist and I looked down at him questioningly.  

    “Can I do that?”  He asked.  I nodded and moved my hand away, leaning back I used my arms to hold my weight on his legs as he started stroking and circling my clit.  And I was there again.  The orgasm took hold of my body, my legs started to shake like they wouldn’t hold me anymore as my cunt squeezed against his cock.  

    Chris propped himself up on his arms so that he was now seated and held me against him.  He was doing most of the work, grinding into me, kissing my neck, and never easing up with his fingers.  I let the orgasm wash over me.  As it settled again, he removed his hand from between us and flipped me over so I was lying on my back.  He leaned over me and kissed me once, deeply on the mouth and moved so he was on his knees.  Lifting one of my legs over his shoulder he slammed into me.  I cried out in surprise.

    “Is that okay?”  He asked, with genuine concern in his voice.

    “Fuck yes it is.” I nodded.  So he resumed, driving into me.  Once again, almost of its own volition, one of my hands snaked between us as the other grabbed desperately behind me for purchase. I started rubbing and pinching at my clit as Chris fucked me relentlessly.  We were both moaning and grunting with every thrust, and this time as I came, I felt him come too, emptying inside of me.

    I looked up at him, as the last waves of my orgasm shuddered through me.  He gazed down at me, his eyes soft and a smile on his face, drinking me in.  We were both covered in sweat.  He let my leg fall and pulled out of me.  He quickly removed the condom and threw it in the trash can beside the bed.  Then flopped down next to me.  

    We lay side by side, naked looking into each other’s eyes.  "Thank you,“ he said.

    "What for?”  I asked, running my hand over his arm.

    “Not hating me, I guess.”  He said. “I don’t know what I would have done if you couldn’t have forgiven me for holding back who I was from you.”

    I brought his hand to my mouth and kissed his fingertips.  "I don’t think you ever held back who you were, Chris.  You’re just Chris the massive dork.“


	5. Chapter 5

I woke the next morning to an empty bed. I yawned and stretched, and then retrieved my panties from the pile of clothes. And in a truly spectacularly movie girlfriend move, I picked up the tee Chris had been wearing the previous night and put it on. It hung loosely around my body and fell to just below the curve of my butt. I lifted the collar of the fabric over my nose and inhaled deeply. My stomach clenched as I smelled the mixture of his body spray and own personal scent.

Walking into the ensuite bathroom I noticed what a mess I looked. My hair was a rats nest and poking out in every direction. I freshened up, digging through Chris’ medicine cabinet I found an unopened toothbrush. Figuring he wouldn’t care I opened it and brushed my teeth. Then using some water from the sink and my fingers I tried to tame my hair a little. It wasn’t completely successful. But I managed to make it lie down at least. Even though it was more frizzy than curly.

I wandered down the hall and was just considering going upstairs to see if Chris was in the kitchen when I heard noises from one of his other bedrooms. I opened the door to see he had installed a gym and was currently lifting weights on the far side of the room. He looked up and smiled at me as I leaned against the door jam, watching his muscles stretch and strain against the fabric of his tee as he raised and lowered the barbel.

“Good morning, sleepy head.” He greeted me cheerfully.

I grunted at him. “Fucking morning person.”

He laughed. And lowered the barbel to its stand. “These don’t happen by themselves.” He said, flexing his biceps at me.

I wrinkled my nose and stuck my tongue out at him.

“I know you like them.” He said stalking over to me.

I shook my head, stepping into the room and pulling the door closed behind me. “Meh, I’ve seen better.” I teased.

“Oh really?” He was now standing over me. I took a deep breath in and nodded. “And what do you do to keep this I wonder?” He said pulling the fabric of the shirt I was wearing up and exposing my belly. “This looks like it takes work too.”

He was leaning right into me now, his mouth hovered above mine. And I was having a hard time breathing normally. “Well,” I breathed. “Free running.”

“Uh huh.” He said, his mouth had moved to my neck, and he kissed and bit at my flesh. I shuddered.

“And I work outside a fair bit.”

“Mm.” He had now moved his hand further up under the shirt, cupping my breast.

My breath hitched. “I also do club bell yoga a few times a week.”

“Oh, that looks like it’s a pretty good work out.” He growled into my neck. “You should teach me sometime.”

“Uh huh,” I said, his hand was now pushing against the fabric of my panties, but for some reason, I was trying to focus more on the conversation. “I am definitely, most certainly qualified to teach that without anyone being hurt.”

He laughed. And then kissed me. It was brief but passionate and left me feeling unfulfilled. My mouth actually chased his as he moved his head away from me.

I looked down and watched as his hand moved into the hem of my underwear. His fingers slid between my folds easily and he found me wet and ready for him. He started drawing circles around my clit as he nuzzled my neck, his beard tickling me. I let out a soft moan.

“Did watching me lift weights turn you on this much?” He said pulling his hand from my panties and putting his fingers in his mouth.

“Fuck you, Chris.” I groaned reaching up, wrapping my arms around his neck, and ground my pelvis against him.

He tutted at me. “Such a filthy mouth.” And then suddenly he pushed me hard up against the wall. He grabbed the fabric of my shirt and pulled it roughly off me. As I stood there startled and blinking up at him, he leaned down to my ear and whispered. “Tell me to stop, and I’ll stop straight away, okay?” I nodded in understanding.

He lifted me up off the ground and pinned me against the wall. I clung helpless to his neck, wrapping my legs around his waist.

He pulled a condom from his pocket, and I couldn’t help but laugh about how he must have been expecting this, planning it. He gave me a wink and tore the packet open with his teeth, and with such a quick series of motions, I wasn’t even sure what was happening he had sheathed himself and entered me. I yelped in shock, but he didn’t ease up, just pushed me against the wall with his whole body and slammed into me again and again. He hadn’t actually removed my panties, and the fabric was pushing up against my clit and rubbing on me with every move he made. The combination of his thrusting into me and the friction of the fabric quickly bought me to the brink of orgasm. I moaned and gasped, my fingers dug viciously into the flesh of his back, I bit into his shoulder. But just as I felt like my orgasm was going to take over, Chris pulled out and dropped me unceremoniously to my feet.  I stood swaying and looking up at him, blinking in confusion.

“Please, Chris,” I begged, not even knowing what I was asking for exactly, just knowing he couldn’t leave me there like that.

He grabbed me by the hair and spun me around, pushing himself up against me. I could feel his cock pressed against my arse. “Begging me now, are you?” He growled into my ear. I whimpered. “Well, what is it you want?”

“Fuck you, Chris.” I moaned.

He laughed, and then dragged me by my hair to one of the pieces of equipment in his home gym. It was one of those multi-weight machines with a bench. He pushed me down over the bench, so I was leaning over it, my hands splayed out in front of me, and my bum in the air.

“I don’t think you meant that.” He said, pushing his cock up against my arse. “What do you want, Emily?”

“Fuck you, Chris,” I answered again. This time more loudly. I smiled. I liked this game, and I liked not playing it the way he wanted me to. At least to begin with.

He slapped my arse. Hard. Using the whole palm of his hand. I cried out.

“I’m going to ask you again, Emily. What do you want?” He sounded stern, but not angry. I loved it.

“Fuck. You.” Crack! He hit me again. This time I was more ready and kept quiet.

He leaned over me, pushing me down into the bench and growled into my ear. “If you’re going to be a mouthy bitch, I’m not going to give you what you want, Emily.”

He started grinding into me. I couldn’t move. Not that I wanted to. And as much as I wanted to keep defying him, I let out a moan.

“See, I know this is what you want.” He said like he was trying to reason with a disobedient child. “Just ask me.”

I whined. “Please, Chris.”

“Please, what?”

“Please fuck me, Chris. I need you to fuck me.”

“That’s what I thought.” He stood back up and slapped me again. Then without warning, he yanked my panties down and slammed into me. I cried out, stumbling forward on the bench, and he drove into me over and over. I struggled to stay in place, my hands were slick with sweat and were sliding along the length of the bench.

Chris reached forward and grabbed me by the throat pulling me up, so I was almost standing upright against him. His fingers squeezed against the skin of my neck, not so I was choking but with a definite force, and my head fell back moaning loudly.

His other arm wrapped around my hip, and he held me in place at the pubic bone. His fingers slipped into me and he started rubbing and pinching at my clit as he pounded me from behind.   
And that was it. I came. Loudly. My core muscles squeezing his cock. He followed shortly after me, biting down into my shoulder.

We stood there together panting, and he slipped out of me. He didn’t stop holding me in place though, which I was glad of, because I wasn’t sure if my legs would hold me. Slowly he turned me to face him, still letting me lean against him.

“You okay?” He asked smiling.

I nodded. “Yes. I think.” I giggled a little. “Holy shit, Chris. What was that?”

He guided me to sit on the bench and I did so shaking a little. Chris went off and removed his condom.  He returned a few seconds later with a glass of water. I took it from him with trembling hands. “Are you really okay?” He asked true concern in his voice. “You’re shaking a lot.” He grabbed his t-shirt from the floor and handed it to me.

“Post insane orgasm shaking.” I laughed. “I’m not scared, or hurt or anything,” I assured him.

He smiled and kissed the top of my head. Then sat down next to me. “In hindsight, I probably should have discussed taking our sex life in that direction with you first. When you cussed me out though, ugh, I had to join in on that game.”

“Yeah, maybe.” I laughed. “You did say you’d stop if I asked. So, no harm. And it wasn’t like you tied me up and flogged me. It was a nice surprise.”

He sighed. I turned my face to him and he kissed me, it was gentle and tender. When we broke apart I rested my head on his chest.

“What can I do for you now? That was kinda rough, I don’t want you to be sore, or …” He trailed off. I knew what he meant. I didn’t know a lot about the whole BDSM thing, and while what we did was kind of tame, I had heard that people could experience a drop if they were acting as a sub. Not that I felt that was what I had done then. Not exactly. I’d certainly had rougher sex than that in the past without even considering it in the same realm as BDSM. But he did just spring that on me, and I’d played along, it was fair that he was worried about the repercussions.

“Do you want me to run you a bath? Make you something to eat? Or we could have a shower together and I’ll wash your hair?”

A warm feeling filled me up. He really wanted to take care of me now. It felt wonderful. I didn’t feel like I  _needed_  anything really. But I  _was_  going to take advantage.

“Shower?” I asked

He led me to his main bathroom. A room I hadn’t been into yet. It was one of those bathrooms that were split into three, with the sinks, toilet and shower/bath areas all separate. We went into the area that housed the shower and bath. I think I may have actually made an audible gasp when I saw it. The room was tiled in dark grey with silver highlights. In the centre of the room was a free standing bath. It was a huge oval shape and would have easily held the two of us. Maybe even a third person. The shower was against the far wall, and it took up the entire wall. There were so many shower heads and taps I thought that you may actually need an engineering degree to operate it.

I stared around the room with my mouth agape.

He started up the water and waited for it to heat up. Somehow he’d managed to stay fully clothed, while I was completely naked, and still just holding his shirt in my hand. I dropped it to the floor and watched as he stripped off. He took my hand and led me into the water.

The water was warm, and each shower head gave a different level of pressure. I actually moved between each one to see which I liked best. There was one on the wall that water poured out like a waterfall, and I stood under it with my eyes closed just letting it gush over me.

Chris began rubbing my shoulders, and I relaxed completely. He coaxed me to step back towards him, so my head wasn’t under the water anymore, and I gave a little whine. “You can go back under, I just thought you might like me to wash your hair now.” He said.

I nodded and he grabbed a bottle of shampoo from the rack next to him and squeezed some into his palm. As he massaged it into my scalp, the floral scent hit my nose.

“I hope that’s not ex-girlfriend shampoo.” I scolded.

“No, it’s mom visiting shampoo.” He answered with a laugh.

I grimaced. “I’m not sure if that’s better.”

“Well, my mom is awesome. So…” He shrugged, and I laughed.

He worked the shampoo from my scalp to the ends of my long hair and then he started laughing. I turned to look at him with a questioning look on my face.

“The suds have gone all rainbow.” He said holding his hands up with pink and purple bubbles covering them. “It’s like I’m washing my pet unicorn?”

“Yeah, that happens. Lucky you have black tiles, or you’d have rainbow tiles now too.” I dunked my head under the water again and let the steady stream wash the suds from my hair.

“Wait, you have a pet unicorn?” I asked when I stepped back out from under the water.

Chris was ready with the conditioner and started to work it through my hair. My head tingled at his touch. “Yeah, of course, I do. Don’t you have one?” He shook his head. “Oh no, that’s only something they give to Americans. Too bad.”

I pouted at him. And he swept me up into his arms and kissed me.

* * *

After our shower, we dressed and went upstairs for something to eat. I didn’t think to bring a spare set of clothing with me, and Chris had kind of ruined my underwear. Thankfully I had decided to just wear a tee shirt and shorts to his house. So while being underwear free wasn’t the most comfortable thing in the world, at least I could go outside without worrying the wind would pick up.

As Chris cooked breakfast, in his giant kitchen, I sat at the glass kitchen table, cross-legged in my seat watching him. He’d occasionally tear off a piece of bacon and throw it to East who was dancing around his feet.

There was a knock at the door, and I heard it open. Chris looked around as East took off barking.

“Chris! You in here!” A male voice called from the entry.

“In the kitchen!” Chris called back and went back to focusing on the breakfast prep.

A young guy entered the room, he had short cut brown/blond hair and was wearing jeans and a button-up shirt. “Chris, Mom tried to call you. A lot, apparently. You need to call her.” He said as he came into the kitchen.

“Oh shit,” Chris said. “I forgot to charge my phone. Here, give me yours and take over for me.”

The man, took over in the kitchen as Chris ducked out of the room, I assume to call his mum.

“Hi,” The guy said. He had added more eggs and bacon to the pan, and put on some more toast.“ "I’m Chris’ brother, Scott by the way. I’m hoping you’re Emily.”

I laughed. “Yes, I’m Emily,” I assured him.

“Oh good. He’s been talking about you a lot. I was hoping he hadn’t done anything dumb.” He served up two plates of breakfast leaving the newly added ingredients cooking on the heat, and put one of the plates in front of me, and sat opposite me with his own plate.

“Well, that’s debatable.” We both laughed. “Hey, did he tell you that he was keeping the whole ‘minor celebrity’ thing from me?”

Scott sighed and nodded. “Yeah. I told him not to. But ever since Alyssa, he’s had some trust issues with people. I tried to tell him that lying to someone he had strong feelings for wasn’t going to do anything for their trust issues. But he wouldn’t hear it.”

Chris walked back into the room with his phone, “I know, Ma.” He was saying. “Well, she knows now. Okay. Bye, love you.” He handed the phone to Scott. “She wants to talk to you.” Scott rolled his eyes and took the phone.

“Hi, Mom. Yes, she is here. She’s very pretty. Um… dark brown, but the ends are all coloured like a rainbow. Yeah, I guess so. No, she seems nice.” He mouthed the word sorry to me and left the room.

Chris bought over two cups of coffee and then sat next to me with his plate of food, and reached over and took the bacon off my plate.

I smiled at him. “Thanks”

“My pleasure.” He grinned chewing on the bacon.

“Your brother seems nice,” I said taking a sip of my coffee. “Smart.”

“Yeah, he’s the best.”

“You should listen to him more, you know, about not lying to your girlfriend.”

Chris laughed and shook his head. “He told you. If it makes you feel better, my whole family said I shouldn’t keep it from you. So, I was just being a big fucking meatball all on my own.”

“Sounds about right.”


	6. Chapter 6

Chris left town again for the next few weeks. He told me he’d been filming a movie based on a comic I had heard of, just because I read comics, but wasn’t really familiar with. It was called the Losers and Chris had been in and out of town because there had been a lot of location shooting around the world, particularly Puerto Rico. He had said he actually hadn’t been supposed to be coming home to LA at all but was worried that the three months he was supposed to be gone was too much to expect someone to wait for when they’d only just met.

Work started really dragging on me. The lecturing (which was something I was never really comfortable with given the massive class sizes and my social anxiety) had started to move into territory that I was less familiar with. My expertise being in ecology and behaviour, I was now teaching almost 600 first-year students a week about genetics. Something I was never very good at myself when I was a first-year student. It was light stuff, and not very in depth. But I felt like a fraud. I had to double check all my facts prior to a class, which of course meant I actually checked everything about a dozen times. I would be up all night checking and double checking, and I was sure, at some point, someone was going to ask me a question that I wasn’t going to be able to answer, and they’d all see me for the faker I was.  I stopped being able to hold down food if I tried to eat within two hours either side of a lecture. So I stopped trying. Instead, I’d drink a red bull just before the class and hope that the fact they made my heart feel like it was trying to escape my chest that it would cover up the fact my hands were shaking as I spoke.

During the second week of Chris being away, I finished my Monday lecture, told my students I was in a hurry and couldn’t answer any questions after class, but to email me and I promise I’d respond. And I ran back to my office. I curled up into a little ball and started weeping in the corner.

Gaby burst in through the door about half an hour after my class had ended, as she often did, a huge smile on her face. “Emmy, I’ve got tickets to…” She trailed off as she saw me and dashed to the corner, crouched down on the floor and wrapped her arms around me. “What’s the matter? What’s happened?”

I sobbed loudly, not even trying to get control over my emotions. “I can’t do it anymore. I’m a fraud. They’ll all see soon.”

“Who will see? What can’t you do?”

“They should never have offered me this job, I can’t do it. I’m stupid and useless.”

Gaby started running her fingers through my hair. “Shh.” She cooed. “They offered you the job because you are amazing at what you do. I’ve read your papers you know.”

My breath hitched. “You haven’t seen me teach. I don’t know what I’m talking about. What do I know about genetics? Nothing. I can’t keep standing up in front of everyone and acting like I know what the fuck I’m talking about. They probably know just as much as I do.”

Gaby laughed and hugged me. “Oh, girl. Is that all? No one likes teaching first years. Why do you think they make us newbies do it?”

“At least you know what you’re talking about.” I sniffed.

“Hey, hey. Trust me. It’s all good. And even if it isn’t, it doesn’t matter. You have the material. They’ll get through fine.” She kissed the top of my head. “You wanna go get high?”

I nodded.

* * *

Gaby lived off campus with a couple of roommates, so she drove me to her place. We were lying in her room with the curtains shut, as she rolled us a couple of joints.

“Do you do this much?” I asked, watching her roll of what looked like the perfect blunt.

“Yeah, a bit.” She answered. “It’s medicinal. I have chronic pain.”

“Oh, god! I didn’t know! I can’t use this on you then, just because I’m a big baby.”

“It’s fine. Don’t worry about it. I can always get more. And anxiety isn’t you being a big baby anyway.” She said pushing me playfully, then handing me the cigarette and a lighter. “I’m sure you could just as easily get a prescription for this after that panic attack you had today as I can with my back stuff.”

I lit up and inhaled deeply. Within seconds my muscles seemed to relax and my head felt like it was floating. “It’s just stupid though. I’m stupid.” I said trying to hold the smoke in and failing.

Gaby laughed at me.

“I’m sorry, that you have to deal with pain stuff,” I said. “It must be hard to go out and do, well anything, but especially the animal tracking stuff we do.”

Gaby had a lung full of smoke and just shook her head at me. “I actually like it.” She said after she exhaled. “Every day is tough. It’s just pain, pain, pain, pain, pain, pain, pain. At least with this job I can do a lot of it at home when I need to. I can take days off and no one really knows, because I can do the work whenever I feel like it. It’s mostly about being smart and using my mind. And getting out in the sun, it feels good. The teaching part does suck though, but so far so good.”

We sat quietly for a little while, just letting ourselves relax.

“I can help you do your lecture prep if you like.” Gaby offered. “Then you only have to worry about going into class naked, like one of those stress dreams.”

I started giggling uncontrollably. “That actually might make for a better lecture. They won’t notice I’m making shit up, and my reviews would be phenomenal.”

“I’m not exactly sure what Professor Stephens taught me, but I know I enjoyed learning it. 5 stars out of 5 would take again.”

We both exploded into fits of laughter.

“Thank you, though. I’ll take your help if you are able to give it. But I know you have your own things to do. So don’t put yourself out.” I said earnestly when we finally stopped laughing.

Gaby smiled at me and then touched her finger on my nose. “I’m hungry.” She said and just got up and walked out of the room. That set me off laughing again.

She came back a minute later laden down with corn chips, salsa, chocolate and soda.

“I don’t think that’s enough food, Gaby.”

“It’s all there was.” She giggled.

We started eating on the bed, while we smoked. My head was tingly and light, and even though I didn’t feel tired, my eyes felt heavy.

My phone buzzed. I leaned back to get it and fell from the bed. I clambered for my phone through a fit of laughter. The caller ID showed a photo of Chris, and I answered cackling uncontrollably.

“Emily?” Chris said.

“Yes – it’s me. I fell off the bed.” I giggled. “I’m happy to hear your voice.”

“Are you okay, you sound weird.” He asked me with concern in his voice.

“Yes, yes. I’m at Gaby’s.” I said. And then covering then cupping my hand around the speaker and my mouth I whispered loudly “We’re a little bit high.”

Gaby cracked up laughing and yelled “Don’t tell him that on the phone. What if they’re listening?”

“What if who are listening? It’s your medicine, Gaby.”

“Oh yeah, right.”

“Well, I’m glad you’re having a nice time. I miss you.” Chris said.

“I miss you too. Like heaps. I wish you were back already.”

“You should tell him what happened,” Gaby said in what she was trying to play off as a whisper but really was just yelling.

“Tell me what?” Chris asked sounding worried.

I waved Gaby away, shaking my head. “Nothing, it’s nothing. Don’t worry about anything. Everything is fine.”

“Are you sure? If there’s something wrong, I want to hear it.”

“It’s nothing, seriously. And if you’re worried if it has to do with us, as in it might affect you and me. It won’t. It’s just … nothing.” I finished lamely.

There was a pause at the other end of the line. “Well, if you’re sure,” Chris said. He didn’t sound any less worried, but I wasn’t sure how to reassure him anymore.

“I miss you,” I said. “If Gaby wasn’t around I’d tell you all about what I’d do if you were here.”

Gaby made throw up noises behind me and we both cracked up laughing again.

“Well, that started off quite sexy, but you lost me at the end.” Chris laughed. “I’ll leave you to hang with Gaby. And I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“Okay then. I lo -” I quickly caught myself… ugh, don’t confess love when high to boyfriend of 2 months you idiot. “Um… I mean, bye.”

I hung up the phone, Gaby was staring at me.

“There is no way he didn’t know how that sentence was going to end,” Gaby said. She was trying but failing not to laugh.

“I know. Oh god! I don’t think he’ll freak out about it. I hope not. But oh my god.” I buried my head in the blankets on Gaby’s bed. “Stupid drugs.”  


	7. Chapter 7

With Gaby’s help, I was able to get better and better control over my anxiety. She demanded I stop drinking energy drinks, which helped a lot. She also spent the next few days diligently helping me get control over my lessons plans. I was grateful to her, but I also felt terrible. Not only was I taking up so much of her time, I felt like it was all just this one-sided thing with me not having anything to offer her in return. I felt selfish, and I hated myself.

Chris did not ignore my near confession of love. He thought it was hilarious in fact. He started signing off of texts with ‘I lo… I mean BYE! xxx’. I was glad he wasn’t the kind of guy who ran for the hills though, that was for sure.

Chris got back from filming in the mid-afternoon of Saturday. And I showed up on his door with an overnight bag and a bag full of Chinese takeout. We had decided to have a conversation about possible directions for our sex life, to avoid just springing kink on each other again. I was really looking forward to it. Almost as much as I was just getting to see him again.

He and East greeted me at the door.

“You shaved!” I squeaked as he pulled the door open.

He leaned down and kissed me, and then ran his hand over his jaw. “Yeah, do you like it? Better than that stupid goatee.”

I reached up and traced my finger over his jawline. “I’ve never seen you without any facial hair. Well, at least not in person. You look very all American good guy.”

He took the bag of food from me, and I followed him inside. “I’m going to take that as a compliment, Crocodile Dundee.”

“Oh, please let that be my new pet name.” I flopped onto his sofa and then curled my legs up under me, so I was sitting cross-legged. East jumped up next to me, and I pulled him onto my lap, playfully scrunching his ears.

“You want plates for this?” Chris asked, arranging the food on his coffee table.

I shook my head. “No, I want to eat it out of the paper boxes like someone on Seinfeld.”

“Okay, weirdo.” He sat down and lounged against the arm of his chair.

I dragged the coffee table closer to us and started looking into each container. “Where are the egg rolls?” I asked Chris.

He glanced over and picked up one of the boxes and handed it to me. “Here you go.”

I looked into the box, and disappointment washed over me. “These are spring rolls.”

“No, they aren’t are they?” He grabbed one and took a bite. “No, egg roll.” He said through a full mouth.

“But, this isn’t what I was expecting. These are just spring rolls. We call them spring rolls in Australia.” I pouted at him.

“What were you expecting?”

I shook my head. “I don’t know. Something amazing and new. Oh my god, cultural letdown!” East rolled over and whined. “See, East gets it.”

Chris rolled his eyes and chuckled.

I picked up a box with a stir-fried flat noodle dish, and a pair of chopsticks.

“So, sex talk,” I said turning to Chris bouncing with excitement.

Chris grinned at me. “Oh, that reminds me.” He said. “I’d meant to show you last time, but I had an STI screening done for your peace of mind. I still want to use condoms at his stage, because…” He waved his hands in the air.

“Once bitten twice shy?”

“Yeah, something like that. But I wanted you to know, that whatever we agreed to do together, you are safe. The paperwork is in my room if you want me to go get it.”

I shook my head and smiled warmly at him. “You can show me later. I didn’t really think about doing that though. Do you want me to? I should, shouldn’t I? I mean I had one at my last pap-smear, but that was a year ago. I haven’t actually had sex with anyone since then other than you, but you don’t know that.” I was rambling.

Chris took my hand and patted it to shush me. “It’s fine. If you say you were clear when you last had one, and you say you’ve been celibate ever since I trust you. You trusted me after all.”

“I’ll still do it. I know you’ve been messed with in the past. I want you to be comfortable too.” I patted his leg. “And in that vein, feel here.” I raised my arm, and took his hand, touching it to the underside of my upper arm. “Can you feel that little rod thing under my skin?”

He massaged his fingers gently into my flesh and nodded.

“That’s my birth control. It lasts for 3 years, and I’ve had it in for roughly one. For me to remove it, I have to have a local anesthetic. So I can’t just dig it out. As you can feel there, it’s not something I can hide from you really. If you grab my arm there, you’ll feel it. It’s supposed to be 99% effective, so unless something goes really wrong, I’m not getting pregnant by accident. You don’t have to worry about that with me.”

His face softened and he smiled. “Thank you.” He squeezed my hand. I wanted to kiss him so badly just at that moment. He looked so vulnerable.

We sat quietly just gazing at each other for a moment, and then both turned away. “Moving on then?” I asked.

“Yeah, sounds good.” He agreed. “Did you like what we did last time? Want to explore that kind of thing some more?”

I nodded enthusiastically. “Oh god, it was good. I mean, I’m not sure how full on into the BDSM thing I want to go. I try and picture myself bound to a frame with you flogging me, and it does nothing for me. But if I think of you, binding my hands with your belt. Maybe even that red one you’re wearing right now. And I’m blindfolded, sprawled on the bed and you’re just pounding into me, calling me names. Fuck. That does things to me.” I closed my eyes and purred.

Chris’ hand went to his crotch and he adjusted himself. “Fuck your dirty mouth, Em.”

I smiled at him and took a bite of my noodles. “My dirty mouth is occupied with noodles right now. You can just wait your turn.”

He laughed.

“Anyway, I think we should just kind of explore it. Try things, and if we’re not comfortable with it, then we’ll stop that thing.” I shrugged. “I think we should read up on it a bit. Or at least I should, I guess I don’t know what your experience is like with that kind of thing. I will say two things. The first is, the thought of you hitting me in the face, or spitting on my face or in my mouth affects me viscerally. So don’t do that.”

“Leave the face out of it.” Chris nodded. And I giggled.

“The second is, I don’t think I’ll ever take naturally to the good little sub role. I mean, you saw what I was like. I liked being mouthy. So I hope you like that too.”

Chris adjusted himself again. “Oh, I liked it.”

“What about you though? You want to try being on the other end? If I picture myself as a full-on domme, that doesn’t do much for me either. But I can take control just fine. I wouldn’t mind seeing you bound.”

Chris nodded. “Yeah, I think we’re pretty well on the same page really. I can do a little light stuff, and you taking control, but I’m not sure I’d like it if you spanked me or anything like that.”

“I also don’t want that kind of sex to be the only thing we do, just to be clear. I want lots of things. And having to role play all the time is exhausting.”

“No of course not. We should totally 'make love’.” He said the 'make love’ with air quotes like it wasn’t a real thing. And I laughed at him. “So what else. Anal? How do you feel about anal?”

I rubbed my thumb over my lip. “Mm. Yep. Yep. I can do that.”

“Have you done it before?”

I shook my head. “No. Never. Like I said I’ve only had sex with two other guys once each. Their first move wasn’t trying to jam their dicks into my arse.” Chris burst out laughing. “And pegging each other wasn’t something that I think even occurred to Jessica and I. Have you done it?”

“Well, I’ve given it. Never received it.”

“Do you want to?”

Chris paused and thought about it. “Maybe. I like when girls … hmm… explore that area of my body, for lack of a better way of saying that. But never really had a partner willing to explore it much. I guess going outside my comfort zone might be something that’s worth trying.”

“So you like when girls stick their fingers in your arsehole is what you’re saying.”

Chris cracked up. “In my  _arsehole_.” He said in a terrible English accent. “Yes, I do like that.”

“So yes to butt stuff for both of us.”

“Well, maybe from me anyway,” Chris said nodding. “What else?”

“Sex in public is something I’d like to explore more. Jessica and I used to do… things. Mostly just fingering each other in the cinema or whatever. But the thought of getting caught … is nice.”

Chris ran a hand along the bulge in his jeans. “Tell me more about this fingering in public with Jessica.” He said.

I glared at him. “Sure. But first, let me tell you about Michael. Michael would kiss me, shoving his tongue so far down my throat it made me want to retch. So I was like …”

“Okay, okay! Stop! I’m sorry. Don’t fetishize your sexuality. I get it.”

“Do you though?”

“Yes! I promise I won’t do it again.”

“So what about public stuff. Have you done that? Want to?”

“I guess it depends on what you count. I’ve fucked women in my trailer, and a couple of times in public restrooms. But never somewhere where there was ever any risk of someone just walking in on us. I mean, I’m sure people knew what we were doing. But they couldn’t have seen it happening. But I’m not sure. I think my anxiety might be too high to do anything public really. I could ruin my career getting caught doing something like that.”

“Oh well, no big deal.” I shrugged.

We paused for a moment, just eating and collecting our thoughts.

“What about threesomes? I know you said you tried that once, but it was bad. Is it something you’d want to do again?” Chris asked, breaking the silence.

I licked my lips. “Uh huh. It’s like a massive fantasy of mine. The thought of you fucking me from behind while I eat out someone we both want.” I closed my eyes and groaned. My pussy was tingling and I wriggled against the seat.

East jumped up, and snuffled at me, annoyed that I’d disturbed him.

Chris got up and adjusted his rather obvious erection. “Sorry, East. You’re going to have to go outside for a while, buddy.” He said patting his leg. He left for a minute and I sat thoughtfully eating my food. When Chris returned he had a couple of beers open and handed one to me.

“So where were we?” He asked sitting back down.

“It’s not just the two girls one guy thing either. I know this one might be a harder one to convince you of, and that’s fine. But if I think of having two guys at once, fucking me, filling me up. God.” I shook myself.

Chris was staring at me sucking on a finger.

“What are you thinking?” I asked.

“Just picturing it.” He answered.

There was silence between us for a minute. I watched him as I ate.

“Have you ever had a three-way?” I asked

“Yeah. Only the two girls kind though. I’ve had more than two girls, to be honest with you. But it wasn’t like you described. They were pretty much strangers. Around when I did Fantastic Four girls were kind of throwing themselves at me quite a bit. I had a few then. But the girls weren’t interested in each other, just me. Which was great, it’s nice having people just wanting to focus totally on you. But I don’t know, your way sounds better.”

“You know, I’ve never even considered something like this, but I just pictured you fucking some random stranger girl. Just really going at it. And me just sitting there watching.” I licked my lips. “Maybe you’d be looking at me while you did her.” I trailed off, and rubbed my legs together, intensifying the tingle that crept through me again.

“Emily. Fuck.” He groaned shaking his head like he was trying to clear it.

“Is that it then? Got some stuff to think about?” I asked

“I’m going to be thinking about some of that every time I’m alone,” Chris answered and laughed. He stood up and started packing away the food.

“Come here,” I said.

“What?” He asked, taking a step towards me.

“Closer.”

He took another few steps, so he was within reach of me. I slid off the sofa onto my knees, and started to unbuckle his belt, and nuzzled against his crotch. He was hard, and I ran my face against the mound in his pants. “My dirty mouth is free now.”

He plunged his hands into my hair and groaned. “Emily, you’re going to ruin me.”

I opened his fly and dragged his jeans down, then did the same with his underwear. Freeing his cock so it sprang up and rested against his stomach.

I took him in one hand and ran my tongue up his shaft and swirling it in circles at the head of his cock. I licked my lips and looked up at him. He was watching me carefully. I smiled and then plunged his cock into my mouth. I bobbed my head up and down, sucking and rolling my tongue. My left hand cupped his balls and my right wrapped around him and clutched at his arse. He moaned, gripping my hair.

My fingers probed between his cheeks and danced around his anus while I sucked and licked him, never taking my eyes from his. I pulled my head from him, and his dick fell from my mouth with a pop.  I danced my tongue along the head again, but opened my mouth, inviting him to fuck it. His breath hitched. And he took my hair with his left and bunched it up and holding my head still. His right cupped my chin, and he pushed into my mouth. He thrust, slowly at first. Testing my limits. When he saw I wasn’t gagging or panicking he picked up speed. Each thrust went further down the back of my throat and pushed harder than the one before. I focused on relaxing, breathing deeply through my nose as he filled me. He panted and groaned with each thrust, his eyes closing and his face strained. Eventually, he eased his motions and I returned to sucking and licking, this time taking him deeper into me, deep throating. He gave himself to it, his head fell back, groaning and I increased my pace. My finger dipped in his anus and probed in and out.

“Em,” He gasped. “I’m gonna come.”

It was a warning, letting me know that I should let him free if I didn’t want him to spill into my mouth. I looked up at him and smiled. He took it as permission and started pushing into my mouth again.

Three thrusts and when his cock his the back of my throat the third time he came. I gagged just a little and pulled back allowing room for me to breathe while still keeping him in my mouth. While this wasn’t the first blow job I’d given, I had never tasted semen before. I had expected to hate it but I didn’t. It was smooth and salty, and him. I swallowed and lapped my tongue taking it all into me.

When he was finished I released him from my mouth and lowered my hands.

He reached his hand down and helped me to my feet. Then kissed me deeply, probing his tongue into my mouth. I wondered if he could taste himself on me, the way I had enjoyed tasting myself on him.

“I want to make you come now.” He breathed into my ear.

I nodded. “I need to go get a drink first and…” I waved my hands around.

“Okay, come meet me in my bedroom when you’re ready.”

After a quick visit to the bathroom, I came downstairs to find Chris.

He was in his room, sitting up in bed legs spread apart and his knees up. He was dressed only in his boxers. He had maneuvered a tall oval mirror at the end of the bed so it was facing him. My mind raced with ideas of what he had planned.

“What are you up to?” I asked, standing in the doorway.

He smiled at me. “Take off your clothes.”

I did as I was told. Stripping off my t-shirt and shorts. I stood in front of him, in a pale blue lace bra and matching boy leg panties.

“All of it.” He said.

I unhooked my bra, and let it fall to the floor. And turning around so my arse was facing him I slowly dragged my panties down my legs and stepped out of them.

“Mm … nice.” He said patting the bed in front of him. I climbed in facing him.

“Turn around.” He said gently. I obeyed and lay back into him facing the mirror, my legs tucked up in front of me.

He wrapped his arms around my waist and hugged me, burying his face into my neck. I let my head fall back onto his shoulder and breathed him in.

He let me go, and his hands traced their way up my skin to my breasts. He circled my areola. Each of his light touched caused my scalp to tingle.

“I’m going to make you come now.” He said softly. “I want you to watch how beautiful you are when you do.”

I looked up at the mirror and suddenly felt very self-conscious. I pulled my legs up more tightly to me, hiding my own nakedness from myself. “Chris, no. I can’t.”

He pushed my knees back away from myself and eased them apart so that my ankles were hooked over his calves. I was now completely spread out and on display to both of us. I looked away.

“You can do this, Em. I know you can, and I know you’ll like it.” His fingers began to roll over my nipples, tweaking them gently. “Look at yourself. You’re already wet.”

I looked up. I still didn’t want to look at me, so instead, I looked at him. His face was soft but serious and full of desire. His blue eyes were focused on me. It made my cunt clench, and my skin tingle just looking at him.

He lowered one of his hands, trailing it down my stomach, and I watched as it reached my pussy. Stroking the hairs that were glistening from my wetness. He spread my labia open, and I could see myself in a way I have never done before. My pinkness, the little-wrinkled mound of my clitoral hood, the opening into my cunt. His fingers started to circle slowly around my clit as his other hand squeezed my breast and pinched my nipple. I moaned, and my head fell back, my eyes closed.

“Open your eyes, Emily.” Chris scolded.

“I can’t,” I whined, my hips thrusting into his hand.

“Open your eyes.”

“Chris, please…”

“Emily. Open them.” This one wasn’t a request, it was an order.

It took all my effort, but I forced my eyelids apart. Chris rewarded me by increasing the pressure and speed of the fingers probing my clit. I pushed my hips into his hand.

“Look at how beautiful you look, Emily.” Chris breathed. “Look at how your body responds to my touch, how ready you are for me.” He removed his fingers from my cunt and raised them to my face. I took them into my mouth and watched myself in the mirror sucking my juices from his fingers. And I could see him watching me do it. He let out a soft moan and shifted behind me. I felt his cock twitch against my back.

He returned his hand to my pussy and started stroking and pinching my clit again. My breath started to become rapid with his touches, and he pushed two fingers inside of me. I clenched around them and groaned. Fighting my bodies urge to just close my eyes and give into him.

I watched as he fucked me with his fingers. I let one of my hands join his, rubbing my swollen clit. He shook his head. So I removed it again instead lifting my hands over my head, wrapping them behind Chris’ neck. The position opened my body up to him and arched my back. Chris locked eyes with me in the mirror and licked his lips.

“Look at yourself.” He commanded. “Do you see what I see?”

I nodded. And I did. My skin was glistening, my stomach taut. My face with tense with the feeling of the orgasm building inside me. Chris hooked his fingers inside me and pressed onto my g-spot while at the same time pushing hard against my clit with his thumb. The hand at my breast began squeezing harder, and I gasped and began panting. But I kept watching myself. His hands moved faster and rougher and I couldn’t control myself. I came. My body convulsing. I cried out.

“Fuck. Emily. Did you see?” Chris growled.

I lowered my arms from around his neck and squeezed my legs together against his hand. “Yes.” I panted. “Oh god. Chris.” I leaned back against him, little jolts of pleasure still passing through me.

“You were amazing, Em.” Chris sighed. He turned my head to his and kissed me deeply.

“Thank you, Chris.” I murmured. “I’ve never … nobody has ever…” I trailed off, relaxing my body against him, closing my eyes.

“Oh, we’re not done.” He growled.


	8. Chapter 8

The next morning we slept late, lying in bed together curled up in each others arms talking.

“So what was the thing you didn’t want to tell me on the phone the other day? When you were with Gaby?” Chris asked me, trailing a finger down my arm.

I rolled my eyes. “It was nothing.” I groaned. “But if you’re going to keep asking me, it was just that I had a pretty bad anxiety attack at work.”

Chris’ eyes went wide. “What happened? Are you okay?”

“Seriously, nothing. Which I guess is a problem in itself. I was diagnosed with severe anxiety when I was a teenager. I went to Catholic school where I felt I had no control over my life. Plus, as a bisexual girl, I was pretty much damned to hell. Everyone had all these plans for me and nothing about what I felt inside matched up. I was put on medication. But then when I went to University, I didn’t have the same pressure from the school. My parents sure. But at school, I could dye my hair and date girls. I found a major I loved, and then I met Jessica. She really helped me get a focus on what  _I_ wanted in my life. Broke me out of my comfort zone. With my doctor’s advice as well, I stopped taking the medication and I had control over it. But teaching at UCLA has really just pushed me over again. Having to stand up in front of 300 people twice a day and tell them stuff I am not really an expert on. I hate it. And it just got too much for me. Gaby found me curled up in a ball on the floor of my office. She’s been helping me get back in control of shit again.”

“I’m so sorry, I wish I could have been around for you too. I’ll have to thank Gaby for looking after you.” Chris smiled.

“I don’t think there is any way I could possibly thank Gaby enough for how she’s been helping me. I still freak out. But it seems to be not as bad each time. Maybe I should speak to my doctor about meds again. At least until I’m done teaching.”

“You know, I have anxiety too,” Chris said. “I love my job. I do. But I hate the press and stuff. It’s the absolute worst when on the rare occasion I get recognised in the street. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m always in my head.”

I nodded and ran my finger along his jaw. “Sucks, right?”

He leaned in and kissed me.

“Tell me about Jessica.” He breathed when we pulled apart. “It sounds like you really loved her.”

“Are you sure you want to hear about my ex?”

He nodded.

“I did love her.” I sighed. “A lot. She was fun and spontaneous, and beautiful. She helped me really get to know myself in a way I’d never had before. I thought we’d get married. Maybe move away from Australia, and raise a family.”

“What happened?”

“She cheated on me. A lot as it happens. I think when I look back on it, we probably should have put different expectations on our relationship. Maybe kept it open. Because it wasn’t the fact she was going off and fucking all these different girls. It was the fact she kept lying about it all the time. I couldn’t trust her. And to me, that’s the most important thing. I can’t just be jealous and mistrusting of the person I’m with. I need to be able to relax at let them do their thing and know I’m not going to get hurt.”

“And here I was lying to you,” Chris said, shaking his head.

“Yeah, right? Probably why I lost it so much.”

“I’m sorry I put you through that. I was stupid.”

“Yeah, I think we’ve moved past it. You don’t need to keep apologising.”

“It’s weird though. We both got hurt by exes breaking our trust. And your response is to go; ‘Well, I can’t change who people are. So I’ll just keep my heart open until I find the person who respects me.’ And here I am, not trusting anyone. Lying to people about myself, to make sure they’re telling the truth about who they are.”

I shook my head and nuzzled my face into his neck. “People get hurt, they react differently. I can’t hold your natural reaction to hurt against you. If it takes you time to know I’m not going to take advantage of you. That’s okay. As long as you don’t try and control who I am and change me while doing it. And I haven’t seen any indication that’s the kind of person you are.”

He rolled me onto my back and looked down on me. His eyes were soft and a little sad. I reached up with one hand and ran my fingers delicately across his brow and then across his lips. He opened his mouth to say something, but then closed it again. We remained like that for a while. Just staring at each other. I became very aware of our breathing.

“I’m really glad I decided to speak to you at that bookstore.” Chris said, breaking the silence.

“Me too.” I breathed.  


	9. Chapter 9

It was mid-October and I was at home curled up on the couch under a blanket with Gaby marathoning episodes of Doctor Who. There was a knock at the door, and I answered it to find Chris standing at the door. He was wearing jeans and a plaid shirt. And with the new beard growing in he had the whole lumberjack thing happening. I gave him a brief kiss and turned back to the TV.

“What are you doing here?” I asked.

He shrugged and followed me inside. “Just wanted to see you.”

I quickly introduced him to Gaby and then climbed under the blankets with her again, and Chris sat down and sprawled out on my recliner.

“What are you two up to?” He asked, not recognising what we were watching.

“He doesn’t know about Doctor Who,” Gaby said sagely.

I groaned. “I forgot people in America don’t by default know about Doctor Who.”

Gaby giggled.

“I’ve heard of it,” Chris said defensively.

“Well, shh. And watch.”

We sat quietly for a while. Gaby and I snuggled together holding hands. Being scared by the monsters meant to scare children. I looked over at Chris and he was just watching us. I threw a cushion at him.

“Quit it,” I said.

“But you look so cute.” He whined.

I scrunched my nose at him, and then went back to watching the show.

The episode ended and Gaby got up and stretched. I could tell her back was hurting her more than normal, and I wished there was something I could do to help.

“I better get going while I still can,” Gaby said to me.

“Is there anything I can do? You can stay here if you’re too sore to drive.” I offered.

She shook her head. “No, it’s okay. I’ll take a bath and some medicine.” She said medicine with air quotes. “Should help me a bit. I had a great night though.”

I hugged her gently and pecked her on the cheek.

“Nice meeting you finally, Chris.” She said raising her hand. “You look familiar to me.”

“Probably saw me in some porn, I guess,” Chris said. 

I laughed, while Gaby looked confused. “That was a stupid in-joke. Ignore him. He’s not in porn.”

“Well alright. Night then.” She said.

“Night.” Chris and I replied in unison. I watched her leave and then turned back to Chris.

“So, what’s up? You haven’t been to my place since I first visited yours.” I climbed into his lap. And he started stroking my thigh.

“Nice PJs.” He said. I looked down. I’d put on my pink flannel pajamas with cartoon sheep on them when I got home. I looked back up at him and grinned.

“I know. But don’t change the subject.”

“Well, I made some kind of epic plans for us and then realised I hadn’t checked to see if you are free or not. And then I thought about calling you and checking. And then I thought if I call there is no chance I’ll also get laid. And now here we are.”

“What plans have you made for us?” I asked raising my eyebrows.

He shook his head. “Secret ones. Are you free on Thursday though? You don’t teach that day, right?”

“No, I don’t. But I am still supposed to do work.”

“But you don’t HAVE to. You can do it other times. I’ve seen you working on Saturday or Sunday at home.”

“That is true.” I conceded. “It had better be good though, Evans.”

“You won’t be disappointed.” He said. He started nuzzling my neck, kissing and nibbling my skin. His hand traveled up my thigh and under my shirt, trailing along my stomach. I hummed against him. “Now about that other thing.”

I smacked him. He grabbed my wrists and held them behind me with one of his hands, and then with the other, he grabbed my hair and held my head in place while he forced his lips against mine. I tried to resist, but my body betrayed me. My mouth opened against his and began moving with him.

He suddenly stood, holding me against him, and carried me down to my room. He tossed me onto my bed and then leaned down over me, kissing me while he sat beside me on the bed. His hands went to my pajama shirt and tore it open. The buttons popped off in a few places and my chest was exposed to him.

“Hey!” I cried. “I like these pajamas.” I grabbed the edges of the ruined material and pulled them closed over me, pouting.

Chris chuckled and then pushed my hands away again, holding my arms above my head by the wrists.  "I’ll get you new ones.“ He started kissing and sucking on my nipples, and I squirmed against him as they hardened in his mouth.

He sat back up and looked down at me. "Have you been reading up on BDSM?” He asked.

I nodded. We had dialed back on anything rough while I was reading up on it. It was nice though, just getting into the rhythm of our sex lives together. I was definitely ready for more though.

“Do you want to try some stuff now? Nothing too heavy, just try it out?”

I nodded again, my pulse had sped up, and his words sent tingles through me.

“We should do something about safe words do you think? I mean, I’m happy to just go with stop or no, if you think the only reason you’ll use them is that you really want me to stop.”

I took a deep breath. “I was reading about people using traffic light colours.” I said. “I liked the idea of that. Then if you’re worried about me you can check in. And I have a word for getting you to back off without stopping.”

He nodded. “Well then, what I’m wondering is if you have a little goody drawer here. I bet you do. Little slut like you probably can’t go long without getting off.” He let go of my hands and reached for the drawer of my bedside table. I scrambled up to stop him, putting my hand in front of the drawer.

“Chris, no!” I squealed, mortified.

He grabbed hold of my wrists again and dragged me away from the drawer. “Now, now. That’s not going to do.”

He held my hands behind my back with one hand and began undoing his belt. It was his red one. The one I had spoken about binding me with. I shivered. He’d planned this.

“You know what’s coming don’t you?” Chris growled at me.   
I nodded and bit my lip.

He pulled his belt off and wound it around my wrists. He made sure it was firm, but not tight. “What colour are we for that?” He asked.

“Green,” I replied. My body felt like it was on fire. I was warm and tingly, and my mind was racing with the ideas of what might come next.

He pushed me down with my arms stretched above my head and returned to my drawer.

He tutted as he looked inside. “Well, not as much as I would have expected for such a little slut. What are we going to do with this?” He pulled out my vibrator. It was not the normal cock shaped vibe you would think of if someone said the words vibrator to you, but slender, curved and flexible, and bulged out slightly at each end, meant for hitting the g-spot and clit at the same time.

“I guess it will have to do.” He said rolling it over in his hand. Unaware of the power that little device had. “How does it work then?”

“The buttons are in the middle of the shaft,” I said. My voice was husky and shook a little. “The middle one turns it on.” He pressed the button and it buzzed to life. “It vibrates on each end. If you hold down the button on either side the vibrations get more intense for the corresponding side. They work separately to each other.” He held down the button on one side, and then the other, holding them against his palm. A devious smile was forming on his face as I talked. “And you can bend it into shape a bit. So it – it can – well…”

Chris raised his eyebrow and looked down at me. “Oh, I see. Well then, this will do nicely.”

He turned the vibrator on, on just the thinner side and traced it over the skin on my chest and stomach. He circled it over each nipple and ran it down my sides. I squirmed, but he used his free hand to push me down onto the bed and hold me still. He edged his hand into my pants. His fingers caressed the outside of my underwear.

“I don’t think we need these anymore.” He said, and then yanked my pants from me, taking the underwear with them.

I lay sprawled on the bed, panting with expectation. My mouth felt dry and every nerve ending was on high alert.

Chris moved in between my legs, pushing them up and apart. He ran the vibe up my legs, and over my pubic mound, just teasing me. I pushed against the vibe with my crotch, and he took it away and slapped me hard, right where the vibe had just been resting. I yelped in surprise.

“Stop being such a needy fucking slut.” He snapped.

I blinked up at him my mouth gaping. And then a weird sense of calm took over me, and I smiled.

“Oh, you like being called a slut, huh?” He purred as he climbed on top of me, grinding his crotch into mine. The fabric of his pants bit into my skin. “You like when I hit you?”

He lowered his mouth onto mine and we kissed. Our mouths clashing against each other, biting and pushing like we were each trying to win a battle.

He sat back up climbing off me and returned the vibe to its spot over my mound.

Using his fingers he spread my folds and started running the vibe over my clit. I arched my back and moaned at the sudden tingle that swept through me. He took it away again and switched it off. Reaching into my bedside table he removed the lube I kept there. Squeezing a little onto the palm of his hand, he coated the pink device in the viscous substance and turned it back on but this time both sides hummed to life. He returned to my cunt. “Tell me when I’ve hit the right spot.” He said as he ran the vibrator up and down my slit. Slowly he pushed it into me, and I gasped as the device sent it’s buzz out through me, my nerves singing. He moved it around, in and out, and I moved my hips with it.

It hit my g-spot and I gasped. “There. Just there.” I moaned as a jolt shot through my whole body making me shudder.

Chris gave me a sinister smile, and then adjusted the external part of the vibrator so it was resting against my clit.

I groaned and ground against his hand as he ever so slightly moved the vibe. Pushing and then releasing, creating a pulse to the vibrations against my sensitive spots. He increased the speed of the device, first on the part pressed against my clit and then inside me, but he made sure that they were left on different settings. It meant that I had these two separate feelings occurring and my body wasn’t quite able to get used to either. I closed my eyes, and my breathing picked up.

“Fuck.” I moaned. I didn’t think an orgasm would be far away. Instinctively I pulled my arms down from above my head and covered my face, but Chris hooked his hand through the belt and pulled them back above me, holding me in place. He lay down beside and over me. His legs over mine, locking them down. His mouth found my breast. He began sucking and biting my nipple, first slowly and gently but building in speed and pressure.

I reached the peak of my orgasm, and I cried out. My body spasmed, and I tried to pull away from him, but he held me in place, and he didn’t ease up at all. So as the first of my orgasms started to pass through me the second began.

I had no control. I writhed beneath Chris, moaning and panting, but he didn’t stop. A third orgasm hit me, and I wasn’t even sure that the second had even stopped. There was a fourth and a fifth. I started to lose track of everything. I had no idea how many orgasms I’d had, or if maybe I was just having one never-ending torturous climax.

“No. No, Chris. Stop. I can’t. I can’t.” I pleaded with him.

He raised his head, releasing my nipple from his relentless mouth, and without removing the vibrator completely, eased off the pressure just a little.

“Do you need the safe word?” He asked me.

I shook my head, panting.

“What colour are we, Emily?”

“Gr – green.” I moaned.

And with that, the pressure was back. I bucked my hips against him. He was watching me now. Leaning over me, watching my face as I climaxed.

“Please, Chris,” I begged. “I want … I need …”

“What is it, Em?” He growled. “What do you need? Beg me for it.”

His words did something to me. I was coming again and again, but now I wanted to defy him.

“Fuck you.” I spat.

“Oh don’t be like that.” He crooned. “Beg me, you little slut. Beg me.”

I shook my head. It was difficult to speak. I writhed against him. “Fuck. You!” I screamed. I took a deep breath. “You can’t make me do anything! You’re pathetic!” I spat in one big string of words.

He ripped the vibrator out of me and threw it. It hit the headboard and fell onto my pillow, still buzzing.

“You fucking bitch!” Chris yelled at me. He seemed furious, and his fury fed my desire. He stood up and dragged me after him. Roughly wrestling me so I was kneeling facing him, my legs slightly spread.  "I’m going to plug that filthy mouth of yours.“

He unzipped his jeans and pushed them down, and pulled his cock out. Holding it in one hand he grabbed my hair and yanked it, forcing my head back. "Open your mouth.” He hissed.

I clamped my mouth shut and shook my head. And crack. He slapped my aching, swollen cunt with the palm of his hand. The pain was sudden and severe. I screamed out and lights popped in my vision.  

“I’m only going to say this one more time.  _Open. Your._   _Fucking mouth!_ ” He yelled.

Tears pricked my eyes, but my mouth dropped open.

“Good girl.” He said. He ran his finger down my jaw and then eased his cock into my mouth. “If you need to safeword, open and close your fist, okay? Show me.”

I opened and closed my hands to show him I understood. He licked his lips and then began fucking my mouth. There was no build up to check my limits, it was just immediate, hard and fast. This was not meant to be fun, I was being punished. Each thrust hit the back of my throat with force, and I gagged. I panicked for a second, but somehow got control of myself. Breathing through my nose I willed myself to relax. He kept up the pace and force for what felt like forever, and I gagged again. This time I had more trouble getting it under control, so I opened and closed my hands quickly.

He pulled out of me. “You okay?” He asked.

I nodded.

“Need to stop.”

I shook my head.

He pushed me down to the bed so I was lying in front of him. My bound hands over my chest.

“Now Emily.” He said removing his shirt. “What was it that you wanted before? I want you to beg me for it.”

I started to cry.

“Em, what colour?”

“I’m still green.” I sobbed. “I promise.”

“Well then?”

“I need you.” My breath hitched, and my throat hurt. “I want you to fuck me, please. Please, fuck me. I want you inside of me.”

“See that wasn’t so hard was it?” He crooned. He pulled me back to sitting, and then reaching over me, piled my pillows behind my back. Holding my arms back above my head he forced me to turn around and pushed me down so my hands were splayed in front of me, my face was pressed into the mattress and my bum was sticking up in the air.

I felt him moving around me, and then my vibrator was pressed against my clit once again. Held in place by the pillows I was resting on.

“No, no, no, no,” I begged.

But he didn’t remove it, instead he knelt behind me I heard the crinkle of a condom packet, and I felt his cock push against the opening of my cunt.

“This is what you want right? Ask me again.” He growled.

“Please. Please, I need you to be inside me. I need you to fill me up. Fuck me, Chris.” I pleaded.

“Such a good girl.” And he pushed into me. He was not gentle with me. My aching cunt cried out as his pounded into me. An orgasm hit me again, but it felt different this time. More complete. I squeezed against his cock and heard him groan.

“Yes, Chris. Fuck me.” I moaned.

He grabbed my hair and pulled it. I yelped, and my muscles tensed. He groaned loudly as I felt him come, his cock pulsing inside of me.

He half collapsed on me, just for a moment, and we panted together. The vibrator still buzzing against me. I whined and tried to wriggle away from it.

Standing up, he slipped out of me, and I gasped at the change in the pressure against my cunt. Pulling the vibrator away he switched it off and I sighed in relief. I rolled onto my side, pushing the pillows away from me. My throat felt raw and my cunt was stinging, but I felt amazing.

“Holy shit, Chris,” I said as he started unfastening his belt to free my arms. “I mean,  _holy shit_.”

He kissed me gently on the lips. “You did amazingly.” He said. And I grinned. “How you doing? Need some water?”

I nodded. “Yes, please.”

He released my hands and stepped out of the room.

I sat up and rubbed my wrists. My shoulders were stiff and I rolled them to try and loosen them back up.

Chris returned with a glass of water and handed it to me. I drank deeply, draining the cup.

“What do you need?” Chris asked, climbing around behind me and rubbing my shoulders. I sighed at his touches and began to relax against him.

I shook my head. I wasn’t sure yet. My whole body buzzed. He stroked my hair and tenderly kissed my neck, nuzzling against my shoulder.

“I can’t believe we went that far,” Chris said. “Did you like it?”

I nodded. “I’m really wired. I feel weird though. Like I shouldn’t have.” I turned to face him and suddenly I started to cry again. I wasn’t even sure why. The tears just seemed to take control of me. “Do you really think I’m a slut?” I have no idea why I even asked that question. I couldn’t care less if he or anyone else thought I was a slut or not. I didn’t even think being a slut was a bad thing. Yet for some reason, it was the thing my subconscious clung to, the reason I was upset.

He took me in his powerful arms and held me against his chest. My hand gripped at his chest hairs, as I sobbed against him. “Hey now. You know I don’t, right? That was just part of the role play. I don’t think that about anyone. I mean how hypocritical would that be?”

Part of me knew that was all true. But I couldn’t seem to convince all of me.

“Might have gone a bit too far too soon, after all.” Chris chuckled and rested his lips against the crown of my head.

I nodded. “I did like it though. I did.” I said. The tears began to ease up a little. “It all felt crazy incredible. I don’t know what’s wrong.”

“I think we might be having our first sub drop,” Chris said.

I laughed lamely. “I guess so.”

“Let me go run a bath for you, and I’ll make some tea. Okay? We’ll talk about it when you’re in the tub.” He gave me a squeeze and stood up.

I followed him into the bathroom. My legs felt weak, and my pussy was stinging. So I sat on the seat of my toilet while he prepared the bath. I had some Lush bath bombs in a basket on the sink, and he took one and dropped it in the water, then helped me step into the tub.

“I’ll be back in a minute.”

I lay in the bath, my head back on the edge, staring at the ceiling and thought about the scenario that we’d just played out. I did like it. There was definitely a bit of me that felt I shouldn’t though. The Catholic school part of me. But I really liked Chris. No, fuck that. I loved him. I loved Chris. I loved him in a way I’d never loved Jessica. And I know that he was at least beginning to feel the same way about me, even if he hadn’t said it yet. So what was I crying about? I just had some crazy amazing sex with someone I loved. Catholic school girl insecurities can fuck right off.

And then an image filled my head. Jessica. I’d just confronted her about cheating on me, and she’d denied it. I believed her, but not really, and we’d had sex. It was mean and aggressive, she teased me, said I was too stupid and too jealous. She called me names. A dumb bitch. A stupid cunt. And she’d meant all of them. She hated that I’d believed her. And there it was, Chris had called me a slut, and I  _knew_  he didn’t mean it, but I had  _known_ Jessica didn’t mean it.

Chris is not Jessica, Emily. Chris is not Jessica. He didn’t just cheat on you. We were playing a game. It was just a game, and it was a game you liked.

Chris returned with a mug of tea. He had put his boxers back on. He crouched down beside me and I took the tea from him. He’d put too much milk in it. It didn’t matter, he’d made it to soothe me, and the very act of doing that helped soothe me.

“How you doing?” He asked running one hand through my hair.

I smiled at him. “I’m okay. I think I figured out what happened at least.”

“Want to talk about it?” Chris asked. He dipped his hand into the water and ran it up and down my leg.

“I’m not sure if I’m supposed to talk about it.” I sighed.

“What do you mean?”

“It’s about Jessica.”

“Em, it’s fine. I need to know what happened if we’re going to keep doing things like that so I can make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

I sunk down so my head was under the water. When I came back up I took a deep breath. “Jessica and I, in the last year or so of our relationship … I’d confront her about my suspicions of her cheating on me.” I’d started crying again, and I wiped the tears away impatiently “She always denied it, and I  _always_ believed her. Or well, not really. I just wanted to believe her. So I said I did. And then we’d have sex. Like  _every single time_ , I confronted her. But it was like hate fucking. We were angry at each other, and trying to punish each other. I’d claw at her, and bite her. And she’d do things to me she knew I hated so that I’d ask her to stop. If I did she’d make me feel guilty. So I’d just let her do whatever she wanted. And she’d call me names. She hated that I kept just believing her and she was just merciless. I thought she was just teasing like I was a dumb bitch for thinking she’d cheat on me because she loved me. But really, looking back on it she really thought I was stupid for believing her.”

Chris looked at me with pity written all over his face.

“Please don’t look at me like that, Chris. It wasn’t all the time, it wasn’t even often. Just a small handful of times. We were usually pretty happy. But I think maybe, what happened tonight was, while it was happening I was really into the name calling, but afterward, it’s just kind of hard to reconcile the idea that I liked you calling me names and that normally I would  _not_ like that at all. And also that, it wasn’t real. Because in the past, it was very real.”

“What do you want to do? Do you want to just back off from anything rough?” Chris asked, he took my hand in his and stroked my palm with his thumb.

“No! Fuck no! I liked it.” I exclaimed.

“Want me to not call you names anymore? I could just, you know, use your actual name. Or just stick with the classics of bad girl, good girl.”

I sunk down into the water again, so the water was up to my chin and my hair floated around me. “I don’t think that’s what I want. I mean, it shocked me, but that’s good, right? It really affected me, made me tingle all over when you called me a slut. I kind of want to see what you might call me in the future.”

Chris grinned and his eyes glittered like he had plans and he couldn’t wait to try them out. “I’m looking forward to that too. But I don’t want to hurt you.”

I lifted his hand and kissed his fingertips. “I’m okay. Really. Well, maybe not my vagina. It stings like a bitch.”

And with that, we both relaxed. And talked. And when the bath went cold, he helped me out and carried me to bed, where we fell asleep in each other’s arms.


	10. Chapter 10

Thursday morning rolled around with LA’s usual beautiful blue skies. Chris had told me that I needed to dress to be out in the sun all day. So something light and comfortable. I’d be on my feet a lot but didn’t need hiking boots or anything. And that I’d probably want to pose for lots of photos. I didn’t quite believe that bit, I never want to pose for lots of photos. So with that information, I dressed in a light dress, with the design of the Marauder’s Map from Harry Potter on it, over a pair of steampunk leggings, and my red converse. I braided my hair and did my makeup in the whole ‘natural’ style that isn’t actually natural at all. My camera was packed into my TARDIS backpack, as well as sunscreen, and all the normal essentials I needed to have with me. I often read 'casual’ as 'as geeky as you possibly can’.

Chris arrived at my apartment with a bunch of sunflowers. He kissed me good morning and asked me to spin for him. “You’re going to fit right in.” He said assessing my outfit carefully. Chris was wearing khaki shorts, his red belt and a grey tee with Mickey Mouse on it. I smiled that we were both being a little geeky today.

I grabbed my coat and we walked downstairs together. I was expecting that he was going to drive us where ever it was we were going, but instead waiting outside was a large black car with tinted windows. A man was standing next to the car, wearing a black suit. He took my bag from me and then held the car door open for us. I slid into the car and Chris followed after me.

“You have a driver for this? Where are we going?” I asked.

“Just easier this way.” He shrugged. He put one of his large hands on my knee and gave it a squeeze. “Sit in the middle. It’s a long drive and then we can fill the time by making out.”

I rolled my eyes at him. “There’s a guy right there,” I whispered, pointing at the driver.

“He won’t mind. I’m sure he’s seen worse.”

I slid over to the middle seat and buckled my seat belt. Chris nuzzled his face into my neck. “I thought you wanted to have public sex anyway.” He breathed, running his hand up under my skirt.

I pushed his hand away. “Cut it out.” I laughed.

“I was just fucking with you.” He grinned, wrapping his arm around me, and giving me a squeeze. “I mean, I do plan to kiss you, but mostly I just wanted you close to me.”

I glared daggers at him for a little while. But the way he looked down at me with that soft blue eyes cracked me pretty quickly. “You suck,” I said, snuggling down into his shoulder.

“I’m going to remind you that you said that in about an hour.”

* * *

We were sitting quietly in the car. Chris had his arm around my shoulders and I had my legs tucked up under me, with my cheek pressed up against his chest, looking out the window. The car turned down a road and I noticed a big wall with a monorail passing along the side. I sat up and had a better look. Then I noticed it. The peak of the Matterhorn poking over the top of the wall.

“Chris, are we going to Disney Land?” I said bouncing in my seat. He grinned at me. “You better not be fucking with me, Christopher. Are we going to Disney Land?  For real, right now?”

He was beaming at me now. “We’re going to Disney Land!” He said, taking my hands.

I started bouncing up and down like a little kid in the chair. “We’re going to Disney Land!” I sang.

We pulled down towards the front entrance of the park and pulled up. The driver got out and opened the door for us. I slid out of the car, beaming at everything in front of me. I still couldn’t see a lot, because there were ticket booths and security to walk through, but it was Disney and I was excited.

As we stood by the car, the driver getting our bags, a young woman skipped over to us smiling. She was wearing a red shirt, with the Disney Logo on it.

 ****“Hi, there.” She chirped when she reached us. “Are you Chris and Emily?”

“We are!” I exclaimed. We had a personal greeter? How did we have a personal greeter?

“Hi! I’m Kelly! I’m going to be your escort around the park today. I hear you are here for your first time, Emily.”

If I wasn’t already excited, now I was basically buzzing. Even though I knew Kelly had to be enthusiastic for her job, and I was pretty sure, I was going to get sick of it. Right now, it was infectious.  "I haven’t! I didn’t even know I was coming today! This idiot surprised me!“

"Did you just call me an idiot?” Chris asked, wandering over with our bags. He had been talking to the driver, who was now pulling the car away. “No Disney Land for you!”

“Oh no, don’t say that,” Kelly said pouting. We all laughed.

“Oh my god, Chris, I can’t believe you brought me here.” I took his hand and kissed it. He smiled down at me.

“He seems like a keeper.” Kelly chirped. “So, I’ll take you into the park. I was told you were looking at doing Disney Land. But if you’d rather do California Adventure, that’s fine too.”

“No, no! Classic Disney!” I said bouncing on the balls of my feet.

We started walking along. “We just need to go through security, then I can take you right into the park. My job is basically to keep you safe and make sure no one bothers you. I will also get you to the front of line on any rides. Now you have a reservation at Blue Bayou at 1pm, and some special character meets, is that right?”

“Sounds right.” Chris nodded.

“So, I’ll also make sure you get to that. You also have passes to the Halloween party.” We’d reached the security checkpoint and Kelly walked us past a lot of people. A woman quickly checked our bags and handed them back to us.

We followed Kelly through the large gates leading under the train station. I had Chris’ left hand in both of mine and I couldn’t stop beaming. “How did you do this? How much did you spend? This is ridiculous.”

Chris laughed. “Don’t worry about it. I can afford it, that’s all you need to know.”

As we stepped out of the tunnel into the light Kelly turned to us, “Welcome to Disney Land! Where do you want to go first?”

* * *

We started by buying matching personalised ear hats. I had insisted that I was going to pay for them, as I was also getting a couple made for friends back in Australia. But while I was talking to Kelly, Chris made the cashier take his money for them.

We walked down Main Street to the Disney Castle, and when I saw it in person I gasped. I know the one at Disney World is bigger and fancier, but I love classic Disney, and as it was the first Disney Castle I’d ever seen in person, I thought it was perfect. We had one of the Disney Photographers take a photo of us kissing in front of it.

Being VIPs was kind of amazing. We were skipped to the front of every line through a private entrance that meant none of the other guests really noticed. I kind of felt quite horrible about it. Money or status getting these stupid advantages that others couldn’t have. But the lure of no lines was too much for me to resist. Throughout the day I barely let go of Chris’ hand. I normally hate hand-holding while walking around, but I didn’t want to let him go. On the Mad Tea Party, I found I couldn’t keep my hands to myself at all, and we ended up making out while we spun round and round. We did meet some of the characters and had photos taken. I found it corny, but when Ariel asked me if I was a mermaid too because of my hair, and then told me that my handsome prince looked like he was worth leaving the ocean for, I blushed deeply and couldn’t suppress a giggle. I then talked about how Ariel was by far the best princess for about an hour.

By nightfall, I was exhausted, and we sat on a park bench resting our heads on each other, our hands entwined, watching the fireworks. The Halloween party had started around us. But I really wasn’t particularly interested in it other than to watch things as they passed me. We had ridden every ride in the park. I had spent the day laughing and screaming and completely in love and all I wanted was to curl up and go to sleep.

“Emily,” Chris said. I looked up at him. He was staring down at me intently with his beautiful blue eyes. “Did you have a good day?”

“The best.” I sighed.

He leaned down and kissed me. Taking my face in his hands. I melted into it, letting his soft lips caress mine.

He pulled away from me too soon, and I let out a low hum.

“I love you.” He said, running his finger along my jaw.

I smiled and opened my mouth to say something in return.

“No, don’t.” He said, running his thumb along my lip. “You don’t have to say it back. I just needed you to know. I love you, so much. Meeting you was like the best thing that’s happened to me.”

I glanced over to Kelly who had been standing off to the side waiting for us. She was staring at us with her hands over her mouth, her eyes wide.

Looking back at Chris I lent in and kissed him again, longer and deeper than before. We broke apart again and I leaned my face into his hand.

“I do love you too though, Chris.” I sighed. “I have known for a while. I know it’s stupid but I think I just needed to hear it first.”

He ran his thumb down my cheek, and then pulled me to his chest. I snuggled in, watching the last of the fireworks fill the night sky.


	11. Chapter 11

I spent my first ever Halloween in the US with Gaby at a ball held by a Wizarding shop in La Brea. We dressed as Hogwarts students and had an amazing time meeting and hanging out with lots of other Harry Potter geeks. At around 10 though her back was causing her too much pain, so I drove her home and put her to bed. I called Chris to see where he was. He had been invited to some Hollywood party, which he’d wanted me to be his date to, but quite frankly held no interest to me. He was still there and begged me to come by, so I agreed. It was at the party that it really hit me, this guy was actually a famous person. I mean sure, he could generally go out and not be bothered by people, but this thing had paparazzi outside when I got there. I recognized a lot of the people inside. And as I walked the room searching for him (thankfully my name was on the door, or I wouldn’t have known what to do), I become consciously aware of the fact I completely didn’t fit in here dressed in my while not cheap, hardly custom Slytherin uniform, while all around me were people dressed in costumes some of which would have cost me 3 months of my not insignificant salary.

I finally spotted Chris, he was dressed as Tom Selleck in Magnum P.I. He’d even shaved so that he had the matching thick mustache. He was talking to Zach, one of his friend that was around all the time, and someone who I was sure was Scarlett Johansson, who was dressed as a mermaid. I walked over and waved when I was sure he’d noticed me.

“Here she is.” He said when I got there pulling me close, and planting a kiss on me. He tasted strongly of beer and a little bit like cigarettes. “Zach, Emily is here. Scar this is Emily.”

I greeted them both with a small wave.

“Oh, so this is Emily?” Scarlett said. “He won’t stop talking about you.”

“I hope that at least half of it has been bad.” I joked.

Chris laughed and said, “Oh at least half. You’re a terrible person.” His words were a little slurred, and he kept rubbing his hands up and down my arms.

“Someones have been having a fun time,” I said.

Both Zach and Scarlett laughed. “Yeah, he’s had a bit to drink. Probably should get him home soon.” Zach said.

“No, no, no, no. I’m alright. Don’t say things like that.” Chris slurred. “Emily just got here. You want to dance now, baby?”

I excused myself form Scarlett and Zach as Chris pulled me onto the dance floor.

The music was a fast tempo dance song, but Chris had wrapped me in his arms and was swaying slowly with me.

“I missed you.” He said, “I didn’t think I’d get to see you tonight.”

“I know. But it’s only one night. We can be apart one night.”

“Yeah, but I don’t have to like it. It’s Halloween!” He yelled the last part, and I flinched away from him.  "Besides. I prob'ly have to be away from you heaps. All my work makes me go away. I norm'ly like to be home in Boston now. But I didn’t want to be away from you.“

I hooked my arms around his neck. I don’t know what had set this off, but he seemed to be quite hurt. We’d talked about Halloween and he’d seemed totally okay about me spending the night doing something I wanted to do with my friend than at a weird socially obligated event that I wouldn’t feel comfortable at.

"I love you, baby.” He crooned into my ear.

“I know. I love you too.” I pulled him down to me and held his head against my neck. “How about we go home now, my love?”

He rubbed his face against me. “But you only just got here. Aren’t you having fun?”

“Are you?”

“It’s Halloween!” He cheered.

“But really?”

Chris shook his head sadly.

“I can think of more fun things to do at home.”

He grinned at me, and then took my face in his hands. “You’re awesome.” Was all he said.

I led him from the dance floor and back out the door. The doorman hailed us a cab which took us back to Chris’ house.

We got inside and were greeted by East jumping around our feet.

“Hey, buddy. I missed you too.” Chris slurred, crouching down and wrestling with his dog for a bit.

I led Chris to his room. As I shut the door behind us, Chris pushed me hard against the door from behind, his hand gliding up under my jumper, squeezing my breasts painfully.

“Chris. Not like this.” I moaned as he ground into me, his breath hot against my neck.

He released me and I turned around. “You are way too drunk for anything rough like that,” I said, aiming for a stern but kind tone. “Go brush your teeth, okay?”

He grinned again, and kissed me, but disappeared into his ensuite.

I sat down on the edge of the bed pulling off my robes and I sighed. I didn’t mind him being drunk. He was actually pretty cute when he was. All touchy, and lovey-dovey. But something about tonight was sitting with me wrong.

He came back, and he’d taken off most of his clothes. He had only left his boxers and his socks. I laughed at him.

He pouted. “Don’t you think I’m sexy?”

“Oh, so very sexy,” I said and beckoned him over.

He sauntered over, and I lay back on the bed as he crawled over the top of me. He kissed my mouth. The mixture of toothpaste and beer made him taste a little like mint schnapps.

“Without the robes, you just look like your doing schoolgirl kink. I like the knee-high socks.” He said, putting his finger into the edge of my sock and snapping it against my skin.

“We can do that if you like. You want to be my teacher?”

He giggled and I helped him clumsily remove my clothing, as he trailed wet kisses down my body. I reached down into his boxers, he was still soft.   
“I’m not sure if all of you is up to this,” I said stroking his cock gently with the tips of my fingers.

He collapsed on top of me, his head pushed into my neck. “I’m sorry. I can’t do anything right.” He muttered.

We lay there like that for a while, me stroking his hair and down the back of his neck. Then he rolled off me and lay facing away from me in bed.

“I’ve ruined your night. I’m sorry. We should just go to sleep.”

I pushed myself up against his back, wrapping my arms around his waist. “Don’t be like that.” I soothed. “You haven’t ruined anything. We can do other things if you want.”

He didn’t answer, just switched the light off. And after a while, we both fell asleep.

* * *

I woke to the sounds of Chris throwing up in the ensuite. I got up and joined him in the bathroom, and found him sitting on the floor leaning his head on his arms which were crossed over the toilet bowl. I crouched behind him and ran my fingers through he hair and down his back. He groaned and then started throwing up again.

I held him until he stopped, and then stood and poured him a glass of water. I found some ibuprofen in his medicine cabinet and tipped two pills into his palm.

“Thank you.” He said after swallowing the pills. His voice was raspy.

“You okay?” I asked stroking his hair again.

He nodded. “Yeah, I think so. Sorry.”

I shrugged. “I’ll go make you something greasy to eat. That usually helps me.”

I grabbed one of his shirts from his dresser and threw it on before heading upstairs and making breakfast. I cooked eggs, bacon, sausage, and toast for him, and was just serving it up when he came into the room looking very sorry for himself.

He sat at the table miserably pushing food around his plate. I sat opposite him with some toast and a cup of coffee. “Try eating. It will help line your stomach. I don’t know what that actually means. But, it works when I’m feeling seedy.”

We sat in silence for a little while as he slowly forced down some food.

“What was up with you last night anyway?” I asked eventually.

Chris groaned and pushed his plate away and then buried his head on the table under his arms. “I fucking hate those things. Fucking bunch of Hollywood phonies jacking each other off. Stresses me out. I guess I chose drinking as my coping mechanism. I ended up smoking heaps too.  _Fuck!_ ”

“Why didn’t you tell me you were freaking out about it?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t want to make you feel like you had to choose coming out with me to a thing I know you would hate and might set off your anxiety too. Especially when you had such  _you_  plans with Gaby.”

“Christopher.” I tutted. “I want to know when you’re feeling like that. We could have made a plan to help you deal with it.”

He groaned again.

* * *

We spent most of the morning on the couch, watching Indiana Jones movies. Chris lay with his head in my lap, hugging my legs. And I played absentmindedly with his hair.

During the scene from Temple of Doom where they were eating monkey’s brains and live snakes, Chris rolled onto his back and looked up at me. “I was wondering,” He said, “Do you think you might be able to come up to Boston with me for Thanksgiving? I want you to meet the rest of my family.”

My stomach lurched. “Oh Chris, I don’t think I can,” I said sadly. His face fell. “I only get the Thursday off, and I’m supposed to teach on Friday morning. There is no way I can get to Boston and back in time just for that one day. I really wish I could.”

“No one could cover your lecture?” He asked hopefully.

I shook my head. “I think that Friday is when everyone tries to get their lectures covered. I’ve already been asked by four people. And you think the Aussie girl who doesn’t even celebrate Thanksgiving has a good excuse to not be there?”

Chris sighed sadly.

“There’s something else too. Another reason. The 23rd is my Birthday.”

Chris sat up suddenly a look of shock on his face. “I didn’t know that. Why didn’t I know that?”

I shrugged. “You never asked. I’m actually not totally confident that you know how old I am, to be honest.”

Chris thought for a moment. “Err … 28?”

“No, that’s how old  _you_  are. I’m 24.”

“ _No …_ ” He said dragging the word out for a few beats. “You can’t be. You’re a  _doctor_.”

“Well, I am. Anyway, my parents are flying in and staying with me on the 22nd. For two weeks.”

“Oh, that is awesome. Where are they staying?”

“With me, in my tiny apartment.”

“Don’t be silly, they can stay here with me. I have plenty of room.”

I gave a derisive laugh. “Oh, Chris. There is no way. No way they’d go for that. No way I’d subject you to that.”

He looked at me puzzled and hurt. I took his hand and squeezed it.

“Chris, my parents, they’re not horrible, terrible people. But they are super religious. They aren’t going to like you. And there’s pretty much nothing you can do to change their mind.” I sighed.

“You don’t think they’ll like me?” He asked, the pain in his voice obvious.

“You have to understand, they - they don’t like anything about my life. When I was in school, they had all these life plans for me. There was like a box they made for me, and they had no problem cutting parts of me away so I’d fit it. When I started university, I was there to get a medical degree. And it wasn’t until then I found a place for me. I could colour my hair. I could wear crazy clothes. I found geeky things and geek culture. And I realised that what I really wanted to do was zoology and conservation. They were pissed. I’m a doctor, Chris. But they didn’t go to my graduation because I wasn’t the kind of doctor they wanted me to be.”

“Jesus…” Chris hissed.

“When I started exploring my sexuality and began dating Jessica, they literally stopped talking to me for a whole year. They didn’t kick me out, but I was basically just a ghost living in their house.”

Chris pulled me into his arms. “Fuck, Em. Why didn’t you tell me this earlier?”

I laughed. “I just honestly try not thinking about my family much. I love how close you are to your family. And even now, I don’t hate mine. But we’ll never be close. I do want you to meet them if you want to. But don’t have high expectations of them being these amazing in-laws who will love you instantly. Best you can hope for is they will be happy you’re a dude.” I laughed again, but it was an empty hollow laugh. “So, with them in town, I can’t really just take off to Boston. As much as I’d like to.”

He hugged me to him tightly. “I get it. Maybe you can do Christmas with my folks?” He asked hopefully.

“I’d love that.”

“Do you want me to stay in town for Thanksgiving too?”

“Fuck no. Go home. It’s not even a holiday I do. Be with your family, and get as far from mine as you can. I’ll be here when you get back.”

We sat quietly for a little while. Chris hadn’t let me out of his arms yet, and I just lay against him, feeling the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed, and listening to his heartbeat as we watched Indy on the TV.

“We should have a birthday dinner here. We can have it out on my deck. You can bring your parents and we can invite Gaby. Maybe Scott could come over as my back up?” Chris said breaking the silence.

“I thought I was the one into pain of the two of us.” I laughed.

“But seriously? I want you to have people around you who make you feel loved on your birthday if you’re going to be subjected to people who make you feel like shit too.”

“Okay,” I said, giving in to him. “That sounds nice.”


	12. Chapter 12

My parents arrived on the 22nd at around 10 in the morning. I picked them up from LAX and took them back to my apartment so they could shower and nap. They’d brought a huge supply of Tim Tams and Vegemite with them, which was one great thing about their visit. After they’d rested and showered they insisted I take them to church in the evening, and I reluctantly obliged. I wasn’t even sure where the nearest Catholic church was. Thanks to google I found something not too far away.

I had to teach the next day, so I left my parents to explore the nearby area while I went to work. Some of my students had heard it was my birthday and brought balloons into the lecture hall. I actually felt quite flattered. None of my students ever addressed me as anything other than Professor. I wasn’t sure they saw me as an actual human being.

I got home in the early afternoon and got ready to go out. Mum disapproved of my chosen outfit of a dark green halter dress with black mesh petticoat poking out from under the mid-thigh length skirt. She also said I was wearing too much makeup when I chose to put on a dark red lip gloss and made me change it to something more natural. I’m glad she couldn’t see what I was wearing under my dress. The way they dressed worried me a lot. My mum wore this long black dress with white lace around the neckline, cuffs, and hem of the dress. Her blond hair was pinned into a tight bun and her glasses highlighted her steel blue eyes. Dad was in a black suit. His warm golden complexion which was actually due to the fact he was one quarter Australian Aboriginal, was often confused with a tan. In the suit, it looked like he spent his life outside officiating burials all day. They both looked really intimidating, and I was scared that they’d planned scaring Chris off or something.

I drove my parents to Chris’ place. I actually had avoided telling them pretty much anything about him other than he existed. And they berated me with questions on the way over there. When we pulled into his driveway, mum seemed to breathe a sigh of relief.

“Well, it looks like he has a nice home at least. What did you say he did?” She asked.

“I didn’t. He’s an actor.”

“Oh, Emily. I don’t know about this. I read the magazines. Those actor types don’t seem to be very moral people.” My dad scolded. I rolled my eyes and got out of the car.

Chris was outside before I even reached the door. He was beaming at me and pulled me into a huge hug. “Happy Birthday, gorgeous.” He said before kissing me.

My parents watched with quite obvious sneers on their faces.

“Chris, these are my parents, Helen and Patrick. Mum, dad. This is Chris.” Chris greeted them both warmly, kissing my mum on the cheek and shaking my dad’s hand. He ushered us inside, and out to the patio. I noticed as we passed through the house there were a couple of people cooking in the kitchen wearing uniforms.

“Did you hire caterers?” I asked him as we passed the kitchen.

“I sure did. It’s your birthday, it needs to be special.” He beamed. And I felt myself blush as he gave my shoulder a squeeze.

Chris and I had decided to have about a half hour of time alone with my parents before Scott and Gaby were due to arrive just so they could get to know him a bit on his own. We sat down around the outdoor table, and Chris pulled a gift out from under his chair and handed it to me. It was flat and rectangular and was beautifully wrapped in a shimmering purple paper with ribbons that looked like shining galaxies. I pulled the card free and opened it.

_To Em, the girl I love._   
_Enjoy your birthday – Chris._

While I’d been reading the card, my mum had already started the interrogation.

“So Christopher, our daughter says your an actor. And you make money doing that?”

“Yes, ma'am. I work pretty regularly.”

“So would you call yourself a  _celebrity_?” She said the last word like it was some kind of disease passed around by poor hygiene habits.

“Would  _I_ call myself that?” Chris laughed. But both my parents just looked at him completely unamused. Chris faltered. “I guess, a little bit. I don’t really know what you’d call me.”

“And what are you doing with Emily then? Don’t you actor types stick with your own kind?” dad asked.

I stifled a laugh at the complete absurdity of the question.

“I’m with Emily because she’s Emily. I really don’t know how else to answer that.”

I rested my hand on Chris’ leg and gave it a little squeeze.

“So what religion are you?” My mum asked.

“Mum! What the hell?”

“Err… I was raised Catholic, but…”

“Oh, he’s a Catholic boy!” Mum chirped turning to dad. “Did you hear that, about time she started getting serious about settling down.”

“Mum!” I turned to Chris, my eyes wide, just shaking my head.

“And do you want a family?” My dad asked.

I buried my head in Chris’ shoulder and started whispering, “I’m sorry,” over and over.

“Eventually sure. Family is very important to me.”

The line of questioning just kept going on and on. Anytime I tried to intervene I was just spoken over.

“Oh thank fuck.” I groaned at the sound of the doorbell.

“Emily, language!” Mum snapped at me.

Chris got up and squeezed my shoulder. “I’ll go let them in. You open your present.”

I looked back down to the gift in my hands. The wrapping was so perfect I was hesitant to open it. I carefully slid the ribbon away, and did that thing you do, where you try not to tear the paper at all when you unwrap something like you’re planning to keep the paper when you never actually do. Inside was a leather-bound copy of Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, from the series of books that we’d been looking at when we met. I hugged the book to my chest.

“What did he give you?” My dad asked.

I turned the booked around and showed them. “Alice.”

“But you already have that book,” Mum said, puzzled.

I just shook my head and hugged the book again.

“I opened the door to Gaby, and Scott pulled into the driveway,” Chris said coming out the back door with Gaby and Scott trailing behind. I just up and ran to him, hugging him tightly around the waist.

“Thank you so much.” I squealed. “I love it.”

He kissed me deeply. “I thought we could complete the library together.”

My stomach flipped at the very casual mention of a long-term commitment.

Scott cleared his throat. I looked over at him and Gaby just standing to the side slightly awkwardly.

“Oh god, sorry guys,” I said letting go of Chris and turning to Gaby and Scott. I hugged them both. “I’m so happy you could come. Your stupid brother just did something a little bit romantic. I kind of forgot myself.”

Gaby was holding a largish gift wrapped at her side, and when I let go of Scott he handed me some flowers.

“You guys go get settled, and I’ll go let the caterers know we’re all here and ready to eat. Anyone want drinks?” Chris asked.

Everyone gave their drink orders to Chris, he gave me a quick kiss as he turned to leave. He stopped suddenly and pulled something out of his pocket handing it to me just as he headed back in the door. I looked down at it. It was a small flat box, wrapped identically to the book.

Gaby and Scott had sat down around the table with my parents and had made introductions. When I sat down, Gaby placed the box she was holding into my lap. I opened it and found Settlers of Catan inside.

“Oh, I love this game!” I squealed.

“I thought it would be fun to have gaming nights sometime,” Gaby said, bouncing a little.

“I would so love that, Gabs. We totally should.”

“What did Chris give you that was so romantic?” Scott asked.

I handed him the copy of Alice.

Scott smiled widely. “Hey, like the books from when you met.”

I blushed. “I can’t believe he told you about that.”

Scott leaned over behind Gaby and rubbed my shoulder. “You underestimate how much he talks about you.”

Chris returned with one of the caterers both carrying drinks, they passed them around and Chris slid into his chair next to me. “Hey, don’t you like opening gifts from me?”

The small box was sitting on the table in front of me. I picked it up toyed with it a little. “It’s so pretty though.”

Food was bought out and laid on the table while I carefully opened the box. Chris had gone for a casual, best of SoCal theme it looked like as an array of soft tacos filled with different things were arranged around the table with salsas and guacamole and chilies. I pulled the paper off and found a white jewelry box with Pandora written on it. I looked at Chris and he gave me a get on with it gesture with his hands. I popped the box open and a bracelet with around half a dozen perfectly chosen charms on it sat on a velvet cushion. There was a TARDIS, a stone that shimmered with a blend of the same colours I’d chosen to put in my hair, the Triforce from the legend of Zelda, a golden snitch, a wolf and what looked like Ariel’s dress.

Chris pointed at the dress one “I bought that when we were at Disney together.”

“What? When? I didn’t see you? You didn’t even know when my birthday was then!”

“But I knew you were going to have one eventually.”

My heart hurt it felt so absolutely full. I leaned over and kissed him. I heard my mother tutting us. So I pulled away, and Chris helped me put the bracelet on. “I love it. It’s perfect. Thank you.”

The night actually went smoothly to begin with. My parents were being quite pleasant. The food was delicious. And I was really enjoying just being with Chris, Gaby, and Scott. Chris and Scott were so relaxed and hilarious around each other. And I hadn’t really spent time with Gaby and Chris at the same time. I’d been trying to keep them separate. Not because I was jealous or anything, but I wanted to make sure when I was with each of them, I was present for them. But I really liked this hanging out together thing. I needed a bigger group of friends in America like I had back in Australia.

As our main meal was being tidied up, I was listening to my mum talk to Scott about their plans to see a little bit more of America after their visit with me. “… then we’re going to San Francisco. I’m a little worried, to be honest.  I’ve heard its full of the gays.”

“ _Mother!_ ” I gasped. “What the hell?”

“Language, Emily. It’s just I’ve heard there are a lot of them there, and how are you supposed to tell who’s who.”

“ _You had one of ‘The Gays’ living with you for 24 years!”_  I yelled. I was furious she was talking like this.  

Scott stood up. “I think I might just … there’s a … Gaby?” He stammered, looking to Gaby.

“Yeah, uh, me too,” Gaby said jumping to her feet and following Scott inside.

“What are you talking about, Emily?”

“ _Me!_ ” I was on my feet now. My fists clench. “I’m one of  _'The Gays’.”_

“Sit down, Emily.” My dad ordered.

“What that thing with that Jessica girl. Don’t be silly that was just a phase.”

I sat back down. My hands were shaking. Chris put his hand on my leg and was watching me cautiously.

“It was not just a phase.” I hissed. “It is who I am.”

“Oh don’t be stupid. You’re with this nice man now. You aren’t gay.”

“With all due respect,” Chris said, calmly. “Her being with me now doesn’t alter her sexuality.”

My mum just ignored him. “You can’t be gay if you’re with a man. You were obviously confused and lashing out at us then. I’m happy to see you’re actually making good decisions for a change.”

My throat felt dry and fingernails were digging into my palms. “ _Why can’t you just accept me for who I am?_ ” I could feel tears starting to prick my eyes.

“You make such terrible choices, Emily. You should be practicing medicine now, and instead you’re in this sinful city doing God knows what with animals.” My dad explained.

“ _You don’t even know what I do!_ ”

“We won’t be spoken to like this!” My mother snapped.

“Why did you even come here?” I asked. I was trying very hard not to cry now. I had always managed to just let my parents say whatever they wanted to me and about me without reacting. I guess I was out of practice. “Missed pointing out how much of a disappointment I am?”

“We wouldn’t need to do that if you’d just make sensible choices.” My dad said.

I turned to Chris and took his hands. “I can’t do this. I can’t.” I said I could feel my tears about to break and I stood up and left.

Scott and Gaby were standing just inside Chris’ bedroom door listening in. Gaby caught me in her arms when I slammed the door behind me. And that did it. I broke into sobs. Scott came over behind us and started stroking my hair.

“I’m glad they didn’t find out I was one of 'The Gays’” He laughed. “Imagine what that would have led to.”

I looked at him and laughed lamely. “I’m so sorry about them. I’m used to them being horrible bigots. I hate when it spreads out to other people too.”

“You can’t control the things they say. You were very brave standing up to them though.” Scott soothed.

Chris had an upright piano in his room near the patio door, and I sat on the stool taking in big gulps of air. “I normally just ignore them. What they were saying wasn’t really even that bad in the scale of 'horrible shit my parents have said to me’. You should have heard them when I actually was dating a woman.” I made a grimace. “I guess I’ve just gotten so used to people being nice to me rather than constantly being undermined. I couldn’t take it anymore.”

Gaby smiled at me. “I have just the thing for situations like this.” She said and pulled out a baggy of weed from her jeans pocket.

* * *

Chris came into his room to find the three of us sitting on the floor and giggling passing a joint between us. He took the cigarette from Gaby and took large draw on it, then handed it to Scott.

“I just put your parents in a cab back to your place, Em.” He said exhaling the smoke. “They said they had a key. I told them you’d be staying here tonight, and that I’d talk to you. But if you didn’t want to see them again, then I’d pay for them to stay in a hotel for the rest of the two weeks.”

I got to my feet and fell into Chris. My arms wrapped around his waist and my face pressed into his neck. He hugged me tightly to him. “Thank you.” I breathed.

“So cake?” Gaby asked.

* * *

The rest of the night was spent playing games, eating cake and just hanging out together. Gaby was the first to leave at around eleven. Scott followed about half an hour later. After they left Chris and I lay on his couch together, our legs entwined, we would kiss for a little, then stop and talk, then kiss again.

“Are you going to be okay?” Chris asked, pushing a stray lock of hair from my face.

“Yeah, no. I don’t know.” I sighed. “I mean, I will be. I’ll probably just try and pretend nothing happened tomorrow. I just wish they didn’t hate me.”

I don’t think Chris really knew what to say about that. So he just resumed kissing me again for a while.  I suddenly pushed him away from me.

“Don’t you have a flight first thing tomorrow?” I said panicked.

“Yeah, but don’t worry about it. I just won’t go.” He said, he ran his thumb over my lip, and I bit it gently.

“I love that you are willing to do that, but please don’t. I’d just feel more terrible than I do right now.”

“If you’re sure.” Chris sighed. “But I’ll delay the flight until Wednesday. It’s no big deal.”

“I’m sure.” I pulled him in to kiss me again and rolled him on top of me. He deepened the kisses, his tongue running over my lower lip, and slipping into my mouth. I could feel him getting hard against me, and I pushed my hips into him.

He ran his hand up my thigh, under my skirt and then suddenly sat up, lifting my skirt. His eyes went wide.

“You’re wearing a garter belt and actual stockings!” He exclaimed.

I grinned at him and bit my lower lip.

“But you weren’t going to stay tonight! I would have missed it!”

“I don’t do everything for your benefit, Evans.” I laughed.

“But … it’s an actual garter belt.”

I laughed and grabbed his shirt and pulling him back down onto me. He started kissing me again, trailing the kisses down my neck, but then sat back up.

“Nope, nope. Gonna have to see it.”

I burst out laughing and stood. “Unzip me then.”

Chris jumped to his feet like an excited child and unzipped my dress. I shrugged it off and let it fall to the fall. Stepping out of the pooled fabric on the floor I stood before him. I was wearing a black lace bra and pantie set, with a thin, sheer, black garter belt. There were four straps that were attached to my very sheer black stockings, and they bit into the skin of my thighs.

Chris sucked his breath over his teeth, his eyes darkened. He licked his lips and walked around me, running a finger over my stomach and around my hips, to my arse. “Dirty girl.” He whispered. “You did this just for you?”

I nodded.

“You like to feel like a dirty girl when you can’t have me?”

I blushed and nodded, and looked down at my feet.

“I’m going to have to punish you now.” Chris crooned at me. “And on your birthday. Why would you be such a bad girl on your birthday, Emily?”

His words sent tingles through my core, and I squirmed. “I’m sorry,” I whispered, not looking up at him. “I just thought if I wasn’t getting you for my birthday, I should have something.”

Chris slipped one of his fingers into the top of my left stocking and pulled it. He let it go and it snapped against my thigh. “Follow me. I got you something else for your birthday. I was going to give it to you later. Might as well be now.”

I followed him downstairs and into his room and stood waiting while he pulled a package out of his walk-in closet and placed it on the bed. It was a polished timber chest in some kind of dark wood, just over a metre long, and about 40 centimetres wide. He opened the lid and let it fall back on the mattress. He beckoned me over to have a look inside. Arranged neatly inside was a selection of different items each in its own special spot on black velvet trays or in pockets around the edge of the chest. Canes. Cuffs. Leather straps. Vibrators. Paddles. Butt plugs. A blindfold. Other things I didn’t even recognise. I ran a finger along the edge of the box.

“What do you think?” Chris asked.

I inhaled sharply and shuddered.

Chris took out the leather straps and a butt plug and then ran his hand over the other things, before pulling out a thick wooden paddle. “These things tonight, I think.” He said. Then closed the trunk and moved it to the wall.

My mouth felt dry and I chewed on my lip. In contrast, I could already feel myself getting wet. I rubbed my legs against each other, trying to relieve the tension that was forming.

Chris went to his bedside table and I saw him take something out and put it in his pocket out of the corner of my eye.

He sat on the end of the bed and pointed to the floor in front of him. I knelt in front of him, still looking down. He took my chin in his hand and tilted my head up to face him, and then ran his thumb up and down my cheek. I stared into his eyes. I could lose myself in those eyes.

“You sure you’re up for this? It’s been a rough day.” He asked. His voice was quiet and gentle.

I licked my lips. “I think I need it. The release.”

He nodded and let my chin go. “Turn around.” All the kindness had been removed from his voice.

I turned. His hand ran down my arms from my shoulders to my wrists, pulling them behind me. He bound them together with the leather straps at the wrists and forearms.

“Colour.” he said.

I tested my arms, made sure they weren’t being rubbed on and weren’t held in a position I couldn’t maintain. “Green,” I said when I was sure I was okay.

He pulled me to my feet. “Over my lap.”

I needed his help because I couldn’t use my arms to balance myself, but I positioned myself over his lap, my bum poking in the air.

With one hand he steadied me so I could relax a little and know I wouldn’t fall. The other hand slid up the back of my legs, and along my panties. He put pressure on my cunt through the thin material. And then sliding his fingers under the elastic he began stroking me between my folds. His fingers moved easily up and down, I was already so wet. I hummed as his fingers slid along my crevice, sending little sparks through me.

He plunged two fingers into my cunt, and pumped them in and out, fucking me with his hand. I clenched my internal muscles around his fingers. Just as I fell into a rhythm with his movements, my eyes closed and a low moan escaping me, relaxing against him, he pulled his hand away and slapped me across one arse cheek. I yelped and my eyes shot open.

He picked up the paddle next to him and ran it down my spine. It made me shudder.

“You’ve been such a bad girl today. Wearing these slutty clothes, and thinking I wouldn’t find out. You’re mine. You think you can just do whatever slutty thing you want, whenever you want?”

I didn’t answer. I wasn’t sure I was allowed. And while being bratty sub was my favourite thing, it’s not what I wanted now. I wanted to be good. To have him tell me I was good.

He struck me with the paddle, flat against my arse.

“ _Fuck._ ” I cried out as the initial sting hit me and then the pain sent shock waves through my body.

“Oh no, I won’t be having that language tonight.” Chris snapped. But he didn’t hit me again. “Now answer me. Who do you belong to?”

“You. I belong to you.” I whispered.

“Good girl.” He said. The hand holding me in place gently stroked my hair and then returned to my back. “For being such a slut, I’m going to spank you four more times. I’ll count them. You won’t make any sound.”

I took in a deep breath and tried to relax. Putting all my concentration into not making a sound. He struck.

“One.”

I clenched my jaw and balled my hands into fists. He struck again. The paddle hit the same spot as the first.

“Two.”

The stinging intensified. I felt tears prick my eyes, but I still kept quiet. The paddle came down a third time.

“Three.”

I twisted slightly and pushed my face into his side. Panting through my teeth. He gave me a moment and then pulled me up so I was lying straight. He hit again.

“Four.”

My head dropped and it took all my willpower not to yell out. My breath was coming in shallow, and I felt like there was nothing but pain.

Chris put the paddle down. And ran his hand gently over the spot he had just hit. “Good girl. Such a good girl.” He cooed. “I’m so proud of you.”

It was like he knew exactly what I wanted to hear. Where there was pain, it was being replaced by warmth. Tears leaked out of my eyes.

“Here, let me reward my good girl.” His fingers slipped into my underwear again and teased open my folds. He circled my clit, and I gasped and buried my face into him again. He didn’t force me to move back again, but as he increased the pressure on my clit he said “It’s okay, my good girl. You can make as much noise as you like now. You’ve been so good.” I shifted back to where I was and moved my legs apart giving him easier access. His fingers teased and pinched my clit and I moaned, he pushed his thumb into me. I closed my eyes and focused totally on the pleasure. Letting it take me over. I could feel an orgasm come and I welcomed it, but just as it was about to peak and wash over me he removed my hand.

I whined, and ground my hips against his legs. But he pushed me down and held me in place.   
“No.” He said sternly. “You don’t get to come yet.”

I whined again. “Please. I’m a good girl. You said I was a good girl.” I begged. He slapped me with his palm.

“I said 'no’!” He snapped. “Don’t make me say it again.”

He yanked my panties down, exposing my bare skin. The cool air hit the spot where he’d been striking me and for a second the burning sting felt soothed.

He pushed my arse cheeks apart, and his finger started running circles around my anus. I moaned. His fingers were slick from my own juices, and when he applied pressure, one slipped into my arsehole easily.

“Oh fuck.” I groaned, lifting my bum up, trying to allow him easier access.

“You like that, huh?” He said and began moving his finger in and out. The sensation was strange. I had expected pain. And there was a small pinching feeling, as he moved in and out, but mostly there was this tight, tingling pleasure, that spread through me and pooled in my stomach. My orgasm started to return. And I clenched and released my pelvic floor muscles to help move it along.

He removed his finger and picked up the plug. I heard him apply lube to it and assumed that was what he’d taken out from the bedside table. He pushed the plug against my arsehole. I moved against it.

“You ready?” He asked.

“Yes. Please.” I begged.

And slowly he eased the plug inside of me. I felt it stretch me, and at its widest, I cursed him. And then it slipped all the way in.

“Oh god, yes.” I moaned and I ground my pelvis against his legs.

He lifted me up, so I was standing. “Wait here.” He said and disappeared into the ensuite. I heard the taps running, and assumed he must be washing his hands.

He returned a moment later and started removing his clothes. I lowered my eyes.

“Look at me, Emily.”

I watched him, slowly unbutton his shirt, revealing his firm chest and abdominals covered in his soft brown hair. He removed it and hung it on the mirror sitting in the corner. He then removed his belt, and unbuckled his pants and folded them neatly, placing them on the piano. Finally, his briefs came off. He left them on the floor. I could feel saliva pooling in my mouth, and I sucked on my lips and swallowed. His cock was fully erect. I wanted it inside of me so badly. He returned to the bed and sat back down. He patted his lap.

I wasn’t sure what he wanted me to do. Lie down again? Sit? Straddle him? I must have looked panicked, because he stood, and led me over. Sitting down in front of me, his hand ran up the back of my thighs, gripping my arse. I winced but didn’t make a sound. He kissed my stomach and buried his face into my pubic mound. My head fell back and I moaned.

He pulled me down, so I was straddling his lap, my cunt, pressed against his hardness, but separated with the sheer material of my panties. My hands were still bound behind me, and he held me in place at the small of my back. He started biting and sucking on my nipples, through my bra. I arched against him, my body clenching. His cock rubbed against my clit, through the fabric, and with the feeling, the plug was sending through me, I was on fire.

He pulled my breasts free of the bra. The fabric cutting into the flesh underneath. I moaned and ground against him as he sucked and bit at each nipple.

My orgasm was returning, but couldn’t quite build properly. I pushed harder against him. “Please, Chris. I need you.”

“That’s right. You do. Tell me what you want.”

“I want you. I want you to push me to the bed. I want your dick inside of me. I want you to fuck me so hard that I scream for you to stop.”

Chris moaned and his hips moved against me. He pushed me roughly to my feet, and then when he was standing, he forced me down again, onto my knees, my face pressed to the mattress. He climbed up behind me. I heard the crinkle of a condom packet and I moved my legs wider for him, letting him in. He yanked my panties down and pressed his cock up against my hungry, dripping cunt.

“Is this what my good girl wants? My good little slut?” He asked, pushing against me.

“Yes.” I moaned. “Please.”

“Who do you belong to, Emily?”

“I’m yours, Chris. Only yours. Please. Fuck me. Please.” I begged him.

And he pushed into me. The feeling of having both my holes filled was intense. I moaned and struggled to stay up for him. He started pushing in and out slowly, to begin with, but built up speed while he held me in place by my hips. Each time he slammed into me, it forced pressure on the plug and gave me the sensation of being fucked in both holes.

My orgasm returned and exploded through me with the mixture of pleasure and pain overwhelming me.

“Fuck, Chris. I’m yours! I’m yours!” I screamed.

Chris let go of my hips but kept pushing in and out of me. He started scrambling with the leather straps binding my arms. My arms fell forward and I pushed myself up off the bed onto all fours. Chris pulled out and sat back. I turned to face him, sliding my panties all the way off as I did.

I looked at him and felt something shift in our power dynamic. He was sitting back, still hard, his cock sheathed in a condom. He was staring at me, his eyes soft. I licked my lips.

Pulling him up to the top of the bed, I made him sit up against the headboard. I straddled him and guided him back inside of me. I ground against him, slowly and deliberately, taking him as far into my core as he could go. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close to him, and I grabbed his hair, forcing his mouth to mine. Kissing him, sucking his lips, exploring his mouth with my tongue. I moved my mouth down his neck, back up to his ear, sucking and nibbling his earlobe. He moaned against me and unhooked my bra. I leaned back and let it fall from me. He captured my nipple with his mouth and sucked on it.

“I’m yours, Chris,” I whispered.

Our speed picked up, I was really riding him now. Bouncing up and down.

“Chris. Oh god, I’m yours. I’m yours. Please, only yours.” It was almost a chant, as I fucked him. He buried his head into my neck, holding me tightly against me.

“Chris,” I moaned. “You are mine, aren’t you? You’re mine too.”

My words seem to do something to him. He looked into my eyes and came with a loud groan. I pressed my forehead against his, and we sat wrapped together for a minute. My eyes were closed, and we were both panting.

I felt him pull out of me, but he didn’t move me away. I opened my eyes.

“I am yours.” He said, looking into my eyes.

I smiled, and we kissed.

My aftercare was pretty low key this time. Something about the way the whole scenario played out. The words used, the punishment and reward. And the sudden shift in power. I felt really good. Like a weight had been lifted from over me. Chris did start with rubbing my shoulders which were very tight from being bound for so long and applying aloe to where he’d hit me. But then he just cleaned things and put them away while I dozed. When he was done he turned out the lights and climbed into bed with me.

He wrapped me in his arms, and I snuggled into him.

“You sure you don’t need me to do anything else for you?” Chris asked. His voice was soft. Not a whisper exactly, but low and kind.

“No, I’m really, really good. I love you.” I answered sleepily. “We could make out more.”

Chris obliged and we lay tangled together, kissing slowly and softly. I suddenly burst out laughing.

“What?” Chris asked, sitting up on his elbows above me.

“Sorry, I just remembered how you took off your pants and folded them. Just struck me as really funny all of a sudden.”

“And then I put them on the piano.” He groaned. “I was like, these won’t stay on the mirror, what the hell am I going to do with them?”

I laughed again. “I did actually really like it. You making me watching you get undressed so carefully while I had just been denied an orgasm, the plug and … well, it was really hot. Just sex is kind of absurd I guess.”

“I’m glad I didn’t look as stupid as I felt,” Chris said lying back down.

“I’m super into you, Christopher Evans.” I sighed, closing my eyes.

“I’m super into you too, Emily Stephens.”


	13. Chapter 13

I stayed with Chris the next day until the early afternoon. A few weeks earlier he’d talked me into leaving spare clothes at his house. Mostly because I was terrible at remembering to bring any with me, and he kept ruining my underwear. So it was nice that I had clean clothes to change into.

I returned home and checked in on my parents. They’d gone out but had left a note to tell me they’d see me tonight. I headed over to work and decided to do some class preparation, and a little research for my upcoming project. I was sitting on my exercise ball that I often switched out for my chair, browsing Facebook instead of doing either of those other things I’d gone to do when there was a knock on my office door.

“It’s open,” I called out.

Chris entered. “I knew you would be here instead of home.”

“I am the queen of avoidance,” I answered getting up and kissing him. “And why are you here? I just left you two hours ago.”

“I wanted you to have these” He handed me three keys and a gate button. “This is for the security gate. This one is for the door lock, this is the dead bold and this is the screen door.” He said pointing to each key at a time. “That way if you need to get away from your parents at all, you have somewhere to go.”

I stared down at the keys in my hand, and then up at him. “But … I – I …” I stammered. I couldn’t think of any words.

“I think what you’re trying for there is ‘Oh thank you, Chris. You are the best, most handsomest man in the world. I am so lucky to have you.’” Chris teased.

I punched him in the chest, but he caught my hand and pulled me to him, kissing me.

“Want me to take you and your parents out for dinner, tonight? Give you one more night you don’t have to be alone with them seeing as I won’t be back until after they leave.”

I groaned. “I want you to stay and have dinner without them being there. Do they have to be there?”

“Well, I guess you can keep avoiding them forever if you want. They’ll be back in Australia soon enough.”

“I guess I better not. I do want you to come though. But I don’t want to subject you to them again. You decide.”

“I’ll go with you.” He said. “Come on then, let’s go get it over with.”

* * *

Dinner wasn’t terrible. My parents had taken the same ignore what had happened approach as I had. They also seemed to back of the interrogation of Chris, maybe worried I’d lose my shit again.

Chris left for Boston the next day while I was taking my parents to Universal Studios. The next few weeks were painful, but not unbearably so. I hid at work a fair bit, but I still took mum and dad to Disney, we visited Venice beach, which of course they hated, and I took them to the La Brea tar pits. Otherwise, they amused themselves most of the time, only coming home to eat with me, and occasionally criticise me for either spending too much time at work or not enough, or maybe I wasn’t dressing professionally enough.

When they left, I felt like I could breathe again. I immediately arranged for a hang out session with Gaby, and she took me into Anaheim to see the Ducks play.  


	14. Chapter 14

December bought with it the end of my first quarter of teaching. I was hanging at Chris’ place with him and Gaby one Saturday afternoon. We were sitting outside on the patio. Gaby and I at the table with our laptops and a whole pile of notes in front of us, and Chris sitting cross-legged on the grass in the sun, East’s head in his lap while he drew on a large sketch pad.

Gaby was helping me go over potential exam questions. I was worried I would make the questions either too hard or too easy. While I looked over some findings she’d just made regarding the genetics of a small colony of Californian Sea Lions that lived up the coast.

Gaby threw her pen down in frustration. “Tell him to stop staring at us.” She said.

Chris looked up and grinned sheepishly at us.

“Sorry, Gabs. I did actually think he was an actor, but I haven’t seen a lot of evidence of that yet.” I said.

“Just taking a break, ladies. I’m sure the perfect role of goofy jock will pop up any day now, and it will be my time to shine again.”

“Can’t you go play that piano or something? I can’t take you staring at us anymore!” Gaby complained.

“I’m not sure he can play it. I think it’s just decorative.”

Chris got to his feet “Oh ye of little faith.” He handed the sketchbook to us. The picture he had been drawing was stunning. He wasn’t a perfect artist by any means and the drawing was just of Gaby and I, sitting here working at the table, but it was like I was seeing us through this weird lens that highlighted all of our positive traits. We looked, happy and beautiful and full of life. I felt my stomach flip.

Chris had gone inside but left the door open. I could hear him shuffling around at the piano.

“Is this how you really see us?” I called out to him, I ran my finger along the drawing.

“It’s how you look! Silly girls!” He yelled back.

“Oh my god, Emmy!” Gaby said, taking the sketchbook from me. “This is so good. Do you think he’d let me have it?”

“But, I want it…”

“Too bad, I called dibs!” She hugged the book to her chest.

Piano music started up. I instantly recognised it as the beginning of ‘Part of Your World’ from the Little Mermaid. My head spun around my mouth agape. Chris started singing the lyrics.  _“Look at this stuff, isn’t it neat …”_

“What the?” Gaby said. “You didn’t know he could play?”

“He told me he could, but I’d never heard him do it. I thought it must be just like, a little.” I looked at Gaby my eyes wide. “Um, Gaby, you’re a biologist. Can you get pregnant from people playing the piano?”

Gaby laughed. “I don’t know, but if you are, I am too.”

We started giggling and then darted inside and sat on the bed, watching Chris play. We joined in with him singing. Gaby had a beautiful voice. And by the time the song ended my face hurt from smiling so much.

“What the hell, Chris?” Both Gaby and I said in unison.

“Can’t play the piano, huh?” He teased.

“You have sheet music for the Little Mermaid,” I said.

“I was learning it for you.” He smiled. “Chicks love the piano.”

I blushed deeply and then threw a pillow at him.

“Play the theme song to Twin Peaks!” Gaby said, bouncing up and down on the bed.

“Shit, um, okay.” He said. He started playing, and while it began kind of roughly, he was soon playing the beautiful, haunting music perfectly. Gaby put her hands on her cheeks and turned to me with her eyes and mouth wide open. I squealed and clapped my hands.

Chris stopped playing and grinned at us.

“I can’t believe you knew it!” Gaby said clapping.

“Kind of a cheat really, Piano teachers loved that one when I was learning.”

Gaby and I started yelling out random songs. Sometimes he could play them sometimes he couldn’t. When he could we’d all sing along. Sometimes he’d only be able to play half, or we’d screw up the lyrics and throw him off and we’d all fall into fits of laughter.

“Play Wonderwall!” I yelled in the middle of our silliness.

“That’s a guitar song.” Chris laughed.

“So play it on the guitar.”

He groaned. “Fuck, fine then.” He got up and went into his closet, returning with a steel string acoustic guitar and sitting next to us on the bed. He quickly tuned the guitar and started playing Wonderwall.

“Oh my god!” Gaby squealed. “I don’t even like this song, but I am so excited right now.”

“Pregnant?” I asked

“Definitely pregnant.” She answered and we fell over each other laughing.

* * *

Gaby stayed with us until pretty late. We had dinner, and played some games, watched Doctor Who. It was 10 when she left, and I was feeling really happy and content with the way my life was right now. I missed my friends back in Australia so much. But I felt like I’d met my two soul mates with Gaby and Chris. And without the toxic pressure put on me constantly by my family, I was suddenly hyper-aware of how light and free I felt. I’d always had this plan to return to Australia eventually, maybe study small carnivores in Tasmania. But now I wasn’t sure I wanted that at all.

Chris and I waved Gaby off, and as soon as I closed the door, Chris lifted me up off the ground and pushed me against the wall, kissing me with a desperate fury. I grabbed his hair with both my hands and wrapped my legs around his waist.

We pulled apart panting, and he set me back on my feet. “I’ve been wanting to do that all day. I really love how you are when Gaby is around. It’s like I get to see this other part of you, that’s special just for her.”

“So you like the crazy fangirl part of me? That’s interesting.” I said. I led him downstairs to his room.

“Maybe? I think it’s more that you’re so relaxed. And you.”

“I’m relaxed with you too.” I went into his ensuite and started brushing my teeth.

“Yeah, but I don’t know, you get all giggly with her. Like there’s this other level to it.”

“That’s definitely the fangirl bit of me,” I said with a mouth full of toothpaste.

Chris came up behind me and ran his hand up under my shirt, and kissed my neck. “Well, then it  _is_  the fangirl part I like then.”

I spat the toothpaste out into the sink and rinsed my mouth. “You don’t want to open that Pandora’s box.” I laughed.

I got undressed and hopped into bed. I started reading a book of poetry by mixed authors that Chris had on his bedside table while I waited for Chris to join me. I was halfway through a poem by D.H Lawrence called Epiphany, when Chris started stalking up my legs, pulling the blankets away from me and planted kissed on various parts of my body. I pretended to ignore him, but couldn’t keep reading. I just sat there trying to hide my smile behind the book. Chris popped his head up in between the book and my face. I bit my lip.

“Hello.” He said.

“Hi. Can I help you?”

“No, it’s fine, I can do this without you.” And he buried his face in my neck. I threw the book back onto his bedside table and rolled so I was straddling him.

Lying below me, he reached up and pushed my hair behind my ear. I lowered my head and started kissing his chest.

“Hey, you know how we talked about maybe having a threesome?” He asked.

“Mm,” I answered through my kisses.

“Have you considered Gaby?”

I sat up and looked down at him. I shook my head.

“You seem really comfortable with her though.”

“Yeah, and I’d kind of like it to stay that way,” I answered. I knew he wasn’t trying to upset me, she did seem like a logical choice. We were very comfortable with each other. We would walk places hand in hand. We had sleepovers occasionally. We’d snuggle up together on a sofa in the same familiar way I might with Chris.

“You think it would change things?” It was half a question, half a statement.

“I don’t know. Yes. It would definitely change things.” I answered, sliding off of him, and lying on the bed facing him. He started running his hand up and down my arm. “I’m with her all the time, Chris. Maybe afterward we’d be back to normal. But I think there’d always be this part of me that kept expecting it would happen again. Or that it  _should_  happen again. Or maybe things would get awkward, and she’d stop talking to me. Or what if it opened up this other part of me that realised I wanted her to be more than a friend? Then what? I can’t do it. Not with her. Besides, she’s straight. It wouldn’t be fun for me at all. Not to mention the fact I know, Gabs, and there is literally no way she would agree.”

“Hey, it’s okay. It was just an idea.” He leaned over and kissed me, I pulled him into me, so we were pressed closely together.

“We’ll find someone, I’m sure.” I breathed. “And when we do, we’re going to put on a show for you.” I kissed his neck, and he let out a soft moan. “I’ll kiss her, and run my tongue down her neck.” My hand ran along his chest and down his side. I stroked my fingers over the place I knew his tattoo in the memory of his best friend was. “I’ll take her breast in my mouth, the way you do with mine. Sucking, and nibbling on the nipple while she fingers me.” My hand found his cock, and I started stroking it gently. He ground it against me making this low growling noise in the back of his throat. “And then we’ll move on to you. Maybe we’ll take turns sucking your cock. Would you like that?”

“Uh huh.” He grunted.

“Then, I’ll push her onto the bed, and bury my face in her cunt, and while I’m making her come, you can fuck me from behind, and make me come.”

“Fuck, Em.” He growled and rolled us over so he was above me, his whole weight felt pressed into me, his arm wrapped about my head, and his mouth hovered above mine. I closed the distance and our mouths connected. He pushed his cock against my pubic mound and it slipped between my folds easily, I was slick and ready for him. He groaned as he pushed up against my clit, and I let out a moan in return. “You’re already ready for me.” He grunted.

“Always. I’m yours, Chris.”  


	15. Chapter 15

A few days later and I was lying in bed flicking through my Facebook feed, and just generally browsing around the Internet when I saw a new article that suggested that Chris was being considered for the role of Captain America in the next Marvel/Disney movie.

I pulled out my phone and texted Chris.

A week later I was at Chris’ house. We were lying in bed together, it was the middle of the day, but we were just having one of those days where we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. I was on my laptop doing some work wearing one of his tees and nothing else, and he was laying back in bed in just his underwear going through the script to the film he was filming in February. His phone buzzed.

“Hey, what’s up? Wow, really? I – I don’t know. What kind of commitment? Nine? Seriously?” He ran his hand down his face with that bit, like the conversation was hurting him. “I – I can’t do nine. Not after Fantastic Four. I could still be pulled back into that piece of shit franchise. No. Fuck, man. I just … Okay, I’ll think about it, but I just can’t see myself saying yes to this. When is it anyway? But I’m doing the Anna Faris thing then. Hey if you can convince them to move it, I’ll think about it.” He hung up the phone and lay back in the bed, his hand covering his face.

I pushed my laptop to the side and lay down, resting my chin into the crook of his arm.

“You were right.” He said, looking down at me.

“I usually am.” I agreed. “What specifically are we talking about.”

“They want me to be Captain America.”

“Wow, that’s exciting.”

“It’s when What’s Your Number is being shot anyway. I can’t do it.”

I shrugged. “Aw. Bummer.”

Chris shook his head. “It’s probably for the best. I don’t know. I’ve done the superhero thing. It wasn’t great. I loved making them. They were so much fun, but they put so much money into them if they’re not good movies they’re a chore.”

I started to place kisses along his shoulder blade. “You gotta do what makes you happy.”

“You make me happy.” Chris grinned, touching me on the nose. “Do I get to do you?”

“What did I just say?” I laughed.

He pulled me up so I was lying directly on top him as if I weighed nothing. I propped my self up using my elbows on his chest and looked down at him. He was kneading the flesh of my arse, looking up at me. “You know what, Em? I think maybe you should take charge.” He said.

“Oh really? Telling me what to do are you?”

He laughed. “And, I think we should smoke a joint.”

“During?”

He nodded, raising his eyebrow.

“So it’s not so much that you want me to take charge as you want to lie back getting high, while I do all the work?”

Chris smirked at me. “Yes. Yes, I do want to do that thing you just said.”

I reached over to the bedside table and pulled out my small selection of paraphernalia. I sat up and straddled Chris’ waist. Laying out my papers over his pec, he slowly stroked his hands up and down my legs. I carefully arranged the shredded bud along the paper and rolled it. I lifted the not quite joint to my mouth and as I ran my tongue along the edge of the papers I started rolling my hips against Chris. I held my handy work out to show Chris who had started gripping my arse again.

“Very nice.”

I placed the cigarette between his lips and picked up the lighter, sparking it to life and holding it out to him. He took a large draw, making sure the joint was properly lit and I threw the lighter on the bedside table.

I reached behind me and started stroking along the length of his cock. Leaning over Chris, waiting for him to exhale. He smiled at me and blew the smoke into my face and I inhaled deeply. The buzz I got from his second-hand smoke wasn’t strong, but it did make me feel pleasantly light. I released the smoke from my lungs and kissed him. I took my time, slowly moving my mouth against his. He sucked on my bottom lip, and when I went to move away his teeth dragged along it.

I wriggled down his body, so his cock was pressed against my mound. My hips rocked against him while I bit and nibbled on his neck. Chris hummed and took another draw, the hand holding the joint stroked down my hair swirling the fragrant smoke around me. I raised my head and he offered it to me and I took the end between my lips pulling the smoke into my lungs. I returned to his neck, my head felt light and swimmy. When I released the smoke from my lungs it formed a small cloud around me before dissipating. His Adam’s apple bobbed against my mouth, and when I reached down between my legs and began stroking his cock, the groan that issued from deep within him vibrated against my lips.

“Are you trying to give me a hickey?” Chris asked. He pushed my hair behind my ears balling it in his fist.

I started giggling against him but didn’t answer. He slapped my arse.

“Come here, you.” He said taking my chin in his hand. I was guided back to his mouth and he kissed me ferociously. Claiming my mouth as his. He pulled away, and I looked down on him, feeling lighted headed and a little unfulfilled. “Now go suck my dick.”

I bit my tongue to stop my self from laughing. “Excuse me? How dare you, sir! Ask nicely!”

“No. Just do it.” He picked up the joint and took another draw. It is hilarious how he can’t give up control even when he was the one that suggested it in the first place.

“I shan’t.”

“Yes, you will. Go on.” He said, holding the smoke in his lungs. He offered me the joint but I shook my head and dived on his mouth. He breathed the smoke into out kiss. My whole body felt tingly now. I felt extremely turned on, but also not quite present. Like my mind and body weren’t quite working in tandem.

He pushed me away from him. “Go on.”

I started laughing and crawling down his body. “Okay, but I’m going to use my teeth.”

I pulled is boxers down and positioned myself over his cock snapping my teeth together so they made a loud clack noise. Chris started giggling.

“No! Don’t you dare!”

I ran my tongue up his shaft grazing my teeth along the sides.

“Emily! No!” He squirmed under me laughing. “Do it properly.”

“You’re so high right now.” I laughed taking his cock in my hands and pumping the shaft up and down.

He groaned and relaxed back. “I know I am. Fuck that’s what I wanted. Use your mouth, Em.”

I took him into my mouth, rolling my tongue down his length. I looked up at him and I could actually see his muscles relax. I bobbed my head up and down, watching him. He patted my hair and then rested his hand on the back of my head. I made a conscious effort to go slow for him. To let him feel everything. To be brought to climax over time. I languidly licked and sucked at his cock. I’d take him deep inside, right to the hilt and held it for as long as I could and then pull right back sucking as I did. He started to moan, his breath picked up a little and he began rubbing the back of my neck.

“Em.” He sighed. “Em. Come around, I want to do you.”

I sat up and looked at him. The words he said wouldn’t quite make sense to me. I burst out laughing “I don’t know what that’s supposed to mean.”

He giggled and patted his chest. “69, baby.” He moved the ashtray and joint off out bed, snuffing it out and putting it on the bedside table. I stood pulling his shirt off and stepped up over him, turning around so I was facing the end of the bed. I looked down at him and he was staring up at me. He ran his tongue over his lips.

“That is the best fucking view I’ve ever had.” He growled. His hands traveled up between my legs. He pushed on the back of my knees, forcing me to bend them. I carefully dropped down, positioning my cunt over his mouth. Roughly grabbing my arse cheeks he pulled them apart plunging his face into my wetness. He worked his mouth like he was taking the term eating out literally. His teeth raked down my crevice, his tongue lapped at me, pushing into my opening as I clenched around it.

I fell forward with a loud moan, pressing my face into his abs and muffling my cry.

“Oh, fuck.” I groaned. My cunt tingled, and it felt like there was a ball of unspent energy building in my stomach.

I lay panting against his stomach, clawing my fingers along his hips and he slapped my arse. I yelped jumping forward a little. He pulled me back into place and clicked his fingers. I looked back at him, and without removing his mouth from my cunt, he pointed towards his crotch.

I giggled and started kissing along his stomach. I pushed my nose into his belly button and he squirmed and slapped me again. I moved further down, returning my mouth to his cock. Swirling the tip of my tongue around its head, I tasted the precome. His cock twitched and Chris hummed into my cunt, the soft vibration made me shiver. Taking his length into my mouth, I sucked up and down his shaft, I began to palm my hand along his perineum. He made this deep, guttural growl, and his cock jumped.

He picked up the pace and ferocity of his actions. Plunging two fingers into my cunt, he began fucking me with them. At the angle, he was working they kept pressing directly on my g-spot. I squirmed above him, whimpering into his cock, as an orgasm began building.

We seemed to start competing with each other. Our attention became focused directly on the things we knew would get the other off as quickly as possible, like it was a race. I was moaning and panting, and with the buzz I still felt, it took all my effort to keep my attention on what I was doing. Sweat beaded on my body, but I never pulled away from him. I cupped his balls, tugging them as I deep throated him. I let out a loud groan and he pushed me off him roughly.

“Fuck, Em.” He growled rolling over and grabbing a condom from the bedside table and throwing it to me. I moved between his legs and grinned at him holding the condom packet between my teeth.

He started laughing. Slightly from the effects of the pot, but also because I think he knew what was going on in my head. “What’s up?”

“You know, Christopher.” I teased, tearing the packet open between my fingers.

His chest shook with his silent laughter. “I’m not going to ask you, Emily. Just do it.”

I shook my head. “That’s a shame.” I took his cock in my hand and stroked my fingers up and down its length. Slowly, drawing it out, I started moving the hand I held the condom in towards him. He sat up and grabbed my wrist.

“Emily.” He said, nuzzling against my cheek. “You know what I want you to do.”

“Yes, Christopher. You want me to help you put on the condom. That’s what I’m going to do.”

He kissed along the line of my jaw. “Emily. You know.”

“That’s funny, Christopher because you know what I want. And this little cutesy piece of affection isn’t it.”

He grabbed my hair, yanking my head back. Releasing my wrist he moved his hand to my mouth, pushing his thumb past my lips. He started biting and sucking on my neck. I shuddered and wriggled my legs together as my body pulsed in response.

“Your mouth, Em,” Chris growled, pressing his thumb down on my tongue.

I sucked on his thumb and he pulled it away. “Ask. Me. Nicely.”

We stared at each other. Neither one of us wanting to give in on this game.

He sighed. “Please, Emily. Could you put it on with your mouth?”

I grinned. “Sure, my love. Whatever you like.” I pushed him down and placed the condom between my lips. I lowered my head, and using my lips and tongue I rolled it down his shaft. He groaned and bucked his hips, pushing his cock further into my mouth.

Pulling away I used my hands to make sure it was in place properly. As I went to straddle him, he sat up and grabbed me by the hair again, pulling me down back so I was lying back on the bed, my head hanging over the edge.

“I am going to make you come so hard for that.” He growled, hooking my leg with his elbow and thrust into me, pushing me further off the bed.

I groaned as he entered me, my internal muscles clenching around his cock and then laughed. “Weird punishment. But sure.”

He started pounding into me, each thrust pushed me just that little bit further off the bed, I either had to hang over the edge or cling to him holding myself up. I chose the latter. I wrapped one arm around his neck, digging my nails into his shoulder. Using my free hand I began rubbing my clit, pinching it to help bring on my orgasm.

Chris started kissing me again. It felt angry, though I knew it wasn’t. It brought me that little bit closer to climax. His lips moved down along my jaw, roughly sucking and nipping at my skin.

“Tell me I’m a fucking slut, Chris.” I groaned, pulling myself against him, nuzzling against his neck.

“You are a fucking slut, Emily. A dirty fucking slut. Letting me do whatever depraved thing that comes into my head to you. Fucking whore.” He growled. His words affected us both, his thrusts picked up speed, and I clenched, baring down on him. I was so close it hurt.

“Tell me how much you like using me,” I whined.

“I fucking love it, Em. I love using you like the trash you are. I love putting my cock in you, emptying inside you. You’re mine and I love it.”

That did it. I let go of him, falling back over the side of the bed, my back arched in a perfect curve, my abs taught and stretched, my head touching the ground. I cried out as I came, cursing his name.

Chris dug his fingers into my hips and slammed into me. “Fuck yes, take it you slut.” He groaned as he came. I could feel every pulse and twitch of his cock as it emptied in me.

He fell onto all fours and pulled out. I backward somersaulted off the bed, so I was on my knees watching him.

“Hey, slut.” He chirped. He sat back removing the condom and throwing it in the wastebasket.

“Hey, slut.” I grinned. “Pass me your shirt again.”

He threw it to me and I pulled it on. “Nice somersault.”

“Oh, that old thing. I can do those all day.” To illustrate my point I did a forwards roll, this one ending with me on my feet.

Chris chuckled and copied me, when he was on his feet he came over and hugged me, his hands caressing my arse. “I love you.”

“Gross, don’t say it after sex.” I giggled. I leaned up and pecked him on the lips. “Gonna go eat. Got the munchies.”

I went upstairs and started digging around in his fridge. Chris came in behind me, and pressed himself up against my butt, pushing the fabric of the shirt I was wearing up, and gently stroking my skin.

“That’s not where I keep what you’re looking for.”

I stood and turned facing him and he moved me to the side. He closed the fridge and opened the freezer pulling out a tub of cookies and cream ice cream and placed it on the bench. I went to get some bowls, but he pulled me against him, one hand pressed against the small of my back, the other held my right hand against his heart.

He started swaying “Emily. Has it been long enough after sex to tell you I love you yet?”

I made a pointed glance over at the clock on the stove and he laughed.

“I guess it’s been long enough.”

He kissed me, languidly, taking his time. “I love you, Em.” He said.

I felt light headed and a little dazed. “I love you.” I lent my head against his chest and closed my eyes. He felt warm. Like home. We danced.


	16. Chapter 16

The end of the teaching period came, and my students had sat their exams. I was very glad I wasn’t the one responsible for marking the 600 exams. Hooray for teachers aides! My reviews came back relatively positive and I felt quite happy, and at peace. I did make the stupid mistake of going onto rate my professor, where there was a handful of completely misogynistic filled messages about ‘not being able to understand my accent but it being fine because I looked totally fuckable’. The hotness rating existing was quite gross in general. When I told Gaby and Chris about it, they just told me that I should stop being so fuckable. Very helpful.

Chris and I flew to Boston on the 23rd of December, with a suitcase full of presents and a seat booked for East. My nerves were a wreck. I was excited to meet his family, for sure. And I knew Scott was awesome. But of course there’s always that bit of you that just knows, deep down they are absolutely, definitely going to hate you. Which with my social anxiety, by the time our car pulled up at his mum’s home, my hands were visibly trembling.

Chris’ family had all come outside to greet him, and I wasn’t sure how I was going to get out of the car.

“Hey, Em. It’s going to be fine. They’ll love you.” Chris said, taking my hand.

I gulped in air and shook my head.

Chris’ hand went to the back of my neck and squeezed not so hard that it hurt but firmly. “I’m right here.” He said with authority. “Who do you belong to Emily?”

A wave of calm swept over me. My hands stilled and I took a deep breath. “I’m yours.”

He let go of my neck and got out of the car.

I sat for a second, as I made certain my mind had stilled. When I felt centered I hopped out of the passenger seat. Chris was being hugged and fawned over by his family. He looked so happy, and at home. It made my heart lift. I noticed Scott and raised my hand to him.

His family home was massive and looked like it was straight from a movie. It was two stories high, with a fenced-in porch, and gabled roof with a windowed attic. There was a US flag hanging over the stairs to the porch. The outside of the houses was decorated in lights for Christmas. I smiled at the thought of Chris’ childhood here with these people who seemed to love him in a completely unconditional way that I don’t know that I’d ever really felt.

“Emily, what are you doing just standing there?” Chris called to me.

I walked over to the group. His mum stepped forward “So this is the girl who’s been making my boy so happy.” She said and pulled me into a huge hug.

* * *

After our introductions, we all went inside. I helped Chris unpack the presents from our bag under the tree and then he took me on a tour of the house. He showed me where he had skidded along the floor and knocked out one of his baby teeth when he hit the wall. The growth chart that had all the kids heights up until around 16 years old. Where he’d pushed Scott down the stairs and he’d had to go to hospital for x-rays because they thought he’d broken something. The bathroom he’d locked his sister Carly in after she’d been threatening to beat him up, and then been grounded for a week because she’d freaked out so badly. Where he’d sneaked his first girlfriend in. The house was his home in a way that nowhere else would be until he started his own family. It had memory and history and was full of love.

And it was a gorgeous house. My family had moved around a lot with work when I grew up. We’d lived in some nice places, and some not so nice places. But nothing like this.

We got to his room, and while I am sure he’d tried to make it more grown up, there were no posters on the wall and the bed was a queen, it was still the room of a teenage Chris. I flopped onto the bed.

“Oh my god, Chris. I love this house. I want to live in one just like it. Oh, imagine having a house just like this and raising your own kids in it.” I sighed.

Chris stood leaning on the door jam. He smiled wistfully. “One day.” He said. I loved how he didn’t get scared of me saying this kind of thing. I knew he wasn’t ready for kids now. I also knew he wasn’t sure I’d be the one he’d have them with. But he also knew the same to be true for me. We could talk about a potential future of family and children without that stupid terror that one of us was trying to move the relationship forward too quickly.

“I feel kind of guilty having you in my room though.” He said. “I’m not supposed to have girls in my room.”

I laughed. “Shh, you can’t let them hear us then.”

Chris tiptoed over, and leaned in and kissed me. I crawled back on the bed, and he followed. We then spent the next ten minutes or so making out like teenagers. Any time his hands strayed to my breasts or too far up my legs I’d smack them, and we’d giggle and then shush each other. Chris eventually stopped us.

He hopped off the bed and began jumping up and down. He let out of groan of frustration. “Gotta stop, getting too turned on.”

“Oh no! Quick! Think of something bad. Dead puppies!”

Chris looked at me in disgust. “Dead puppies?”

“Something I heard somewhere. I dunno.” I got up and stretched.

We both went downstairs to find the whole family in the lounge room talking.

“Where have you been?” Scott asked us as we entered the room.

“Nowhere, nothing. We weren’t doing anything.” Chris said in a mock tone of guilt. His family laughed.  

Chris pushed one of the other family dogs off the only available seats and flopped down. I stood glancing around not really knowing what I should do.

“God, Chris, you could at least give your girlfriend the last chair,” Scott said, standing up. I waved him back to sitting.

“She can sit in my lap,” Chris said patting his legs. I made a face at him and compromised by sitting on the ground in front of him, with my legs tucked up under me.

“Don’t be silly. I’ll go get another chair. You sit here.” Lisa said.

“No, no, its fine seriously. I am totally comfortable.”

Lisa looked doubtful but returned to her chair.

“So tell us all about you, Emily. Chris says you’re Australian.” Chris’ sister, Shana asked.

“Crikey, you mean you couldn’t tell? Bloody hell, mate.” I said making my accent as thick as possible. Scott completely lost it with laughter.

“Oh god, please say 'A dingo ate my baby.’” He begged.

“Scott! No! A baby died.” I said, shaking my head. “Anyway, to answer your question, yes, I’m Australian. I came to LA for work.”

“You’re at UCLA, right?” Carly asked “Teaching?”

“Yeah, sort of. I mean, it’s taking up most of my time right now, but I’m technically there for research.

This line of questioning went on for a while. I could see it as the genuine just wanting to get to know the person their son/brother had been seeing for the last almost six months. They were genuinely interested in what I did, and my childhood. But after a bit, I began to feel a bit overwhelmed. I don’t know if Lisa saw the panic start to fill me, but she suddenly interrupted a question from one of the others. "Okay, Okay!” She said, clapping her hands. “We’ve interrogated the poor girl long enough. Who’s going to help me with dinner.”

Relief washed over me, and I jumped to my feet eager to help. “Not you, Emily. You’re our guest. Chris, why don’t you take her out for a walk?”

* * *

After dinner, we all sat up for a while chatting. We had started talking in a way more comfortable natural way. Conversation flowing easily from one topic to another. I noticed that around his family, Chris’ Boston accent was far more pronounced. I seriously loved it. I was going to be sad when he went back to his California softened accent. I started waning and excused my self to go to bed. I insisted that Chris stay longer. I figured he would want to get some one-on-one time with his family.

I’m not sure if I’d fallen to sleep yet or not when Chris came into the room and climbed into bed with me. He wrapped his arm around me “You awake, Em?” He whispered into my ear.

“Mm … yeah.” I answered sleepily.

He slid up next to me, pulling the covers up over the both of us. His body was pressed up against my back, and I realised he was naked. He slid one arm under my head, and the other snaked down, sliding into the band of my pajama pants. I could feel the heat from his breath on the back of my neck.  

“Chris, we can’t … it’s your mum’s house.” I breathed.

His fingers teased over my pubic hair, and I felt him nuzzle into my shoulder with his face. “We’ll just have to be really quiet then.” He said.

I rolled over to face him and he caught my mouth with his. His kisses were fierce and urgent. He grabbed my hair, and the hand that was just a second ago teasing my pussy was frantically unbuttoning my shirt. I ran my hands up his torso, over his arms, traced along his jaw, and tugged at his hair.

He pulled my pajama shirt free and threw it across the room. His hands found my breasts and then dived on one with his mouth, sucking, nibbling, licking. I moaned and arched my back. He covered my mouth, and shushed me, never easing up with his mouth. I hooked my leg over him and used it to drag him into me, pressing his hardening cock against my crotch. He pulled away from me, and flipped me onto my back roughly, then yanked my pants down.

He pushed my knees up and apart, “Don’t make a sound.” He said and ducked down in between my legs.

His fingers teased my folds, sliding between them, stroking me. His tongue followed closely behind. He lapped at my cunt, and I closed my eyes, concentrating on my breathing. His fingers dipped inside of me, as he focused his tongue on my clit. I tried to squeeze my legs together, trying to escape the jolts of pleasure he sent through me, but he wrapped his arm around my thigh, holding it in place. He inserted three fingers into me and began fucking me with them, as he sucked my clit into his mouth. I felt stretched and full and no longer in control. I dragged the pillow over my face and moaned into it. I was on fire.

“Chris, please,” I begged at a whisper. “I can’t stay quiet, you have to stop.”

He just laughed and then increased his pace and pressure. I bucked my hips against him and tried in vain to kick away from him. I tried thinking about something else. Anything else. But he hooked his fingers inside of me and pressed them into my g-spot.

I squealed and started panting, trying anything I could think of to not cry out. “Fuck, Chris, please, please. I can’t be quiet anymore.”

He pulled himself up and over me. “Begging me to not have an orgasm is a first.” He laughed. I dragged him down to my face, kissing him. I loved tasting myself on his mouth, and he knew it. He gave himself to me, letting me explore his mouth as I wanted.

He positioned his cock at my opening, and I whimpered. “You need to be quiet, Em.” He said.

“You’ll have to gag me or something,” I whispered. I heard him chuckle in the dark.

His hand came up to my mouth and covered it. And then he thrust into me. I tried to gasp, but instead just inhaled quickly through my nose. He thrust into me again and again. I gripped the wrist of the hand covering my mouth with one hand, and the other slipped between us and began working on my clit.

My orgasm swept over me, I spasmed against him and cried out into his hand. I felt like I must be too loud, but Chris seemed unconcerned. He came shortly after, and I felt his seed spill inside of me.

And then for the first time, it occurred to me, he hadn’t used a condom. I’d said that was okay whenever he was ready, we were both clean, I had birth control, but he still always used one. Had me coming here and meeting his family pushed away that last little trust issue he had?

He moved his hand away from my mouth and pulled out of me. I grabbed his face and pulled him in for a kiss. I wanted to convey all these feelings that had just filled me all of a sudden with that kiss. All the love I felt and happiness. How much I wanted him and needed him. How much his trust meant to me. How he was my family now.

“Jesus, Em, what was that for?” He whispered, collapsing beside me and pulling me into his arms, my head resting in the crook of his arm.

“I just – I really love you, you know?”


	17. Chapter 17

The morning of Christmas eve Chris and I decided to take a run together like we usually did when one of us had slept over. Chris also thought it would be a good way to see a little bit of his hometown. I dressed in yoga pants, a warm hoodie and a pair of gloves. I was not at all used to the cold Boston winter. It hadn’t snowed yet, which was a little sad. I’d never experienced a white Christmas. But it was still freezing outside.

The house was bustling when we got downstairs, and I suddenly felt very guilty about our plans. Lisa and Shanna were in the kitchen making breakfast for everyone. I offered to help but was shooed out the door. We found Scott at the front door, lacing up his trainers, he’d obviously had a similar idea as we did, so we agreed to all go running together. We gathered up the three dogs currently sharing the house and headed off.

I am a much faster runner than both Chris and Scott. I mean, they could out sprint me easily, but my general long distance running speed, they wasted a lot of energy and I could take two or three paces for every one of theirs without really breaking a sweat. Back in LA, when I’d run with Chris, I’d find ways to slow myself down. Jogging slowly for a bit while we talked, and then running ahead. Finding something else to occupy myself as he caught back up. I’d practice my parkour when I could, while he jogged the easy route. Chris didn’t mind, he wasn’t competitive, and he was built more for strength than speed, but I didn’t know my way around Boston. So I started doing things like running backward in front of them. Or going around them in circles.

“Oh my god, Emily! Cut it out!” Scott snapped, as I circled them for the fifth time. “How is she so quick?”

We had turned into a big flat park, and the dogs had all run off in different directions.

“Look at her, she’s built like a whippet,” Chris said. “You know what she can do that’s really impressive?”

Both the boys had stopped and started stretching, while I still jogged on the spot. Scott raised his eyebrow. “I don’t know if I want to hear about that at all.”

“Well, yeah, that.” Chris laughed. I felt myself blush. “But also, parkour. Sometimes when we go running she runs ahead and just starts flipping over shit, climbing up the sides of walls and stuff. It’s crazy.”

Scott made a weird derisive snort.

“She can! Show him, Em.”

I looked around the park. It was big and flat, a few park benches here and there, and some trees, but nothing that really lent itself to any kind of impressive free running. There was a series of small rocks down the side of the path, and I jumped up on one “Parkour!” I sang, posing like an idiot and then rather embarrassing wobbling and falling off the rock.

“Seriously, though Em,” Chris said.

“Where exactly? It’s completely flat in here. I could jump over a bench, but I’m pretty sure you could jump over a bench too.”

Chris shrugged. “I guess you’ll just have to believe me, bro.” They started running again, and I chased after them.

“I am never going to believe it until I see it.” Scott scoffed.

I chased off after the dogs for a minute, thinking about how I could prove myself. I wasn’t sure why I needed to prove myself, but I really did. And then it came to me.

I jogged back to the boys. “I could go up the side of your house if you want.”

“You can not,” Scott said.

“She says she can. I’d believe her.”

Scott rolled his eyes.

“Come on then. I’ll prove it.”

We turned around calling the dogs to us and ran back to their family home. Outside the house, I stretched and sized up the building. It actually looked pretty easy, lots of things to hold onto. I thought that Scott and Chris could probably scale it easily enough if they tried. I’d have to be quick, to prove my point.

“I super, super hope your house doesn’t have a secret termite infestation,” I said and ran at it. I scaled the porch first, and from there jumped to the flagpole, which I swung on. In the most reckless of all the moves I did, I launched myself upwards feet first to the first of the eaves. I slipped a little but caught myself on the gutter with my hands. I was very, very glad I’d put gloves on. I scrambled up the slope of the first set of eaves, and jumped up gripping the top of one of the window frames, and pulling myself up. From there, it was a simple step and I was on the very top roof.

I looked down on Chris and Scott. The dogs had lost it and were running around barking. “I told you!” I yelled. Chris doubled over in laughter as Scott just stared up at me open-mouthed.

“How did you even do that?” Scott yelled.

“Practice,” I called back down. “Chris, which one is your bedroom window?”

Chris circled to the side of the house. And pointed at the window two in from the left.

“Can you go in and open it, so I can get inside?” I called. He nodded and jogged inside laughing. As he went inside, I heard Lisa’s voice.

 ****“What is going on out here?” She asked, and I saw her step out onto the front lawn.

“Emily’s on the roof.” Scott sang in a tattling child voice.

Lisa turned and looked up. I waved down at her suddenly feeling very sheepish. “It’s his fault!” I called down.

“I have no doubt,” Lisa yelled up to me. I burst out laughing.

I heard Chris call me from the bedroom window, and I went back to the side of the house and looked down at him.

“Okay, so you need to stand right back because I don’t want to kick you in the chest, or have you knock me back out the window by accident.”

Chris disappeared from the window, I counted to three, and then dropped down onto the guttering of the roof, hoping that it would hold, and swung myself into the window, I rolled when I hit the floor and landed crouched in front of Chris. He helped me to my feet.

“That was fucking wicked,” Chris said laughing.

“What can I say, dudes, love parkour.”

* * *

After a ‘water saving shower’ Chris and I headed downstairs to have breakfast. Most of the family had already eaten, but Scott was still picking over some food, and Carly was sitting at the table chatting with him.

“So I think we’ve all figured out why Chris is so into you, now.” Carly laughed as I sat down at the table.

“Because we both are easily talked into doing stupid things so we appear cool to others?” I laughed.

“True love.” Chris cooed.

“I seriously can’t even believe you did that,” Scott said, shaking his head.

“Did you see the bit where I  _could_ have just pulled myself up onto the flagpole and stepped onto the roof, but instead I swung up and nearly slid to my death?”

“Yeah, that was awesome,” Chris said. He sounded like an excited child.

“Seriously though, Emily. How did you even learn to do that?” Scott asked me.

I picked up a piece of toast and chewed on it for a moment. “When I left high school I spent a lot of time trying to impress boys by how awesome and one of them I was. So my main group of friends when I started my degree were just idiot boys who liked climbing up the sides of buildings. I’ve always liked running, and it was kind of a pretty fun extension of that. Really good work out to by the way. My leg and core strength is the bomb.

"When I started doing field research in Australia I ended up having to go off track a lot and I was finding that the ability to quickly scale things was a big advantage to me. So I got quite serious about it. I took rock climbing courses. I started taking gymnastics. Anyway, that’s it really. Your house isn’t that hard to scale to be honest. You could easily do it, right? I mean slower than I went, but if you wanted to, you’d be able to do it.” Scott nodded. I had a feeling he probably had actually climbed up the side of his house more than once. “The difference between just climbing up the side of a building and what I did was just equal parts confidence and idiocy.”

“Yeah, Scott! You have the idiot part down! Just be confident, man!” Chris teased.

Carly shifted uncomfortably in her seat and put her hand on the side of her belly.

“Are you okay?” Chris asked, real concern in his voice.

“Yeah, yeah. He’s just kicking a heap today.”

“He is!” Chris jumped to his feet and ran over to his sister. “I want to feel!” He crouched in front of Carly and she took his hand and pressed it into the side of her baby bump.

Nothing happened for a minute, and then Chris squealed with delight “That was him right?” He said, his eyes alight.

Carly nodded. “That was your nephew. He’s going to be a hyperactive one, just like his uncles.” She said.

A look of perfect contentment fell over Chris’ face as he crouched on the floor feeling the kicks of his nephew.

“You know, you’re the reason Chris and I met, Carly?” I said.

“I am?”

“Yeah, I met him when he was buying gifts for that little guy in there.” I smiled. “He asked me if I thought he’d made a good book choice. He’s been an excited soon to be uncle since the day I met him.”

“Aw… that’s so sweet.” She said tousling Chris’ hair.

“I’m a sweet guy.”

Chris got back up and returned to his breakfast.

“Do you want a family, Emily?” Carly asked.

I choked on the toast I was eating and Chris pounded me on the back.

“God, that was a horrible question to ask. Sorry.” Carly said shaking her head. “Don’t feel like you have to answer. I’ll put that on pregnancy brain.”

I shook my head waving at her as I tried to clear my throat. “It’s fine. I think that’s the first ever when are you having kids question I’ve ever gotten. Chris got way worse from my parents. So it’s all good.” I took a big drink of water. “I think I do want kids. I’m only 25, and up until now, I thought all families were dysfunctional and horrible. But seeing you guys. If families can be like yours. I do like kids. So yeah one day.”

“What an incredibly sweet thing to say,” Carly said, smiling warmly at me.

“Yeah, Em, that was gross,” Chris said, and he poked me in the side. I squealed and squirmed away from him.


	18. Chapter 18

That night after we ate I went up to Chris’ room alone. It was Christmas in Australia and I wanted to Skype with my parents and brother, and send some messages to my friends back home. I was lying on the bed sending messages back and forth with Gaby, when a notification popped up from Shan, one of my closest friends in Australia that I had done my undergrad degree with. It was a link to a YouTube clip for a song called ‘White Wine in the Sun.’ by Tim Minchin.

-Made me think of you.- Shan had written along with the link.

I hit play. The song was funny and was totally me. It articulated my feelings about Christmas beautifully. But then it turned sweet and beautiful. As the song finished I was crying freely.

-Thanks, Shan. That was amazing. I am crying now, you jerk.- I wrote back.

Chris chose that time to come into the room to check on me.

“Oh no! Em! What happened? Were your parent’s assholes?” He crawled up next to me and spooned me against him.

I let out a weak laugh. “No more than usual. No, it wasn’t them. They were okay. Just emotional music listening. You know how it is?”

“Music did this to you? I’ll teach it to mess with my girl!” He joked.

Taking my face in his hands he kissed me. “Mm… wet.” He said as we broke apart.

“Didn’t anyone ever teach you not to kiss crying girls? Rookie mistake.”

I curled myself into a ball and snuggled myself into Chris’ chest.

“It’s Christmas tomorrow,” Chris said, running his fingers up and down my back.

“Mm…” I hummed.

“You excited?”

“Yeah, I love Christmas. It’s when my family would all be more family. I usually got to see my grandparents when they were alive, and my Aunt and Uncle. I actually do get on well with my cousins. I wish I saw them more.”

“You sad not to be back home with them?” Chris asked me gently.

“Yeah … No. I don’t know.” I sighed “I’ve never not had Christmas back in Australia. It’s just weird feeling. But I’m really happy to be here with you. I want to make a new life away from that one. And this is an awesome start to that, whatever happens in the future.”

“I’m glad you came up with me. I know it’s a lot of pressure to be under. Meeting my parents, and then staying in mom’s house for a week over the holidays.”

“In for a penny.”

Chris started humming a song, as he ran his fingers up and down my back. I must have dozed off, because the next thing I knew, I was tucked into bed, still fully clothed, Chris snoring gently beside me, his arm draped over me.

I looked at the clock radio beside the bed. 5:16. I groaned and rolled over. After a while, I gave in to the fact I wasn’t going back to sleep now. I slid out from under Chris’ arm and crept downstairs.

When I opened the door to the kitchen the dogs went crazy, so in an effort to keep them quiet I took them into the backyard. Snow had fallen overnight. It was just a light powder that wouldn’t last long once the sun came up. I didn’t care. It was snow on Christmas. The dogs had darted off and were running around, rolling in it, jumping on each other, dashing back and forth. I stepped out into it in bare feet and picked up a handful. I threw the snow in the air, and East tried to catch it. It exploded in his face and I laughed.

When the cold got too much for my feet I went and lay down on the porch swing. There was a rug hanging over the back and I tucked my feet into it and lay there watching the dogs play and waiting for the sun to come up. After a while, they wore themselves out and came and sat together under the bench. I hung one arm over the side and patted them absentmindedly.

Just as dawn was breaking Chris came outside and looked around frantically.

“Oh god, there you are. I woke up to pee and you were gone. I freaked out.” He said.

“I’m sorry, my love,” I said sitting up and patting the seat next to me. He came over and lay down, his head in my lap. I stroked his neck. “I woke up super early and couldn’t get back to sleep. And it’s been snowing.”

“How long have you been out here?” He asked me. He sounded sleepy again.

“I don’t know? A couple of hours I guess. You wanna go back to bed?”

“No. The sunrise is nice.”

We sat and watched the sun come up together in silence. Sounds began coming from the kitchen, and the dogs ran over to the door and started scratching to get back inside.

The back door opened and I heard Lisa’s voice “What are you guys doing out here.” She asked the dogs, and they shot past her back into the house.

“That was me, sorry,” I called to her.

She peered around the edge of the door. “Oh, hello. You two are up bright and early. Excited for presents?”

Chris jumped to his feet. “Presents!” He said. And skipped inside.

“Christopher, you have to wait until everyone else is up!” Lisa called after him.

I laughed and got up and stretched.

“Can I get you some breakfast? Coffee?” Lisa asked as I followed her inside.

“Please, I can do it,” I said, half pleading with her. I hated feeling like a moocher.

“I already told you, Emily, you’re a guest here. What would you like?”

I asked for coffee and toast but somehow managed to help her prepare things without her chasing me off fully.

As Chris and I ate, the rest of the house started to come alive. Chris started bouncing around impatiently waiting for people to eat.

Eventually, everyone was ready for present opening and we filed into the lounge room. Because of his impatience, Chris was given the job of handing out the gifts, and he sat cross-legged under the tree like an excited child.

Chris had absolutely showered his family with presents. Particularly Carly, who along with some beautiful jewelry he’d given just about every possible baby item you could need, along with gift cards to a local baby store.

“Christopher.” She admonished him after unwrapping what was probably the tenth itty bitty outfit, “I can buy my son his own clothes.”

I had made up a hamper of Australian treats for the Evans that included several varieties of Tim Tam’s, violet crumbles, Iced Vovos and even a small jar of Vegemite. I also gave Chris a football jersey for the Paramatta Eels an Australian Rugby League team, telling him it was about time he was seen supporting a real sport. He rolled his eyes and wrestled me to the ground, tickling me mercilessly, not letting me up until I said that American Football was a good sport. He did, however, pull it straight on over his shirt when I finally gave in. I also gave him a backyard cricket set. He seemed quite perturbed by that one, but I told him we had two family traditions on Christmas, one was a water pistol fight, which seemed quite impractical in Boston, but the other was backyard cricket, and I’d hoped he might like to help me continue it. He took me in his arms when I said that and kissed me deeply until his family yelled at us to get a room.

He gave me a new charm for my bracelet, this one was a little pixel life heart. I immediately added it to the others.

We also exchanged books. I’d given him the complete works of William Shakespeare, which Carly snatched off him and started thumbing through. He gave me Wicked and Son of a Witch by Gregory Maguire.

“Oh, I’ve really wanted to read these,” I said as I pulled the paper from the book.

“Open it,” Chris instructed as I turned the book over in my hand.

I opened the cover and two tickets fell out. I picked them up and looked at them. They were to see Wicked on Broadway. Premium Orchestra seating.

“I thought we could go home via a few nights in New York.” He said smiling at me.

“Christopher!” I squealed and hit him with the book. “You promised me you wouldn’t spend very much money!”

Chris rubbed his chest where I’d hit him “Why do I keep getting in trouble for giving people presents? Something feels really wrong about that.”

After all the gifts were unwrapped I excused myself to go and take a shower. I was still wearing the clothes I’d had on yesterday. When I was halfway up the stairs Chris came charging up after me taking the stairs two at a times. He picked me up and threw me over his shoulder without missing a single beat. I screamed and then broke down in giggles, as he carried me into the bathroom.

“So I’m not getting to have a shower alone while I’m here? That’s how it is?” I asked when he set me on my feet and locked the door behind us.

He raised an eyebrow at me. “Yeah, that’s right.” He pulled my shirt off over my head and began unbuttoning my jeans. I removed my bra as he pulled down my jeans and then my panties, so I stood before him naked.

He kissed me, lifting me up from the ground and sitting me on the edge of the vanity. I tugged at his jersey while our mouths wrestled with each other. He pulled back, pulling off his shirt and the jersey in one go. He was wearing sweatpants and I pushed them down as he came back to me, grabbing my breast in his hand and his mouth biting and sucking on my neck. His erection sprung free as his pants slipped down, and he pushed it against my mound, grinding into me.

“So we’re just going to do this here? We’re not even going to get into the shower?” I breathed.

“Shower sex is the worst.”

I raked my fingers down along his shoulders. He moved a hand in between us, teasing and stroking my cunt. I let out a low moan as he first circled my clit and then probed one finger inside of me. I wanted him. Desperately. Needed him inside of me. All I was, was desire for him.

“Just fuck me, Chris.” I groaned, pressing my hips against his.

He didn’t need asking twice. His cock found my opening and he thrust in. His lips were on mine again, and his kiss was aggressive and forceful as he pounded into me.

His thrusting picked up speed. He raised his head from mine, and I bit down on his shoulder, muffling my cries. My hands clutched at his back desperately, and my legs wrapped tightly around his waist. I wanted to scream out, let myself go. Instead, I rode him, bearing down, focusing on staying silent.

Looking up at his face, I realised he was watching us in the mirror. I reached my hands to his face and turned it down to look at me. “That doesn’t seem fair that you can watch and I can’t.” I panted.

He pulled out of me, and I dropped to the floor. He spun me around to face the mirror, and bending me over the vanity he pushed into me again. Watching his intense face as he fucked me from behind, and my own clench and twist as he drove into me, did something to me. I started moaning and crying out as I felt an orgasm build in me.

Chris shook his head and shushed me. “They’re all downstairs, but you still need to be a bit quiet.”

I actually laughed out loud. “Good luck with that.”

He leaned over me, putting his hand over my mouth. I reached back with one hand and gripped his neck. I looked at us in the mirror. My back had arched, exposing my breasts and part of my torso. My muscles were all clenched, sweat glistened against my skin. Chris was pressed against me. His hand covering my mouth tilted my head back to him, and without looking away from our reflection in the mirror, he began biting and sucking my neck. It was the most erotic thing I’ve ever seen. Better than any porn. This was us. Primal. Full of desire. Giving ourselves to our base instincts together. He slipped two fingers into my mouth, and I sucked on them moaning.

My orgasm was peaking, I could feel it filling me, but it wouldn’t quite break. I furrowed my brow in concentration. I clenched the walls of my cunt.

“Fuck you’re beautiful.” Chris groaned. “Come for me, I want to watch you come.”

And I did. Groaning, twisting, clenching. I came. I gripped his neck with one hand, while the other clutched helplessly at the countertop.

“Oh fuck yeah.” Chris moaned. He lent his head down into the middle of my back, and with a few more thrusts he came too.

I pushed myself up off the counter, and Chris slipped out of me.

“Fuck, I love fucking you,” Chris said, hugging me from behind around my shoulders.

I turned in his arms and hugged him around the waist. “I just came, because you told me to,” I said.

“I know!” Chris said, he sounded as shocked as I was. “You’re my bitch.”

We both started laughing.


	19. Chapter 19

The week at the Evans’ family home went way too quick.  I managed to teach most of the family how to play cricket with differing levels of success.  Obviously, Carly couldn’t play and Shanna lost interest pretty quickly.  But most of the men were willing to at least try and play.  Though Scott and Chris kept fucking about with bowling and how they held their bats, trying to make it seem like they were playing baseball.  That hilariously led to Scott being bowled out full stumps by his mum.

    Lisa ended up letting me help around the house a bit more.  I hoped it meant she was seeing me more like family than as a guest.  I guess it could have also just been her giving in to my constant offers of help.

    We spent what I would call boxing day with Chris’ dad and his new family and on the 28th I met Tara, his most long-term best friend.  I was almost as nervous meeting her as I had been meeting his parents.  He talks about her so much.  I think I was so nervous about her judging me being a bad girlfriend, and that her influence on him might be so strong that it would be the reason for us to break up.  So I barely talked.  I think I must have made a completely zero impression.  You know when meet someone and you’re asked if they’re nice and you just go ‘Mm … yeah … they were nice I guess.’  I really enjoyed being around her though.  I finally got what Chris was saying about how he liked when I was around Gaby.  I was seeing this Chris that wasn’t meant for me.  At least not yet.  I loved it.

    Chris and I spent New Years at his favourite local bar with some of his childhood friends.  We both drank a lot.  And the last thing I actually clearly remember from the night was him trying to convince me to scale up the side of a building and steal a flag for his friends.  I can’t remember why I was the one who was supposed to get it, and I am still not quite sure if I actually did or not.

    We left on the second of January, and I felt really guilty.  We were leaving early so Chris could take me to New York.  Yet even if we stayed until the fourth, when I needed to get back to UCLA and start teaching again, Chris technically didn’t need to return to LA at all right now.  He didn’t have any work lined up until February and I could tell he didn’t want to leave.  

    Chris had decided to drive to New York.  It would probably take around four or five hours depending on traffic in the city, but he said given that there was all the screwing around at airports, it was still the better option.  

    We said our goodbyes and piled into the car.  Scott was bringing East back to LA with him, so it was just the two of us.  

    “I had a really good time.  I really love your family.”  

    Chris gave me a brief smile.  "I’m really happy to hear that, Em.“  He said.

    "You know, if you want, you can go back to Boston instead of going to LA.  I mean after this little side trip.”  I said.  "I wouldn’t hold it against you or anything.  We can do things separately to each other.“

    He took my hand in his and kissed it.  "I know.  I’m not gonna lie.  I don’t want to go back to LA right now.  But I’m actually going to be back here in Summer anyway.  For three months.  Plus I’m in Texas for all of February.  It’s going to suck to be away from you for so long.  I don’t want to take any extra time away from us when I don’t have to.”  

    I groaned.  I hated thinking about What’s Your Number.  I wanted to be this strong independent woman who didn’t feel lonely or jealous when her boyfriend went off to work, but the thought of him being away for so long actually kind of made me feel sick.  "What’s the point of LA if they hardly seem to film any movies there anymore?“  I groaned.

    "Right?  It’s a pointless shit hole.  But you gotta be there for the studios.”  He sounded angry and jaded about it.  

    He pulled the car onto an off ramp and entered the highway.

    “Chris?”

    “Mm?”

    I swallowed.  I didn’t know how to ask this, so I just spat it out.  "Do you still want to be an actor?“

    He shook his head like he was trying to clear it, his hands tensed on the steering wheel.  "I don’t know.  I do.  I love acting.  But I feel like I’ve made this series of really fucking dumb choices, and I look back at them, and I’m not proud of anything I’ve done.  I keep thinking after the next movie I’ll quit.   But it’s like I’m too scared to do that.  Or maybe I want to quit because I’m scared.  I mean what would I do?  Teach acting like Carly?”

    “Man, you would be such a popular drama teacher.  Fuck, I’d have been finding any reason that would excuse me touching you.”

    Chris laughed.  "Girls actually do that?“  

    "I don’t know if all girls do that.  I did that.  I had this hot as fuck science teacher.  He was one of the supervisors on our school camp.  Man, I’d find reasons why I needed to be pressed up against him in the back of a car.  One time, I actually sat in his lap, because we overloaded the car.  I had him hold my hand and drag me up a hill.”

    “Holy shit, Em.  How old were you?”

    “13 I guess.  Hormones and all that.  I’d blame it on being at an all-girls school, but given I’m into girls, that excuse doesn’t hold a lot of water.”  I looked over at him and bit my lip.  "I guess I’ve always just been a dirty, dirty girl.“

    Chris cracked up laughing.  

    "Why don’t you take a break from acting for a while.  After 'What’s Your Number.’  Just take the rest of the year off.  See how you feel.  Find your passion again.”

    He shrugged “Yeah, maybe. I am looking forward to the two things I’m doing this year.  The scripts look solid, and Anna Faris is hilarious.  But I sometimes think I can’t judge these things very well.”  He groaned.  "Can we maybe drop it?  I hate thinking about it.“

    I turned on the radio and scrolled through the stations.  I came to a station that was playing Eternal Flame by the Bangles and I started singing along very loudly.  By the end of the chorus, Chris switched the radio off.

    "That’s quite enough of that I think.”  He said.

    I pouted.  "Mean.“

    "Emily Stephens.  I love you so much.  You are one of the best things that has ever happened to me.  But you are tone deaf.”

    “This is going to be one long arse car ride.”  I huffed.

    After a little while on the road, I started tracing my hand up and down his inner thigh.  "How good of a driver would you say you are?“

    "Why?” Chris asked suspiciously.

    “Just how good do you think you are?  Good at ignoring distractions.  Focusing on the road.  That kind of thing.”

    “Good, I guess.”

    “So like if I did this,”  I ran my fingers along the bulge in his pants, I felt it twitch at my touch.  "You’d be a-okay.  You wouldn’t veer off the road suddenly?“

    "Oh shit.”  Chris laughed.  "Em?“

    I increased the pressure of my hand on his cock.  I could feel it getting harder, as I stroked up and down its length.  "And if I say did this, you’d be fine.  Keeping your eyes on the road.  Going straight as an arrow.”

    “Emily.  I swear to god if you make me come in or on my pants, and I have to sit in my own jizz for the next 3 hours you are going to be so sorry.”

    “I’ll be sorry you say?”  I said continuing to stroke him.  "I hadn’t intended to make you come in your pants, but now I’m wondering if I should.  How exactly would I be sorry?“

    Chris laughed and shook his head.  "I can’t believe we’re doing this.”  He said under his breath.  He cleared his throat.  When he spoke next his voice was deeper and commanding.  "It won’t be in a way you like, Emily.  It won’t be a spanking, which I know you want.  I will tie your hands to the end of the bed, so you can’t touch yourself or me.  And then I will bring you right up to the edge of an orgasm.  And then I’ll stop.  And I will do it again, right up till you’re about to explode.  And I’ll stop.  And I will keep doing that, again and again, and again until you safe word.  And then I will make you make me come.  But you never will.  Not tonight.“

    I pulled away from him and my hands instinctively went between my legs and pushed against my crotch.  I was wet, just from the words of his threat.  I licked my lips.  

    "Okay, okay.  I won’t make you come in your pants.”  I said.  I reached back over to him and started opening his fly, reaching into his pants and gripping his hard member.  

    “I’m serious, Emily.”  He snapped at me.

    “I promise, no come will get anywhere on any of your clothing.”  I pulled his cock free and began pumping my hand up and down the length of his shaft.  I spat onto my palm, and rolled it over the head of his cock, it mixed with his precome and my hand was able to slide up and down his length with ease.  I watched his face, making sure he was still focused on the road.  He never flinched, just stared straight ahead.  

    “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”  He muttered.  "You better not be writing checks your mouth can’t cash.“

    "Don’t you worry about what my mouth can and can’t do.  It is quite capable of taking care of all its business transactions.”

    Chris burst out laughing.  "That was not as sexy as I think you hoped it would be.“

    I rolled my eyes and wriggled into position so my knees were up on my chair, and I was leaning over his lap.  "Just watch the road.  If you can’t stay focused on the road, please tell me.  This isn’t how I want to die.”  I took his cock into my mouth.  

    I worked my mouth up and down, taking him deep into the back of my throat.  I bobbed up and down, licking sucking, pushing him further and further back.  I would release him from my mouth for a moment and work him with my hand, while I ran my tongue down the underside of his cock, and over his balls.  I plunged my head back down on his cock suddenly.  He grunted and gripped my hair with one hand.  He started to make low humming sounds and rocked his hips with the rhythm of my mouth.    I looked up at him, he was still focused on the road.  I smiled and increased my pace.  

    His breathing quickened and his hand slid down my back, his fingers pushing under the waistband of my jeans.  He jerked suddenly, his hand clenched and I knew he was close.  I started working his cock with my hand and mouth at the same time.  Pumping him as I sucked and licked.  He bucked his hips, and I took him one last time deep into the back of my throat.  He came with a moan, and I drank it up, lapping it, swallowing it.  When the final pulse ran through his cock I sat back up in my chair and tucked him back into his pants.

    “Em – I – you are …”  Chris stuttered and trailed off.  He rubbed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.  

    “I’m super awesome, and you love me dearly?”

    “That, and you’re kind of crazy.”


	20. Chapter 20

Chris has booked as a suite at the Plaza. An actual suite at the Plaza. I was simultaneously so angry at him spending so much money and completely out of my mind floored that we were staying in a freaking suite in the freaking Plaza.

The bell boy had just left our room. I turned on Chris. “What the fuck? What the actual fuck, Chris?” I yelled. “This must be costing you a fortune! I told you not to spend much money on my gift.”

“For starters. Calm the fuck down, Emily.” Chris said, flopping down into one of the golden, Edwardian Sofas. “Look, I know I’m not the richest man on the planet or anything, but I have enough money to afford two nights at the Plaza without needing to worry about it. And also, I’m here too okay? This isn’t just a present for you.”

“I’m sorry, it’s just. Oh my god.” I sighed and dragged my hands down my face. “I bought you a cricket set.”

“Come here.” He said patting his lap. I went and sat down on his knee. “Please listen to me, now. If I spend money on you, it’s because I can, and I enjoy doing it. I don’t need to worry about that kind of thing much. I’m not about to go out and buy you a house or a new BMW. I couldn’t do that if I wanted to. But when I can do something like this, which I know you will enjoy, can you just let me do it, please? I know you can’t afford to buy the same things as I can. I don’t expect you to. And when you criticize me for it, it kind of makes me feel like shit.”

“Okay, Jeez.” I started fiddling with the buttons on his shirt. He brought his hand to my face and caressed the line of my jaw.

“Want to go get pizza?” He asked me.

“Actual proper New York pizza?”

“Well, duh.”

* * *

After we’d finished eating the amazingly delicious and greasy pizza from a grimy little pizza shop a few blocks away from the hotel we decided to go for a walk in Central Park. We ducked past all the vendors at the gate selling shirts or pedal car and handsome cab rides and headed into the leafy cool of the Park. It was just after four, and there were tourists everywhere. Couples like us holding hands, families running to the playground, people jogging. Yet somehow the park was this peaceful quiet place holding the sounds of New York out.

“Where do you want to go?” Chris asked me.

“I don’t know. I didn’t really have a lot of time to think about this. I can’t even remember what’s supposed to be in Central Park. That Alice in Wonderland statue?”

Chris wrinkled his nose. “It’s kind of a long walk from here. Probably should go back out and catch the subway up a few stops.”

I shook my head. “Balto?”

“You want to see Balto?”

I nodded.

“You’re going to come all the way to New York, go to Central Park and you want to go see a statue of a dog?”

“Yes?”

“Alright then. We’ll go see Balto.”

It was actually a bit of a walk to Balto from where we were anyway. On the way, we passed a carousel which I made Chris ride with me. I would also stop every now and again and take photos of things that caught my eye. We came over the rise of a hill and I saw the statue. It was up on a huge rock above the path, and there was a group of people standing around the base of him taking photos.

“It’s him!” I squealed and skipped down the hill to join the group.

The group of tourists moved on as Chris caught up to me. “You need to take my photo with him,” I said, handing him my camera.

He rolled his eyes but took my camera, and I scrambled up the rocks beside the statue.

“He’s a good dog.” I cooed patting the statues head, as Chris snapped a few pictures. Another group of tourists had shown up, so I jumped off the rock and Chris and I sat down on one of the nearby park benches.

“You are so weird,” Chris said, throwing an arm around my shoulder.

“Yeah, look. No one else wants to see Balto.” I pointed at the group of people surrounding the statue.

“I don’t see any of them petting it though.”

I stuck my tongue out at him. “These all have little dedications on them,” I said, running my hand over the brass plaque on the bench we were sitting on. “That’s cute.”

“You’re cute.” He said it like it was supposed to be an insult.

“What is up with you today?” I asked, nudging him in the ribs with my elbow. “You’re all, ‘Yay! We’re in love!’ one second and then all, 'Boo! Everything is terrible!’ the next.”

“I don’t know, I’m all up in my head.” Chris sighed. I pulled off my gloves, and ran my fingers across his brow, smoothing out the lines.

“'Cause we left Boston?”

“A bit, yeah.”

“Is it me? Because I brought up the acting thing? Or the money?”

“I don’t know.”

“So 'yes’ then?”

“Emily, fuck! Can you just drop it?” He snapped, getting up and starting to walk away.

I stood up and followed him. “Chris. Can you please stop acting like I’ve got no fucking clue how you could possibly feel right now. You don’t have to tell me everything, but you shutting me out like this …” I trailed off.

He turned to face me. “I know. I’m sorry. I just, I get like this and I’m all over the place. And I know talking it out helps, but all I want to do is push everything down so I don’t have to deal with it. And you going on about stuff … It makes me feel attacked.”

I stood staring at him. I wanted to reach out and touch him. Assure him everything was going to be okay. But I felt frozen. “I’m not trying to attack you.”

Chris sighed. He closed the gap between us but didn’t actually touch me. “I know. I know. And now I feel guilty too because you’re just trying to help. So I have the fact I’m making you feel like crap on me too.”

I reached out my hand and touched the back of his. He laced his fingers in with mine and smiled sadly.

“Just tell me what I can do, Chris and I’ll do it.” I breathed.

“I just need to get out my head is all. Maybe we should go back to the hotel and chill out for a bit.”

I nodded, and he pulled me to him, hugging me to his chest tightly. “I’m sorry, okay? This is my shit, I shouldn’t take it out on you.”

“You can share it with me though. You helped me with my shit. In ways, I don’t think you’ll ever really fully get. I’m here to help you with yours.”

“And I love you for it.”

* * *

Back at the hotel, Chris flopped down on the bed, and just skimmed through the TV stations until he found a sports program. I lay down next to him for a while, but he had completely shut down. So I left him alone and went to run myself a bath.

The bath was this stunning deep porcelain tub, with gold, clawed feet. I ran the water hot and added the hotel’s complimentary bath gel. I stripped off my clothes as the water filled the tub and steam filled the room.

The urge to cry swept over me, I leaned over the sink and blinked back tears. Some romantic mid week trip we were having. Chris felt like shit and I blamed myself. He didn’t want to leave home and he was for me. Then to make matters worse, I kept bringing up things that he didn’t want to deal with right now. Why didn’t I just leave it alone?

I slid into the hot water. It was scalding, and my skin turned pink as soon as it touched it. I didn’t care. I wanted the pain. Tears started to leak from my eyes, and I angrily washed them away. I lay back and tried to clear my head, but I couldn’t seem to. I just kept going back to what I could have done differently. Said differently. Why Chris wouldn’t open up to me about this.

I really should have bought a book with me into the bathroom.

“Chris!” I called out.

I heard him shuffling around, and he poked his head into the bathroom.

“Yeah?”

“Could you grab me my book please?”

He walked over to the bath and crouched next to it. “You’ve been crying.” He said, running his thumb over my cheek.

I shook my head.

“Fuck! I’m ruining everything today.”

“That’s what’s happening in my head too.” I laughed lamely.

“What if we just agree to a do-over? We push all this shit out for the next few days. We go home and I promise, I’ll talk to you about all the dumb fucking shit that is happening in my head at the moment. Even if I hate talking about it. But for right now, we just put it aside and enjoy us?”

“Okay.” I sniffed.

Chris stood up and started removing his clothes. “Well, shift then.”

I slid forward in the bath and Chris climbed in behind me. Water splashed over the edge of the tub as he lowered himself in the water.   
“Fuck! Are you sure the water is hot enough, Em? I’ve only lost one layer of skin.”

I laughed and lay back against him, my head resting on his chest.

We lay quietly for a while. I closed my eyes and actually felt truly still for the first time today.

“What do you want to do tomorrow before the show?” Chris asked me.

“Isn’t there some big 'football game’ on?”

“Hey watch it with the air quotes, you,” Chris said, digging his fingers into my ribs. I squealed and tried to squirm away from him, splashing more water over the edge of the bath. “I’ve set the DVR, I’ll just watch it when we get home.”

I settled back against his chest “I don’t know. I’ve always wanted to go to MOMA. I kind of love modern art.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

Chris ran his hand down my neck and pulled my hair off to one side. I closed my eyes and tilted my head, allowing him easier access. He stroked my throat with his thumb, and then leaning down, he kissed and sucked at my neck. I hummed as his lips made my skin tingle with every touch.

His hands traveled down my front, over my shoulder blades, pausing briefly at my breasts, cupping them and teasing my nipples, over my ribs, and along my stomach. One hand teased the hairs over my pubic mound and then slipped between my folds, stroking up and down, swirling over my clit, while the other gripped my hips. I relaxed into him, allowing his touches to both calm me and excite me.

I let out a shuddering breath and lifted one leg onto the edge of the bath.

“Good girl,” Chris growled into my ear. A shiver ran up my spine.

His hand started focusing solely on my clit, pinching it, rubbing it, drawing circles over it. I sucked on my lower lip and moaned. His cock started to stir against my back and I wriggled against it.

He moved his other hand to the opening of my cunt, and I grabbed him by the wrist and shook my head.

“What’s wrong?” He asked.

“Just not a good idea to do that under water.”

He pulled his hand back but continued stroking me with the other. I reached one arm behind and between us and started stroking his cock.

“Maybe we should take this to the bedroom then,” Chris said, his hips grinding into my back.

I didn’t answer right away, my eyes were closed and focused on his fingers. I was breathing heavily and when I finally did answer the words came out in short bursts between each breath. “We don’t – have to – do that.”

“But you just said …”

“There are – other ways – for you – to fuck me.” I panted. I leaned my head back and sucked on his earlobe. He grabbed my throat.

“I don’t … oh.” He stopped stroking my pussy and grabbed my arse. “Oh. We’re going to do that are we?”

I spun in the tub to face him and put one leg on either side of his chest. “We can try.”

He leaned in and kissed me, pushing his cock up against my groin.

Chris slid me to the end of the tub and sat up on his knees. I lifted one leg and put my foot on his shoulder. He took it in both his hands, kissed my ankle and then ran his tongue down my calf. He grabbed my other leg and lifted it onto his other shoulder. I lifted my hips for him and he slid his knees under me.

He guided his cock so it pressed against my arsehole. With a slow smooth rhythm, he began moving back and forth against me, just a little. Not so much that he entered me just so I’d feel an increased pressure. He had one hand holding my hip, and he dug his fingers into it. The other hand had begun stroking my pussy again. I closed my eyes and let my head hang back over the end of the bath, focusing on his hand, letting the little waves of pleasure take over me. I started to make little whimpering sounds, and he pushed harder with his cock. I tensed up immediately, and Chris backed off. He let go of my hip and leaning forward he ran his hand from my throat to my navel.

“Sh…” He whispered. “Just relax, baby.”

I laughed a little “Sorry, sorry.” I said looking up at him. He was looking down at me with those beautiful blue eyes with such caring, it felt like my heart had swollen up.

“It’s okay. I’ll go slow. Just try and relax.”

I nodded, and took a deep breath, and then let my head fall back again. He began moving against me again, letting me relax, giving myself to him. He continued to stroke me with his other hand too, running if over my torso and stomach. When my breathing calmed, he held my hip again and pushed. I felt my anus stretch, and the head of his cock slipped inside me. A pinching pain bit into me, and I whimpered, trying not to tense up on him.

He held still, allowing me to relax. But his fingers on my clit never skipped a beat, just continued to circle and pinch at me.

I took another deep breath.

“Okay?” He asked.

“Mm.. yeah.”

He pushed against me and slid in deeper. That burning pinch shuddered through me, up my spine. I cried out, and my leg spasmed. Chris pulled back, and I moaned.

Chris laughed and shook his head. “I kind of don’t know if I should continue or not.” He said shaking his head and running his hand over his face.

I reached my hands out to him clutching at the air and then pushed against his cock. It slid into me deeper than before. We both let out a groan. Chris leaned in over me, pushing my thighs up against my stomach. My hands grabbed at him. He started thrusting in and out of me. Each thrust was deeper than the last, and the pain began to become something else. Something complex. Consuming me.

My breathing became shallow, I panted and tensed around him. “Relax, baby. You gotta relax.” He cooed.

I willed myself to relax, breathing through my teeth. He grabbed hold of my hips with each of his hands and his thrusting picked up speed. He began to make a soft grunting sound with every movement. I knew he was close. I moved a hand between my legs and began rubbing my clit, trying to bring myself along with him.

“Oh god … yes.” I panted. “Chris. Fuck me.”

Chris grabbed my throat in his hand and squeezed. Not hard, but firmly and with definite pressure making it hard for me to take in a breath. My hands flew to his wrist, my nails digging into his flesh. I became frantic, his pounding again and again into my arse, each time sending a jolt through me, while I was struggling to catch my breath, I whimpered and tensed up. He came inside me, with a grunt, but as he did he released my throat. Something about those two actions happening simultaneously sent an orgasm crashing over me. It was intense and immediate, I felt torn in two and I screamed out.

Chris eased out of me, and let my legs fall back down into the water. He sat back looking at me. I grabbed my throat with both my hands and sunk down into the water up to my chin. The water had gone tepid, but I didn’t particularly care.

“That was … intense.” I sighed.

Chris turned the hot water on and grabbed a washcloth. He soaped it up and I watched as he cleaned himself. He then rinsed it and started running it over me, going over my legs, across my stomach, down my arms.

“Sorry to just … choke you like that.” He said.

“What was that? Oh my god.” I squeaked. “Have you done that before?”

He grinned and nodded. “A few times. There have been a few girls who’ve said it intensified things. You looked like you needed help 'reaching the finish line’. I figured I’d give it a go. I mean, we have safe words.”

“It did the job alright. Fuck!” I sank my head under the water.

Chris stood up and climbed out of the bath, and then helped me to my feet.

“God, look at my fingers,” I said holding them out to him. They were wrinkled and prune-like.

“We were in there for quite a while,” Chris said, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around me. He let the plug out of the bath and then wrapped a towel around his waist.

“Kind of feel bad for the cleaners tomorrow. We’ve made a bit of a mess in here. I might call down for more towels so we can mop this up a bit.” He said.

I dried myself off, and curled up on the bed, above the covers while Chris went and ordered new towels. I closed my eyes, and just listened to him. He moved around the room, putting on clothes. There was a knock at the door. I heard him leave the bedroom and answer the door. There was some murmured talking and he returned and went back into the bathroom and shuffled things around in there. I smiled to myself. I liked having him around.

He came back into the bedroom. “What are you doing?” He asked. “You just going to go sleep naked on top of the covers at seven thirty, before we’ve even eaten?”

“Is that bad?” I asked not opening my eyes, and grinning to myself.

He stepped up onto the bed and began jumping up and down. “It is if you don’t leave room for me.” He laughed.

I squealed as I got bounced around the bed.

He stopped jumping and landed on all fours, one arm on either side of my head. I reached my hand up to his face and gently skimmed the tips of my fingers over his eyelashes, and then traced them down the line of his jaw.

He smiled at me “Happy?”

“Very happy. I can’t think of anywhere I’d rather be right now than here, in this bed, with you.” I sighed. “And you?”

He leaned in and kissed me. And that was all the answer I needed.


	21. Chapter 21

The rest of our time in New York was spent being a disgustingly in love young couple. We were constantly touching each other, stealing kisses, gazing at each other longingly. We went to the Museum of Modern Art as planned. I got stupidly excited in the Andy Warhol exhibition. At Starry Night I actually felt a little giddy. And when we got to Water Lilies I sat down on the bench in front of it, lent my head of Chris’ shoulder and we just sat there like that, drinking it in.

I enjoyed Wicked so much. Chris had already seen it, and he spent most of the show watching me.

The following day we flew back to LA. Chris had a car waiting for us, and it dropped me at my place. I felt really sad, all of a sudden. I had been with Chris constantly over the last week and a bit, going home and being by myself suddenly hurt me in the weird way that I didn’t expect.

I took a few days on my own to get back to my normal everyday work life, but Chris was leaving in less than four weeks, and we wanted to make the most of the time we could spend together this month. So on a lazy Saturday morning, we were lying in bed together, just reading, or talking. Always with at least one hand on each other’s skin.

His phone rang.

“Brad! What’s up buddy?” He said picking it up. “Seriously?” He pushed away from me and stood up, pacing the room. “She said she’d move it for me? That’s great. I still don’t know. It’s such a commitment. I just – I can’t.” He hung up and climbed back into bed. I wrapped my arms around him.

“Do you think I should take the Captain America thing?” He asked me.

“Was that what the phone call was about?”

“Yeah, they said if I wanted Captain America, they’d push filming forward for ‘What’s Your Number’ so I could do both.”

“Fuck,” I said. “You’d be away for so long.”

“Yeah, you’re right, I can’t say yes.” He groaned, pushing me off him.

“I didn’t say that. We could make it work. It would be exciting, wouldn’t it?”

He groaned again and rubbed his eyes. “It would change everything, Em. Everything. It’s a six-film commitment. And given it’s already successful, I’d be making those six films, even if they do end up being complete turds. If it’s good and popular, I lose my life. We can’t just go out to dinner anymore. We can’t go hang out at the beach. I’ll be hounded constantly. If it’s shit, I have to just keep making these piece of shit films over, and over, and go on press tours and try and sell them. Thinking about it makes me feel sick.”

I lay back down snuggling into him. “Well, whatever choice you make, I’ll support you.”

“Thank you.” He kissed my head. “Might be harder to say that when paparazzi are hounding you because they want pictures of your baby bump because I said yes.”

I laughed and poked him in the side “My baby bump?”

“I mean … fuck …” He rolled over and pinned me to the mattress by my wrists. “Emily, I have a secret for you. I am in love with you, and sometimes I think about our future together.”

“Really? I was just banging you until someone better came along. This is awkward.”

He started tickling me, which turned into a wrestling match. I loved how he would start letting me win, I would have him pinned down, but then suddenly he’d have me in a position where I literally couldn’t move against him.

I was pinned under him now, pressed into the mattress face down, one arm twisted behind my back, the other above my head, his whole weight against me.

“Say, uncle.” He growled.

I squealed. “Never.”

He dragged the hand above my head down to the other behind my back, and held them easily in one hand, as I desperately struggled against him. He then dug his fingers into my side. I squealed and squirmed, my legs kicking.

“Say it!”

“Uncle, uncle. Fuck!” I yelped.

He let me go, lying down over me, resting his head on the middle of my back.

“You’re really heavy,” I complained.

He slid himself up against me and started kissing my neck. “Rude.” He breathed.

His hand snaked underneath me, pushing my shirt up.

“Chris.” I sighed.

He hummed in reply, his lips pressed against my neck, grinding his hips into my arse, and cupping my breast in his hand.

“I think about our future too.”

Chris sighed against me, a beautiful contented noise “What do you think of?”

I reached my hand around behind me, gripping his neck. “Lots of things. Us having a home together. You as a dad.”

He rolled me over so I was facing him, and returned to kissing and sucking on my neck. I stroked the back of his neck with my fingers. “How many kids do we have?” He asked me.

“I don’t know. Two or three.”

He pushed my legs up, and I hooked one behind him. He ground into me. His erection pushing against me.

“But Chris…” I breathed.

“Mm.”

“Whatever you choose to do here, with that film, or another film in the future like it. If it means our lives together are thrown into the spotlight, or if they are terrible and you hate making them. That’s not going to scare me off. I will be here to support you. If you choose not to do it, and they end up being good and you regret it. I will be here. I will support you. I don’t know that we are for sure absolutely destined to be together forever. I hope so. But  _that_  isn’t going to be the thing that defines our future together. We will do the defining of us. No one else.”

He raised his head and looked down at me. The look he gave me broke my heart. It was sad and happy, and content and terrified all at once. I put my palm against his cheek and he leaned into it. “I love you, so much, Em. It scares me sometimes. I thought I’d been in love before. I was fucking kidding myself. I’m scared that I’m going to make some dumb choice and it ruins this. Us. Everything.”

“I feel the same way. But we can’t let that stop us from taking risks. We just have to trust that we’ve got each other’s back. Whatever you choose to do here, it has to be for you. I’ll be here either way.”

He kissed me, his arm pushed up behind my head, pulling me into him. I wrapped my arms around the back of his neck I gave myself to him. When he finally pulled away from me, I felt light-headed, and I looked up at him with hooded eyes. “I’m yours, Chris.” I sighed.

My words affected him in a primal way. He tore my clothes from me, and with one hand gripping my arse, and the other arm wrapped behind my back he plunged into me. I cried out, my cunt clenching his cock.

“Say it again.” He growled. Thrusting in and out of me. I was panting, and moaning with every movement.

I leaned my head back and his mouth moved to my throat again. “I’m yours. I’m yours, Chris.” I whined. I held tight to his broad shoulders, digging my nails into his back. He grabbed my leg, and hooked his arm around it, pulling it up towards my chest, and started really ramming into me. I twisted one arm above me, bracing myself against the headboard. He was pressed so tightly against me and holding me so close, I felt overwhelmed. It was like he was worried he’d lose me right then and there. I started making little whimpering noises with every thrust. His mouth found mine, and I hummed into our kiss.

My orgasm built inside me and I started to babble as I rode it. “Chris… god, yes… I can’t … fuck … please … please.”

“Em, look at me,” Chris growled.

I opened my eyes. He was looking down on me with such fierce intensity. “I love you, Em.” He breathed. “And I’m yours.”

“You’re mine.” I panted half statement half question.

“I am.”

Something in me stilled, and I was present, here with him. It was all I needed. I came. I clenched and moaned, but I felt it in a more complete way than I have ever felt it before. It filled me up and encompassed me fully. I wrapped both my arms around Chris’ shoulders, and pulled myself against him, into him. I pushed my face into his neck, and as the last waves of my orgasm shuddered through me, he jerked, and came, holding me to him.

We stayed like that for quite a while, pressed together. Our breathing stilled, and we both relaxed. Chris rolled off of me but kept holding me to him. I pressed my head to his chest and listened to the sound of his heart.


	22. Chapter 22

I was snuggled on the couch with Gaby. We were having a sleepover and currently catching up with Doctor Who by watching the Christmas special. So here we were, in our matching Doctor Who onesies, Gaby's head on my shoulder, blankets pulled up to our chins, and just a little bit high.

My phone chimed with the sound of a text message. It was Chris.

A few days later Chris and I were standing in the lobby of Marvel Studios. Chris’ agent Brad, was talking to the woman at the receptionist desk. Chris was clinging to my hand, his palms sweaty. I was trying to be calm for him. Be the stillness. But I was so full of excited nervous energy, that I could actually feel my heart beating in my ears. I was bouncing nervously on the balls of my feet.

“Emily, you aren’t helping me,” Chris whispered into my ear.

“Sorry. God, sorry. Just …  _this is_ _Marvel_ , Chris.”

Two men came through the door to the left of the reception desk and made a beeline for Chris.

“Chris! Hi! It’s good to see you again!” One of the men said, shaking Chris. “And who’s this?” He said turning to me.

“Hey, Kevin! Thanks for inviting me out. This is my girlfriend, Emily. Just needed some moral support. Hope that’s okay? You know Brad?”

“Sure, sure. Hi Emily, it’s nice to meet you.” He said shaking my hand. “Hi, Brad. This is Joe, he’s going to be the director of this thing we’re making.”

Kevin led us down the halls to a small conference room. There was concept art on the walls, and the table was littered with storyboards, costume and character design sheets, and other folders.

I sat at the table next to Chris. I really wanted to paw through at the things on the table, but I wasn’t sure I was allowed. So I just held Chris’ hand while they talked. He clung to me like I was some kind of lifeline, stopping him from drowning. But as they talked, he started getting really excited. Discussing with them how he saw his place in the role. What would be expected of him? How they were planning to make the character a real fleshed out person and not a ridiculous caricature for patriotism. He let go of my hand, and I squeezed his thigh.

Brad had just brought up Chris’ concern that Captain America wouldn’t translate well to the big screen. That maybe the idea behind the character wasn’t relevant anymore.

Chris had slid a small folder of artwork in front of me and tapped it on the cover. I opened it nervously like I was going to get in trouble.

“There is certainly the risk that the character would just be cheesy. Do you read the comics, Chris?”

Chris laughed “No, not at all. She does though.” He said elbowing me in the side. I looked up from a concept image of Steve and Bucky and smiled.

“You’re a comic book nerd, Emily?” Kevin asked me. I nodded. “What do you read? Please don’t say, Batman.”

I laughed. “No, I’m a Marvel girl. Mostly I read X-Men. Spider-Man. The Avengers.”

“So you know Cap then? You know how complex of a character he is?”

“Sure. I mean, Cap in Civil War. Man, Cap was amazing in that. It’s probably the first time I really saw him as this complete person, not just the example for lawful good on a D&D character sheet. Too bad it turned out how it did.”

“Did you just bring up Dungeons and Dragons?” Chris laughed. He put me in a headlock and tickled my ribs. “You are such a fucking nerd.”

“Too bad we don’t have to convince you to take the part, Emily,” Kevin said after Chris let me go.

“I’ll do it if you want. Might need to rely on CGI pretty heavily though.”

Everyone laughed. I went back to looking over the artwork in the folder, running a finger down a picture of Cap. They really did see Chris in the role. It looked just like him.

“You can have that picture if you want, Emily,” Kevin told me.

“Really?” I said, sliding the sketch out of its protective leaf. “Thank you.”

“Chris, we want you to know, the job is yours. You’re the only one we are currently offering the job too. You’re the only one we could think of to play the part. Don’t you think he’d be perfect for the role, Brad? Emily?”

We both nodded.

The meeting lasted just over an hour. By the end, Chris was relaxed and excited by everything. Kevin and Joe left us in the lobby. As we said goodbye to Brad in the parking lot, I was actually thinking Chris was well on the way to saying yes to the film. Which was quite scary really, it would mean he was doing back to back location filming for at least six months.

We walked to the car, and I was just about to get in when Chris cried out and kicked the wheel of the car. I dashed around to him, he was crouched on the ground, his arms over his head. I squatted in front of him and tilted his baseball cap back from his brow so I could see his face.

“Chris. What’s wrong?” I said stroking his shoulder.

“Now I have to take it.”

“You don’t have to do anything, my love. You can still say no. You seemed excited though.”

“You want me to do it.” He said, kind of pushing me away from him.

I shook my head. “I want you to be happy. I could care less what jobs you take. You want to retire from acting and move back to Boston and open a bar. Then do it. You want to put on a superhero costume and punch Nazis? Do it.”

“You said I’d be perfect for it.” Tears started to prick his eyes. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him to me.

“You would be. Doesn’t mean you have to do it. Doesn’t mean I want you to do it. Just means you’d do the job justice if you did do it. There’s plenty of jobs I’d fucking rock at. I do the one I want to do.” I took the keys from his hands. “Come on, I’ll take you home. You can call your mum.”

Chris sniffed and stood up. “Okay.” Then he snatched the keys from my hands again. “But if you think I’m letting you drive my car, you’re fucking kidding yourself.”

We got back to Chris’ house, and while he spoke to several people, both friends and family on the phone, asking for advice, I sat on the sofa and read.

He finally got off the phone and lay down on the sofa hugging my lap. I stroked his hair and ran my fingers down his neck, but I didn’t say anything. He’d been talking for so long now.

He kissed the inside of my thigh. “I feel so scared, Em.”

“What are you scared of?”

“I’m scared if I take it, I’ll hate it, and it will take up so much of my life I lose you, and I can’t find any kind of happiness. And I’m scared that if I don’t take it, I’ll watch it, and it will be good, and I’ll always be thinking ‘that should be me’.”

“You aren’t going to lose me.”

“You can’t promise me that. You don’t know the future.”

I leaned over him, resting my head on the middle of his back. “I can promise it won’t be because of a stupid role in a stupid movie.”

“I just feel like I’m losing control over everything right now.”

 ****I leaned back in the chair again. “You want to control me for a bit?” I purred.

Chris looked up at me his eyebrow raised. “You trying to distract me with sex?”

I shrugged. “Will it work?”

Chris sat up when he spoke his voice was deep and serious. It sent a tingle through me. “Go down to the bedroom. Tie your hair back. Take off your clothes. When I get down there, you had better be kneeling in the middle of the room in your underwear. You won’t look at me.”

I stood up and walked to the stairs, and then bolted down them, taking three or four at a time. I dashed into Chris’ room and shut the door behind me. I started pulling my tee shirt off, and then paused, and dashed into his walk in. Digging through my drawer, I found what I was looking for. I had bought a cream and pink corset, and underwear set that I had hidden it here. I had planned to use it in one of our play sessions, try and pull off the little innocent sub thing, but we hadn’t really been playing like that a lot lately. Now was perfect. I hoped I had enough time to get ready.

I stripped off my clothes and put on the underwear, and a matching pair of sheer white stockings. I then dashed into the bathroom. I tied my hair up into a high ponytail and worked on my makeup. I went a little overboard with my mascara, eyeliner, and lipstick. What I was aiming for, was it being ruined by Chris. I looked myself over in the mirror, really happy with the effect. I looked young and sweet, but not innocent. I dipped a finger into my underwear and ran it up and down my slit. I was wet, tingling and ready for him.

I almost skipped out into the bedroom and knelt on the floor waiting for Chris to come and find me. Turns out, I could have taken as long as I needed to get ready. Chris kept me waiting and waiting for him. By the time the door opened, my knees felt like they were on fire and my thighs ached.

Chris walked past me without even acknowledging that I was there. He went into his walk in. I could hear him moving about. I assumed probably getting things out of the chest.

He returned and placed whatever it was he’d decided on the bed, and then just stood there, looking at me. I shuddered.

“Well, well. Don’t you look lovely.” Chris said. “Come here.”

I went to stand.

“Funny, I don’t remember telling you that you could get up.” He sneered.

I dropped back to my knees and crawled over to him never looking up. I wasn’t allowed to look at Chris, and I wouldn’t until I had been given permission. When I reached his legs, I returned to my kneeling position.

“Take off my belt.” He ordered.

Never raising my eyes, I reached up and unbuckled his belt and slid it from the belt loops on his trousers. It was his red belt again. I couldn’t remember if he had been wearing it before. My cunt tingled, and I squeezed my legs together. Chris held out his hand for the belt, and I gave it to him.

“Stand up.”

I got to my feet. I felt giddy and I swayed a little on my feet. All my nerves were on high alert. Chris walked around me. He’d folded the belt in two and ran it along my skin, over the dip of my cleavage, across my shoulder, and along my back. I shivered. He stood behind me and ran his hands over my corset. He cupped my breasts and raked his fingers over the sheer material covering my belly. His fingers traced up and down my back gently, again and again.

“Nope, this is not going to do.” He tutted, and he tore the corset down the back. The garter hooks popped free as he yanked it away from me and threw it into the corner. I let out a startled laugh and then covered my mouth with my hands.

“What’s so funny?” Chris purred.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, looking straight down.

“No, really. I want to know.”

I swallowed. “It’s just, that was the first time I’ve ever worn that.”

“So, you didn’t want me to tear it? Your clothing is more important than what I want? Is that it?”

“I’m sorry,” I whispered again. “I’m sorry.”

“Not as much as you’re going to be.” He growled.

He grabbed my ponytail and dragged me to the door. Using his hands he placed mine on the door, splayed above my head, palms down. I stood braced there, waiting.

He ran his belt down my back and I shuddered. “Five. You’ll count them. And you won’t move. If you move, I’ll add more. Your hands will stay exactly where they are.”

I closed my eyes and took slow deep breaths. The first strike hit me, across the small of my back. I cried out. Tears already welling in my eyes.

“Count it.” Chris snapped.

“One. One.” I panted.

The belt hit me again, this time along the back of my thighs. The pain was stinging and intense. I started crying but at the same time, my cunt began to tingle. I wanted to rub myself to relieve it, but I wasn’t allowed to move.

“Two.”

The third hit struck me across my shoulders. My hand slipped, and I struggled to return it. Chris pushed his body against mine and pushed my hand up for me. The pressure of his body against mine, soothed me, distracted me from the burning pain in the spots he’d hit me.

He mouth pressed up against my ear. “What colour are we, Em?” He whispered.

“Green. Please, Chris, we’re green. I need you to punish me.” I babbled.

He stood back. “What number was that?”

“Th-three.” I stammered.

He struck me across the cheeks of my arse. I sucked in my breath over my teeth.

“Four.”

The last hit intersected the spot where the previous one had connected. The pain was intense. It burned through every part of me. I cried out. Every bit of me fought against the urge to move away. Curl up. Flee. Anything except stand here, still, my palms against the door.

“F-five. Five.” I stuttered through shallow gasping breaths.

“Good girl.” Chris ran his hand along my back. I shivered when his fingers connected with the lines where he hit me. He bought my hands down behind my back and started binding them with his belt. When he was done, he had me check them, to make sure the belt wasn’t cutting into me. I could actually quite easily slip my hands-free. He was testing me. He wanted me to have to be consciously aware of not breaking the bonds.

We stood for a minute. Wrapping his arms around me from behind, he cupped my breast in one hand, and the other skimmed into the top of my panties, teasing along the hemline. He kissed my neck. “Such a good girl.” He said, his hot breath tickling my neck.

Suddenly his hand was grabbing my ponytail again, yanking my head back, he dragged me back into the middle of the floor and forced me to my knees.

“Look at me.” He ordered. I looked up at him for the first time since he came into the room. He began opening his pants. I watched as he pulled his cock free, rubbing it up and down along the shaft in front of my face. I licked my lips.

He chuckled and rubbed his thumb along my bottom lip then pushed it into my mouth. I sucked on it and closed my teeth gently on the tip.

“You really want to suck my dick, huh?” He said looking down on me. I gazed into his eyes, his thumb still in my mouth. Fuck, those eyes of his. I would do anything for him if he just kept looking at me the way he was now. I nodded my head.

“Say it.”

“I really want to suck your dick, Chris.”

“Beg me for it.”

“Please. Please let me suck your dick. I really want it in my mouth. Please.” I pleaded.

“Open your mouth.”

I did as I was told, tilting my head back a little. He bunched my ponytail in one hand and used the other to guide his cock towards my mouth. He pushed in, just past my lips and then out again. He repeated this a few times, and I held still. Waiting.

 ****He plunged into my mouth, the head of his cock hitting the back of my throat, I pulled back instinctively, but he held me in place. “Suck.” He commanded me.

I closed my eyes and started working my mouth on his cock. Sucking and running my tongue up and down its length. He pulled away from me suddenly. Startled I looked up at him.

“I don’t remember telling you that you could close your eyes.” He spat. He gripped my chin painfully tilting my head up so I was looking into his eyes. “Well, what have you got to say for yourself?”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Please, Chris. I won’t … I didn’t …” I jabbered.

“Shut up, you fucking slut.” He said with such disgust in his voice it actually hurt me. He pushed me to the ground. I had to consciously stop myself pulling my hands free from the belt as I fell, my face pressing into the carpet. He crouched over me and pressed a knee into my back, and then with one hand, he dug his fingers into the welts on my arse. I cried out, but he didn’t ease off. I lay under him whimpering.

“Listen to me, you won’t do anything unless I tell you to.” He was yelling, and I cringed away from his voice. “You won’t move, you won’t speak, you won’t breathe, you definitely won’t come, unless you have my express permission. Get it?”

I didn’t answer him, I just lay there, taking shallow breaths. Every part of me tingled with excitement.

“Answer me.”

“I understand. I am yours. I will only do as you command.”

“Good girl.” He pulled me to my knees again. “Now, open your mouth, and keep your eyes on my face.”

I opened my mouth and gazed up at him. He took my chin in his hand and pushed his cock into my mouth, he thrust in and out, slowly at first but picking up speed, pushing further and further down my throat. I adjusted slightly, opening my throat more for him, but aside from that I made no movements, I just knelt, staring up at his face, my mouth open. He slid his hand down from my chin to my neck.

“Now suck.” He said, thrusting deep into me.

I closed my mouth and began to work my magic. I moved up and down the length of his shaft, lapping, and sucking. I would take him as deep into my throat as his length would allow, my lips pressed up to his groin, and then pull all the way out again, licking at his head, placing little kisses on it. I would run my tongue up the underside of his shaft and swirl it over the top. And the whole time I kept eye contact with him. He started to moan, and his eyes fell closed. He had a hand on each side of my face and he began fucking my mouth again. This time it was almost subconsciously like he just couldn’t help but move with me. His breathing became laboured and he was making a low hum at the back of his throat. He suddenly let go of me and pulled away. I nearly toppled forward.

“Fuck.” He groaned, dragging the word out. He tucked his cock back into his pants, running his thumb over my bottom lip again.

“Fuck! Your beautiful mouth, Em. Nearly got the best of me.” He laughed.

I smiled. The fact even in this position, on my knees and bound, I still had that level of control over him. My whole body buzzed.

He helped me to my feet and pointed me to the bed. “On your back, legs spread.”

I flinched a little but did as I was told. This was going to get painful, lying on my bound arms, having them dig into my back where I was already hurting from the lashes made by the belt.

He climbed up between my legs and slid my panties down over my knees. He picked up a vibrator from the bed. It was one of those rabbit types, made of a soft, light blue silicone. I watched as he applied lube to the device. It occurred to me that I hadn’t been given permission to be watching him, but assumed it was the right thing to do because I hadn’t been punished for it.

He positioned the vibrator between my folds and pressed it against my clit before turning it on. The buzz sent little pleasurable shock waves through me as it pulsed fast then slow. I breathed through my nose, trying to keep quiet.

“You can make as much noise as you need to,” Chris told me firmly. “You can close your eyes. But I do not want to hear the words, stop, or no come from you. If you actually want to stop, you will use your safe word. And you will not have an orgasm. If you have an orgasm, I will punish you. Do you understand me? Answer.”

“Mm… I understand.” I moaned.

He pushed the vibrator into me, and I clenched around it. He had learned the tricks of my body, and the vibe was pressed into my g-spot almost straight away, the ears, tickling on my clit. The buzz sent wave after wave of tingling pleasure through my whole body. I closed my eyes, and focused on it, letting it build in me as he fucked me with the toy. I moaned his name and bit my bottom lip. My hips worked in rhythm with his hand. I felt an orgasm start to build, and I began to panic. My eyes flew open, and I started panting through my teeth. I dug my fingers into my back, hoping the pain might cut through the orgasm, make it back off, but it only brought it closer. I was going to come, I couldn’t help it, and he was going to punish me. Just before it hit its peak, Chris pulled the vibe from me and switched it off. I whined and lay panting before him.

“What have I told you about being a needy slut, Emily?” Chris scolded.

Chris brought me to the edge of an orgasm four more times with that vibrator. The end of the fifth I actually yelled out 'No’ as he pulled the toy from me. This earned me an open palm slap over my cunt, my poor swollen clit stinging painfully from the action.

“I guess you don’t want to have an orgasm tonight,” Chris said in a bored voice. “Is that right?”

I looked up at him, trying to plead with him with my eyes.

“Oh, you can answer me.” He said

“I’m sorry, Chris. I didn’t mean to disobey you. Can you please forgive me?”

“You can do better than that, Emily. Really beg me, or that’s it for tonight. I’ll come in your mouth and you can go to bed unfulfilled.”

“Please, please Chris. Let me come. I want you to make me come. I want to come for you.”

“Roll over.”

I rolled onto my stomach. Chris pushed my knees up underneath me. I heard the vibrator buzz back to life and he pushed it inside my cunt, carefully arranging it so it was hit all my pleasure centres. Chris pulled my arse cheeks apart and squeezed lube between them. He stroked me, spreading the lube around, pushing his finger into my anus. I let out a soft moan at the invasion.

He pressed his cock up against my anus and pushed in. I cried out and bit down into the mattress. I felt so full. All my senses were on fire. Pleasure and pain mixed together, igniting me, filling me, tearing me apart. I clenched my whole body against him, against the vibrator, against everything, and he grabbed my hair.

“Relax.” He ordered.

I took a deep shuddering breath and willed my body to relax for him. When it did, he picked up speed and power with each thrust into me. I needed release, I wasn’t going to last much longer before orgasming, but I still didn’t have his permission.

I started to plead with him. “Chris, I need to come. Please let me come. I need it. I need it.”

“Okay, Emily. Come for me.” Chris purred.

And I did. It exploded through me. “Fuck, yes. Please, Chris. Fuck me.” I cried as I came.

My orgasm ebbed away, but Chris was not done yet, and he just continued pounding into me, the vibrator still pushed inside me, buzzing against my g-spot and clit, so soon, another orgasm was building, and when that one came, another followed it. The edging we had started with had made me so ready to come, I couldn’t seem to stop, and it became torture. I started to babble, and plead. But I never told him no, or stop, I never used my safe word and I held my hands in their loose bindings behind my back. Finally, in what felt like an eternity later, Chris pulled out of me, and I felt him come onto my back with a grunt. I wanted to scream at him to get the vibrator out of me, to run away from it, but I wasn’t sure if we were done yet, so I just tried to breathe through it.

He stroked my arse, slipping it down my thigh and between my legs. I felt him take hold of the vibrator, but he didn’t remove it, he just started pushing it in and out of me.

“Would you like this to stop now?” He cooed.

“I want whatever you want,” I answered but I could feel my body starting to tremble. If he didn’t stop soon I was going to have to safe word. I hoped he’d picked up on that.

“What a sweet thing to say.” He said. “Such a good girl.” He pulled the vibrator from me and switched it off. I let out a sigh of relief. He unwound the belt from my wrists. And then collapsed on top of me, squashing me into the bed. I burst out laughing.

“What do you need?” He said, kissing my cheek.

“You not to be smearing semen into my back, would be nice.” I laughed.

“What like this?” He said, and began, wiggling back and forth against me.

I squealed and tried to squirm away from me. “Stop it! You’re disgusting!”

He jumped up off me. “Bath?” He asked.

“Yes, please.” I pouted, as I pushed myself into sitting position. “Ow, my poor bum.”

Chris sucked his breath in over his teeth. “Yeah…” He said pulling me into a hug. “I’ve left some marks.”

“You’re supposed to ask before you do that,” I said poking him in the ribs.

“Sorry.” He said sheepishly. “That belt cut way more than I was expecting considering it’s not even leather. I didn’t realise right away. It didn’t break the skin and you seemed to be enjoying it. So … yeah. Sorry.”

“Good thing I love you.”

He leaned in and kissed me. My hands cupped his face as he did, and I melted into him. He picked me up and carried me bridal style to the main bathroom never breaking the kiss. He placed me carefully on my feet next to the bath and we broke the kiss. I felt light headed and giddy.

“Wow,” I said, shaking my head.

Chris turned the taps on for the bath and added a bath bomb to the water. He had bought a bunch when he saw how much I liked them.

“Let me just rub some aloe into those marks before you get in,” Chris said, looking my back over.

He disappeared for a minute and I watched the water swirl and fizz with the colours of the bath bomb.  When he returned he had a green bottle. Standing behind me, he rubbed the lotion into my skin. First into my back, then over my arse, and finally along my thighs. I sighed in relief as the cooling lotion took the biting sting out of the welts.

He helped me step into the tub and I sank into the warm water.

“You too?” I asked scooting forward. He smiled at me and removed his clothes. I fucking loved watching him drag his tee shirts over his head. It’s weird how sexy guys can look doing that.

He climbed in behind me, and I relaxed into his chest.

“How are you doing?” He asked, stroking my arm.

“I am so good. That was really fun.” I answered with a contented sigh. “I also love this bit. And you. I feel really lucky.”

Chris made a cute little sound, somewhere between a hum and a chuckle.

“How about you? How are you doing?” I asked him.

“Yeah, I am really good. Thank you for such an amazing distraction.” He kissed the side of my neck. “I know you were joking when you asked if I wanted to control you as a way to deal with my shit, but the way you just surrendered your control to me then, and did everything I asked of you. I don’t know, just gave me a different perspective. I do have it kind of great. I need to stop over thinking every little thing.”

“Yay, for sex!”

“Yay.” Chris laughed. “You know, I think I might look into therapy. I’ve kind of been up in my head way too much lately.”

“Sex therapy?”

Chris lost it, I had to sit forward for a second while he doubled over with laughter. “Yes, sex therapy, ya fucking meatball.”

I snuggled back into his chest and closed my eyes. “I’m glad though. You should. I love you so much, and I just want you to be happy.”

“I love you too. And here, right now, I am happy.”

 


	23. Chapter 23

The following morning after our run, I was trying to get a look at my back in the mirror to see how bad the marks were, and if I needed to be careful with the clothes I selected for the next week or so when I was out in public. Chris stepped out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist and watched me for a second as I twisted, trying to see properly.

“What are you doing?” He asked with a laugh.

“I want to see how bad the marks are, but I can’t see properly. Take a photo of it for me.”

He raised his eyebrow. “Okay.” He said. He went to the bedside table and grabbed his phone. “Now, before I do, I need you to stand right here.” He took my shoulder and shuffled me so I was facing the mirror, but just off to the side. “And put your hand right, here.” He placed my hand on the edge of the mirror.

I laughed, shaking my head, as Chris snapped a few photos. He threw his phone to me, and I looked them over. Considering how they were just taken on a phone, they were really beautiful. Mostly it was my naked back, five thin, dark bruises lining me. One across my shoulders. One where my waist was smallest. Two intersecting across the curve of my bum, the purple turning a dark black where the lines crossed over and finally a perfect line along the top of my thighs.

In the mirror you could see me smiling, one breast was visible, the pink nipple a dark contrast to the pale cream of my skin. My stomach was tight and taut, and there was just the shadow of pubic hair could be seen. You could also see Chris behind me, reflected in the mirror, he had a devious, hungry smile on his face, and the phone held out in front of his firm, naked torso.

I looked up at Chris. “Damn. This girl is hot!” I said. “And you get to have sex with her?”

Chris shook his head. “I know, I can’t believe it either. She’s also really smart. God knows what she’s doing with this meatball.” He wrapped his arms around me.

“Maybe she’s one of those hot girls, that people are too intimidated to approach. I might ask her out.”

“You totally should.” He leaned in and we kissed.

“Ugh, I can’t believe you’re going to be away for a whole month,” I said, pushing my face into his chest.

“Yeah. It sucks. We’ll be okay though.” He stroked his hands through my hair. “I’m keeping this photo though. For reasons. I’ll text it to you. You should have a copy too.” He pushed his face into my neck and nibbled on the sensitive skin. I let out a soft moan and wrapped my arms around his neck, one sliding up into his wet hair.

He ran a hand down my stomach to my groin. Teasing in and out of my folds.

His phone rang and he answered it, still pressed up against me, still teasing me with his fingers.

“Hello?” He said, his voice low and husky. “What? Who? Oh, hi.” He pulled away from me and went and sat on the bed. I let out a frustrated sigh. I gave him a questioning look and he waved me away, so I went and took a shower while he spoke.

When I was out of the shower I came back into the bedroom, drying my hair with a towel. Chris was still talking, but the conversation seemed to be wrapping up. I went into the walk in and started getting dressed. Just jeans and a t-shirt with the X-Men logo on it. As I was pulling on the shirt, Chris appeared at the closet door.

“That was Robert Downey Jr.” He said simply.

“Shut up!” I said smacking him in the chest. “It was not.”

“It was. He wants me to do Captain America.”

“He fucking does not!” I yelped and I hit him again. He grabbed my wrists and held them in front of me.

“I think I’m going to do it.”

“You are?”

“Yeah, I can’t just let fear dictate what I do. I’m going to say yes.”

I leaned up and pecked him on the lips. “I just kissed Captain America,” I said.

“We need to talk.” He said suddenly turning quite serious. He led me back into the bedroom and sat me on the edge of the bed.

“This means I’m actually filming straight through location shoots from the start of February all the way until the end of October.”

I counted the months off my fingers. “That’s eight months” I cried and fell back onto the bed. “We’ve only known each other seven.”

“I know, it’s going to be tough. It will really test us. Are you willing to try?”

“Of course I am, Chris.”

He leaned over me and kissed me.

“Chris. When I found out who you were, I started looking up about actors and stuff. I was reading that it’s really common for castmates to have affairs when away on location, because of being alone, and in such an intimate situation.”  
“Emily, don’t.” Chris groaned.

“No, let me finish.” I sighed “It’s just, I’ve been cheated on. I can’t have it happen again. If you need to sleep with someone when we’re apart. You have my permission. Just be honest with me, okay?”

“Emily, I’m not going to sleep with anyone else. And I don’t want your permission to. I want you to not want me to.”

“I don’t want you to. But I get it if you do, that’s all I’m saying. And don’t lie to me about it.”

Chris groaned and rolled onto his back. We lay side by side on the bed, our fingers laced together absentmindedly.

“Well, I’m not giving you permission to cheat on me.” He said.

“I don’t need it.”

“What?” He said sounding hurt. He pushed himself up on one arm and looked down at me.

“No! That’s not what I meant.” I said quickly. “I mean, I can go without sex. I was a year between partners last time. And it’s not the same, I won’t be in this weirdly highly emotional away from family and friends, kissing people for work situation as you will. Besides, while you’re away I’m mostly going to be alone anyway. I finish teaching in March. Then I have my field research, which is just me, out in the desert alone. You don’t need to worry about me. I’ll be here. I’ll probably even come visit you.”

“Well, I’m not fucking anyone else.”

“But if you do …”

“I’m not.”

“But if …”

He sat up and grabbed my shoulders. “Emily. Stop it!”

I ran a finger along his cheek. “I’m sorry. It’s just … I’ve been hurt before by someone I loved. I don’t want to lose you.”

Chris made a frustrated noise in the back of his throat. “I’m not Jessica.”

“Yeah, you’ve slept with way more people than Jessica ever did.”

That hurt him. I could see it in his face, and I wanted to turn back time, pull my words back into me.

“Before I met you. Not during.” He said softly.

I grabbed him behind the neck and pulled him down to me, burying my face into his shoulder. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” I said. “That was cruel. I didn’t mean it. I know you aren’t Jessica. I’m just scared. I can’t bear the thought of not being able to trust you.”

“Then please, just trust me.” He pleaded.

“I’m sorry. I do.” We lay together like that for a few minutes. Not saying anything.

“While I’m away, I plan to take East with me. I usually do. But Captain America is in England, and it’s not really practical for him to go. Do you think you could stay here with him for me?” Chris asked, breaking the silence.

“Of course I will.”

“Also, do you think that instead of staying here, you could live here.”

I pushed Chris off of me and sat up.

“Did you just ask me to move in with you?”

“Maybe.” He said sitting up. He took my hands in his. “I am really worried about us. Making this commitment, maybe it will help us remember that we’re serious.”

“I don’t know, Chris. It feels kind of wrong. You not being here. Having me move in, so I wait for you? I wasn’t planning on going anywhere.”

“That’s not how I meant it. I just …” He trailed off. I waited silently, just looking at him. “I don’t really see LA as my home at all. My home is Boston. Ya know?”

I nodded.

“Well, I have been feeling more and more like you’re my home too. I want you to be here, so when I think about going home, it’s to you.”

My heart felt like it was going to burst. I grabbed his face with my hands and kissed him, deeply and fiercely.

“Okay, Chris.” I breathed. “Let’s do this.”


	24. Chapter 24

Over the course of the next two weeks, before Chris had to leave for Texas, we moved my stuff from my house to his. I ended up getting rid of most of my stuff. Not the personal things, but all the furniture and kitchen wear (except the kettle, why do American’s not have kettles?) and whatever just want to charity. I’d bought most of it at charity only seven months ago anyway, so it was silly to hold onto it. It made the move go a lot easier, it just being books, clothes and whatever other weird things I’d bought myself. The biggest problem I had was that I was leaving my cable contract a year and a half before I was supposed to be. It involved a lot of money to pay it out. Lucky I didn’t have to worry about rent anymore I guess.

Chris accepted the role of Captain America officially and signed all the contracts. It didn’t seem to help calm his nervous energy about it at all. He would swing wildly between thinking it was going to be horrible and ruin his life or popular and ruin his life. He did, however, search out therapy like he had said he was going to. I hoped desperately it would help.

All too soon it was February and he was leaving. I saw him off at the airport and thus began the loneliest 8 months I’d ever experienced.

I felt strange living at Chris’ house. He had said it was our house and that I could do whatever I needed to make it feel like that while he was away but without him there, it just felt like I was a house sitter. It was all his stuff arranged the way he wanted it and I felt weird moving things. Not that I had a lot to move anyway. My books went on his shelves and I made room for my clothes in the walk in, but even doing that made me feel like I was intruding or overstepping my place.

I had nowhere to work. At my own place, I’d just had a desk that I’d strewn papers over. Chris had a desk too. Not an office. There were two spare rooms here one was a guest room, the other was the gym. If there had been an office I might have moved a desk into it, but he just had a little alcove upstairs with the desk. It had his own papers and computer. It was his space. I ended up just setting up on the dining table figuring while he was away it wasn’t going to be used as a dining table.

Work was quite busy. I was only teaching one class this quarter. I was really prepping for the actual fieldwork and went out to the desert on the weekends a few times, sussing out local coyote populations getting my preliminary notes ready.

Gaby was really awesome, to begin with, she knew I’d be lost, so she made all the amazing crazy plans for us. We went to San Diego and got drunk in Old Town on highly overpriced margaritas. We went to a showing of Rocky Horror in costume. We started going to a role-playing group, which wasn’t really my thing, but Gaby loved it, and I loved seeing her love things. Unfortunately, it was here she met Richard.

“Fucking Richard.” I seethed.

It was three weeks into February and Chris would soon be wrapping up filming, and moving on to Boston for the next project. We had a text every day, call once every three days, and Skype once a week thing going on that was working pretty well so far. The calls were kind of a bit more frequent than that, but we were young and in new love. So it was hard to let practicality dictate everything we did. We were Skyping now. He was lying on his bed in a hotel room, a tight white t-shirt on and his boxer shorts. East was lying between him and the screen. I had found a Captain America shield shirt in a baby doll cut, and I  _had_  to wear it for him So I just had it on over a pair of dark blue panties, sitting cross-legged on the sofa, the computer on the coffee table in front of me.

“Are you sure you aren’t just jealous, babe,” Chris said. “I mean, you’ve never seen Gaby with a boyfriend before. You guys are kind of a bit married to each other.”

“I’m not jealous. He’s just a fucking misogynistic neckbeard, and I have no idea what the fuck Gaby sees in him. She’s way too good for him.” I clenched and released my fists as I spoke. “You know, when I last saw him, I had that Iron Man 2 shirt on. You know the one Kevin gave you to give me when you went and signed the contracts. He questioned me for thirty fucking minutes on Iron Man comic book facts, and when I finally didn’t know the answer he said ‘Oh, see I knew you were a fake comic fan. You just like the films because of Robert Downey Jr.’ I could have punched him out.”

“Well Gaby likes him, so I guess you’re just going to have to make an effort.”

“I  _am_  making an effort. I am perfectly nice. He told me –  _while Gaby was out of the room I might add_  – that he didn’t think I should hang around her anymore, because whatever this lesbian attraction I had for her was, it was disgusting and not healthy. Oh, but he’d let us have a three-way if I thought it might help me move on.”

Chris cracked up laughing. “Charming. Well, it’s only been a couple of weeks, right? Maybe she’ll see him for what he is and dump him, and you can go back to your regular lesbian attraction.”

“Fuck, I hope so.” I ran my hand down my face. “I feel terrible saying that. I want her to be happy. I want her to find someone to make whatever version of a family will make her happy. There is definitely a part of me that’s like 'except not right now because right now I need her.’ But mostly I just fucking hate fucking Richard.”

“So here’s some news for you. We’ve been talking about fucking Richard for half an hour now.”

“I’m sorry.” I groaned. “How’s work going?”

“It’s good. I’m having fun.” Chris rolled on his stomach and rubbed his arm, I noticed a huge tattoo taking up most of his bicep.

“Is that real?” I said pointing at the screen. “The tat,” I added when Chris looked extremely confused.

He laughed. “No, it’s for the role. They’re everywhere.” He started showing me his arms, where all the fake tattoos were. “Oh, but I do have a new one.” He pulled his shirt off and revealed a whole slew of tattoos all over him. On his ribs, chest, both arms. “This one here.” He tapped a passage of writing that stretched over his left clavicle.

“I like it. What’s it say?”

“It’s a quote from Eckhart Tolle that has really kind of resonated with me. I thought it was important to keep it close. 'When you lose touch with inner stillness, you lose touch with yourself. When you lose touch with yourself, you lose yourself in the world.’”

“That’s lovely. I really like it.” I sighed. “It’s also really sexy. And I want to touch it. With my mouth.”

 ****Chris shook his head and laughed. “You’re such a freak.”

“Don’t pretend you don’t love it.” I teased, bunching the front of my shirt up in my fists, so it rode up showing my belly button.“

"Check out this fake one down my spine,” Chris said rolling over. There was a long row of script running down the centre of his back. Somehow the dark lettering highlighted how muscled and toned the rest of his back was. I can’t quite explain it. It was a nice effect.

“I quite want to touch that one with my mouth too.”

“That would just wash it off, you dummy,” Chris said rolling back to face the computer screen.

A little wave of sadness washed over me. “I really miss you. I for real, just want to bury my face in your chest right now.”

“I know. I miss you too. When do you think you’ll be able to come out and see me in Boston?”

I chewed on my thumb. “I could probably come for a week or so around the 24th of March. That’s after exams. I come up, see you come back and get serious about the research bit of my job. So I guess that’s a month away.”

Chris groaned. “I’m so horny. Take off your shirt.”

I covered my mouth in mock shock. “How dare you, sir! How dare you! I don’t know what kind of lady you think I am, but I am insulted!”

“Come on. Just take it off, I want to see you. It’s been three weeks” He pushed East off the bed.

I started to lift the shirt up, dragging the material close to my skin. When I reached my breasts I paused. “I don’t know … maybe you should ask much more nicely than that.”

“Emily …” He whined.

I pulled the shirt up over my head and threw it to the side, but I let my hair fall down so it was covering my breasts. Chris whined again.

“You are the worst. The worst person ever.”

I feigned shock again. “Well, I guess we have nothing to talk about anymore. See ya round, Christopher.” I said leaning forward, pretending I was going to quit the call.

“Don’t be like that. Just let me see you. You know you want to.”

I sat back and tossed my hair back over my shoulders.

“That’s nice. Touch 'em for me.” He purred.

I ran my hands up my stomach and caressed the underside of my breasts. “Like this?” I breathed.

He reached into his boxers and started to rub his cock, up and down. “Harder, squeeze them.”

I started to apply pressure, massaging and squeezing my flesh. My skin tingled, and I squirmed in my seat.

“Pinch your nipples.” He ordered. I traced my fingers around my areolas, and then took each nipple between a thumb and forefinger, pinching. Gently at first and then increasing the pressure. I let out a soft moan and closed my eyes, my mouth dropping open.

Chris made a sound that was like a hungry growl. “You are so beautiful, Emily.” He said. “Stand up, turn around.”

I did as I was told. I stood, staring at the wall, not even sure what Chris could see.

“Take off your panties, slowly.” He said. His breath was getting shallower and his voice raspy.

I pulled my underwear down, bending over so he could get the view of my arse that I knew he wanted. I dragged the fabric slowly down over my thighs, pulling it so it bit into my flesh. When they were all the way down, I stood up and stepped out of them.

“Fuck,” Chris growled slowly. “Sit back down, legs spread.”

I sat back in front of the computer pulling my legs up tight in front of me. Covering my body.

“Oh don’t be shy.” He cooed.

“How come I don’t get to see you?” I asked.

“I took my shirt off first.”

I raised my eyebrows at him and he pulled off his boxers. I watched as he rubbed his cock. It twitched with every stroke.

I lowered my legs and spread them for him.

“Stroke your pussy for me, Emily.”

I teased my hand over my pubic mound, stroking the hair, and then inserted two fingers between my folds. I sighed as my cunt tingled with pleasure and anticipation.

“Are you wet, Emily?”

“Mm-hmm.”

“I wish I could taste you. Tell me what you taste like.”

His words made me squirm. I squeezed my thighs closed on my hand. Slowly I removed my fingers and brought them to my mouth, licking them clean.

“Tart, musky.” I breathed.

Chris laughed. “Not my girl. My girl tastes sweet.” I smiled at him, biting my fingers gently. “Keep touching yourself, Em.”

I returned my hand to my pussy, stroking up and down.

“If I was there that would be my tongue. I’d be drinking all of you up. Would you like that?”

I moaned at the thought. “Yes. Please.”

I started circling my clit, pushing on it. My body tensed up as little jolts of pleasure pulsed through me.  I started to moan.

“Insert some fingers into yourself,” Chris said. He had picked up speed with his own stroking.

“How many?” I asked

Chris chuckled. “Oh Em, you are going to kill me here.” He groaned and shifted on the bed. “Two. Use two.”

I continued rubbing on my clit and inserted two fingers from my other hand into my cunt. I swirled them inside me, moved them in and out, clenched myself against them. With every movement, the pleasure built inside me, welling up. I was moaning and panting. I stared at Chris as he worked on his cock, rubbing and pumping his fist up and down his length.

“Yeah, Em. Think about my dick, while you fuck your hand. I want to be inside you.”

I whimpered at the thought and bucked my hips against my hand. “I want you, Chris. I want you to be doing this.”

Chris groaned. He was close. His whole body was tense. “I know, baby. I wish I was. Tell me what you’d want me to do.”

I increased the speed of my movements and the pressure on my clit. “I want you to hold me down. My hands pinned above my head by one of yours.” I breathed. “You’d be sucking on my nipple, playfully biting me. Your dick would be deep inside my cunt. You’d be fucking me. Hard. Pounding into me.”

His whole body tensed, his muscles strained. His hips bucked and he came onto his stomach. “Fuck yes, Em.” He groaned. “Are you close, baby?” He asked as he cleaned himself up.

I was panting, as I worked my hands on my cunt. “I don’t know,” I whined.

“Lie back on the couch. Give yourself to it.”

I shifted sideways and lay back bringing my legs up onto the sofa.

“Close your eyes, Em.”

I did, focusing on my fingers and his voice.

“Think of the time we first had sex. I’d just finished going down on you, and you pushed me back on the bed and rode me. While I was deep inside your pussy, I was stroking your clit. Remember how that felt.”

I was so close now. There was an orgasm filling me. I was fucking my hand, my hips thrusting up and down, as I pushed in and out of myself, putting pressure on my g-spot. Pinching my clit.

“Please, oh god.” I moaned.

“Come for me, baby girl.” Chris crooned.

“I can’t – it won’t …” I panted.

“Yes, you can. And you will. You are mine, and you will let me watch you come.” His voice was deep and stern. The voice of my dom. It was just what I needed. I cursed as a came, waves of pleasure coursing through me.

I opened my eyes and slowly stroked myself as the little shock waves slowed down and then stopped.

“Thank you, Chris,” I said, sitting up. I was shivering and I pulled my t-shirt back on.

“No. Thank you. The memory of watching you tonight is going to keep me going for a few more weeks.” He grinned.  


	25. Chapter 25

As Gaby and Richard’s relationship progressed over the next month, I saw less and less of her. I would see her at work on occasion, and I would force myself to go to the role-playing group because I knew she’d be there with Richard. Apart from that, we mostly just spoke on the phone. It felt like I’d lost both my best friends in the course of less than two months. It became a regular feature for me not to actually interact with people in person at all over the weekends. I’d either go to Joshua Tree and work or stay at home watching Chris’ old movies on a loop. I was just - alone.

I ended up going to a doctor about how I was feeling. It just felt like I was constantly circling the drain. He put me on some anti-depressants. I took them twice, hated how foggy they made me feel and stopped taking them. Instead, I just started working out all the time. I probably spent 3 hours in Chris’ home gym a day. I would run into work and home. Something that took an hour and a half each way. When I did I’d practice my free running, mostly around the steps and strange concrete structures around the University. This, of course, attracted dumb boys who wanted to out parkour me. I didn’t really care. It was like their jeers and sexual innuendo proved I was actually worth something. I also started buying pot from one of them. I mostly used it to help me sleep, I didn’t get any enjoyment from it.

Towards the end of term, Gaby approached me about coming over and working on the exams for our classes together. I was so excited. A reason we could hang out without Richard there. We agreed she’d come around to my place on Saturday, and we could do some work, and then maybe just hang. Play Mario Kart or something. She seemed as excited as I was.

Saturday arrived. I was buzzing. I’d over catered for snacks, which I put out on the back patio. Gaby arrived at ten in the morning. She wasn’t alone. I was devastated.

“Hey, Emmy.” Gaby greeted me at the door with a huge hug. “Richard wanted to tag along. I told him it would just be boring, but he insisted. I hope you don’t mind.”

“No, that’s fine. The more the merrier.” I said trying to sound enthusiastic. “Hi, Richard, come in.”

I led them both through the house and downstairs.

“Nice place, Emily. Do you live here alone?” Richard asked. The words sounded accusatory.

“Sort of,” I answered, as we stepped out on the patio. I don’t know why I didn’t just say no. That it was my boyfriend’s house. I didn’t want to talk to him about Chris. Not with fucking Richard. I wanted Richard to think I was an actual threat to him. That I was a lesbian, and I only wanted her.

We sat down around the table, Gaby and I opening our laptops and pulling out piles of paperwork.

“How can you afford it? You have the same job as Gaby. Gaby lives in a small flat with roommates. Gaby, did you let them screw you over on your contract?”

I actually felt myself soften a little hearing him be worried about her like that.

“I don’t live in that flat because I can’t afford bigger,” Gaby said. “I like living with those guys.”

“Then we’ll be talking about that later.” Richard seethed and all goodwill left me. “You couldn’t afford this though.”

Gaby laughed. “No, I couldn’t afford this.”

“Then how are you doing it, Emily?”

I rolled my eyes. “I’m fucking my landlord. It’s tough, but you know, while he’s pounding away I just keep the thought of my three bedroom, three bath in the Hollywood Hills in my head.”

Gaby laughed and put a hand on Richard’s arm like she was soothing him. “She lives here with her boyfriend.”

“Well, where is he?”

I ran my finger over my throat implying I’d killed him.

Gaby looked at me like I was hurting her. I suddenly felt so guilty. Maybe Gaby didn’t want him here either. He was definitely a control freak. Was me acting like this going to have consequences for her later on? Did she need my help?

“Sorry,” I said. “He’s out of town filming a movie.”

“He just leaves you here alone?” Richard asked. Not like he was sad for me or worried. More like he couldn’t believe someone would trust me to be alone. Like I was a child. Or maybe just waiting to be left alone so I could fuck all the things.

“Yes?” I answered making the word a question.

Richard went to say something else, but Gaby cut in. “We have a lot of work to do, sweetie. So we better get on with it. You wanna go hop in the hot tub or something?”

“Nah, I’ll just play WoW. Can I get your WiFi password?”

I opened my phone and switched it to display the WiFi password and handed it to him. Then Gaby and I got to work.

It became long and boring. Anytime Gaby and I veered off topic, Richard would turn and glare at us. At about half-past eleven I heard my phone ring, but I couldn’t figure out where it was straight away. I then noticed Richard was holding it.

“Err … can I have that?” I asked him. He threw it to me and I answered.

“Hey, babe.” It was Chris.

“Hi!” I said a little too enthusiastically. “Today isn’t a calling day.”

“I know, I’m just in my trailer, and I’ve been naked on set all morning. Kind of made me wish I was with you.”

“I have Gaby here.”

“Oh man.” Chris groaned. “I’m happy to hear that though. I hate how lonely you’ve been lately. Are you having fun?”

“Not really.”

“Richard there too?”

“You guessed it.”

“Be nice, Emily,” Chris said sternly.

I sighed. “I’m trying. I better go. Skype tomorrow?”

“You got it. Love you.”

“Love you too.”

Gaby ended up leaving as soon as work was done. She seemed so sad. We had planned to work on out cosplay ideas for our trip to San Diego Comic Con in July. I started wondering if Richard would even let her go. Something was not right with that guy at all. I hoped that Gaby wasn’t going to get hurt. I just wanted to help her, but I felt helpless about it. I had no idea at all what I could do to make her see him for what he was or to help her get away from him if she didn’t want to.

I went into the gym. I really needed to hit something.


	26. Chapter 26

Exams ended, reviews came in. Everything seemed fine, and I was going to see Chris. It hadn’t even been two months. How the hell was I going to last six more? I came through the airport gates, dragging my carry-on behind me, and looked around. Chris had said someone would be picking me up. I wasn’t sure if that was someone I would know, like maybe his mum, or just a driver. So I scoured the crowd. I finally saw a man, wearing jeans, a white tee and a leather jacket with sunglasses and a baseball cap standing off to the side by himself holding a sign with my name on it. I headed over to him, and as I got closer I recognised him. My heart rate sped up like crazy.

“Hello, Chris Pratt holding a sign with my name on it,” I said as I reached him.

“Hello, Emily.” He said laughing. He dragged me into a hug and I clung to him a rather awkwardly long time.

He took my bag from me and beckoned me to follow him.

“Um … Why is Chris Pratt picking me up from the airport?” I asked him as we entered the car park. I couldn’t believe how stupidly star stuck I was, but I loved Parks and Recreation.

Chris chuckled.  "My wife heard you were arriving today, and she was pretty adamant that she get to meet the girl who can put up with Evans for any significant period of time. So she told me I had to come get you.“

Chris drove me straight to the studio where they were shooting today. We chatted in the car. I tried so hard to be casual, but I don’t know what it was, my highly wound emotional state, being driven anywhere by Chris Pratt, I just felt like a fucking idiot. My face was burning, and I could feel my pulse in my ears. It wasn’t really until Chris pulled into the studio parking lot that I actually felt like I was just chatting with an actual human being.

He grabbed my bag from the boot of the car and led me towards a row of trailers.

"I warn you, Chris. When I see him, I’m going to ditch you so fast. I won’t be able to help it.”

Chris laughed. “I understand. It’s really hard being away from your loved ones for such long periods. When I see Anna after being apart for a while, I can’t keep my hands off her. But it could be worse. We’re actors. We aren’t serving in the military. You can visit. You know they’re coming home safe and sound.”

I smiled. He was right. I needed some perspective.

And then I saw him. He was standing facing away from us, in his boxers outside of trailer talking to a small blond woman who I assumed was Anna. She was wrapped in a white robe. My heart skipped a beat and I ran, launching myself at his back. He instinctively grabbed my legs when I landed on him and I buried my face in his neck. Tears were pricking my eyes.

“Well, I really hope that’s Emily.” Anna laughed.

“Me too quite frankly,” Chris said and dropped me to my feet. He turned to face me and when he looked at my face, he smiled so brightly and dragged me into him. I snuggled into his chest. My stomach was full of butterflies and I was really worried I was about to start crying.

“Aw… aren’t these two gross,” Pratt said catching up to us.

“It’s sweet. They missed each other.” Anna said.

Chris relaxed his arms from around me and ran a hand down my cheek. “Hey, Em.”

“Hello.” I smiled.

Chris introduced me to Anna, and we shook hands.

“See, you look way more normal than I expected,” Anna said to me. “When I think about who could possibly put up with Evans for more than a few hours at a time, I figured they had to be crazy.”

“Give it time.” Chris laughed. I pinched him on the side. He squirmed away from me “Ow, Em, that really hurt.” He grabbed my hand and twisted it behind my back.

Anna and the other Chris both laughed at us. “Didn’t even need any time. Totally get it now. We might leave you guys alone. Nice to meet you, Emily. I hope we can get to know each other a bit better later on. Evans, back on set in say 40 minutes?”

I followed Chris into his trailer, and as the door shut behind us, he picked me up and pushed me against it. I wrapped my legs around his waist and clung to his neck as he kissed me with such urgent passion I felt like I couldn’t breathe. He pushed my skirt up, and ground against me, his hand gripping my arse. I moaned into his mouth.

His hand ran up my thigh and his fingers probed into my cunt, I was already wet. I wanted him. I was ready for him.

“Fuck foreplay, Chris. Just fuck me. I want you inside of me, right now.” I growled, breaking our kiss. He made this guttural moaning sound and pushed his boxers down. He tore the crotch out of my underwear and thrust inside of me. I gasped, throwing my head back. “Yes! Oh, fuck yes … I need this. I need you.” I panted.

He thrust in and out of my cunt, as I clung to him, squeezing against his cock with my inner walls. He gripped my arse with one hand while the other held me behind my back. It was like his mouth was permanently attached to my neck, kissing, biting, sucking at my skin.

He never spoke. We were just animals now giving in to this base need that we had been denied for the past two months. And neither of us lasted long. I came first, making this primal noise from deep within me as I did, digging my nails into the muscle of his back. He came shortly after, spilling deep inside of me.

He set me on my feet, but we didn’t let go of each other. Just clung together, breathing each other in.

I started to cry.

“Em. What’s wrong?” Chris asked. He sat me down on a sofa by the door, and crouched in front of me, taking my hands in his.

I shook my head. “I’ve just been feeling so alone. I thought I’d be okay. I’ve been alone before. I spent three months alone in China. I used to actively seek it out, but it’s like I’ve forgotten how. With you away, and now Gaby basically ignoring me. I can’t …” I broke down sobbing.

Chris tucked a piece of my hair behind my ear. “You’ve been having a hard time, huh?”

“I wish I was a stronger person.”

“I don’t know how that’s possible. You’re an amazingly strong person. Look at what you’ve done, Emily. You came out as bi to your completely unsupportive family. You could have stayed in the closet. You’ve forgiven them and accepted that same family despite the fact they still don’t really accept you. You got a Ph.D. with no support. You moved to a country where you don’t even speak the language. And then you moved here, with no friends, no family. Yet somehow the whole time you’ve just kept your heart open for everyone. I am in awe of you.”

I took a shuddering breath, and with a trembling hand, I traced over Chris’ collarbone where I could see the shadow of his new tattoo covered by makeup.

“How come having people I love means I can no longer do those kinds of things anymore? I can’t even be by myself for two months without becoming a fucking wreck.”

“Having people you love hasn’t made you weak, Em. It’s made it so you don’t always have to pretend.”

I hugged him. “You should write a book,” I said

Chris looked at the clock. “Fuck, Em. I have to get back. You wanna stay here? It’s a closed set, so I don’t think you can come with. I can call a car to take you to mom’s if you want.”

“I’ll wait here.”

“Okay. I’ll try and be perfect so we can wrap early. If you get really tired and want to leave just leave me a note, okay?”

He dashed into the bathroom and cleaned himself up a little, and then pulled his boxers back on.

“There’s food and beer in the fridge. I can get my assistant to bring you something if you want.”

I shook my head. “I’ll be fine. Just go. I love you.”

He gave me a brief kiss. “Love you too. See you in a bit.”

I had a look in the fridge. Chris’ idea of food was a pack of Starburst jelly beans and jerky. I took out a beer and then got out my laptop. Opening up Facebook I was greeted by a message from Gaby telling me to have a good time with Chris and that she’d hoped we could spend more time together when I got back in town. I sent her some pictures of potential cosplay ideas and told her if she made plans I’d be there. My friend Gemma from primary school also posted a link to the announcement about Chris being the new Captain America to my feed asking if that was my Chris Evans because they sure did look similar. I wasn’t sure if I should reply. Right now, my Facebook profile, while not public, was kind of an open book about me. I posted regular photos and updates. I basically lived on it. I didn’t add people just willy-nilly, but I was happy to add almost anyone I’d interacted with in some way outside of Facebook. Whether that be at a party, or just on a forum for Harry Potter fans. So there was a tonne of people I had as friends that I couldn’t totally be sure I could trust to keep my private stuff private.

I was strumming my fingers over the keys, contemplating what to say when there was a rap on the trailer door. I opened it to find Chris’ assistant standing there with a plate of sandwiches and pastries. “Mr. Evans asked me to bring this to you.” He said.

I took the plate and thanked him profusely.

I sat back down in front of the computer and quickly typed ‘maybe’ in answer to Gemma. A knot formed in my stomach. I honestly didn’t really care too much about things about me getting out. I mean who would really care? I know some people got obsessive about a celebrity to the point that they wanted to know every detail about every person in their life, but generally, most people couldn’t give a shit unless the other person was also a celebrity. It’s not like I had anything I felt the need to hide either. Chris, however, was really private, and I didn’t want to accidentally leak information about him just because I was an open book.

I took a bite from one of the sandwiches and looked for a way to distract myself. After scrolling through my feed and leaving a few comments to friends I decided to go and lie down. I must have been exhausted because I woke up to Chris stroking my arm.

“Hey, Emily. We’re wrapped for the day. Shall we go home?”

I sat up rubbing my eyes. It was starting to go dark outside “Oh fuck, I’ll never get to sleep tonight now.”

“That’s okay,” Chris said, pulling me to my feet. “I hadn’t really planned to let you sleep anyway.”


	27. Chapter 27

Being back with Chris’ mum was so lovely. It was like having a warm blanket of love draped around me. Not that it was necessarily directed at me specifically but just being present among it felt amazing. I was also disgustingly excited to see East. After dinner that night, Chris and I went into the yard and played a weird game of football that involved kicking the ball for East to chase. Wrestling it off him and then tackling the person who managed to get East to give it to them.

Chris and I were just lying on the ground together, East dancing around us after I had tackled Chris to the ground. Chris grabbed my arm trying to pull himself free.

“Man, you are ripped at the moment, Em. Have you been working out?”

I sat up “Yeah, a fair bit. I – um …” I waved my hands around looking for the words “Coping mechanism.”

“See I binge eat,” Chris said. “Exercise is for work.”

I shook my head. “I eat when I’m happy. I actually find food hard to keep down when I’m having anxiety shit. And I like to punish my body so that when it hurts bad enough I can think about that instead of whatever it is that’s bothering me.”

Chris looked at me like I was at risk of suddenly shattering. Like I was a glass doll being held by a small child.

“Oh fuck. Sorry. Don’t worry about me. I’m fine.” I hugged him around the waist. “Just talking.”

Chris sighed and pressed his mouth to the top of my head. “Have you gone to see your doctor?” He asked.

“Yeah, he gave me antidepressants. But I felt all foggy so I stopped taking them. I’m fine though. Really. I mean, I’m not  _fine_. But I’m not going to hurt myself.”

“Emily …”

“I promise, Chris.” I groaned. “I’m not, not eating. It’s just something that happens when my anxiety is super bad. I’ve just been working out heaps this time. That’s all. Focuses me on something else.”

He didn’t seem convinced, but he dropped it. “Shall we go inside? Bugs are coming out.” He asked me.

I agreed and we went inside. Lisa was watching TV. We said our good nights and headed up to bed, quite early actually. Not at all suspicious what we were planning. Not at all.

I sat on the edge of his bed, my feet swinging over the edge. Chris just stood at the door. He was looking at me with this sadness in his eyes.

“Chris?”

“Emily. I am really worried about you. I don’t think I am equipped to deal with what’s happening in your head right now.” He said.

“Oh god.” I cried. It felt like my heart suddenly stopped. I started gulping down air, and I scrambled back on the bed. “You’re breaking up with me. You had a break from me, and now you’ve realised how fucking broken I am and you don’t want to be with me anymore.”

“Emily! No!” Chris said, rushing to me, and taking me in his arms. “That isn’t it at all.”

I burst into tears.

“You were my rock when I was dealing with all that fear. I would never abandon you like that. I love you but right now you are really hurting. And it scares me because I can’t physically be there to help you. I can’t be your rock. I’m really worried that you’re going to do something, and I’ll lose you. When you get back to LA, I want you to go get help. Either tell your doctor you can’t take those meds so he can try something else, or start seeing someone. Can you please do that for me?”

“I’m okay though.” I sobbed.

“Em, this is the second time you’ve cried in front of me today. I know you’re always kind of on the brink of crying for some reason or other. You saw a cute puppy, someone had a baby, Bambi’s mother got shot, that puppy came back again. But even for you, today has been excessive. Just do it for me, Em. Please.”

“You cry because of Bambi’s mother too.”

He laughed. “I know! It’s fucking horrible. Poor Bambi, he had to raise himself. Even still, I want you to get help when you’re home.”

I took a deep shuddering breath. “Okay.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

“You should go meet some people too. Find some new friends.”

“I do that role-playing thing.” I offered up lamely.

“You hate that though. What about the Harry Potter people?” He suggested stroking his fingers down my cheek.

I shrugged. “They only meet once every couple of months. I’ll go if they do something.”

“What about those parkour friends. The ‘stupid boys’ as you like to call them.”

“They call me a skank.”

“They must know you really well.”

He leaned in and kissed me, taking my face into his hand. I closed my eyes and tilted my head into it. I let him guide me down into the bed, so I was lying on my back, and he was hovered over me. He hooked one arm under my head, and the other he was using to holding himself above me. He moved one leg between my two, and I reached down and slid my hands up under his shirt, running my nails over the ridges of his stomach. I started pulling his shirt up, and he sat up and pulled it off. For the first time I got to see his new tattoo clearly, and I sat up and ran my fingers over it, tracing the lettering. I pressed my mouth to it, kissing and dancing my tongue over it. Chris let out a soft moan and pushed me back onto the bed.

He started kissing my neck and along my collarbone, pushing the straps of my dress down. I pulled him down on top of me, so his groin was pressed into mine, our legs were tangled together. His hands slipped behind my back and he deftly unhooked my bra, sliding both it and the straps from my dress free from my arms, exposing my breasts. He immediately took a nipple into his mouth and began to suck and nibble on it. My body was tingling all over. I was so turned on and ready for him, my nipples were hard to the point of it being painful. His mouth set sparks through me, and I moaned and arched my back. I reached for his pants and began fumbling with the fly.

“Slow down. We have all the time in the world.” Chris whispered taking one of my hands and pulling it up to his chest. I tangled my fingers into his chest hair and ran them over one of his nipples as he went back to sucking on one of mine.

It felt like he spent forever, just exploring my breasts. He would move from one to the other, massaging them, kissing them, sucking, biting. Every sense of mine was alight. I arched my back, and ground my hips into him. I would go from bunching my fists in the sheets, to running them through his hair, down his back, grabbing his arms. Slowly and deliberately he began trailing his mouth down my stomach, dragging the material of my dress before him. When he finally slid the material over my arse, he sat up, and pulled it free, tossing it in the corner. He pushed my legs up and apart and began kissing me along the inside of my thighs. I couldn’t decide if this slow, methodical attention to my body was torture or bliss.

He reached my pubic mound. I was so wet. My panties were soaked, and as he brought his face up to my pussy, he inhaled deeply. He pushed the fabric of my panties to one side and slid his tongue between my folds. Just briefly. Tasting me.

He sat back up, and I whined and squeezed my knees together. Chris laughed. “We only fucked earlier today. Calm down.” He whispered, grabbing hold of my panties and dragging them down and throwing them where my dress lay.

He started fingering my cunt while he sat between my legs. Just gently running his fingers up and down my slit, circling them over my clit, pushing them inside of me. There was no urgency to it, and no drive to bring me to orgasm. He was just exploring me, getting me to relax into the feelings of pleasure and closeness. He watched me for a little while as he stroked me, his eyes drinking in my body. Then, with almost no warning, he hooked one of my legs over his shoulder, wrapping an arm around my thigh, and plunged his face into my cunt. He licked and sucked up and down my folds, while his fingers probed inside of me. He never spent long on my clit, just teasing it from time to time, and anytime I’d moan, or my breathing picked up he’d back off, not so that the feeling would leave me, but so it hovered at a constant level for a while, before being elevated again.

My body started to behave completely out of my control. I was opening and closing my fists in the sheets, my breathing became laboured, and my jaw was clenched. My eyes would squeeze shut, and then fly open. I started babbling, begging Chris to release me, and when I did, he immediately became focused. He hooked his fingers inside of me and pressed into my g-spot as he sucked my clit into his mouth. Because of this slow build-up, and just being in this state of eternal bliss, my orgasm was right there, and it crashed down over me. I cried out and spasmed against him.

As the final shock waves died away, he crawled up over me pulling his pants down and pushed his cock deep into my cunt. I moaned and reached for him. Lacing my fingers behind his head, I pulled him in to kiss me, and he surrendered his mouth to mine, as I sucked on his bottom lip and probed my tongue into his mouth. When I broke our kiss, he rested his forehead on mine and looked deep into my eyes. He held me to him as he thrust in and out, one hand clinging to my thigh, the other plunged deep into my hair. Our hips moved together, sometimes slowly, and then picking up speed, only to slow back down again. We were as one.

Normally when we fucked, it was just that. Fucking. Sweaty, powerful, going for broke, fucking. Pounding away at each other. This was not that. This was spiritual, almost religious. We were in a temple and he was worshiping my body with his. The thought excited me, and I arched away from him, moaning his name.

He went back to sucking and biting at my neck, but there was force and passion to it. There was no way he hadn’t marked me tonight. I snaked my hands between us and began to rub and pinch my clit bringing me to a second climax. He increased the speed and power of each thrust, I rode them, panting and moaning. I wrapped my legs around his back, clinging to him, and we came together. I could feel his cock empty inside of me as my body pulsed around him. I let my legs fall, and he collapsed on top of me, his face pressed into my neck. I wrapped my arms around him, held him to me and sighed contentedly.

He pushed himself up, kissing me as he did, making a grumbling humming sound and rolled onto his back. I curled myself into the crook of his arm and he hugged me to him.

“I think we just 'made love’” He said, stroking my hair. He once again said the words 'made love’ like they weren’t a real thing.

“Ew, gross. No, we didn’t. We totally just fucked.” I giggled.

“I don’t know, Em. That didn’t feel like fucking to me. I normally feel like I’ve injured something after fucking. Right now, I’m totally relaxed.”

“Yeah, me too.” I made a face of disgust. “Well, that sucks. Let’s not do that again.”

“I kind of liked it.”

“Don’t say that. That’s not us. We fuck each other.”

“I don’t know,” Chris said, his voice going really high pitched. “We might also do whatever that was too.”

“I guess, maybe.” I sighed.

“Yeah. Maybe.”


	28. Chapter 28

The next two weeks were like a holiday for my emotions. Even though Chris was basically working constantly, these crazy long days, occasionally going into the night, knowing I would see him every day was enough for me. I was like a different person to the one I was just before getting here. I was angry at myself for it. I needed to just be that person regardless of who was or wasn’t around me. I’d worry about that later. For now, the holiday my emotions were getting was enough. I felt happy. At peace.

East was almost a constant companion for me. I took him on long walks around the city. He’d sit curled up on my feet while I sat on the couch reading, or catching up on work. It’s amazing how important animals can be for your mental health really.

Tara took me out a few times. She was quite obviously doing it at Chris’ request, and despite some really completely uncomfortable silences that happened on occasion, we generally had a good time. Or at least I did. Bonding most over talking about dumb things Chris did when he was younger.

Chris had invited a bunch of people out drinking one night well lots of nights really but one specific night there were various cast members from ‘What’s Your Number’ and a few of Chris’ childhood friends. Tara was there with her husband, and I watched as she, Chris and Anna joked together at the bar. I was just sitting in a booth, nursing a drink, and watching people. Tara’s husband slid into the booth beside me.

“I’m glad Chris started getting serious about someone again.” He said. “Does there relationship bother you?”

I laughed. “Not at all. Should it?”

He shook his head. “No. I just … it feels like he’s hanging around at the wings sometimes, waiting for his chance.”

“If they were going to be together, they’d be together. And I wouldn’t be here talking to you. I’d be in LA, maybe dating some other person.”

“Yeah, I know that. Logically, I know that. Still, it’s weird. You don’t get too many people with such close platonic friendships like that.”

“Hey, if I couldn’t be friends with people because of the potential factor that I might end up sexually attracted to them I could only be friends with my brother. And I really, really don’t like my brother very much. You just have to trust them, and assume that she’s not having sex with him for the same reason you aren’t.”

“Just feels like an idealistic way to live. Have you ever been cheated on? Cheated on anyone?” He asked me.

“Yes, I was cheated on. It’s awful. But I never trusted her. Not once. And you reap what you sow.” I took a drink from my beer and sighed. “I trust him though. He’s never given me any reason not to. And I like them as friends. He’s better for her being in his life.”

We talked for a little while longer. Eventually, he got up and left joining Chris and Tara at the bar. I leaned back into the booth and yawned. I think Chris must have seen me because less than a minute later he was sliding into the booth next to me.

“Tired?” He asked.

“Yeah, a bit.”

He ran one hand up my leg, resting it on the top inner-side of my thigh. “Want to get out of here?” He whispered, his mouth pressed to my neck.

“We can stay if you want. Your friends are all still here.”

“I think you might be missing the point of the question.” He said, squeezing my thigh. His breath was hot against my skin, and he smelled strongly of beer.

I turned my head to him and we kissed. He pushed me back against the booth, his hand massaging my thigh.

I pushed him off me. “Sure. We can go.”

We said our goodbyes to everyone. Some people looked relieved like it meant they could leave too, and basically followed us out the door. Chris lit up a cigarette as we walked to the car and I veered away from him. He laughed at me.

“I will never get how much you hate me smoking when you smoke so much.”

“Because what I smoke isn’t disgusting,” I said making a face at him.

He flicked the cigarette onto the ground and stepped on it.

“You better not just leave that there.”

“Emily.” He whined. I just stared at him. He picked up the butt and ran it to an ashtray by the door and then jogged back pulling his keys from his pocket. I snatched them from him and made my way to the driver’s side door.

“Hey, what do you think you’re doing?” He said, spinning me to face him. His hand slid down my back, and into the pockets on my jeans.

“You’re deluded if you think I’m going to let you drive right now,” I said, and I pulled him in to kiss. He pushed me up against the car, lifting one of my legs, and grinding his body into mine.

“You’ve been drinking too.” He breathed into my ear as his hand slipped up under my shirt and began massaging my breast.

“I nursed two beers all night because we drove here.” I scoffed. “Just get in the passenger seat, and we can go home.”

He began kissing my neck, his hands wandering up and down my body. “I can’t wait for us to get home.” He said, grinding into me to accentuate his point. He took my hand and pressed the button to unlock the car.

I groaned and shook my head. “You are ridiculous.”

Chris pulled the back door to the car open and gave me a devious smile raising one eyebrow. I laughed and gave him a light push but something deep within my core tingled. We were outside, there were people everywhere, we could get caught. The idea exhilarated me. But the back seat of a car? How old were we? 16? Chris took my hand and started swinging my arm back and forth and looking from me to the back seat of the car.

“Fuck. Fine, but I’m on top. And you better be quick.” I laughed.

Chris did an excited little skip and slid into the backseat of the car. I followed him in, pulling the door closed behind us. I awkwardly climbed up in between Chris’ legs, and we started kissing. It was wet and alcohol-fueled, his tongue plunged into my mouth. I began fumbling with his fly. He pushed my hands away and did it for me, while I just removed my jeans altogether.

“You must be so drunk to think this is a good idea.” I laughed.

“I am.” Chris giggled and he pulled me back on top of him. I stroked his cock and he stiffened under my fingers. He began sucking on my neck, then paused and started giggling.

“Oh god, what now?” I sighed.

“I wanna give you a massive hickey. Can I?” He asked snickering.

I laughed and shook my head. “How old are you again?”

“Please.” He whined, stroking his fingers along the side of my neck.

I sighed dramatically. “Yes, you can give me a hickey.”

He giggled again and then attacked my neck with his mouth. He was relentless, sucking, nibbling, biting. It made me tingle, and I found myself actually really getting turned on. I started fingering my clit. When my breathing became shallow, Chris picked me up and sat me straddling him, his cock pushed against my pussy. I ground against it. My wetness allowed it to slip between my folds easily.

I felt that I was too high above window level, so I pushed Chris down further. He banged his head on the door’s arm rest and we both started laughing. “You’re such a fucking idiot.” I giggled and kissed him. He returned the kiss briefly, sucking on my bottom lip, his hands plunged in my hair, but he quickly pulled my head to the side and returned to sucking the taut skin on my neck.

I reached down taking his cock and guiding it inside of me. Chris moaned softly, but never eased up on my neck. I started to rock back and forth, crouched down below the level of the window. My leg slipped from the seat, and I banged my shin on the floor. “Ow, shit.” I cursed. But we both immediately started laughing again. I readjusted myself, and really just started riding him. Clenching on his cock, moving up and down quickly, sweat beading on my brow. He forgot about his desire to mark me, and just focused on fucking me. He held my hips with his hands and rocked in time with me his eyes locked with mine. His breath picked up, and his body tensed. He was close. I was not going to come tonight, but I didn’t care. I was having fun. We were together, and laughing and acting anything but our age. And I loved him. I loved us, together.

He came, bucking his hips. And I fell on him giggling. He hugged my head to his chest. “See, that was fun, right?”

I kissed his chest along the line of one of his pecs and pushed myself away from him. “Yes, it was fun. I still say you’re a massive fucking idiot though.” I scooped my jeans up from the floor and started pulling them back on.

“Then we’re twinsies.” He laughed and poked me in the ribs.  


	29. Chapter 29

The two weeks were over too early and soon I was back in LA again. I did feel much calmer and relaxed though. Still lonely, sure. But in a much better headspace. I started spending weeks at a time camping out in Joshua Tree by myself. With a big bag load of GPS tracking equipment to track the coyote, I’d been tagging on previous trips out with the rangers. I was observing some fascinating behaviour from the animals that I hadn’t expected, along with some interesting prey interactions and I would go home and devise ways to test a few theories I had without adding too much to my data collection. I had some good future paper ideas.

 ****Chris called me one morning excited out of his mind. Carly had had her baby. A little boy named Ethan, and he sent me a text with a photo of him holding the little bundle looking about as proud as an uncle could be. It made me insanely clucky seeing him like that. My mind raced with visions of him with his own children in the future.

I still was barely seeing Gaby. I was actually really starting to worry about her. I sent her messages daily telling her I was always here. If I saw her alone at work I made sure she knew, I was always available for her. I wouldn’t let that shit head gaslight her. He wouldn’t chase me off. I continued going to the role-playing group. I noticed I wasn’t really a welcome addition by most people. A couple of the other girls always welcomed me warmly, but most of the guys there were really cold towards me. I assumed most of that was Richard. Richard, however, was always over the top welcoming, while making a lot of snide and derogatory little jabs at me. If I ever said anything about it, he’d laugh it off like I couldn’t take a joke. I refused to let it get to me. Gaby though. Gaby was losing weight in an alarming way. She also started dressing in a way that was not her at all.  _That_  was getting to me.

As I had promised I started seeing a therapist. It didn’t come naturally to me, talking to strangers. I mean I could fake it. I’d gotten good at faking it. On occasion, like what happened with Chris and Gaby and a few other people in my past, I felt an immediate and overwhelming connection with a person and I would open up to them immediately. Otherwise, it was a slow burn to earn my openness. It took time and effort. Yet here I was, paying someone obscene amounts of money to spend an hour a week talking to them. Thank god for a decent health care plan.

My therapist told me to try and start getting involved with more social events. Meet more people and all that.

It was getting towards the end of April and I still hadn’t actually taken his advice seriously at all. If anything I’d pulled away from people a little more. I decided to go into University to see if the stupid boys were at the library so I could score some pot. I ran in, dressed in my usual shorts and purple sports bra running outfit. It was already getting really hot in LA. I reached the side of the library, and I saw the boys, flipping off fence railings, clambering up walkways. I ran to them, jumping up on the railing running down the side of the stairs, as I reached the end of the rail I took two steps up the side of the wall and did a forward flip, landing in the midst of the group.

“Hey there’s our favourite, try hard chick.” One of the boys said. I think his name was Adam. Maybe Allen. I wasn’t sure. He was a tall, well built white guy, with dark brown hair. He looked like how the captain of the football team looks in teen movies. “We haven’t seen you around for a while. Where ya been?”

“Hello, stupid boys,” I said, stretching my arms up above my head. “I don’t really have much reason to come in at the moment. Nice to know I was missed.”

“What do you mean you have no reason to come in? Did you graduate?” One of the younger of the group asked, he was about my height, and lean with a dark brown complexion.

I put my hand on his shoulder and shook my head sadly. “I’m a professor, my friend.”

The boy’s reaction was hilarious. They all jumped back away from me yelling things like “No,” or just generally sounds of disbelief, which turned into roaring laughter.

“You are not a professor.” The young guy said.

“Don’t believe me. No skin off my nose.” I shrugged. “I’m mostly here to see if one of you can hook me up.”

“I got ya.” Adam/Allen said. The other guys crowded around while we conducted business.

“So professor,” he said putting his money away. “I’m having a party this Saturday. Do you think you might like to stop by?”

A few of the other guys looked pretty excited by this invitation, but a couple backed away from us.

“Now that depends on why you’re asking me. I want to be very clear, I have a boyfriend.”

“Hey, bring him along if you like.”

“Alright, I’ll think about it. What’s the address?”

He scribbled down an address and a time onto a piece of paper and I folded it and put it in my pocket.

“Well, I think I might take off. I might see you guys on Saturday.”

“You’re not going to stick around and show us what you’ve got?” A thin blond guy asked.

“Maybe next time.” I shrugged and headed home.

* * *

I flip-flopped between going and not going to the party pretty much right up until the event. My social anxiety was screaming at me that being alone at a party would be the worst possible decision I could make in the world. My loneliness was telling me to please, please get out of the house and interact with people. I would think it was a terrible idea, I’m a professor, these are students it’s inappropriate. Then I would tell myself it was fine, I am only 25, and I wasn’t going to take advantage of my students, I wasn’t even teaching right now.

I ended up going. I dressed in a flirty, black dress with a subtle grey comic book print and black heeled boots. I even put effort into my makeup. Something I hadn’t really bothered with in a long time. I had a cab take me and it dropped me at a two-story house not that far from Chris’ house. I wondered if it was Adam/Allen’s parent’s place and they were out of town, or if a bunch of rich college kids were just sharing together.

The party was well underway when I got there and it was like stepping into a movie about American college life. There were kegs, loud music, people everywhere, dancing, drinking, making out. People were playing beer pong. I don’t think I’d ever even seen people play beer pong before in real life. A girl stopped me as I walked down the hall looking for any of the stupid boys.

“Professor? What are you doing here?” She asked, shocked. Like she’d been busted doing something wrong by a parent.

“Oh hi, you took my class last quarter right?” I asked.

“Yeah, my name’s Amy. I loved that class by the way. It really made me want to focus on the evolution and stuff for my major.” She gushed. “Steve, this is Professor Stephens. Remember I talked about her.” She said to the guy standing with her.

“Oh yeah. Hi, professor.” He said, awkwardly.

“It’s Emily, please,” I said. “So, yeah, I was invited by the guy hosting it, I think. Know where he is?”

“Adam? Yeah, he’s down in the kitchen.” She said pointing down the hall.

“Thanks, Amy. I’ll see you around.” I said and headed down the hall. I could feel her watch me go.

I stepped into the kitchen and Adam spotted me right away. “Oh, the Professor is here.” He said and came over and hugged me. “Where’s your boyfriend?”

“He’s out of town. But just to be clear. He does exist.” I said.

“Of course he does. Let me get you a drink. Beer?”

I nodded.

The night actually went really well, to begin with. I was relaxed and enjoying myself. I shared a joint with some of the stupid boys, whose names I’d discovered were James, Trey, and Brian. Adam and James (the thin blond one), were quite attentive towards me. But not so much so that I ever felt worried. I danced with a beautiful girl with who had the darkest eyes I’d ever seen and wore her hair in braids that reached her waist. She said her name was Kim, and she was Trey’s girlfriend. We played drinking games. I was generally having a good time.

Adam and James came over to me while I was standing against the wall letting the buzz from a new joint being passed around wash over me.

“Shots?” Adam said, passing me a small glass of green liquid.

“Sure,” I said taking it. We counted to three and downed the drinks.

James went to pour me another, and my head started to spin. I lurched against the wall.

“Are you alright there, professor?” Adam asked me.

I shook my head and reached out trying to steady myself. Everything was spinning.

“You might be having a bad reaction to the pot,” James suggested. “Come sit down.”

Adam put his arm around my waist. “I’ll take you down to a bedroom, you can lie down.”

I nodded and clung to him. James put his arm around me too, and I leaned between the two of them as they lead me upstairs to an empty bedroom.

They sat me on the bed and stood in front of me. I swayed, and things just started to go black. It was like my head was playing a film but it was missing pieces of it. I was sitting by myself. Black. Adam was beside me, kissing my neck, and groping at my breast. Black. I was on my knees, and he was holding my wrist painfully. Black. James had his dick in his hand right in front of my face.  I started chanting the word no, over and over and I struggled against them. They’d drugged me. They’d actually drugged me. I thought I was smart. I was an idiot. I shouldn’t have come here, I should never have tried to make new friends. And all the time things kept going black on me. I had to get out of here before they stayed black.

Adam’s hands were up under my skirt. He was fingering me. I pushed him with all the limited strength I could muster and tried to run from them. Somehow I made it to the door, but Adam grabbed me and tore my dress. He started pulling me away, but I grabbed the handle and pulled it open. There were people outside, and I cried out to them. No one did anything. I started to cry.  I was going to be raped and no one was willing to help me.

James went to shut the door again, but Amy stepped into the frame. “James, what the fuck?” She screamed.

James pushed her “Fuck off, Amy. This is none of your business.”

Steve stepped up behind her and punched James. He fell like a bag of rocks. I pulled myself free from Adam in the scuffle and lurched toward Amy, who wrapped her arms around me.

“It’s okay, I’ve got you.” She soothed. She and Steve led me out of the house, she even grabbed my bag for me. I was starting to black out again by the time we got to their car. They bundled me into the back seat and Amy fastened my seat belt.

They pulled the car out of the driveway.

“Where do you want us to take you?” Amy asked.

I shook my head trying to clear it, but when I went to speak no sound came out.

“We gotta take her to the hospital, babe,” Steve said.

I guess I passed out after that because the next thing I knew I was waking up in a hospital bed. I could see Amy out in the hall talking to the police.

A nurse was standing next to me. “Professor Stephens, can you hear me?” She asked.

I nodded my head and started crying. My head was still swimming.

“Do you know what they gave you?”

I shook my head.

“Did you take anything else tonight? Were you drinking?”

“Yes.” I sobbed. “I was drinking and I smoked some pot.”

“We’re going to put you on some oxygen and we’ll need a urine sample to see what they gave you.” She said. “I need you to try and stay with me okay?”

I nodded but she already sounded so far away again and my eyes started to close.

“Emily.” She said snapping her fingers in front of my face. “Do you have someone we can call?”

“Gaby,” I whispered.

The nurse led me to the bathroom and helped me collect a urine sample. Then fitted me up to a nasal cannula. Amy came into the room and helped me find Gaby’s number for the nurse. I kept thanking her again and again. Things went black on me again for a little while. The nurse was talking to me, and it took me a little while to realise that she was asking me if I think I needed a rape kit. I shook my head, and then quickly changed it to a nod. There were whole parts of that incident missing from my memory, and while I think they didn’t actually rape me, maybe they did.

The rape kit was like I was being violated all over again. I had my legs up in stirrups while she probed and swabbed my vagina. When she let my legs down, I rolled over on the bed, and curled into a ball on my side and just cried. That ugly cry that takes over your whole body and makes it so you can’t breathe properly.

Amy came in and asked me if I wanted her to stay. Even though that’s the only thing I wanted right now I told her it was okay, and she could go home. She’d done enough for me to last a lifetime of favours I owed her.

The police came in next. My head still hadn’t cleared and their questions confused me and made me feel stupid and like this was all my fault. What  _was_  I doing there? I had no place there. No, I  _didn’t_ really know them. No, I shouldn’t have taken that drink. I definitely shouldn’t have let them take me into a bedroom. I was an idiot. I got what I deserved.

When I was at my lowest point of the night, Gaby arrived. She dashed into the room, and wrapped her arms around me and once again I broke down. I cried into her lap, as she stroked my hair, and patted my back.

“I’m such an idiot.” I sobbed.

“Hey, this isn’t your fault, Emmy. This was their fault.”

“I was so dumb though. Of course, they would have drugged me. Why didn’t I think they might drug me?”

“I don’t even know how to answer that. Why would you expect someone was going to drug you? No one has ever drugged me. You’ve never been drugged before.”

“How am I going to tell Chris?” This brought the tears back full force, and Gaby just held me through them. She didn’t try and shush me or tell me it would be okay. She just let me cry while she held me as tightly as she could.

“I can be with you when you do.” She said when I finally seemed cried out. “Or, if you want I can tell him for you. I can call him now if you want.”

I shook my head. “He’ll just want to come right back to LA, and he can’t.”

“Shouldn’t you let him make that call?” Gaby asked.

“I’m used trash. He won’t want me anymore.” I sniffed.

“Emmy, you can’t be serious. He looks at you like you’re the only person in the world. He worships you.”

“That was before.”

Gaby hugged me to her. “This hasn’t ruined you, Emmy. You aren’t a commodity that can have its warranty voided. You are a person who just had a terrible thing happen to you, and you need the love from your friends to help you. Please let me call Chris for you. He isn’t going to think you are worth less now than you were before because some people hurt you. If he finds out it happened later, and you didn’t tell him, he’ll be hurt that you didn’t want his help.”

I took a deep shuddering breath and gave her my phone.

She dialed his number. It was quite early in the morning now, I wasn’t even sure the time. It took a little while for him to answer.

“No, Chris, it’s Gaby. Sorry to wake you. - No, she isn’t. - Some guys drugged her tonight, and we’re not sure yet, but they at least tried to rape her. - I’m with her now. - I’ll put you on speaker, but she’s still kind of groggy, so don’t get overexcited okay?” She switched the phone to speaker.

“Em?” Chris said, he sounded terrified.

“Yes.”

“Are you okay, babe?”

“No.” The tears started again.

“What happened?”

“I went to a party with those guys … you know … the stupid boys …” I trailed off.

“Maybe it’s best if she doesn’t have to go over it again tonight, Chris,” Gaby said.

I sniffed loudly. “No, no. It’s okay. I can … they gave me a drink, and … I don’t know what was in it. Everything started spinning. I’d been smoking, and I thought it was maybe that. They said it was that. I let them take me to a bedroom to lie down. And I don’t know what happened. I kept blacking out. They were all over me, kissing me and … _their fingers were in me._ ” I stopped again my whole body had started shaking. There was a loud bang from Chris’ end of the phone.

“I’m going to fucking rip their spines out. I’m coming back okay. I’ll get a flight as soon as there is one. I’ll be back today.”

“ _No, Chris!_ ” I cried. “There isn’t anything you can do. You have to finish working.”

“Don’t tell me what I can and can’t do. I can’t just be here doing bullshit, while you’re there in pain.” He was yelling at me and I flinched away from the phone.

“I got away from them.” I felt like I was hyperventilating. “I got away, Chris. I can’t … you have to …” I started to struggle to find words. Any words. I looked at Gaby pleading with her with my eyes.

Gaby stroked my hair. “I think she’s getting confused because she’s upset.” She said.

“I’m sorry, Emily. But you can’t make me stay here. It will kill me.”

“I … I don’t … you … if the …” I shook my head, trying to clear it, and ran my hands down my face.

“Chris, I’m actually a little bit worried about this. The nurse told me that the drug they gave her if it was mixed with other drugs and alcohol has a risk of brain damage or her going into a coma because they limit the oxygen to the brain. I’m just going to get someone.”

Gaby put the phone on the bed and dashed out of the room.

“Fuck, I can’t believe this has happened,” Chris said. “I love you, Em. Please be okay.”

Gaby came back into the room, a nurse following her.

“Emily, your friend said you’re having trouble speaking.”

“I don’t … don’t … there’s a …” I opened and closed my fist like that was what was going to help her understand. Gaby had taken the phone and switched it off speaker. I heard her telling Chris to calm down, and that she’d call him back in a minute. The nurse flashed one of those pen lights into my eyes, she then increased the oxygen flow.

“Try to breathe normally, Emily, and relax as much as you can. Can you tell me some things about you? Where are you from?”

I furrowed my brow trying to think of the right word. “No, don’t think too hard. You need to relax, okay.” She fitted me with a blood pressure cuff.

I closed my eyes. “Australia.”

“That’s a long way. Why did you come here?”

“Work.”

The line of questioning lasted a little while, and when the nurse was satisfied that I was okay again, she told Gaby that I need to remain calm until the drugs passed out of my system. Which would probably be sometime around mid-morning.

She left the room and I turned to Gaby. “Can you tell him I’ll come to him?” I asked

She nodded and called Chris back.


	30. Chapter 30

The drugs seemed to wear off by around nine in the morning. Or at least enough for the hospital to release me. I was told that there was no evidence of forced penetration or any traces of semen found on me. Relief washed over me. It was kind of stupid in a way. They had drugged me and violated me, but at least they didn’t get to do  _that_. I’d escaped  _that_. I could recover because  _that_  hadn’t happened.

Gaby took me home and put me to bed. I didn’t want her to leave, so we both ended up falling asleep hugging each other. When I woke she was sitting up in bed, scrolling through her phone.

“How are you feeling?” She asked me when she noticed I was awake.

“Fucked.” I sighed. “Thank you for staying with me. I missed you.”

And - I was crying again. I couldn’t believe I had anything left to cry. Gaby wrapped her arms around me.

“I missed you, too.”

“Are you going to be in trouble with Richard for staying with me?”

Gaby sighed. “See about that. I broke up with him. Might have to get a restraining order too. According to my roommates they had to call the cops, he’s been hanging outside since I left last night.”

“You broke up last night? It was my fault. I’m sorry Gaby, I ruin everything.”

Gaby laughed sadly. “He was a manipulative asshole. I guess I couldn’t see it until last night. But when I got the call, and I said I had to go, he said he forbid it. He forbid me to come help my friend after she’d just been attacked. I was like ‘What the hell are you doing, Gabriela? He’s cutting you off from all your friends. He’s angry all the time. Why are you with him?’ So I told him it was over.” She pinched the bridge of her nose. “I’m sorry I didn’t realise it sooner.”

I hugged her. “You don’t have to be sorry. He was manipulative. You said it yourself.”

“I just sometimes feel like I’m going to die alone.” She sniffed.

“Never.”

Gaby helped me book a flight to Boston. There was one that left at 5pm tonight. I wouldn’t arrive until after midnight, but I didn’t really care. I asked Gaby to come with me, but she still had to teach so she couldn’t do it. I called Chris.

“Emily?” It was his assistant.

“Yes, is Chris there?”

“He’s just shooting. He asked me to answer if you called and keep you on the line. He’ll just be a minute.”

I sat waiting on the phone staring out the window for a minute.

“Emily, where are you? Are you okay?” Chris asked. He still sounded panicked.

“I’m at home. Okay is a relative term. And right now, I’m not sure I’ll ever be okay again.”

“Oh, Em.” He groaned. “You can’t let this define you.”

“How? How can this not define me? I don’t know how to stop that from happening.” Tears pricked my eyes.

There was silence from the other end of the phone. I felt guilty. This wasn’t his fault. He didn’t deserve to be spoken to like that.

“Are you coming up?”

“Yes. I’ll be there at midnight.”

“Good. Good. I’ll come get you. I feel so helpless.”

“Yeah, well, same.”

Chris couldn’t talk for much longer and I felt all talked out, so he put me back on to his assistant and I gave him my flight info.

Gaby drove me to the airport that night and saw me off at the gate. I didn’t want to leave her again so soon after getting her back. I felt nervous and exhausted the entire trip to Boston. Anytime a man came near me my first instinct was fear. Was he going to try and attack me too? Had he attacked other women? I was seated next to a middle-aged man in a suit for the flight and I bunched up as close to the window as I could get for the entire five and a half hours it took to get to Boston. I was too scared to sleep despite my body screaming at me that I needed to.

I came out of the security gate and Chris was pacing around. He spotted me and dashed over and reached out to hug me. I flinched away from him. He hesitated and stepped back and the look of complete pain and helplessness on his face made me physically hurt.

“Sorry. I’m sorry.” I stammered. I went to touch his arm, but I couldn’t quite bring myself to do it.  

Chris shook his head and took my bag. “It’s okay. I get it. You need time.”

He took me back to his mum’s place in silence. I ended up dozing off in the car briefly. When we got home, I followed him up to his room, dazed and on autopilot. I stood in the bedroom door unmoving, as he changed for bed. The thought of having to change clothes seemed too much for me to be able to act on. It wasn’t that I was scared of Chris. But my body didn’t feel like it was my own anymore. How can I go back to doing normal things with a body that someone had stolen from me?

Chris looked at me so sadly. “Do you want me to sleep in one of the spare rooms?” He asked.

My chest hurt. It felt like my heart was breaking. I didn’t want this –  _thing –_  to be doing this to him. I shook my head.

“What can I do, Em? You look so tired. Do you need help getting to bed?”

I shook my head again and took two wobbly steps toward him. He closed the distance between us and I collapsed into him. My face pressed into his chest. He hesitated for a second and then wrapped his arms around me. I started crying again. I wondered if there was ever going to be a time when I wasn’t crying anymore. I felt like I’d spent the last day only crying. He held me to him as I cried it out. I was safe and he loved me. I felt drained and dehydrated by the time the tears stopped again. Chris sat me at the end of the bed, it looked like he’d been crying too. He started looking through my suitcase for pajamas. He pulled out the flannelette set with clouds on them that I had packed.

“Can I wear one of your shirts?” I sniffed.

“Of course. A clean one?”

I shook my head, and he smiled, picking the t-shirt he’d just been wearing from the floor and handing it to me. I held it to my face but still hadn’t made a move to actually change my clothes.

Without saying anything Chris stepped out of the room and closed the door behind him. I felt a wave of gratefulness wash over me. He really did seem to get it. He wasn’t taking this personally.  

I changed my clothes and was just crawling into bed when Chris knocked on the door again. I called for him to come in. He had a glass of water and a bottle of ibuprofen. I took them gratefully, and Chris noticed the bruising on my forearm where Adam had been holding me.

“Did they do that to you?” He fumed. He sounded so angry, it actually scared me a little.

“Yes. I don’t really remember how though. Just that one of them was holding me still and it hurt.  I think they were trying to get me to …” The thought of James’ dick on my lips intruded on me. I looked away from him feeling really ashamed of myself. I fumbled with the bottle of pills, and he took it from me, opened it and tipped two pills into the palm of my hand. I swallowed them and drank the entire glass of water in one go.

“If I ever see them, I’m going to kill them.” Chris seethed. I didn’t say anything. I just lay down and pulled the quilt up over me. Chris climbed into bed beside me. He went to drape an arm over me, and then seemed to second guess himself, and ended up rolling onto his back. I wanted to snuggle into him. Reassure him that I still loved him. That I still wanted him. I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I was used, and unworthy, and I didn’t want him to touch me anymore.

“I’m here for you, Emily. When you’re ready. You don’t need to do anything you don’t want to.” He said, seeming to read my mind. He switched off the light. And I lay there listening to his breathing.

* * *

I woke up suddenly and looked at the clock. It was four AM and I scrambled out of bed and fell on my hands and knees on the floor. I crawled around searching for my bag in the dark. When I finally found it, I pulled out my laptop and switched it on.

Chris woke up while I was waiting for it to boot up. “What’s happening, Em?” He asked me blearily.

“The girl. I need to find the girl.” I said.

Chris climbed out of bed and crouched on the floor near me. “What girl?” He asked.

“The girl,” I said more emphatically. My desktop loaded and I opened up my browser. I went to the page with my previous course information on it and began scrolling through the list of students from my last class.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Em.”

“She saved me. I need to find her. I – I need to.” I babbled.

He took my hands in his and stroked his thumbs along my palms. “It’s four in the morning, Em. Can’t it wait until later on?”

I looked up at him. “She saved me, Chris. Everyone else was happy to let them rape me. She didn’t let them. I need to thank her.”

“Okay. We’ll find her and thank her.” He sat down behind me, and I leaned against him. I found the only Amy on the list and checked her Moodle profile. Thankfully she’d actually filled it out and I could see it was the right Amy. I composed a long rambling email thanking her, telling her how amazing she was, how grateful I was to her. How I had to do something, anything to repay her and her friend. That there was no way I would ever fully be able to thank her enough but I would do anything I could to start to try. All the while Chris sat behind me, supporting me. I hit send and powered down the computer.

“Don’t worry, we’ll do something to thank her for what she did. Maybe we can send her on a holiday or something.” Chris said, running a hand through my hair.

I turned to him and kissed him. It was deep and urgent, and he pulled me to him, holding me so tightly. And for just that brief moment, I didn’t feel broken or unworthy. For that brief moment, I was just his again.


	31. Chapter 31

I was awake when Chris got up the next morning, but I pretended I wasn’t. At eleven he came in to check on me, rubbing my arm to wake me up, despite not actually being asleep. I rolled over and pulled the quilt over my head.

“Are you hungry? I can bring you something.”

“I don’t know.”

“Why don’t you get up? I can run a bath for you.”

“I can’t.” I groaned.

He lay down next to me and rubbed my back. “Do you want to talk about what happened? What you’re feeling right now?”

“I don’t know. I am such an idiot and I don’t want you to look at me differently.”

“Come here, ya meatball.” He said. The use of the insult that was so very him made me smile, and I rolled over and curled up pressed against his side. “This wasn’t your fault. This is something that happened to you. It isn’t you.”

“You weren’t there. You don’t understand.”

“Then help me to.”

I told him everything, all the details leading up to the night, what I remembered about what happened. About being in the hospital afterward. About Gaby coming and taking care of me. How stupid I felt. How worthless. How I felt everything was my fault. That I was used up and not in control of myself anymore. How scared of how this had changed me permanently, and I didn’t know how to move on from it. The words spilled out of me, and the tears came again. It felt cleansing though. Like I was getting rid of it. Chris never interrupted me, never tried to belittle my feelings, or make light of them. He just held me and listened and reassured me that he wasn’t going anywhere. When I was done speaking we just lay there, him holding me, and I drifted back off to sleep.

I woke up in the mid-afternoon and he was gone. I decided to get up, and I wandered downstairs. I heard him speaking to his mum in the kitchen, so I stood in the hall listening.

“I don’t know how to help her get through this. I feel helpless. I just want to kill the people who did this to her.”

“I know. But there’s nothing you can do except be there for her. It’s just awful.” Lisa sighed.

“If they’d actually raped her, Ma…” Chris growled.

“But they didn’t. She got away from them. She’s a strong girl you got there.”

“You should have seen how she flinched away from me when I went to hug her at the airport. I’m scared to touch her now. She’s always been so affectionate, and touchy. They’ve really hurt a fundamental piece of who she is.”

I felt like turning around and going back upstairs, but East noticed me and came running to me, snuffling around my feet.

Both Chris and Lisa got to their feet and came over to me. Chris wrapped his arms around me and led me into the kitchen, while Lisa went straight to food.

“You must be hungry, Emily. What can I get you?” Lisa asked.

She didn’t really wait for an answer, which is good, because I wasn’t sure I had one. She just started preparing food.

I sat at the table and I stared at Chris. I felt like I needed to cry again, but I was determined not to. He thought that they damaged a fundamental piece of who I am? I  _was_  broken. They broke me. How could he love me any more if I had such an important part of me broken?

Chris moved over next to me but also sort of over me. He had an arm over my shoulder and his other hand on my knee. I felt myself shrinking down, trying to make myself smaller. I had to fight every part of me that just wanted to flee. I can’t make a scene, this isn’t his fault.

“Chris, can you get me a drink?” I asked him, hoping it would give me some room to breathe.

He jumped up. “Sure. What do you want, coffee? I think we have juice?”

“Tea?” I asked.

He laughed. “You’re in Boston, Emily.”

I wanted to laugh, but it was like I couldn’t. All I managed was a feeble ‘ha’. “Juice, please.”

While Chris got my drink, I shifted seats, pressing myself up against the wall. I vagued out a little, staring at the bruise on my arm. I started to scratch it. Really raking my nails down my skin. Chris returned with my drink and sat down putting his hand on my back and I jumped. Chris flinched away from me.

“I’m sorry. I don’t want these feelings anymore. But …” I whispered.

“It’s been a day, Em. Give yourself time.”

We sat at the table in silence. It felt awkward and heavy. Looming over us. I couldn’t leave my arm alone either. I dug my nails into the flesh like I was trying to tear it off. Chris grabbed my hand.

“What are you doing?” He turned my arm over. I had drawn blood and hadn’t even realised it.

I looked at him in anguish. “I shouldn’t have come here.” I pulled myself free of Chris and ran out the door. I had no idea where I was going, I was still just wearing my pajama pants and Chris’ shirt, and I didn’t have shoes on. All I knew was I had to get out of there. I was hurting him, and I couldn’t do it anymore.

Chris chased after me, but I was faster and I didn’t need to take paths, it didn’t take me long to lose him. Unfortunately, I also lost myself. I had no idea where I was. People were giving me strange looks, and passing me as wide as they could as I walked the streets. I found a park and went and sat under a tree, my knees pulled tightly to my chest.

I don’t know how long I sat there, an hour at least, but I started to be able to hear Chris’ voice calling my name. I considered answering him, but I didn’t have the energy. East found me first, he came charging up to me and jumped into my lap licking my face. Chris came running over.

“Oh god, Emily. I was so worried.” He said dropping to knees in front of me.

“I’m sorry. I don’t want to keep hurting you like this.” I groaned. I buried my face in East’s fur so I didn’t have to look at Chris.

“Please stop worrying about me. What you’re having to process right now is awful. I can’t even begin to imagine it. Let’s just worry about that for now, okay?”

“You think I’m broken. How can you want to be with me if I’m not the same person anymore?”

“When did I say you were broken?”

“To your mum. You said they’d hurt a fundamental part of me.”

“And they did. But they also hurt your arm. Do you think that’s not going to heal? You’re just going to have the bruise there forever? You’ll recover from this.”

I fell into him, pulling myself tightly against his body. He held me and kissed my head.

“Come on. Let’s go home. Mom is kind of going out of her brain.” Chris said, helping me to my feet.

* * *

A week after getting there I still hadn’t managed to get up very often. Chris had to work, but he was spending all his free time at home. I felt like a burden because I was always sleeping. On one day I knew he was at home I got up to find him, wanting to alleviate that guilt a little. I walked in on him in the lounge. He was sitting with East and just crying. He wiped his face when he saw me and offered me a strained smile. I went over and sat next to him. I wanted to touch him, reassure him but I couldn’t. I didn’t have the strength.

“Is this because of me?” I asked, my voice hollow.

“It’s because of me. I want to tell you but I don’t want to add to your shit.” He said.

“What is it?”

“It’s my fault, Em. I tried not to let you see this. I’ve tried to keep it to myself, but it’s eating me up. It’s my fault this happened to you. I’m so sorry.”

He sounded like he was in such pain and all I could do was stare at him blankly. “What are you talking about?”

“I told you to go hang out with them. I  _told_ you to. You told me they called you a skank and I laughed it off. You went to that party because I said you should make friends with them. I gave you to the people who tried to rape you.”

I took his hand and shook my head. “I went because I was lonely. I went because even though I keep getting hurt by people I keep trusting them not to hurt me anymore. How is that your fault?”

“And you’re lonely because I’m here.”

I lent my head on his shoulder. “I was lonely for lots of reasons. I love you, Chris. I know you’re trying to shoulder some of this, but this isn’t on you. It was me. It was me.” Tears. Fucking tears again. I was sick of them.

“Em. It was them, not you.”

I shook my head. If he could blame himself for this, then it had to be me. Nothing he could say would make me feel different.

* * *

I ended up staying in Boston for over a month. For a while, I barely got out of bed. I couldn’t muster the energy at all. Then slowly I’d start getting up more and more. I felt like I was forcing my company on Lisa. If it bothered her, she never made that obvious to me. She was always kind and patient with me. Eventually, I started going outside the house a bit more often. I began running again, or I’d agree to go out with someone. Usually with Lisa, because Chris was still working. To begin with I’d just go to the store with her. After a little while, she convinced to visit either Carly and her new baby or to go and see Shanna. I felt like I was faking being me, to begin with whenever I forced myself out into the world. I hated how people looked at me when I struggled to keep up the veneer of being happy, normal Emily. So I pretended. But after a couple of weeks, I didn’t always need to pretend anymore.

I remember the first moment when I realised I was actually happy for more than just a brief moment. We were visiting Carly, and Chris was holding Ethan and slowly Ethan started drifting off to sleep. Chris just looked so happy and proud of himself. He started just whispering “Carly. Carly. Ethan is asleep. Carly, I got Ethan to sleep.” In that moment I was so happy and hopelessly in love with that man, I forgot how damaged I was.

That night I thought, tonight for sure, I can be with him and move past this. I went up to the bedroom early. I think Chris thought I was having another low ebb, he appeared in the door behind me as I was shimming out of my jeans.

“You okay, Em?” He asked.

I walked over to him and wrapped my arms around his neck. “I love you, Chris.” I breathed, leaning up to kiss him.

He hesitated. I wasn’t shying away from him as much anymore, but it still happened enough that he had a tendency to think twice about touching me, even when I did start it. Slowly his arms wrapped around me and his mouth opened. He started walking me back towards the bed. When my legs bumped into the side, he took the hem of my t-shirt and lifted it over my head. I unhooked my bra and his hands fell on my breasts, softly stroking them, running the pad of his thumb over my nipples. I moaned softly. Fuck, I needed this. I needed him.

I sat down on the bed and he started kissing down my neck. He was being gentle and taking it slow. Making sure I was okay with every touch.

His hands moved to my legs and he pushed them apart and moved between them. They slid up my inner thigh and the tips of his fingers brushed against my panties.

I freaked out. The vision of Adam with his fingers in me crashed down over me. Taking me over. I kicked at Chris, and scrambled back over the bed, falling off on the other side.

Chris came running to me. I was on the floor in the fetal position, my hands over my head trying to block out the memories of Adam, repeating the word no, over and over.

“Emily. It’s okay. You don’t have to do anything, baby.” He said reaching for me.

“Don’t touch me!” I screamed lashing out at him. I immediately regretted it. “I’m sorry. Chris. I can’t. I’m sorry.”

He crouched down in front of me. “I know. It’s fine. You don’t need to do anything.”

“Chris, you should break up with me. You can’t just stay with someone who can’t have sex with you. How can you even love me any more? I’m not me anymore.”

“Oh Em. Of course, you’re you. Healing takes time, babe. You need to be patient with yourself.” He put his hands on my knees.

I looked up at him and then took his hands in mine. I moved them so they were on my shoulders and he wrapped his arms around me and sat down, pulling me into his lap. He held me against his chest, his strong arms wrapped around me, reassuring me that I was safe and still loved.


	32. Chapter 32

By the time I felt ready to go back and join the real world by myself, Chris had wrapped the movie, so we headed back together. He only had a couple of weeks before Captain America started filming in England, but it was nice to have that little overlap where he could be there for me while I adjusted.

Despite the fact that I was ready to get back into my life again, Chris and I still hadn’t had sex yet. On a couple of occasions, I thought maybe I was ready, I start kissing him, and rubbing against him. As soon as his hands started traveling between my legs, I would freak out and push him away. He never pressed the issue though. He would always back straight off, and give me the space to calm down, without actually leaving me.

Being back in LA ended up really helping bring back towards feeling myself again. Gaby and I fell back into our friendship like nothing had ever happened to disrupt it. I was never happier and at peace as when Gaby was over and the three of us were just curled up on the couch together watching a movie.

I started back seeing my therapist. He wasn’t really happy that I just disappeared for over a month. Especially when he found out why, but for a change, I actually felt talking to him really helped. I had gotten to the point where talking to Gaby or Chris about what had happened made me feel like a burden. Not that they did anything to make me feel that way, but how many times can you hear someone just say the same thing over and over and not get sick of hearing it? At least with therapy, they were being paid to listen to it. Talking about it, especially to someone who I didn’t know and who I didn’t care if they thought badly of me, felt like lancing a boil. All the nastiness and poison would drain out, and I felt like I could actually heal.

I had fallen quite behind with my field research, and Chris and East started coming out and camping with me to help me gather data. Chris took to it like a duck to water. He really loved being out in the middle of nowhere with his dog. They’d help me set up equipment and then disappear for a while on some hike together while I did what I needed to do.

It was the night on one of these trips, Chris was cooking something over a campfire, and I was sitting on my laptop filling in today’s observations. It had been a little over six weeks since the party. Six weeks since I’d had a piece of me taken away.

“Thank you for coming out here with me. I know you’ve only got a few days left here.” I said as I closed up my computer. “But I think I’m actually catching back up with some of this. I really appreciate your help.”

“Are you kidding? I’m loving it. I didn’t know you could have a job that just means so much camping. I wish I was smart enough to do it.”

I laughed. “It’s pretty great being so removed from everything, right?” I crawled over next to him and rested my head on his shoulder.

“Yeah, it’s something else.”

We ate our dinner. Chris was in bodybuilding phase for Captain America, so it was a really bland protein heavy meal. I was still having a little trouble keeping food down thanks to my anxiety so I didn’t really mind. I just slowly picked over some salad as we talked. We talked about nothing and yet somehow everything. What the next few months would be like with him away. My work. His work. When I would come over and see him. How I might go visit a colleague in Cambridge while I was there. We talked about dumb things like which m&m’s were the best, and far off things like where we wanted to raise our kids. I felt so calm and relaxed and just me. We were us.  Together. Alone doing something we both loved.

After we ate we sat by the fire and Chris played the guitar and we sang together. A group of coyotes nearby seemed to want to join in, and their howls filled the air.

“They’ll stay away, right?” Chris said, leashing East so he didn’t go running off after them.

“I have some repellents around. We take him in the tent anyway, so it’ll be fine.”

Chris didn’t look totally convinced. “I’m worried what will happen if they come for East. I kind of wish we had a gun.”

“I have my dart gun. Besides the whole point of this study is because I don’t think people should be shooting them.” I said shoving him.

“Really? I didn’t know that.”

“Disrupts the ecosystem taking out so many top order predators.”

We packed and locked our food up, put out the fire and crawled into the tent. I stripped off most of my clothes and wriggled down into the two-person sleeping bag.

Chris climbed in next to me, pressed myself up against him, and took his face in my hands kissing him. I pulled him onto me and ran my hand down his side, resting on his arse. Chris moaned and pulled away from me.

“Emily, are you sure about this?” He breathed.

I took his hand in mine and brought it between my legs. Using my fingers I guided his between my folds, stretching the fabric of my underwear. “I’m ready, Chris.”

He moved in close to me again, and I let his hand go wrapping my arms around him. He kissed me, first softly, hesitating a little, but it quickly deepened and became passionate and urgent. His hand remained between my legs, he’d pushed the fabric of my panties to one side, and was stroking up and down the folds of my labia. I hummed into his mouth and hooked my leg over his.

I tugged at his shirt, trying to pull it up over his head, but he was seemingly unwilling to move his hand away from my cunt.

“It’s okay, Chris. This is happening.” I breathed.

Chris laughed and pulled his shirt off, his hand quickly returning to stroking my pussy. “Sorry, I got a little carried away.”

I pushed him, so he was lying on his back, and climbed on top, straddling his waist. Leaning down I began trailing kisses down his chest and along his collarbone. I swirled my tongue over his nipples and began grinding against him, his cock pushing through the fabric of his pants.

I reached down between my legs, and pushed his sweatpants down, freeing his cock as he ran his hands along my back. I stroked my hand up and down his shaft while I rocked against him. He moaned as I used my teeth to gently nibble on his nipple.

He started to push down my underwear, and I raised myself up a little so he could pull them free. When I lowered myself back down I used my hand to guide his cock between my folds. I ground against him, using my hand to both caressed his length and stroke my clit. His hands found my breasts and he gently massaged them, fluttering his fingers over my nipples. I moved my mouth to his and kissed him probing my tongue into his mouth, running it along his teeth. He grabbed my neck but quickly seemed to rethink the move and let his hand fall to my hip.

“I know you’re letting me take the lead here. I appreciate that. But I’m not fragile. You’re not going to break me.” I whispered into his ear.

He plunged his hand into my hair and shifted me upwards. He took my nipple into his mouth, sucking and biting. I gasped. My whole body tingled. I guided his cock into my cunt and I started to ride him, clenching my walls against his length. He moved with me, one hand gripping my hip. The other slipped between us and began pinching and stroking my clit. An orgasm started building within me and I increased my pace. I wanted this. I needed it. I grabbed Chris’ hands and I pinned them above his head. I attacked his mouth with mine, slamming our lips together.

Chris moaned and arched into me.

I could feel my orgasm cresting, but it wouldn’t quite break. I let out a cry of frustration. “Chris, please, I need you to take control,” I whined.

He smiled at me and raised an eyebrow. “Are you sure?”

“Yes. Please. Oh god. Please.” I pleaded.

“You’re going to have to let me go then, babe.”

I released his hands, and he flipped me over. He hooked one arm under my leg and pulled it up, and with the other arm, he pinned my hands above my head reversing our positions. I cried out as he began to thrust into me.

I began to pant and whimper as kissed my neck. He raised his head and looked into my eyes.

“Who do you belong to, Emily?”

I groaned. They’d made me forget. I am his. His.

“Emily, answer me.”

“I’m yours.”

“That’s right you’re mine. No matter what else happens, you’ll always be mine.”

The acknowledgment lit a fire in me. My orgasm peaked and crashed over me, I clenched around him and cried out.

“Say it again.” Chris groaned.

My orgasm was still working through me. “I’m yours, Chris. Only yours.” I whimpered, my body tensed and trembled.

Chris came jerking into me. I wrapped my leg around his back and used it to pull him deep into me.

Chris let my wrists go, leaned in and kissed me, his hand holding my jaw. Without breaking the kiss, he rolled off from on top of me, and on his back. When we finally broke apart, I lay my head on his chest, and he zipped the sleeping bag up around us.

“Thank you, Chris,” I said, he went to speak but I shushed him. “No, I mean it. Thank you for being patient with me. For taking care of me. For waiting. For letting me take control when I needed it and for taking control when I needed that too. I didn’t realise how badly I needed that. How badly I needed you. I know it can’t have been easy for you to have to wait this out with me. But I appreciate it.”

“I love you, Em.” He said. “It’s you and me together, okay? We’re endgame.”

* * *

We needed to head back to LA the following day. We’d been out in the desert three days already, but it was Chris’ birthday tomorrow and he had plans. Not to mention the whole ‘leaving for England in two days’ thing.

We had just finished packing the truck up when Chris pinned me to the door, trailing kissing along my neck. “Can I please drive the truck?”

I laughed. “Smooth. So smooth. And you know you can’t drive it. Only cool people can drive it.”

“Please …” He begged. “No one will know.”

“It’s a work truck. You aren’t insured. I’m not letting you drive it.”

Chris sulked as he climbed into the passenger seat. I slid behind the driver’s seat and turned on my GPS tracker.

“What are you doing? I thought we were going back?” Chris asked.

“I just want to see where they are. That pack was pretty close last night. If they aren’t far I’d like to see them.”

Chris groaned.

I started the truck and drove it up over a ridge and spotted them right away. There was a pair of coyotes lounging under a tree, but a few pups were out in the morning sun, wrestling with each other. I jumped out of the car with my camera and started taking pictures. Chris came and crouched down beside me.

“Emily,” He whined. “I gotta get home.”

I pushed him over. “Calm down, ya baby. I’m only going to be a minute.”

I took a few more photos and stood up and stretched. “Aren’t they beautiful?” I sighed.

“You’re really into them aren’t you?” Chris said, wrapping his arms around my waist from behind.

“Yeah. I am.”

“I guess they are pretty cute.”

I turned and kissed him. “Okay, let’s go then.”

We drove into the town of Joshua Tree and I pulled the truck up outside a funny little red and white barn-like building with the words 'Country Kitchen’ written on the outside.

“Now what are we doing?” Chris groaned.

“I’m hungry. We’re getting brunch.” I said as I jumped out of the car. I saw Chris bang his head on the dashboard and I laughed.

He followed me into the restaurant with East, a small elderly Cambodian woman greeted us as we came through the door.

“Hello! You’ve not been here for a long time.” She said to me.

“I know! I’m sorry! I’ve been out of town. You’ll see a lot more of me now. Do you mind if we bring the dog in?”

“Only for you. Come sit over here.” She directed us to a small table in the far corner. The restaurant was tiny, dark and cluttered with ornaments and photos and other personal effects. The fridges had big posters with the specials that never changed on them, and above the counter was a menu that looked like it had been there since the fifties. We sat down, and East curled himself under the table, his head on Chris’ feet.

“Is this your man?” The old woman asked.

“He is.” I smiled.

“Are you married? I’ve been married over 40 years now.”

“Wow, 40 years. That’s amazing. Congratulations. But no, we aren’t married.”

She turned to Chris. “You should marry her. She’s a very smart girl.”

I started laughing.

“Well, one day I promise. She’s very special.”

“You’re a good boy.” The woman said and patted him on the head before shuffling off.

Chris grinned at me. “Okay, you were right, this place is awesome. I’m glad we stopped”

“I love it here. I usually stop in when I come up on the way in and out. I don’t know why I kept you from it. I guess I haven’t really been eating.”

Chris picked up the menu and started going over it. “I don’t think I can eat anything on here.” He groaned.

“Pancakes.”

“So, of the things I could potentially work into my diet on this menu, pancakes are kind of the bottom of the list.”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “You’re getting pancakes.”

“What if you get pancakes, and I just try some of yours?”

“If you think you’re touching my pancakes, you have another thing coming.”

The old woman came back with water for us and took our orders sitting at the table with us, Chris ordered pancakes with bacon and eggs, while I had blueberry pancakes a hash brown and eggs. I also ordered a milkshake.

We sat chatting while we waited for our food. Chris started playing footsies with me under the table.

“Ugh, I can’t believe you’re only here for two more days.” I groaned.

“Yeah, I know. Everything has been happening so quickly.”

“How are the nerves?” I asked taking his hand.

“Under control mostly. Comes and goes.” He laughed. “I really haven’t been thinking about it much with everything else.”

I frowned for a second but shook my head. I didn’t want to dwell on that today, not when I was feeling so good. I stroked my thumbs down his palms. “You were born to do it, you know?”

Our food was brought out and placed in front of us. It was an enormous mountain of things, that barely left any room on the table. Chris took a mouthful of pancake and bacon and moaned.

“Told you.” I grinned and took a bite of my own food.

“I’ll never doubt you again.” He said shoveling food into his mouth.

Chris finished eating, while I was still methodically working my way through my breakfast.

“Here, let me help you.” He said reaching over with his fork. I slapped his hand away. He laughed. “I’m really happy that you seem to be feeling so much better today.”

“Yeah. I kind of feel like my old self.” I said through a mouth full of hash brown. I groaned and pushed my plate away from me. “God, I’m so bloated.”

Chris laughed. “I’m not surprised. I don’t think I’ve seen you eat that much since before I left town. And even then, that was when you were stoned out of your head.” He took a bite from my hash brown. “Where did you even put it?”

I patted my belly. “It’s like the TARDIS in there.”

Chris stood and put four twenty dollar bills on the table, which was at least four times what the bill actually cost. “That was extremely generous,” I said as we stepped back outside.

“Worth every penny.”  


	33. Chapter 33

I woke the next morning to Chris running his hand over my stomach. I opened my eyes and rolled into his arms.

“Happy Birthday, my love,” I said sleepily. I started kissing down the front of his chest.

“Presents?”

“Well, I was going to give you a birthday beej, but sure.” I crawled out of bed and headed for the walk in.

“No, come back! I changed my mind!” Chris yelled.

I grabbed the gifts from where I’d hidden them and brought them to Chris. He was sitting up against the headboard. Lying down in front of him I nuzzled at his crotch.

“Both? I get both?” Chris grinned.

I giggled and pulled his dick free from his underwear. While Chris read the card I’d gotten him, I cupped his balls and rubbed my hand up and down his perineum. His cock stiffened, and I fluttered my fingers up and down its shaft.

“Aw, that was really sweet, Em,” Chris said putting the card to the side.

I winked at him, and then traced my tongue up the length of his cock, swirling it over the head. He moaned softly, and I took him into my mouth. His eye closed and his head fell back. He stroked my hair, closing and opening his fist.

I sucked up his length and let his cock fell free from my mouth. “Aren’t you going to open your presents?” I asked with a sly grin.

“Fuck.” Chris groaned. “You are unreal.” He picked up one of the gifts and I returned to sucking his cock. As he pulled the paper from the book, I pumped his shaft with my hand as I sucked the head, working my mouth up and down.

Chris pulled the book free from the paper, a copy of selected poems by Robert Frost. “This – this is – really great.” Chris panted.

I plunged my head down onto his dick, deep throating him. He grunted as I moved up and down his shaft, pulling all the way off and then pushing as deep as I could take him. He started moving his hips with the movement of my mouth and I pulled away from him again.

“You still have a present to open, Chris,” I said, as I stroked him from his arsehole to his balls and tugged his scrotum.

“Okay, okay.” He groaned and picked up the last present.

I ran my tongue over his balls and sucked one into my mouth, and his hips jerked. He unwrapped the gift as I licked up and down his shaft.

“An iPad? That’s awesome. I’ve been thinking about getting one.” He said.

“I know, you keep talking about it. Anyway, I thought it would make it easier for you to Skype where ever, but you know, be able to see well. Turn it on. I put some photos on it.” I said.

I took his cock into my mouth again, deep throating him, using my tongue to massage and lick his length. He started to moan, and his hand bunched into my hair.

“Oh god, Em. These are fucking amazing.” He groaned. I looked up at him and watched as he scrolled through the photos. “Who took these?” I smiled around his cock, and then dropped my head and picked up my speed.

I’d taken the photos myself, using a tripod not long after the first left town. I was originally going to text them to him, but I chickened out. There were a variety of different pictures. Some the standard in my underwear leaning over, or naked and spread out. I’d also played with my makeup and hair to look like I’d just had a brutal play session. I’d even managed to take a really nice photo that looked like I was bound to the bed, sweat beading over my body. I was really happy how that had turned out considering it was just me alone, and I wasn’t actually tied to anything.

His breathing shallowed and he was humping my mouth. I slipped a finger into his anus. “Fuck. God, Em.” He groaned, and he bucked his hips. His cock slammed into the back of my throat, and I gagged as he came. I pulled back suddenly coughing and trying to catch my breath, and he spilled onto his stomach.

“Shit. Sorry, Em. Are you okay?” He said rubbing my back. I started laughing, but I was still coughing. Tears pricked my eyes as I gasped for breath.

“Yep, hang on.” I coughed. I jumped up and lurched to the bathroom. I grabbed a glass and gargled some water. Then took a long drink.

Chris was cleaning himself up when I came back into the bedroom, and I climbed back into bed with him and hugged him around the waist, resting my head in his lap.

“Sorry about that,” Chris said sheepishly.

I giggled. “Be aware of your size, man.”

“And now I feel awesome again. Thank you.” He laughed. “Who took the photos, Em? They’re incredible.”

The compliment made me feel warm all over, and I squeezed my arms around him. “Thank you. I took them myself.”

“No way. How? When?” He said shocked.

“When you were filming Puncture. I’d intended to text them or maybe email a new one every week, you know after you liked that photo you took. But I kind of got embarrassed that I did it. Then I don’t know, we hadn’t had sex for so long. I wanted you to know, I still wanted to.”

He looked at me a little sadly and gave me a squeeze. “They’re so good though, Em. I mean, they’re fucking hot. But look at them.” He held the iPad in front of me, and slowly scrolled through the pictures. “I knew you were into taking photos and all. I mean I am friends with you on Facebook, and I’ve seen you taking photos in person. But nothing like this.”

I blushed. “Thank you.”

“You have a back up for if the whole scientist thing doesn’t play out.”

“Yes, making money from nude photos of myself is a definite career path I could take.” I laughed.  "Want me to make you breakfast?“

"Nah. I have to stick to the bodybuilding shit. Especially if I’m going out tonight.” He looked over at the clock. “I probably should try and get a work out in this morning too. You want to go for a run first?”

“Yeah. I do.” I sat up and stretched. “Hey, it’s just us today, right? No one’s coming by today?”

“Yeah, just us. Until the party.”

* * *

After our run, we ate. I was feeling quite anxious about the party tonight. It would be the first one I’d been to since ‘the incident’. Even though I was going to be around people I knew, Gaby was even going to be there, I was still quite freaked out by it. So I ended up just eating a piece of Vegemite toast with a cup of tea. Chris always found it hilarious when that’s what I ate like I was faking it to seem more Australian.

Chris went to his gym to work out while I went and had a shower, and began putting my plans for his crazy birthday sex into play.

I began by setting my hair. I carefully dried and curled it, so it swept down my back in waves. I dressed in a pair of black lace bra and panties and matched them with a black garter belt and fishnet stockings. I dragged the wooden chest containing our toys from the cupboard and left it open by the bed. I then worked on my make up. Not heavy on the foundation but I made my eye make up smoky, with thick mascara. A non-water proof kind that would run with almost no exertion. I painted my lips a dark, blood red. The gloss was shiny and stood out a dark contrast to my pale skin. I dug through my jewelry box and found a silver choker I had been given as a gift but had never actually worn. It was one of those inflexible ones, that when put on sits close to your throat and have a pendant that rests between your clavicles. I liked the effect of it sitting against my bare skin. Like a collar. Last but not least, I pulled on a pair of black heels I’d bought at a thrift shop because they looked sexy as fuck. I could barely walk in them, so hopefully, I wouldn’t need too much. I looked myself over in the full-length mirror. I was very happy with the results. I looked sexy and powerful. In control. I planned for Chris to take that control from me by force.

I walked, a little unsteadily to the gym. When I opened the door, he looked up, and his eyes widened. I pulled the door closed behind me and leaned back against it.

Chris paused for a second. He was mid bicep curl, and it was almost like he shook himself before he continued with his work out. I wondered what had just gone through his head. I smiled and bit my lip. Chris was ignoring me. He finished one set of reps and moved onto something else. I enjoyed watching him though. His muscles straining, sweat soaking through his shirt. He was trying to exert his control over me, make me wait for him. I had no plans to play the good girl sub today. I slipped my hand into my panties and started rubbing on my clit while I watched him. My fingers slid easily into my folds, I had worked myself up already. I moaned and I pressed against my sensitive nub.

Chris dropped the barbel and stormed over to me. He grabbed my throat and almost lifted me from the floor. “What do you think you’re doing in here, you fucking slut.” He yelled. “You think you can just come in here when I’m working out and do whatever the fuck you want?”

I didn’t flinch from him, I just stared directly into his eyes, a devious smile on my face. “That’s right. I will do whatever the fuck I want. You think you can stop me?” I pushed my fingers into my cunt and began working them in and out. He grabbed my wrist and twisted my arm behind my back.

“I think you’re forgetting your place, Emily.” He growled.

I licked my lips. “Why don’t you show me then?”

He picked me up, threw me over his shoulder, and marched into the bedroom. Placing me on my feet in the middle of the room he went to the trunk and pulled out some leather straps.

“Put your hands out in front of you.” He ordered.

“Make me.” I spat.

He paused for a second. “Em. I’m not sure this is a good idea.”

I shook my head. “Chris, please. I want this. I need it for us. I need you to take me back.”

He cupped my jaw in his palm and stroked his thumb along my cheek. “If you’re sure. Make sure you use your safe words if you need them.”

I nodded.

He chuckled. My dom was back. “Oh, Emily.” He said his voice low and dark. “Emily, do you think this is going to end well for you? Just do as your told, and we can both have a nice time.”

I laughed. “Fuck you, Christopher.” My whole body tingled, and I actually slipped my hand back into my panties.

He yanked my hands in front of me and fastened them into place with the leather cuffs. He then attached what was almost a short leash to them with a hook on the end and dragged me to the door, attaching the leash to a hook on the top of the door. My back was now facing him and my arms were stretched over my head.

“Marks or no marks?” He asked me.

“Marks.”

He went to the chest again and returned with a flexible cane rod. He ran it over the skin of my back and along my arse. I shivered at the sensation. He then swung it through the air. It made a sort of whistling hum as it traveled. I squeezed my legs together at the thought of what was coming.

“Now, Emily. Because you’re being such a bratty slut, I’m going to hit you with this.” He ran the cane down my cheek. “And I’m going to keep hitting you until you beg me not to. There is no number. You say, 'Please Chris, no more’ after one, and I’ll stop. If you want to continue being a willful whore, you’re going to get the cane again. Understand?”

I took a deep breath. “Yes.” This was going to be a test. I was going to have to be hyper-aware of my own limits. Thankfully I felt safe with Chris. I knew he’d check on me and I knew he knew I would want to go further than I should.

He ran the cane once more along my back, and I tingled in response. With a crack, he hit me across my thighs. The sting was immediate and intense, yet somehow I managed to not cry out, I clenched my teeth and breathed through them. He hit me again, this time across my bum. Then again across the small of my back. This time I cried out, and tears welled in my eyes. After the fourth hit, he checked in on me.

“What colour are we, Emily?”

“Gr-green.” I stammered.

He hit me again, and again. I was crying, and every hit made me yelp. I got to nine before I started begging. The eighth and ninth strike were perfectly aimed one on top of the other on my arse. I was certain he’d broken my skin. The pain was exquisite.

“Please, stop. Please.” I begged.

He pushed his body up against me. “Are you going to be a good girl?”

“Yes, please. I’ll be good. Please don’t hit me again.” I begged.

Chris reached up and unhooked my hands from the hook on the wall.

“I need to go finish my work out,” Chris said, unbuckling the straps around my wrists. I was trembling as he did it. “You’re going to go select a vibrator and meet me in there. And while I finish up you’re going to be edging.”

“No.” I squeaked.

Chris grabbed my jaw painfully. “Don’t fucking start with me again.” He spat. “I think maybe, once for each of these.” He ran a finger along one of the lines across my back. It sent shivers through my body, and my nipples hardened. “You won’t come though will you, Emily? You don’t want to piss me off again.”

I shook my head and looked at the ground. He kissed me. It was forceful like he was reminding me who was in charge. “Hurry up.” He growled and left the room.

I took a deep breath, and went and fetched my favourite vibe from my drawer. When I returned to the gym, Chris was doing weighted squats. He’d laid out a yoga mat on the floor, against the wall facing the mirror. I assumed it was for me, but I didn’t want to get in trouble again. So I stood and watched him waiting for direction.

“Well, get on with it,” Chris said.

“Where do you want me to be?” I asked. I didn’t mean for the question to come out as snarky as it sounded. I was really asking for it today.

“You can’t be that dumb.” He snapped. “The mat, Emily. And I’d watch that mouth of yours if I were you.”

I lowered myself onto the mat. Wincing from the pain in my arse. I spread my legs, and shifting the fabric of my underwear I slipped the vibrator between the folds of my labia and turned it on. It buzzed against my clit and I moaned softly. I moved the vibe up and down pressing it against my clit, letting it pulse and then sliding it away. I pushed the toy into me finding my g-spot and adjusted the other end so it pressed against my clit, turning the buzz on both ends. The sensation sent a shock through me immediately and I gasped and began panting. I looked over at Chris, he was still working out, but he was watching me, and he had an obvious erection. I smiled at him and licked my lips. I watched him, his muscles straining and his cock hard. I imagined him holding me against the wall, and fucking me, digging my nails into his flesh as it strained against me. My orgasm peaked, and I switched off my vibe and pulled it away from me.

“Good girl, Emily,” Chris said.

“Fuck you, Chris.” I snapped.

Chris laughed and shook his head. “You must really not want to come today. That’s ten times you’re edging now. Keep mouthing off and I’ll go get the cane again.”

I turned the vibe back on and slid it inside of my cunt. This time I watched my reflection as I fucked myself with the vibrator. My makeup had run, and I looked a complete mess. I couldn’t believe how much it turned me on. My orgasm took no time before it was upon me again, I edged a little further this time, risking myself losing control. Just as I was sure I wasn’t going to be able to stop myself from coming, I pulled it away and focused on my breathing.

I kept it up five more times. Each time it took less and less for my orgasm to peak. On the seventh time, I sat trembling on the ground. I’d been edging for about an hour now. I felt weak. My throat was dry. I had to stop for a while or the next time I wasn’t going to be able to stop the orgasm from happening.

“Get on with it, Emily,” Chris growled.

“Do you want me to come or not? I need a break.” I snapped.

Chris stopped what he was doing. He walked over and crouched in front of me and grabbed me by the throat. I gasped and my hand flew to him, clawing at his fingers.

“You are really pushing it, Emily. I really want to just slap you across your beautiful face.”

My whole body buzzed at the thought. It shocked me, the thought of him slapping me had always made me feel revolted. Right now it was all I wanted.

“Do it then, you piece of shit.” I spat, trying to incite him.

“Is that what you want, Emily?” He asked, a little softer this time. Making sure I wasn’t just being mouthy.

I nodded. “Yes. Fucking hit me.”

He let go of my neck and raised his hand hovering it in the air. I smiled at him and nodded. His hand sailed through the air and connected with my cheek. He’d held back obviously. If he’d wanted to hurt me, he could easily do it. Even still my head rocked back, and heat filled my cheek. I tasted blood in my mouth. I wiped my lip. He’d split it.

I looked at him, and he actually looked panicked. “Green, I’m green. It’s good.” I said, touching his arm.

He got up and passed me a bottle of water. “I’m going to go have a shower. Finish up. You have three more.”

I’d only managed to edge twice more by the time Chris returned. He’d changed into jeans and a dark blue plaid shirt. The collar was open, and I could just see the edge of his clavicle tattoo. He was rolling up his sleeves as he came in.

“What number are you up to?” He asked me.

“One more.” I panted.

“Shall I help with the last one?”

I nodded. He stepped up beside me, and I scooted forward. He sat down behind me, and I collapsed into him. Every part of me was exhausted, and my legs trembled. He wrapped his arms around me and his hands gently caressed me, stroking down my neck. They cupped and squeezed my breasts, pinching the nipples through the fabric. He stroked them down my stomach and slid them into my panties. I wiggled against him, as he pinched my clit. He wasn’t hard anymore. I scowled at him in the mirror.

“Did you jack off in the shower?” I asked

“I sure did. Because it’s my birthday, and I’m allowed to come as many times as I like.”

“Fucking, arsehole,” I muttered. He pulled his hand from my cunt and slapped me across my pubic mound. I was so swollen and wet, it stung everywhere, and sent a shudder through my body. I gasped and ground my hips into his hand.

“Oh fuck, that nearly pushed me over.” I groaned.

He laughed and pushed his hand back into my panties and entered me with three fingers. I squeezed against them and he used his thumb to kneed my clit. “Sitting that close are you?”

“Uh huh.” I panted. I was grinding my hips against his hand. I started moaning, my orgasm was reaching his peak.

“Chris,” I breathed “You’re gonna have to stop.”

“I don’t have to stop anything. You’re the one that has to stop.”

I grabbed Chris’ hand through the fabric of my underwear and squeezed my legs together. I started trying to think about other things, anything that might stop what was about to happen, but my nerves were raw. Nothing could distract me from what was happening. I started chanting 'fuck’ over and over under my breath.

Just when I thought it was too late, I was going to come and Chris was going to punish me, he pulled his hand away. I collapsed shaking against him. He hugged me and rubbed his hands up and down my arms.

“Do you want to take a break?”

“No, I want to have a fucking orgasm.”

Chris laughed and got to his feet. “Alright, come on then.” He said, helping me to my feet. I followed him shakily down the hall to our bedroom.

“Kneel on the bed.” He said.

I did as I was told. He went and pulled out a long, black cord from the chest and bought it over to me. “Hands together, in front of you.”

He bound me, carefully, and with a level of skill that was almost an art. The cord went around my shoulders, crisscrossed across my chest, around my arms, holding them together and against my chest. It wrapped around my waist and pinned my thighs to my calves. When he had secured the last knot, he checked to make sure it wasn’t rubbing anywhere. He stood back and admired his handy work.

“Fuck, you should see yourself, Emily.” Chris smiled and rubbed his crotch. “Where’s your camera?”

“Um. In my bag upstairs.”

Chris left the room. My muscles were aching and I grimaced and tried to adjust myself while I waited for him.

He returned with my camera, and took a few photos, then sat on the bed next to me and showed me the preview screen. I was slick with sweat, my hair and makeup was a complete mess. Trails of mascara ran down my cheeks. My lip was swollen. Chris’ binding was unbelievable. I wondered if he’d been practicing. How do you practice that exactly? The cord bit into my skin. I looked helpless and used and sexy as hell.

I hummed deep in my throat. My skin was tingling.

“She’s hot right?” Chris asked.

“Yes.” I squeaked.

He put the camera on the bedside table and knelt down in front of me. He ran his fingers along my jaw, and then pushed his hand into my hair, pulling me into a kiss. He lowered me onto my back. I lay before him, tied into place, completely helpless. He crawled between my legs and nuzzled his face into my crotch.

I felt him tug on my panties. He grabbed the fabric with both his hands and yanked, tearing the crotch from them. I yelped in surprise. He pushed his face into my mound, lapping his tongue along my slit. He pushed two fingers inside of me, and focused his tongue against my clit, swirling it over the little nub, and sucking it into his mouth.

I was so on edge and ready it took almost nothing before my orgasm was there.

“Chris, can I? Please? I need it.” I begged while I panted and writhed against my bondage.

Chris raised his head, but continued to fuck me with his fingers. He ran his free hand along the cord that wrapped around my hips. “Not so mouthy now you want something, are we?” He cooed. “Ask me again. Beg me for release.”

“Please, Chris. Please. Let me come. Please.” I begged.

Chris pulled his hand away from me. “No. I don’t think so.”

I cried out in desperation. “Fuck you!” I yelled.

He climbed up over me and gripped my chin. “There’s my mouthy little slut.” He kissed me. I tried to struggle away from his mouth, but he held my head in place. “Oh, don’t be like that. Keep being a good girl and you might actually get what you want out of this.”

Chris stood up and slowly started removing his clothing, I watched him as he unbuttoned his shirt and shrugged it off. I felt an overwhelming desire to taste his skin. I wanted to run my tongue along his chest. I struggled against my bonds.

Chris walked over unfastening his fly. “Where are you trying to go?” He said sitting on the bed next to my head. He ran his thumb over my bottom lip, and I nipped at it. He pushed it into my mouth, and I sucked. I closed my eyes, relishing the taste of his salty skin. He pulled his hand away, and I actually felt like I might cry.

“Please, Chris. I need you. I’ll be good. I’ll do whatever you want me to do, but please fuck me.” I pleaded.

“Always such a needy slut.” He said getting up and pulling his pants down. “Be patient.”

He slowly removed the rest of his clothes, and knelt between my legs, stroking his cock. I started whimpering, and he hit me across my left thigh. “Stop whining.” He snapped.

I closed my eyes and focused on my breathing. Chris chose that moment to slam into me. I yelled out, but he didn’t pause or slow down, he just pounded into me again and again. I wanted to do something, brace myself, hold onto him, wrap my legs around him, anything, but I was helpless. I was being shifted up the bed with every one of his thrusts, and he grabbed hold of the ropes binding my chest and held me in place. I squeezed my cunt around his cock, and ground my hips against him.

“Please, Chris.” I pleaded.

“It’s okay, baby. You can come for me.”

“I can’t. It won’t. I need … I need …” I babbled.

He reached down between my legs and pinched my clit. Not gently. Hard. Twisting it between his fingers. I screamed in pain, and tears leaked from my eyes. My whole body clenched up, but when he released me it was like a dam burst. My body came undone. I cried out, arching my back, the ropes digging into my flesh. My body was on fire, every nerve screaming out with pleasure. My orgasm seemed to tip Chris over too, he leaned back and came deep inside me.

He pulled out of me and loosened the bindings around me in three places, and the whole thing fell away from me. I groaned, rubbing my wrists and rolling my shoulders.

“How are you doing there, Em?” He asked.

“Sore,” I grumbled.

He lay down next to me and started rubbing my shoulders.

“Happy Birthday, my love.” I murmured.

“Thank you.” He said, and he leaned over and kissed my jaw, just below my ear. “That was a pretty amazing present.”

“I liked it too.”

“What do you need?” He asked me.

“Bath, please.” I sighed. “And you.”

Chris helped me to stand. I was still a bit shaky. I kicked my shoes off. “I can’t believe those stayed on my feet. I can barely even walk in them.” I laughed.

Chris wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into a kiss. While our lips caressed each other, he unhooked my bra. He pulled away and I let it fall to the floor.

I followed him to the bathroom and paused at the vanity to wash the makeup from my face. He used the opportunity to apply aloe to the welts on my back. He slid my underwear down and my stockings. The cooling gel was like bliss against my burning skin. “Did you break the skin?” I asked.

“Only on your face.” He cringed.

I laughed. “You should have seen your face when you did that. I swear  _you_  were going to safe word the fuck out of the scenario.”

He leaned against me and kissed my neck. “I felt awful. You told me not to hit you in the face, you change your mind and I split your lip.”

I ran my hand over the cut. It was pretty obvious. “That is going to be fun to explain to people tonight.”

Chris cracked up and turned me to face him, kissing me again. “I love you, you know?” He said. “I enjoy our sex lives a lot, but the idea of actually for real hurting you makes me feel sick.”

“And that’s why I trust you to do what we do, Chris. I know you love me. And I know you’d never intentionally hurt me. I mean, obviously, you hurt me … but you know what I mean. I love you too. So very much.”

He took me into the bathroom and ran the bath. We both climbed in and I snuggled up against his chest, listening to his heartbeat and feeling it rise and fall with every breath.

“What are you thinking about?” Chris asked me, running a washcloth down my arm.

“I don’t know. Just the way you speak to me when we’re playing I guess. What’s wrong with me that I get off from the fact you are so mean to me? Especially after what happened. Shouldn’t I not like that anymore?”

He sighed and pressed his lips to the top of my head. “I don’t know, Em. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you. It’s a release. It’s not real. What happened to you was real. It was completely out of your control. This – isn’t. I don’t know, I think for me the fact I say those things, even though I don’t mean them. The way you respond … it just does things to me. I’ve always like playing pretend. Ya know?”

“Yeah, I guess. I kind of like it when you get mad. You never really get mad normally. Happy, sad, scared, not mad though.”

“And you’re not normally such a mouthy bitch.” He said, poking me in the ribs.

“Is that why you like acting do you think? Getting to do things you wouldn’t normally do?”

“Yeah, it’s good not having to always be yourself.”

I closed my eyes, and Chris held me to him as dozed off.


	34. Chapter 34

There was an hour to go before we were supposed to be at Chris’ birthday party. He was having it at a trendy bar in the city that I kinda hated. I had done my hair and makeup. I was rather impressed with how well I’d hidden the cut on my lip. I had carefully chosen my underwear, going with a garter again, to surprise Chris if he got handsy when he was drunk, as he so often did. When I slipped my dress on I became painfully aware of the implication of wearing the backless red dress I’d chosen.

“Chris!” I called upstairs, and I ran into the closet pawing through my clothes for something else that would work. Chris strolled into the bedroom looking disgustingly good looking. He was wearing a white t-shirt, black leather jacket, black jeans, and his god damned red belt. The shirt looked too small on him thanks to his excessive working out and kind of strained against his chest. The way he just exuded that casual confidence made me want to punch him sometimes.

“What’s up?” He asked smiling warmly at me.

“I can’t wear this can I?” I said, spinning around, and lifting my hair off my back.

Chris laughed and danced his fingers down my back. “Far be it from me to tell you what to wear.  But you absolutely can not wear that tonight.” He said. “Not unless you want to be fielding questions about what we get up to.”

“Fuck, fuck, fuckity, fuck,” I muttered. I went to head back into the closet to see what I could find to wear instead, but Chris caught me around the waist and started trailing kisses down my neck.  

“Chris, we don’t have time,” I said pushing him away from me.

“But it’s my birthday.” He pouted.

“After the party, maybe.  Or at the party?  That could be fun.  Now seems like a terrible time.” I slipped my dress off and threw it on the bed.

Chris groaned. “And then you do that.” He grabbed my arm and turned me to face him. I looked at him and felt myself beginning to crack. His eyebrow was raised and he was doing that irresistible little half smile of his. He tilted his head and started leaning into me. I backed off, but he caught my mouth with his and lifted me up, wrapping my legs around his waist.

He started placing kisses down my neck. “Chris, aren’t you worried about being late?” I whined. I don’t know why I was bothering. I was his, and I couldn’t resist him, not after such a long time going without.

“I’ll be super quick.”

“Words to turn any girl on.” We both laughed and he pushed me against the wall. I sucked my breath in over my teeth as the cool wall pressed onto my marked skin.

“Be gentle, okay,” I said. I was still quite sore from our earlier escapades.

“Is that a yes?” He asked.

“Yes, it’s a yes.” I laughed. “But only because I can’t get enough of your dick.”

Chris cracked up. “Well, you wouldn’t be the first.”

He put me on my feet and dropped to his knees, kissing my stomach. He grabbed the top of my underwear and dragged them down, garter belt, panties, stockings everything. I stepped out of them and he tossed them away from us. Using his fingers he spread my folds apart and began running his tongue up and down my slit. I lifted one leg, resting it on his shoulder and lent back against the wall. Opening myself up for him.

His tongue felt like heaven on my sensitive pussy. Each movement was a combination of soothing and exciting, sending little jolts through me. He licked his fingers and pushed them inside of me. I moaned and had to hold myself steady against the wall. I grabbed onto his hair, bunching my fists in it. He hooked his fingers inside of me, dragging them along my g-spot, moving them in and out of my cunt, while he drew circles over my clit with his tongue. Everything was so sensitive that I found myself on the brink of orgasm in no time, panting and moaning, grinding against his face. When I came he lapped me up, humming into my cunt.

He stood and dropped his pants. I reached for him, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulled his mouth down to mine. While I kissed him, tasting my self on his lips and in his mouth, he lifted me up again. I wrapped my legs around him and he entered me. I gasped, my head falling back. He moved his mouth to my exposed neck, biting and sucking along the side of my throat and down to my collar bone. I snaked my hand between us and began to rub my clit as my cunt clenched around his cock. We came together, panting. He kissed me, as he emptied inside me and I moaned into his mouth.

When he let me down, I freaked out. I had to mad rush to get ready again. Everything was a do-over. I had to re-do my hair and makeup, find something else to wear and clean myself up. Chris wiped himself down, brushed his teeth and straightened his clothes. He then very helpfully, went and sat on the bed and made extremely unhelpful comments.

“Come on, Em!” He whined. “We’re going to be late.”

I had just fixed my hair and makeup and was about to go into the walk in.

“Oh my god! You are such an arsehole.” I snapped. “I think I might literally kill you.”

Chris got up and followed me into the walk in, and stood leaning in the doorway his hands in his pockets. “You know, Em, I think you calling me an ‘arsehole’,” He did that thing where he pronounced the word with a really bad English accent. “Is my favourite thing in the world. I goad you into calling me it, pretty much every day.”

I rolled my eyes as I pulled on a new set of underwear, a purple bra, with matching boy leg panties. “I’ll be happy to call you an arsehole all the time from this moment forward.”

“See that’s all I want.”

I finished getting dressed as he watched me. I settled on fishnet tights under a dark blue high cut, sleeveless dress. It’s skirt flared at my waist and was extremely short. It barely brushed past the curve of my bum. Normally I’d wear it more like a shirt over some highly nerdy print leggings. I pulled on my boots and had one last look in the mirror. I suddenly felt extremely uneasy about going out. What if someone drugged me again, and took me off while Chris was talking to someone else?

I looked at him, my mouth had gone dry. He had started getting texts now, asking where he was.  I really didn’t want to ruin his birthday by backing out.

“Chris?” I said, my voice trembled.

“What’s up, gorgeous?” He said, running his hands down my arms. “We gotta get going.”

“I’m scared,” I whispered. I hated even saying the word. “You won’t let anything happen to me?”

He pulled me to him. “Oh, babe. Of course, I won’t let anything happen to you. You can stick to me like glue if you need to. But I’ll always be watching out for you, no matter where you are. And we’ll be around friends, Gaby will be there. So will Scott, Zach and D. Anna is even coming with Chris. So you’ll know people. You won’t be alone. But if you’re not feeling it, you don’t have to come. I’ll even stay home if you need me to.”

I shook my head. “I’m sorry. I’m being stupid. I’ll go. I just …”

“It’s okay. I understand. Baby steps okay.”

“Okay.”

* * *

We got to the party about 45 minutes late, the bar was crowded, and we squeezed through the people to the private room Chris had booked. There was a cheer when we entered the room, and a few people came over to greet Chris. I spotted Gaby in the corner talking to Scott and Demery, and I peeled away from Chris to join them.

“Gaby, wow, you look stunning,” I said hugging her. She was wearing a short black catsuit that hugged her curves tightly, overlaid with a sheer, black dress that floated around her knees.

“The wow makes it sound like you’re surprised I can look stunning you realise.” She laughed. “Besides, look at you. It looks like Chris brought a really expensive escort with him.”

“Aw, thank you.” I grinned. Demery and Scott laughed.

“Why were you both so late?” Scott asked.

“Not sure if you actually want the answer to that, Scott.” I laughed.

“Ew. Thanks.” Scott said scrunching his nose.

I found myself relaxing a lot as the night went on. The fact that the party was being held at this sterile, white bar and not some strangers house helped a lot. Plus the fact I was around people I actually liked and trusted.

Gaby and I fell into a booth. We’d been dancing for about an hour.

“I need a drink, but I can’t get up again,” Gaby whined.

“Same. Maybe if I stare at Chris he’ll read my mind, and bring us drinks over.” We both turned and stared at him. He was talking to a woman I didn’t really recognise. She was tall, blond and thin. He was leaning over her a little and she laughed and threw her hair over her shoulder.

“Wow, he really likes to flirt, huh?” Gaby said. “I’ve experienced it before, but I always just assumed I was getting splash back from you.”

I laughed. “Yeah, he’s incorrigible.”

“It doesn’t bother you?”

“No, not at all. In fact, is it weird to admit I kind of like it?” I said. “I mean, I feel bad for the girls who get caught up in it. I don’t think he means to lead them on. I’ve seen some get quite confused by what’s happening. Especially when I’m sitting right next to him.”

“Yes, that is weird. But I never pretended to like you for your normal traits.” Gaby laughed.

Chris noticed us staring at him and mouthed 'what’ at us. I mimed drinking, and he headed over to the bar.

“See. He’s my bitch.”

Zach approached the table. “Hey Gaby, you wanna dance?”

“Yeah, sure, you don’t mind, Emmy?”

I shrugged but beckoned Zach to me. “Don’t hurt my friend,” I whispered into his ear.

“It’s a dance you psycho.” He said and led Gaby to the dance floor.

Chris slid into the booth beside me, he had two cocktails and a beer. “A girly drink for my girly girl.” He said, kissing me on the cheek. “What happened to Gaby?” I pointed to the dance floor. Chris scowled. “No, I don’t like that at all.”

“Thank you!” I exclaimed.

“Well, he’s coming with me tomorrow, might not be anything to worry about.”

I leaned my head on his shoulder. Anna and Chris Pratt approached the table and slid in next to us.

“Hi, Emily. It’s nice to see you again.” Anna said warmly.

“Yeah, you too.” I smiled.

“Chris told us what happened. I’m really sorry you had to go through that.”

I frowned. “Yeah.” I didn’t really know what I should say, so I took a drink.

“Shots!” Chris shouted suddenly. Everyone at the table groaned, but it was too late, he was up and headed for the bar.

“Are you going to visit him in England?” Pratt asked.

“Yeah, I should be, probably not until the end of July though. I have so much work to catch up on.”

“What is it you do?” Anna asked.

“I’m a zoologist.”

“So you work at a zoo or something?” Pratt asked.

I shook my head. “UCLA, I study animals.” I looked over at Chris at the bar willing him to come back. Have you ever had one of those conversations where you just felt really awkward and just talking until you had an excuse to leave? This was what that felt like. I can’t explain why. I’d spoken to them a few times before, and it felt normal and natural. This felt like weird and uncomfortable small talk. Maybe the fact Anna bought up the attack had put me on edge.

Chris returned with what looked like at least 30 shots and slid into the booth next to me.

“Chris! There are only four of us!” Anna cried.

“Other’s will come.” Chris shrugged.

And like a call had been made, Gaby and Zach returned to the table, followed shortly by Demery, Minka, Anthony Mackie, Scott and a cute guy about my age named Lin.

Everyone took a shot together.

“Oh, Chris,” Gaby said, touching his arm. “I bought you some 'baked goods’ if you want them.” She said baked goods in air quotes.

“Uh, dur. Of course, I do.”

Gaby pulled out a bag of brownies from her handbag and handed them around the table. I took one and held it in my hand spinning it around. I started thinking about what happened last time I drank shots while I had pot at the same time. I knew logically I was safe here. I knew these people. Chris was here. Even still my hand started shaking.

Chris reached over and took the brownie from my hand, wrapped it in a napkin and put it in his jacket pocket.

“If you want it later I’ve got it right here, okay?” He whispered in my ear.

“I don’t want them to have changed me,” I said quietly. I felt like I was about to cry. I didn’t want that. Not here.

“It’s okay, Em. You’re doing fine.” Chris said. He put his arm around me and pulled me against him. Everyone was staring at me like I was suddenly about to fall to pieces in front of them.

“We should play a drinking game,” Scott suggested breaking the uncomfortable silence that had fallen on the table.

“Pennies?” Zach suggested.

“No, no, no! Never have I ever!” Gaby shouted.

Chris laughed. “I guess we’re playing never have I ever.”

“Oh shit.” I groaned.

The table laughed. “I wonder what Emily is worried about,” Demery said. “Let’s see. Never have I ever had a threesome.”

I drank, as did Chris and Lin.

“Never have I ever had sex with someone of my own gender,” Anna said.

I drank again, as did Lin and Scott.

“Never have I ever been tied up and spanked,” Lin said.

“Oh my god,” I said taking another drink. “I’m going to get alcohol poisoning.”

“I feel like I’m learning way too much about your girlfriend, Chris.” Scott laughed.

“That’s true for all of us,” Anna said.

“Naw, I dunno!” Anthony laughed. “I like seeing this side of her. I knew that she had to be hiding something.”

“Who me? I’m sweet and innocent. How dare you?” I quipped.

“Alright. Alright. Had sex in public.” Anthony said.

A few of us drank, me included. Anthony lost it. “Chris, your girl is a wild one.” Chris grinned and draped his arm around my shoulder. He was starting to feel quite smug I think.

“Never have I ever acted in a movie.” Gaby chirped.

“Oh Gaby, have I ever told you how much I love you.” I giggled.

“Never have I ever performed oral sex on another person while they were driving,” Chris said staring right at me.

My eyes went wide. “I hate you, Chris Evans,” I said taking a drink.

“Emily!” Pratt and Anna gasped simultaneously.

“Maybe I should make it that I don’t drink when it’s a sex thing I’ve done.” I laughed. “Never have I ever been arrested.” Most of the group skipped this one.

The game played on for a while longer, and then slowly broke up. Gaby and I returned to dancing, but it was much more drunken and handsy than before. Chris kept circulating around his friends, making sure everyone felt included. I loved that about him. He was one of those people who when they talked to you, you felt like you were the most important person in the world.

The party moved back to our place at around midnight. Things started getting a little out of hand at that point. There were people throwing up in the gutter outside, Scott and Lin disappeared into our spare room. Gaby got to the point that she didn’t quite seem with it anymore and I put her to bed in Chris and my bed because I had no idea what else to do with her.

The next morning I woke up I was lying in the crook of Chris’ arm, and Gaby was draped over me. My head was pounding. I looked at the clock. It was ten am. Chris’ flight was at two, so I shoved him.

“Wake up, Chris. You have to get ready to go.”

He groaned and rolled over. “Not for hours.”

“It’s international though. Come on.”

He climbed out of bed and lurched into the bathroom. Gaby stirred beside me. She sat up and rubbed her eyes.

“We didn’t … you know?” She asked.

“Um, gross. No.”

She shoved me. “What do you mean, gross?”

I laughed. “That is, I mean, I wish.”

“That’s better.” She suddenly jumped up and ran to the bathroom.

“Chris is in there!” I shouted. It made my head split, and I grabbed my forehead and staggered after her. She collapsed over the toilet and started throwing up. I rubbed her back as she heaved over the toilet. I looked over at Chris and smiled apologetically. He shrugged.

Chris had finished showering and left the bathroom by the time Gaby finished throwing up. I got her water and ibuprofen and a fresh towel so she could have a shower, and I left her alone.

Chris was sitting on the bed pulling on socks. “How’s she doing?” he asked.

“Seedy as hell. I don’t think she remembered me putting her to bed last night.”

Chris laughed. “That’s awesome. I’m going to make fun of her so much when I get back.”

I kissed him. “Just going to sit on it for three of four months. Biding your time.”

“You bet.” He stroked my chin with his thumb. “I’m going to miss you.”

I felt myself tear up. “Me too.” We kissed again, slowly and deliberately. Our mouths exploring each other. Taking our time to just be together.

Gaby cleared her throat. I looked over, she was standing in the bathroom door, a towel wrapped around her. “Sorry guys. Emmy, do you have any clothes I can borrow?”

I pointed at the walk in. “Help yourself to anything that might fit,” I said.

Chris went upstairs to make breakfast for anyone who was still around while I had a shower. I dressed in a loose-fitting Doctor Who tee and yoga pants and braided my wet hair down my back. I wandered through the house. There were two girls who I didn’t really know asleep on the sofa. I went to the kitchen. Scott had his head on his arms on the table and Chris’ ex Minka was sitting opposite him drinking coffee. Chris and Gaby were cooking together, singing Be Our Guest and nudging each other while Chris did a stupid little tap dance routine. I sat down next to Scott.

“Hey Scott, M-one.” I said.

“Morning, M-two.” Minka said smiling at me.

“Make them stop.” Scott groaned.

I stroked his hair. “Do you want some aspirin or something?”

“Already had some.”

“What happened to Lin?”

“Don’t know. He was gone when I woke up.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Shit happens.” He shrugged.

The girls from the lounge came into the kitchen.

“Hey Chris, we had a great night last night. We better be taking off though.” The blond said.

“Are you sure you ladies don’t want to eat?” Chris offered.

“No, it’s fine. Is this your girlfriend?” She asked, indicating to Gaby.

“Um, no. That’s just Gaby.” He said.

Gaby made a tch sound and nudged him “Just Gaby.” She muttered.

“Oh. Well, here’s my number. You should call when you’re back in town.” She handed him a business card.

“Okay. Well bye.” Chris said taking the card.

The girls waved goodbye to everyone and left. As soon as I heard the front door close I burst out laughing.

“Chris, you idiot. You were supposed to then tell them that was your girlfriend.” Gaby said hitting him and pointing at me.

“Oh shit. Sorry babe.” He said rushing over and squeezing my shoulders.

I wiped the tears from my eyes. “You took her card.” I wheezed.

“I’m sorry. I don’t even know who she is really.” He groaned.

“She was the one he we were watching him flirt with, right?” Gaby asked me. She’d started serving up the breakfast food.

“Wait, I was flirting with her?”

“You’re always flirting with women. I love how you don’t even realise you’re doing it.” I doubled over laughing again. “Was he like this with you, M-One?”

“Of course he was. That’s why we kept breaking up all the time.” She laughed.

“Sorry, I guess,” Chris said. He sat down and started eating.

I leaned over and kissed his cheek. “Never change.”

Zach arrived with the car to take them both to the airport about half an hour later. Chris said his goodbyes to East while Scott and I packed his bags into the car. I was just taking his carry on out for him when he grabbed my arm and pushed me against the wall and kissed me. I gripped his shirt collar and sunk into him.

“Come with me.” He said, breaking the kiss.

I leaned against his chest. “You know I can’t.”

“I hate having to leave you alone again.” He growled.

I started to cry. “I hate that I’ve made you think I’m so fragile I can’t be left alone without breaking.”

“Emily. I love you.” He sighed.

“I love you.”

Scott walked past and coughed. “Come on, lovebirds.” He said.


	35. Chapter 35

 I found Chris being away this time a lot easier to cope with than the first time. To begin with, Gaby basically moved in with me. She was around all the time. Because of what had happened I’d been a little too selfish to realise how hard she’d been dealing with her break up. She had ended up putting a restraining order on Richard. He still kept texting her repeatedly, and occasionally he’d show up at her house. Her roommates would chase him off, but they were getting really sick of it.

There was also a part of her wanted to go back to him. I guess that’s how it is when people have been manipulating you. You kind of feel guilty when you stop letting them. So our mutually beneficial arrangement grew.

It started with her just coming over to keep me company, we’d have some drinks, play cards or video games. Watch Dexter. Maybe smoke a joint. Then it would be late, so she’d sleep in the guest room. Then she started bringing clothes with her just in case. Eventually, she was basically living with me. She’d still go home to her place from time to time, particularly if I had to be out camping, otherwise, she was with me. I loved having her here. I’d never really had a roommate before. I’d lived with my parents, then by myself, and then with Chris. Never with just a friend.

I was getting heaps of work done. By the end of June, I was well on the way to having a paper submitted based on a little experiment I’d been running on some of the coyote’s prey species. It wasn’t massive groundbreaking work, but it was a cute little observation I’d made that could definitely be expanded on given more time.

I also got quite into taking photos while I was in Joshua Tree. I mean, it is beautiful out there. I started blogging about what I was doing, and uploading photos I’d taken. I’d also take lots of photos of East out camping with me. Chris hated being reminded of what he was missing out on.

July came and brought with it at Comic-Con. Because Chris was coming back in town but not for the whole event we actually ended up having this funny hotel hopping going on. On Wednesday and Thursday, Gaby and I stayed at the Marriott, which was right next to the convention centre. On the Thursday Gaby and I cosplayed as gender swapped Spider-Man and Deadpool. Playing it quite safe given the costumes don’t actually change at all, except that I had let my hair fall out from the back of the mask. We weren’t stopped a lot because those two characters are everywhere, but the few times we were we’d pose playing up the Deadpool being in love with Spidey aspect.

I was taking so many photos. Kind of funny really as I was the Spidey. I was also slightly overwhelmed with everything. Gaby being a San Diego native had actually been to comic con several times in the past, and I just followed her around, trusting she knew what she was doing. There was a life-sized Optimus Prime outside the Marriott, which I was obsessed with taking photos of. I also enjoyed photographing the people protesting the religious protesters protesting Comic Con. Mostly we just stuck to the exhibition hall, and cosplay spotting. Hasbro also had a life-sized My Little Pony at their booth that I loved, and don’t get me started on the epic Walking Dead structures in the hall. We did go to two different panels, one by Charlaine Harris the author of the Sookie Stackhouse books, and the other a Harry Potter fan panel that had some of the people from Starkid on the panel.

Friday, we went costume free and made a serious concerted effort to get into the Joss Whedon panel. We just managed to squeeze in up the back.

Chris arrived in town that night. He texted us on the way to the hotel, and we met him out the front of the Omni with our luggage. There were people everywhere outside. The Omni being the main hotel where the celebrities stay during the con, people were crowded around hoping to meet or photograph someone. Chris was actually talking to some people and posing for a photo when we saw him. I suppose if there was anywhere that people would recognise him it would be here. He looked completely exhausted. I wondered how his anxiety was doing. I didn’t want to touch him when we greeted, I was worried about photos getting out of us, so we just nodded hello and I followed him into the hotel. It wasn’t until we were in the elevator that we embraced, kissing deeply. Gaby made a big show of clearing her voice. Chris let me go.

“Hi, Gaby. It’s good to see you.” Chris grinned.

“Hello, Chris,” Gaby said stifling a laugh.

“Oh, I should warn you, we’re just in a hotel room. Not a suite or anything. And I sleep naked.” Chris said to Gaby. “But that should be fine, right, Gab? Since that night at the party?”

Gaby blushed. “I know nothing happened at the party, Chris.”

“No, just the next day when you burst in on me in the shower.”

Gaby covered her face.

“Since when do you sleep naked?” I said sarcastically.

“Since tonight.”

Gaby and I laughed and we both hit Chris. “You are such a creeper.” I giggled.

We got off on our floor and followed Chris to the hotel room. It was a nicely decorated but pretty standard room with two Queen Beds and an ensuite. Gaby and I both sat down on the end of one of the beds.

Chris pulled out two room keys from his pocket and handed one to each of us. “You’ll need to keep these with you, they will not let you into the hotel without it at the moment. So don’t lose them.” He put his hand back in this pocket and started to rock back and forth on the balls of his feet. “Now ladies, I know that you are each other’s favourite people currently. But that’s all about to change.” He slammed two small pieces of paper on the bed between us. “Boom!”

We picked them up and looked at them. They were two VIP badges to comic con. Behind the scenes access. Gaby and I gaped at Chris.

“Are you fucking serious right now?” I exclaimed. Gaby and I jumped up off the bed and hugged Chris, squealing with delight and jumping up and down.

“These are four-day passes! Why have you been holding out on me?” I said once we’d both calmed down a little.

“I literally only just got them. I am not exactly even sure what happened. I told Kevin this morning that you guys were already here and I was going to meet up with you. What I’m guessing is that he got someone at Marvel Studios to send some across. They were waiting for me with my shit when I checked in.”

I took Chris’ hand and squeezed it. “This is ridiculous. You know, we’ve been together for a while now. We cohabitate. You’re just Chris. You’ve got a weird job that takes you out of town a bit, but hell, so do I. And then fucking this happens, and I really … I can’t even get my head around the fact that this is something that happens to you.”

“I can’t get my head around how excited you get for this shit. So we’re even. Now come give your daddy some sugar.”

“As long as you never, ever refer to yourself as my daddy ever again.” I laughed. He pulled me over and kissed me.

* * *

The following morning Gaby and I were getting ready to go out into the con again. We had decided to go for a much racier cosplay for Saturday. Madelyne Pryor and Emma Frost as the black and white queens of the Hellfire Club. We had debated for a long time which one was going to be which. I  _really_ wanted to go as Madelyne. She was by far my favourite of the two characters. Gaby, however, was adamant that she couldn’t pull off the blond wig of Emma Frost. Eventually, I relented and she had gotten to be Madelyne.

I was almost ready to go. I’d fixed my makeup, had my wig on. Chris was in the process of helping me lace up the corset, and I needed to put my boots and cape on and I’d be good to head out. Gaby was in the bathroom getting herself ready.

“Are you seriously going outside in this?” Chris asked. Tying off the cord. “It’s basically underwear.”

“Everyone basically wears underwear here. It’s all good.” I said sitting down and grabbing a thigh high boot.

“I would be freaking out if I were you,” Chris said.

“Are you?”

“Am I what?”

“Freaking out? You know about the panel today, and the other press stuff.” I said, zipping up my second boot. I hopped up and stood in front of him where he was sitting, and took his face in my hands.

“Yeah. I really am. I’ve only been filming for like a week. I don’t even know what these people are going to want to ask me.”

I kissed him, leaving a blue lip print on his forehead. I wiped it off with my thumb. “What do you want to do? Want me and Gaby to shadow you? I don’t mind doing that.”

Chris laughed and kissed my stomach. “No. I have some mindfulness techniques that should help. But thank you.”

“I’m going to come meet you at Hall H before the panel, okay? But if you need me, call. You won’t be dragging us away from anything in particular. We’re just planning on wandering about today.”

There was a cry from the bathroom. “What the hell was I thinking?” Gaby yelled.

I went over and knocked on the door, and then poked my head around the corner. “What’s up, Gabs?” I asked.

“I can not pull off Madelyne fucking Pryor!” She cried. “Why did I insist on being her. At least you get a full corset!”

I stepped into the bathroom and shut the door. “Here let me help you with that wig and I’ll take a look at you.”

We both fastened her wig into place and she stood up. Her costume was definitely far more revealing than mine. She wore black over the knee boots and black underwear, but instead of a corset, she had a shirt. Though shirt isn’t quite the right word. It had long skin-hugging black sleeves, and the bit covering her torso, well, barely covered it. It skimmed over her breasts leaving the underside exposed curved up at her cleavage connecting at her neck with a large red gemstone. She also wore a black tattered cape with red satin lining. With Gaby’s curves, soft stomach and caramel complexion, she was just stunning.

“Gaby, you seriously look amazing. I understand why you’re worried. This cosplay is extreme. We both knew that. But holy fucking shit, you … I just can’t even with you.”

“No, I look horrible. And I have to stand next to you with your fucking long legs and tiny waist.”

“Gaby!” I exclaimed, “For starters, we are both going to go out there and blow peoples heads off with how hot we look together. No one will be comparing us. We’re a package they’ll want together. Secondly, I know it’s really bad to sexually objectify people. Particularly your friends, but you are so fucking hot right now, I just want to touch your boobs.”

Gaby laughed. “Please don’t touch my boobs.”

“I make no promises!” I shouted.

“Thank you, Emmy.” She whispered.

“Look, if you really don’t want to go out there like this, you don’t have to. You can just be my keeper, or we can both change back into Spidey and Deadpool again.”

“No, I’ll do it.”

“Alright, then first, let’s get Chris to take a photo of us together. And then let’s go out there and kick comic con’s arse.”

We stepped into the bedroom. Chris looked up as we entered.

“Holy shit, Gaby!” He exclaimed.

“No, see I told you! I’m a mess!” Gaby cried.

Chris laughed. “I think you are completely misreading what that holy shit was for.” He said. I went and sat on the bed and began putting on my gloves, taping them in place so they wouldn’t slide down all day. “See, now I don’t even know what to say. I have like twelve things in my head, and they’re all inappropriate.”

Gaby laughed.

“Let me just say this. You look stunning. And up until this point in time, I’ve done pretty well at just thinking of you as a sister. I don’t think I’m going to be able to do that anymore.”

“Wow, thank you, Chris.”

“Can you take a photo of us together before we head out, my love?” I asked.

Chris grabbed my camera and snapped a couple of photos of us. We went and stood in front of the mirror trying to pin our badges on in a way that was visible but inconspicuous.

“We’re going to get stopped for photos a lot today, aren’t we?” I said, grimacing.

“Ah, you think?” Gaby laughed.

We picked up the things we needed for the day and packed them into our bags.

“Well, we’re off, Chris. I’ve got my phone. But otherwise, I’ll see you a bit before six. Unless you maybe want to meet for lunch. Do you know when or where you’ll be having lunch?”

“No idea. I’ll call you if I can though.” Chris said. “Have a nice day, ladies.”

“We will.” Gaby and I chanted. I kissed Chris goodbye briefly and we headed out.

As expected we were stopped a lot. It took almost an hour just to get down the street. People were very keen to get out photos standing near the religious protesters. I guess the idea of us looking so particularly sinful with them was funny to lots of people. By the time we got to the actual convention centre we just gave into the fact that today we were going to be models. Once we were stopped it could sometimes be up to half an hour before we were able to move on again. Particularly when we were with other cosplayers. We actually got jammed together with some other x-men at one point by chance, and we stood together having photos for so long, we ended up just hanging out for a while, because they were so much fun.

At around twelve we got a call from Chris saying he’d be at the Omni in half an hour to grab lunch. So Gaby and I legged it over there. I mean, technically it was only a five-minute walk. But those took so long with the crowds.

We saw Chris sitting at a table in the hotel restaurant with a couple of other really attractive men I did not recognise at all. Gaby looked at me and raised her eyebrows, and I just shrugged.

We approached the table, and Chris stood when he saw us, giving me a quick peck on the cheek and pulling the chairs out for each of us.

“Emily and Gaby, this is Chris and Tom, we’re going to be working together on the Avengers,” Chris said introducing us.

“I hope you don’t mind us muscling in on your lunch. We just got introduced, and we all had to eat.” The other Chris said. He had a broad Australian accent. And while I had always considered Chris a big guy, he was nothing compared to this Chris.

“Let me guess who you are,” Tom said. Tom had a very cultured English accent and was tall and thin with curly red hair. “You, are quite clearly Emma Frost.” He said gesturing to me. “And you, I want to say Selene, but she had back hair. Jean Grey maybe?”

“Close, Madelyn Pryor. Jean’s clone.” Gaby said.

“Ah, right. Of course.” Tom laughed. “You both look lovely.”

“It’s been a crazy morning. We can’t go more than a couple of metres before getting stopped. I think we just spent all morning in the entryway having people take our photos.” I said. I was still buzzing.

“An Aussie!” the new Chris exclaimed. “What are you doing with these yanks?”

I shook my head. “I ask myself that same question almost every day.”

My Chris hooked his arm around my back and dug his fingers into my ribs. I squealed and pushed him away from me.

We had a really great lunch. Chris and Tom were both incredibly charming. Chris was a true stereotype of laid-back Aussie. He joked and laughed easily with everyone and just had this lovely warm nature. Tom was intelligent and geeky and did that thing where he flirts without meaning to. When he spoke it was almost like poetry, and when he listened whoever was speaking was the most important person there. By the end of the lunch he was referring to both Gaby and me as darling, something that would be so off-putting to me if almost anyone else did it, but he did it in such a charming and natural way that it felt like we’d always been his darlings.

My Chris looked at his watch. “Shit, I have to go. I’ll probably see you again at the secret Avengers thing, Chris” Chris fake whispered the last bit. “Nice meeting you Tom.” He stood up and shook both their hands. “And I’ll see you a bit before six.” He said, I stood and kissed him goodbye. He ran his hands down my back and squeezed my arse before leaving.

“You guys not been together long?” Chris asked me when I sat back down.

“Almost a year. We actually live together, just feels like we never see each other.”

“It’s rough. I feel like I am always dragging my family around with me.”

“What about you, Tom? Got someone who’s an actor’s widow?” I asked

Tom laughed his adorable laugh “No, I’m a free agent.”

“Should we head back into the fray?” I asked Gaby.

“Give me a minute. I just took something for my back, it’s fricken killing me.” Gaby groaned. “Let the drugs kick in first.”

“Are you okay? Want to change into something more comfortable?” I asked.

“Hell no, I’m having too much fun.”

Tom and Chris laughed. “We should probably head out, mate. Got that interview upstairs in about 10 minutes.” Chris said to Tom.

We all stood and hugged each other goodbye.

“It was really lovely meeting you both,” Tom said, he was holding both my hands in his.

“Same,” I said. Gaby nodded in agreement.

“We might see you later on if you’re going to be around for the panels later,” Chris said.

Gaby sat back down and finished our drinks while Tom and Chris walked away.

“That Thor movie is going to be ace,” Gaby said, grinning.

* * *

Gaby and I wandered around the con for the afternoon. We thought we’d check out some of the things outside for a while. We actually came across Chris at around four. He was being interviewed outside at this staged area across the road from the convention centre. Gaby and I wended our way through the crowd and made it so we were standing about four people away from the fenced off stage. He spotted us and waved, and pointed off to the side. We headed over to where he pointed and as he stepped off stage and stopped to sign some autographs he said something to a security guard. The guy came over and ushered us through the fence.

“Want to be my entourage for a bit?” Chris asked as he got closer to us. I wondered if his nerves getting the better of him.

Gaby actually got quite excited about the idea. “Yes, that would be awesome!” She squeaked.

Chris finished signing autographs and was ushered to a car. We slid into the back seat and a young guy climbed into the front.

“Ben, these are my friends, Emily and Gaby,” Chris said by way of a quick introduction. “Ben is my Comic-Con chaperon. And guess what Em? He’s from Australia.”

“Wow, we’re like a plague here.” I laughed.

“I have to say, I’m not sure if it’s relief or disappointment I’m feeling now. I thought you just pulled a couple of random hot girls out of the crowd.” Ben said. Chris fell over laughing.

Chris was heading to his signing, and he walked down the hall an arm around both Gaby and I. I wasn’t sure if he was trying to make it look like he was a massive player, or if he was using us as support. I know the meeting strangers thing played on his social anxiety a fair bit. As we reached the doors leading to the exhibition hall, we were directed to another group of people. Standing in the middle of the group was Hugo Weaving.

“Chris.” He said, shaking Chris’ hand. “You’ve made some friends?”

“No, they’ve been my friends for a while now. This is Emily and Gaby.”

“Hi!” I said a little star struck. “I’m a huge fan!”

“That’s kind of you to say,” Hugo said.

“Once when I was a kid, maybe fourteen years old, I saw you shopping in Melbourne. I was too shy to come up to you though.”

“And now here we are having a conversation,” Hugo said.

I suddenly felt really shy and awkward. I pulled myself closer to Chris. He hugged me to him and as I leaned my head into his neck, he rested his chin on the top of my head.

Some men approached the group and spoke to Chris and Hugo. We were led through the exhibition hall to the Marvel signing booth. Gaby and I dropped behind Chris and Hugo and walked with Ben. The crowd was being parted before us by security. As Chris sat at the booth he mouthed the words ‘wait for me’ to me. I nodded.

Gaby and I stood off to the side chatting with Ben. Occasionally someone would approach us and ask for a photo.

“You guys are popular today. The cosplay is awesome.” Ben said.

“Thank you. We had them made for us. I really like the Hellfire Club aesthetic.” Gaby said.

“You certainly don’t get any complaints from me,” Ben said. “Hey, Emily, whereabouts in Australia are you from?”

“Canberra most recently,” I replied.

“You’re kidding me? That is where I am from!”

“No way! Are you serious? What school did you go to.”

Ben and I chatted about home for a while, we actually were about the same age and had a few friends in common. He even worked at the comic shop I used to buy my comics from. We ended up adding each other as Facebook friends.

The signing ended and we were led back to the outer hall.

When we stepped through the doors Chris fell back to Gaby and I. “Ugh, my palms are sweating.” He said wiping them on my chest. I whacked him.

“How are you doing?” I asked him.

“I feel like my heart is gonna explode.”

“You’ve got this, Chris. You’re in control.” I took his hand and squeezed it.

We were led up to the back of Hall H and once again, ended up just milling about outside. Kevin Feige came marching down the hall with a crew of people with him. He stopped and greeted everyone. When he approached us, he shook Chris’ hand and turned to Gaby and me.

“Wow, Emily! You look amazing. Happy to see a Marvel Cosplay. Who’s your friend?”

I introduced him to Gaby and thanked him for the passes, and the iron man t-shirt he’d given me what felt like forever ago now. Kevin even asked to have his picture taken with both Gaby and me, which was flattering beyond words.

Chris and the others were brought out onto stage for their panel and Gaby and I stood watching from the wings.

“I feel like I might be in a dream. How am I backstage at a Hall H comic con panel?” Gaby said. “It doesn’t feel real, except I’ve been on my feet so long that my back is burning.”

I started rubbing Gaby’s back. After a little while, the people from the next panel started to arrive. I didn’t really pay any attention though, I just kept watching Chris. There was a hand on my back and a voice said “Hello.” Next to my ear. I leapt out of my skin.

“Oh my god, Tom!” I said spinning to face him. “You scared the living shit out of me.”

He hugged me to him “I’m sorry, darling.” He said. When he let me go I glanced around the hall. It was full of people, I could see Chris talking to Natalie Portman. Kenneth Branagh was chatting casually with a few people, one of which was Clark Gregg.

“Tom, Gaby,” I whispered. “There’s actual famous people here.”

Gaby squeaked and turned around, her hands covering her mouth. Tom laughed. “Robert Downey Jr will be here at the end of our panel for the little Avengers thing.”

“He will not!” I squealed. Gaby looked like she was going to explode. Tom patted us both on the backs like he was trying to soothe us.

There were applause and Kevin, Chris and Hugo left the stage. We moved out of the way to make room for people to set up for the Thor panel.

“So, I guess the next panel will be about half an hour, and then I have to go back out for a minute. I need to go answer some questions in the hall over there.” Chris said pointing off to the left. “What do you want to do?”

“Can we just stay and watch the panel?” Gaby asked.

“Sure. That’s fine with me.” Chris replied.

“Chris, Tom said Robert Downey Jr was going to be here,” I said buzzing.

“Yeah, I think he is.”

“Chris. You should have warned me. I think you may seriously regret bringing us back here. I am really, really going to embarrass you. I won’t mean to, but it’s going to happen.”

Chris laughed. “That’s okay, I’ll just pretend I don’t know you.”

We stayed and watched the Thor panel while Chris went off to be interviewed. The clips from the film looked really exciting, with about 10 minutes to go until they were due to end, Chris returned and there was a massive commotion in the hall. Robert Downey Jr was headed towards us with this huge entourage.

“Shall we go meet him?” Chris asked.

I shook my head. “You go. I seriously can’t.”

“Gaby?”

Gaby jumped up and down. “Really? Yes!”

Chris offered her his arm, and they walked over to him. I watched as they greeted each other, and chatted for a minute. Chris pointed over to me and then they all started heading over. My eyes went wide and I shook my head.

“Hello, Emily. I’m Bobby.” Robert greeted me offering his hand.

I took it and I think I managed a decent handshake without trembling like a leaf, but when I said hello, it literally came out as a squeak. My hands flew to my mouth and I blushed.

“You look ravishing. What are you ladies dressed as today?” Robert asked.

“We’re characters from the X-Men. Emily is Emma Frost, and I’m Madelyne Pryor.” Gaby said saving me further embarrassment.

“And you went out into the con?” He asked.

“We sure did. It’s been a popular cosplay.” Gaby said.

Robert moved on from us to talk to some other people.

“Emily you are ridiculous.” Chris laughed.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I told you I was going to be an embarrassment. Why did you do that to me?”

“He asked if I was Chris’ girlfriend, and I said no she was too shy to say hello, and then he asked where you were and insisted he come say hello,” Gaby said.

“Oh my god! Did Robert Downey Jr just troll me?”

The panel ended and Chris was called out for just a moment to introduce the Avenger’s cast to the crowd. Chris was flying back to England straight away, so we headed back to the Omni to grab his stuff, and he was bundled into a car and was gone again. Gaby and I went back to the room to change so we could go out and eat like normal people. I was feeling these weird mixture of feelings, buzzed from how exciting the day had been, happy to still be here with my friend and depressed that I’d basically just spent less than a day with Chris before he had to go to England again.

The following day we just had one final look around the exhibition hall and grabbed some exclusives and then started our drive back to LA. We stopped in at Del Mar on the way home to visit with her parents. Gaby made the mistake of introducing me as her girlfriend. She had meant friend, who was a girl. That is not how they took it. The level of excitement her parents and younger sisters showed was just breathtaking. Her mother was hugging me before Gaby even had the words “No! I don’t mean like that, Mama!” Out of her mouth. They were just so stunningly supportive it actually made me tear up.

“Well, if you ever do want to come out, we totally support you.” Her mother said. I really wanted another one of those hugs.


	36. Chapter 36

A few weeks later I was stepping out of the Liverpool arrivals gates. It was raining outside, and I was exhausted from the flying. I spotted a chauffeur standing with a sign with my name on it.

“Hi, I’m Emily Stephens.”

“Hello, Doctor Stephens.” She said, taking the handle to my suitcase. Her Liverpool accent was adorable. I wanted to listen to it forever. She led me out to the front of the airport where her car was waiting. I climbed into the back seat of the car, and she loaded my things into the boot.

“Where would you like me to take you?” She asked, starting the car.

“Oh, um, you don’t know?” I said, panicking slightly. I actually had no idea where I was supposed to be going.

“I’m sorry. I was given two options. I can take you to the studio. I have ID here for you. Or I can take you to the hotel. I have a key for your room.”

“Studio, please.” It wasn’t even a question. I was exhausted, but I hadn’t seen Chris in almost two months. I had to see him.

We drove along making small talk. After a while, she pulled the car into a film studio, and I was escorted through the building. We stopped for me to sign a non-disclosure agreement and before being led through to a huge warehouse-like room with green screens. I was directed to sit in Chris’ director chair. Is that what it’s called when you’re an actor? Anyway, it was one of those chairs, and it had his name on it. I spotted Chris. He was in his Captain America uniform, the shield, and everything, standing with some other men on some rocks, raised above the ground in front of the massive green screen. My heart flipped.

Joe was sitting at a screen near me watching the action and occasionally shouting out some piece of direction. He waved me over.

“You can watch through here if you like.” He said as I approached.

I watched as they delivered their dialogue a few different ways, with different blocking, and then they came down a zip line, over and over. Joe finally called cut and a two-hour break for set change.

“Come on. You can go over to him.” Joe said.

I basically skipped over to Chris, my whole body was on edge. Chris spotted me for the first time and suddenly became very impatient with the people helping him out of his rigging. I stood hopping from one foot to the other as I waited.

They finally got him loose and he ran to me, picked me up and kissed me. I slid down his body, clinging to his neck, our lips locked together.

“Get a room.” One of the other cast members said, shoving Chris as he walked by.

“Seb, come here and meet Emily,” Chris said, he was buzzing. As was I. “Em, this is Seb. He’s Bucky.”

He came and hugged me. It was so sweet and affectionate.

As he walked away I turned to Chris. “I ship it.”

“What?”

“What? Nothing. Oh god, I love the uni. Do you think I’d be allowed to get a photo of you in it?” I said quickly changing the subject.

Chris asked Joe if it was okay.

“We’re kind of not supposed to do that.” He said. I frowned. “I’ll tell you what though, what if I get one of the official photographers take one, and I’ll email it to you when the film comes out.”

“Oh my god! Really?” I squealed, jumping up and down. “Thank you so much.”

“You are not cool at all, are you?” Chris said as we posed for a photo. I made him hold the shield and kiss me.

“I wish Hayley was here. I really want you to meet her.” Chris said leading me to his trailer.

“I’m sure it will happen at some point.” I smiled.

We stepped into his trailer, and he pushed me up against the wall, I wrapped myself around him, pulling him into me as we kissed.

He pulled away. “I’ve gotta go to wardrobe and get this stupid thing off. I’ll be back.”

He dashed out of the room, slamming the door as he left. I touched my lips. They were tingling.

While I waited I lay down on the sofa and closed my eyes. I was so exhausted.

I was just starting to doze off when Chris returned.

“Emily, are you asleep?” He said almost at a yell.

“No. Just resting my eyes.”

He climbed on top of me, and I welcomed him into my arms. He started kissing down my neck, and I bunched his t-shirt up in my hands.

“This shirt seems too small for you,” I said dragging it up his back.

“It is.” He said, pulling the t-shirt off. He had bulked up considerably for the role, more so even than when he left LA. While I’d seen him in San Diego, I hadn’t really been able to appreciate it. Every muscle was huge and well defined. Plus he’d waxed his chest.

I ran a finger down his pec. “Is that really you?”

He laughed. “No, it’s CGI.”

“You’re so smooth,” I said running my hands along his chest. “Like a baby.”

“Emily, you can keep saying weird things to try and turn me off, but I’m still going to eat you out.” Chris laughed and pushed my skirt up.

I giggled as he grabbed my panties and dragged them down my legs. “Like a baby though Chris. A baby.”

Chris pushed his face into my mound, I gasped and tangled my hands in his hair

“I think I’m going to call you Captain America though,” I said, as Chris ran his tongue up and down my slit. “Maybe Steve. Which do you prefer?”

Chris laughed but continued lapping at my cunt. He inserted two fingers inside of me and began working them in and out, swirling them around.

“Because my boyfriend, he’s not as built as you are,” I said, and moaned as he sucked my clit into his mouth, and a tingling sensation grew within me. “He also has a beard … of fuck …” He pushed his fingers against my g-spot sending a jolt through me. “And chest hair – Fuck yes, keep doing that.” He dragged his finger along my g-spot as he sucked on my clit, my whole body buzzed. I began to lose control, panting and moaning. I ground against him and my legs tried to close, but he wrapped his arm around one of my thighs and held me in place.

There was a knock on the door.

“Chris, you gonna come do your workout, man?” It was Zach.

“Not today, dude,” Chris called back before immediately returning to my cunt. I covered my face to stifle the sounds I was making.

“You need to focus on your lats today,” Zach called.

“Fuck off, Zach!”

“Fine man, whatever.”

We heard him leave and I broke up laughing. “Chris, you need to focus on your lats today.”

“I’ll focus on your lats,” Chris growled.

I rolled over laughing. “What does that even mean? What even are lats?”

He flipped me over, so I was on my knees, my arms and head resting on the arm of the sofa. He ran his hands down my back and gripped me just over my ribs. “These are your lats.” He said. He pushed my skirt up again, and after pulling down his sweats he guided his cock to the entrance of my cunt and pressed it against the opening.

“Why do you even need to focus on your lats. No one is looking at them.” He pushed into me. “Oh fuck.” I groaned as he filled me. I bit down on the arm of the couch.

“It’s a total package thing.”

“‘Cause you’re a super soldier.” I panted, I slipped one hand down to my cunt and began rubbing my clit, bringing along the orgasm that was pooling within me.

Chris leaned over me, he wrapped his arm around my shoulders and gripped my breast. “That’s right.”

I clenched around his cock. “Well, come on then super soldier, don’t hold back.” I teased.

He took my words as a challenge and started driving into me. I braced myself on the arm of the chair as he straightened up behind me. With one hand he gripped my hip and squeezed it painfully, the other he grabbed my hair, wrapping it around his hand and yanked my head back. My nerves sang out all over my body.

“Yes, Chris, Fuck me.” I moaned.

My orgasm built deep in the pit of my stomach and spread out over me. I clenched, and spasmed against him, crying out his name.

I rolled over to face him, and pulled him into me, wrapping my arms and legs around him. He buried his face in my neck as he continued to thrust into me. I dug my nails into his back and dragged them upwards to his neck.

He brought his lips to mine. He still tasted of me, and I ran my tongue over his lip as our mouths caressed each other. He pushed himself up onto his knees and lifted my legs onto his shoulders.  His cock penetrated me deeper than I had ever experienced. I cried out and writhed against him and in doing so it felt like with each thrust he was hitting a different spot. Each spot sending a unique jolt shooting through me. He moved one hand to my clit and began massaging it with his finger. I came again. Explosively. My back arched and I reached my arms up above my head grasping uselessly at the arm of the sofa. My body strained against his. Chris leaned forward, stretching my hamstrings and he came. His thrusts slowed, and he sat back, letting my legs fall to his side. He slipped out of me, collapsing on top of me.

“Ugh, get off me, you lump,” I complained, pushing on his chest.

“Can’t. I’m spent.”

“You’re too heavy, Chris,” I whined.

“That is so rude.” He said and started tickling me. I squealed and struggled away from him laughing.

“I missed having you around, Em.” He said touching my cheek. I rubbed my face on his hand.

“Same.”

Chris had an extremely quick shower while I pulled on my underwear and straightened myself out.

“We should go hit up craft services. I really need to eat something, and I’m going to get called back to wardrobe any minute now.” Chris said, pulling his clothes on.

We walked to where craft services had set up lunch hand in hand. Most people had moved on from eating, but there were still a few around. Chris and I picked over what food there was remaining and spotting Zach we went and sat at a table with him.

“Oh that explains the 'fuck off’,” Zach said as we sat down.

“Hello, Zach. It’s nice to see you too.” I said sarcastically.

“Hello, Emily,” Zach replied. “Chris showed me those photos of you and Gaby from Comic Con.” He raised his eyebrow. “How is Gaby by the way?”

“No, Zach.” I snapped.

“No, what?”

“Just, no.”

“Children, please,” Chris interjected. “Emily, Gaby is an adult, she can make her own choices. Zach, you aren’t allowed to hit on Gaby.”

Zach and I both looked at Chris with scowls on our faces and then broke up laughing.

“Yes, dad,” I said.

We chatted for a little while, mostly about Comic Con. Eventually, Chris was called back to wardrobe.

“What are you going to do, Em? Want me to get the car to take you to the hotel?”

“I just really need to sleep. I honestly could care less where. But it’s like four AM my time.”

“Do you want to just go to my trailer?”

“Sure. Where ever. I’ll sleep here on the ground if I have to.”

Chris jogged back over to his trailer with me to unlock the door, and after a brief kiss, he was off to wardrobe. I, however, crawled into the bed in his trailer and fell asleep.


	37. Chapter 37

I spent my time in England between hanging about like a pest on set and going out sightseeing. I hated being in the way at the studio. Chris was working such long hours that I felt if I didn’t spend some time there I wasn’t really going to see him at all. I did organise a visit with some colleagues at Cambridge. That ended up being a long day, driving three and a half hours, there and then back, giving a guest lecture, swapping ideas and all the other fun things that go along with academia. I ended up not getting back to Liverpool until after midnight.

I was on set one day hanging around in wardrobe. Chris was getting changed into a military uniform, and I was ‘helping’ him button up his shirt.

A woman walked in, she was a little shorter than me, with dark brown hair that was styled in that 1940’s curls. She was a stunning, curvy goddess, and my mouth went dry just looking at her.

Chris waved her over. “Hayley, come here and meet my girlfriend.”

She almost bounced over to us. “Oh my god! You must be Emily!” She chirped. “Chris talks about you all the time!” She pulled me into a hug.

I had to clear my throat before I could speak and I could actually feel myself blushing. Her accent too. I was crushing on Chris’ friend. “Um. Hi. He has been talking about you a lot too.” When I spoke it was stuttering and awkward. God, Emily get it together. She’s a human being and Chris likes her.

Hayley bumped Chris with her hips. “That’s cute. Well, I better go get my costume on, or I’ll be in big trouble. Talk to you again soon, okay?” She bounced off.

“Emily, what the hell?” Chris said scowling at me. Uh oh, Captain America was mad at me. He thought I didn’t like her. Or I was jealous or something.

I swallowed trying to compensate for my ridiculously dry throat.

“She is so beautiful,” I whispered.

“Are you jealous?” He asked.

“Of you maybe. Oh my god, Chris.”

“What is it, you weirdo?” Chris asked exasperatedly.

“Have you ever had to talk to someone so beautiful that you literally have nothing to say? That’s what just happened.”

Chris doubled over laughing.

“Chris is laughing! Something is happening and I’m missing it! What’s happening?” Hayley called from one of the fitting rooms.

“Emily has the hots for you!” Chris yelled back.

“Chris!” I squealed hiding my face in his chest.

“For me? That’s so sweet. Thank you, Emily!” Hayley called.

I could feel my skin burning, I was blushing so much. “I need to go get some air,” I said, and rushed out into the corridor, Chris laughing as I left.

There were a few extras milling around the corridor. One woman was standing by herself, dressed in a military uniform and her blond hair styled in a similar way to Hayley’s.

“Hello.” She said smiling at me. She had an adorable crooked smile that I couldn’t help but return. “Are you in the film too?”

I laughed. “Who me? No. But I’m going to take that as a compliment considering how good looking all of you cast members are.”

“An accent!” She gasped. “Australian, right? I love an Aussie accent.”

Was she flirting with me? What was happening today? “Ugh, the Australian accent is the worst. Why would you say that when the English have the best accents of anywhere?”

She touched my arm and flicked her hair. Chris stepped out into the hall followed by Hayley. “We’re a bit behind, can you grab me a water, Em?” He said as he passed us.

“Yeah, sure,” I called after him. “I better go help his highness,” I said turning to the woman.

“I’ll keep you company.” She said.

We walked down the hall towards craft services. “So are you his assistant or something?” She asked.

“He wishes.” I laughed.

“He’s really cute, isn’t he? I have a scene where we make out.” She grinned. “Acting is hard.”

I laughed. “So you must be playing the oversexed vixen role that makes Peggy Carter jealous then?” I asked scrunching my nose. “That feels like a massive waste of you.”

She laughed and touched my arm again. “That’s really sweet of you to say. I’m Natalie by the way.”

“Hi, Natalie. I’m Emily.”

“It’s really nice to meet you, Emily.”

“Same,” I said.

Natalie and I kind of hung out all day. She wasn’t needed on set very much, and I really enjoyed her company. Turns out she wasn’t so much an extra as a named cameo. When she was needed it was just like she said, to make out with Chris. It was  _very_  hot. She was really adorable too and I was flattered by the attention she was giving me. I also felt terrible. I don’t know why, but I never mentioned to her that Chris was my boyfriend. I didn’t want to lead her on, but there was something I was noticing about her. She was really into me, but she also seemed really into him. Was this the girl?

How do you ask someone to have a threesome with you if you’ve only just met? I mean, I’d been the third, but I knew the person who asked me really well. It was still weird and awkward when he asked, but at least he had time to build up to it.

At the end of the day, Natalie asked me out for lunch. I accepted.

I was in the back of the car with Chris, I had my legs up on his lap and he was rubbing my calves.

“You made a friend today?” He asked me.

“I did. Might be more than a friend, if you’re interested.” I answered.

He raised his eyebrow. “Oh, really?”

“Yeah, she’s kind of into both of us. She asked me to lunch tomorrow. I thought I’d ask her if she was wanted to. That is if you do?”

“Who was she again? I kind of just noticed you hanging out with a girl, but I was a little busy to notice who.”

“The girl you made out with today.”

“I made out with so many girls today, you’ll have to be more specific.”

I kicked him. “Natalie.”

“Oh yeah, Natalie. She had a cute smile.” He said.

“Oh my god! She does have a cute smile.”

“She was good at 'the kissing’ too. Yeah, I could see us with Natalie.” He smiled.

I leaned over and kissed him, running my hand down his jawline. “Are you sure? You don’t have to agree with this to prove yourself or anything.”

Chris laughed. “After all the stuff we’ve done together, I love how you still need to check I’m okay with kink.” He said. “I’m up for it.”

“Fucking another girl isn’t the same as what we do. Watching me fuck another girl isn’t the same as what we do. We need to, all three people be on the same page. I don’t want regrets, I want to have fun.”

“Em, I’m so into you. There will be no regrets.”

* * *

I was sitting at a booth in a cute pub in the city. Natalie was pressed up against me, using any excuse to touch me. I felt really guilty.

“Natalie, I have to tell you something, and I feel really fucking terrible about it.”

“What is it?” She asked taking my hand.

“What are we doing here exactly? Like, you know I’m only in town for a week. What are you wanting from me? Are we going to just be hooking up? Are you wanting a long distance girlfriend? Am I reading this totally and completely wrong?”

She looked a little shocked. “I don’t know. I just quite like you. I guess I wasn’t expecting anything long term.”

“I have a boyfriend, Natalie.”

She pulled her hand away from me and sunk into the bench. “Oh god, I am such a fool.”

“No, you aren’t. I was leading you on.”

“Why, why would you do that?” She asked. The hurt was clear in her voice.

“I like you. But here’s the thing, my boyfriend …” I took a deep breath. “It’s Chris Evans.”  
“Then what are you doing here with me?” She asked. “If you’re about to tell me how he’s not very attentive or something, you can forget it.”

“No, not at all. He’s really sweet and caring and I am really in love with him.”

She groaned and put her head on her hands. “That is somehow worse. What are you doing, Emily?”

I took a deep breath. “I don’t even know how to do this. The thing is, Chris and I …”

“Don’t. Please don’t make some excuse for why you were trying to use me to cheat on your boyfriend.”

I laughed. “God no! It’s not that at all. It might be worse. I don’t know. But it’s not that.” I rubbed my eyes. “Chris and I, well, we’ve been looking for someone who might like to … er … join us in the bedroom.”

Natalie just stared at me.

“And I thought maybe, you might like to be that person.” My voice went up an octave at the end. I sounded like a complete idiot.

“Emily, that is messed up.”

“But is it? You said yourself you were attracted to him. You are obviously attracted to me. And you were looking to hook up with me. So, well, you can if you want. And him.”

She bit her lip. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t have to make a decision right now. Think about it. I won’t be offended or hate you for saying no to this.” I took her hand. “And look, it’s not going to be one of those gross male fantasy things. I’m into you. Chris and I have been talking about this for ages, but I wanted to find someone I was into before I agreed to anything.”

Natalie laughed and kind of shook herself. “I’ll think about it. But I’m not making any promises. This is weird for me.”

“I understand.” I took a drink of beer. “So, uh, do you want to cancel this lunch then? I completely understand if you want to bail.”

“No.” She laughed. “After all that, I’m getting a free meal.”

* * *

 ****That night Chris and I were lying in bed having just gorged ourselves on room service. Well, I had gorged myself, he’d eaten within the limitations of his diet. We were wrapped around each other kissing, stroking and just generally touching each other with no real purpose except that we liked to do it. Most of our clothes had already been lost. He was just in boxers, where I was in my bra and panties. My phone rang, and I rolled over and answered it.

“Hi, Emily.” It was Natalie. She sounded nervous.

“Hi, Natalie. How are you?” I said sitting up. Chris rolled over and hugged my waist, watching me.

“I’m okay. I’ve been thinking about our talk. I’m interested.”

“Oh really!” I squealed. “I’m so excited. What do you want to do? Shall we wine and dine you?”

“That would be nice.” She sounded so nervous. I wanted to reach through the phone and hug her.

“Chris, when are you free to take Natalie and I out for dinner?”

Chris kissed my thigh. “I had all Wednesday off. We could do it then. If Natalie is free.”

I passed the info on to Natalie.

“Yes, okay. Wednesday.”

We sorted out the fine details, where we’d be going, times and everything and I hung up, and looked at Chris, my eyes wide.

“Oh my god, I am so nervous-cited!” I squealed.

“Come here,” Chris said, pulling me down and leaning over me. He kissed me, first on the mouth and then trailing the kisses down my jaw. I ran my hands down his chest and along his stomach, brushing them near, but not actually touching his cock. He raised his head and looked at me. “I want you to know, that if this happens on Wednesday, that’s great and all. I’m sure we’ll enjoy it.  But if it doesn’t happen for whatever reason, you’re enough for me. Okay? I don’t need anyone else.”

“I know. I’ve never felt any other way. And same. You’re all I’ll ever need.”

* * *

Wednesday came and I was full of nervous energy. Chris spent all morning working out. He came back to our room exhausted and kept getting frustrated with me because I wouldn’t settle on doing one thing. I’d flit about the hotel room, trying to focus on work, going through my wardrobe. I even went down to the gym and worked out myself.

By four I absolutely had to get ready to go out, my nerves wouldn’t allow me to be patient any longer. I went and had a shower and carefully set my hair so it was pulled up and then fell down my back in wide curls. I spent ages perfecting my makeup. Smoky eyes, high cheekbones and dark red lips that looked moist and plump. I had gone out and bought a red dress that was short, backless and hugged my body. Because Natalie was shorter than I was I wore flats. I made Chris wear a suit. It was dark blue and he looked amazing in it. I was seducing this woman and I was taking the job seriously.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in a suit,” I said, straightening Chris’ tie.

“Do you like it?” He asked.

I nodded and licked my lips.

We met Natalie at the restaurant. It was a light and airy Japanese place that was a little trendier than I feel comfortable in. Natalie and I were both extremely nervous. We didn’t know where to look or what to do with our hands. Chris on the other hand seemed calm and completely at ease. It quickly rubbed off on both Natalie and I, and we were soon talking and flirting like it was the most natural thing in the world. Natalie was so beautiful once she had gained her confidence. She lit up the room and smiled like she knew things the rest of us didn’t. The more we talked the more I wanted her.

We finished eating and Chris paid the bill.

“So Natalie,” He said, returning to the table and helping her with her coat. “Would you like to come back to the hotel with us?”

Natalie smiled and ran her tongue along her bottom lip. “Yes, I think I would.”

I took her hand and we walked to the car.

Back in the hotel Chris took everyone’s coats and hung them up, while Natalie and I sat on the couch. I put my hand on her leg and ran my fingers up and down her skin.

“Would you ladies like a drink?” Chris asked, pulling a bottle of white wine from the fridge. Natalie and I both nodded.

“Natalie, I want to assure you, you’re safe here tonight. If you want to back out at any point, you aren’t trapped.”

 ****She smiled and tucked her hair behind her ear. “Thank you for saying that.” She said.

I leaned in and kissed her. She resisted for a split second and then relaxed into it. Her mouth was soft and she let me lead. I ran my thumb over her jaw as we kissed and pushed my fingers into her hair.

When we broke apart we saw Chris was just standing watching us, holding two glasses of wine. We both laughed and blushed together.

Chris came and sat to Natalie’s right. He put a hand on her leg and she leaned into him. I watched them kiss. Her hand slid up to his chest. My body tingled. I ran my hand up Natalie’s side, cupped her breast and began kissing the back of her neck. She moaned softly and turned to me. I moved to her mouth, sucking her bottom lip.

“Bedroom?” I breathed.

Natalie nodded. The three of us stood and moved to the bedroom. Our drinks sat forgotten. Natalie unzipped her dress as she walked into the bedroom and let it fall to the floor. She stood before us in a pale pink bra and panties. I swooped down on her, kissing her again. I couldn’t get enough of those lips. Chris came up behind me and pushed my dress down, dragging it over my body to the floor. I stepped out of it. Because it had been backless I’d gone bra free, so I was now standing in just my panties. Natalie broke our kiss and moved her mouth to my breast. Sucking on my nipple. I moaned and bunched my hands into her hair. Chris moved behind her and began to kiss me as he ran his hands up her body and pushed against her. He unfastened her bra, and it fell from her to the floor.

I felt like my body was on fire. Natalie was still biting and sucking on my nipples, and Chris had begun trailing kisses along my neck. I let my head fall back and I moaned.

Almost as one, Natalie and I turned on Chris. He was still fully dressed. I began pulling his tie free as I kissed his neck. Natalie dropped to her knees and unfastened his trousers. I took my time unbuttoning his shirt and sliding it from him. I looked down at Natalie. She was kneeling in front of Chris, his pants, pooled on the floor, pumping his cock with one hand. I smiled at her and dropped to my knees. We kissed, our tongues almost wrestling with each other before both moving to Chris’ cock. Natalie took him into her mouth, while I nuzzled and licked his balls. Chris bunched a hand into each of our hair. I looked up at him, his eyes were closed and his head had rolled back. Natalie and I worked almost as one on Chris’ cock. If she pulled away, I’d take him into my mouth. We would kiss over its length, our tongues tangling together. Chris began panting and making a low moaning sound right in the back of his throat. He eventually stepped back, and helped us to our feet, kissing first me and then Natalie.

I turned on Natalie, guiding her towards the bed, trailing kisses down her neck. She crawled back on the mattress and I climbed over her, running my tongue up her stomach and over her breasts. I took a nipple into my mouth and sucked and nibbled on it. She arched her back into me, her body was soft and supple. I slid my hand down into her panties and slipped them between her folds. She was slick with her own juices. I pushed on the nub of her clit. She moaned, spreading her legs wider.

Chris came over and began running the point of his tongue in circles over her other breast. I slid down her body and moved between her legs. I dragged her underwear slowly down and she bucked her hips. I ran my fingers up and down her slit and then pushed my face into her. She tasted salty and tart, but with a sweet undertone. Like how the beach smells. I lapped at her, drinking in her in. I probed my fingers into her cunt. I felt her squeeze against them and I curled them inside her. Moving within her I felt the spongy area of her g-spot and I pushed against it. Her response was immediate, she moaned and bucked against me.

Chris moved behind me. He yanked my panties from me, and his fingers entered me. I moaned into Natalie’s cunt, trying to stay focused on what I was doing while Chris fingered me.

I started focusing the attention of my mouth on Natalie’s clit. Circling it. Pushing on with the point of my tongue. Nibbling it. All the while I fucked her with my fingers, pushing in and out, dragging them along her g-spot, Chris did the same to me and that familiar tingle built inside me. Natalie was so responsive, her body clenched and spasmed. She cried out, over and over. I felt Chris push his cock against my cunt and I pushed against it. He slid inside of me, gripping my hips and began to thrust. I felt myself being distracted away from Natalie, so I picked up my speed and pressure. I wanted her to come for me. Into my mouth.

She didn’t disappoint. I pressed against her g-spot and countered it by flattening my tongue and pushing on her clit. She came. Gushing. Her body tensing, arching away from the bed. She cried out loudly. I lapped up her juices and then switched my focus to what was happening to me.

Natalie scooted away from me and sat up at the end of the bed, watching Chris fuck me. She crawled forward and kissed Chris, while she stroked a hand through my hair. I felt incredible waves of electricity coursing through me.

“Do you mind if I take over from you,” Natalie asked Chris.

Chris pulled out of me. “Be my guest.” He said.

“Come here, beautiful.” She said to me. I crawled over to her. She kissed me and lay back down on the bed. “Chris, you’re welcome to fuck me if you want, if you have protection.” She said. The matter of fact words she used made me shiver.

She kissed my thigh and I straddled her face. Her tongue probed into me and I shuddered. I watched Chris, he went to the bedside cabinet and retrieved one of the condoms we’d bought the day before. He tore open the packet and rolled it on, then stroked himself as he watched us. Natalie started using a thumb against my clit as she pushing her tongue into my cunt. Chris pushed his cock into her, and she groaned into me. I leaned forward and took Chris’ face in my hands. He bridged the gap between us and we kissed. The sensation of kissing the man I love, while he was fucking another woman and at the same time she was running her tongue up and down my crevice was unreal. Heat filled my body and I felt a weird overwhelming sensation of both love and complete content that almost seemed completely out of place.

“I love you.” I murmured, my head pressed against Chris’. My hand gripping his neck.

“I love you too, babe,” Chris replied.

He lifted one of Natalie’s legs and increased the speed of his thrusts. I reached down between her legs and began rubbing her clit. She began to moan into my cunt. Her lapping slowed and then stopped. I climbed off her and turned around, taking one of her nipples into my mouth. Together, Chris and I bought her to climax again. This time he came with her. I watched them come together and I smiled. It was one of the sexiest things I’ve ever seen. Their eyes closed, bodies tensed.

Chris pulled out of her and went to dispose of the condom. Natalie rolled onto her side and took my face in her hands.

“You haven’t come yet, beautiful?” She asked.

I shook my head. “It’s fine. I don’t …” Before I could finish her mouth was on mine, pushing me back onto the bed. My juices were on her mouth and they mixed with hers on mine. The taste was intense and amazing. I didn’t want to break the kiss but she pulled away and started moving down my body. Chris had returned and joined her. They both trailed kisses over me, their hands came together at my cunt. They ran their fingers up and down my slit, probing into me, both individually and together.

I felt like a goddess being worshiped. They were exploring my body together, tasting and touching every bit of me. I closed my eyes and gave into them. Gradually an orgasm built and then exploded through me. I cried out, grasping at them. They both held me and kissed me as the last little jolts shook through my core.

I lay panting wrapped in their arms, exhausted, fulfilled and deliriously happy.  


	38. Chapter 38

It was the day before I was due to return to LA, and I’d spent all day moping around Chris’ trailer at the studio. Chris took me out to dinner at a small pub and I spent most of the time in silence, just holding his hand.

“You’re ridiculous, you know?” Chris said to me, pulling me into a hug after I’d spent the last hour picking at my dinner.

“I am self-aware.  Yes.” I sighed.

“They’re finishing filming in LA. I’ll be back in three weeks.”

“I know,” I said. “I’m still sad.”

“You know what’s happened that we failed to acknowledge?” Chris asked.

I shrugged.

“We’ve been a couple for just over a year now.”

I looked at him my eyes wide. “No.” I gasped. “That can’t be right.”

“It is. Middle of July last year was when I bought you that book.”

“Wow. I’m not quite sure whether it feels like we only just met, or we’ve known each other forever.” I said kissing his hand. “Happy belated anniversary.”

“It’s funny you know, right up until the point we met I was quite happy being single. Fucking around. Even when we met, I was kind of more ‘Hey, she’s cute. I might try and hit that.’”

I hit him. “Arsehole.”

He laughed and gave me a squeeze. “When we had coffee, and the coffee became lunch, there was something there though. Wasn’t there? I kind of wanted to see what that was. I’m really glad I did.”

“Same. I wasn’t looking for anyone either. I mean, I’d only just moved to the U.S. I didn’t even own a toaster.”

“Remember when I first took you back home, and you said that you wanted to live in a house like my moms?”

I smiled and nodded, resting my head on his shoulder.

“Did you mean that? Can you see us living in Boston? Raising a family?”

“Yeah. I mean, I’m not sure if I did when I said it. I mostly just loved the house.”

Chris laughed.

“But, you know, I feel like a terrible feminist when I say this, but I think I could happily give up work and move there with you to start a family. Not that I think I could stop working altogether, I do kind of love it. I’d definitely want to finish what I’m doing now. But after that? I don’t know. I’d have to make some big decisions, and if that was a choice on the table for me, I’d probably take it.”

Chris took my chin in his hand and tilted my head to him. He leaned in and kissed me. It was so soft and tender, I melted into him.

“Hey, I know you’re busy with work, and you keep skipping out on it to be with me, but after I’m done do you think you can take two or three weeks off? Maybe we can go to Australia. I’d like to see where you grew up. We could come home via Disney World.”

I chewed on my thumbnail. “Yeah, that should be possible. I’d have to take work with me.” I was bothered by the sudden change in the direction of the conversation. “Chris. I’m going to break some big unspoken relationship rule now. But if the reason you want to go to Australia is to ask for my parents blessing to marry you or something like that. Please don’t do that.”

Chris looked like a deer in headlights. I’d either hit the mark right on the head, or I was so far from it he was freaking out because he thought I was expecting a proposal.

“I mean if that’s not what you’re thinking. That’s fine. I’m not expecting you to ask me to marry you. I’m happy with us as we are for however long my visa will allow me to stay in America. Just,  _if_ that is what you had in mind. Don’t. I don’t want them to give their permission.”

“There are two things you just said that I’m kind of freaking out about, and I don’t know which to ask about first.”

“Just shoot.”

“Why don’t you want your parent’s permission?”

“They’d probably give it. But they wouldn’t if you were a girl. So I don’t want it. I don’t give a fuck about their blessing. And the second?”

“What do you mean, as long as your visa allows it?”

I grimaced. “I probably should have brought this up earlier. I didn’t want to put a weird pressure on our relationship. I wanted it to be more naturally developing thing. But I’m on a working visa.  I can only stay in the U.S while I have someone sponsoring me to be there. The job at UCLA, it’s three years. I only have two years left. And my work … it’s kind of hard to come by. I would have to move to continue doing it. Probably out of the U.S. There is the potential that I could find something else and get sponsored to do that instead though.” I gave his hand what I hoped was a reassuring squeeze.

“So there’s a time limit on us?” Chris said. He sounded wounded.

“I don’t know. Is there? There’s certainly pressure on me to make some life changing decisions in the next two years that will change everything for me. That doesn’t mean we have to break up. It also doesn’t mean that we have to rush to get married so I can stay in the country. It might just mean things get complicated for me.”

“And what? It wouldn’t affect me at all?” Chris snapped. “What if you decided to move away with your job. That doesn’t affect me?”

I rubbed my eye and pinched the bridge of my nose. “Chris, it’s two years from now. And I’d like to just point out, that  _your_   _job_  has already affected us. You’ve been outside of LA more than you’ve been in it. I’ve had to traipse around the place after you just to see you. Can we worry about how my job affects us, maybe when my job actually does affect us.”

“But this is massive, Emily. I am now in the position where I’ve just signed on to a six-film contract. I’m stuck for the next ten years. If you had maybe mentioned that you might have to leave LA and live somewhere else I could have used that information when I decided if I wanted this job. I have a fair bit of money saved, I could have followed you if that’s what you wanted. Now I can’t.”

“Chris, seriously. Stop! Do you think if in two years we’re happy living with each other and talking about a family the choice I make will be to just fuck off on you? Things might be tricky, but we’ll figure them out.”

Chris dragged his hand down his face. “How did we start fighting?” He groaned.

I shook my head. “I don’t know.” I sighed. “It’s ridiculous. I promise I won’t make any life-changing decisions without you. Okay?”

Chris and I walked back to the hotel. Things were still a little tense between us. I couldn’t believe our last night together was going this way. I needed him to know I was his. That he didn’t need to worry about that.

We stepped through the door of the hotel room and I pushed him against the wall and started pulling his belt from his pants. I leaned up and kissed him, gently biting his bottom lip.

“You dumb, fucking arsehole,” I said pulling the belt free. I grabbed his hands and began wrapping his belt around his wrists in a figure of eight. “You’re mine. Do you think you’re just going to get rid of me that easily?”

Chris looked at me bemused. “I’m sorry?” He said

“Was that a question?” I snapped. I started unbuttoning his shirt, trailing kisses down his chest as I did.

“I’m sorry, Emily. I really am.” He said. He was nearly laughing.

I dropped to my knees and began taking his shoes off, then his socks. I unfastened his fly and dragged his pants down, and then his underwear. He stepped out of them, and I threw them to the side. I ran my hands up his legs, and along the side of his groin. He stiffened as my knuckles brushed past his cock.

He twisted his hands in his bindings and tried to grab my hair.

“Don’t touch me!” I barked. “Who the hell do you think you are? Keep your hands to yourself.”

He chuckled and pulled his hands away from me.

I ran my tongue up his shaft, looking him in the eye the whole time. “I’d start taking this seriously, Christopher. Or you’re going to feel what it’s like to have to edge.”

“Fuck, Emily.” He groaned.

I spat onto his cock, and began working my hands up and down his length, I swirled my tongue along the head.

“You are mine, Christopher. Your body does what I want it to.” I growled.

I stood up and grabbed the belt around his wrists and dragged him to the bedroom. I pushed him so he sat at the edge of the bed. I wanted something to blindfold him with, but I had no idea what I could use. I started stripping off my clothes as I thought. As I unbuttoned my shirt and started folding it, I had an idea. I rolled it into a strip and tied it around Chris’ head, covering his eyes.

“Emily …” He groaned.

“Shh, baby,” I whispered, running my thumb over his bottom lip. Guiding him back, so he was lying on the bed. I trailed kisses down his neck and over his collar bones, dragged my nails down his chest and over his abs, and grazed my teeth over his nipples. I got up to move between Chris’ legs and he made a little mewling noise.

I knelt between his legs and began running my nails up and down his thighs. He raised his hips, and I leaned on him with most of my weight pushing him back to the bed.

“Needy little slut aren’t we.” I purred.

Chris laughed and shook his head.

I crouched over his cock, breathing on it. He tried to raise his hips again, but I held him down. I bought my lips so close to the head of his cock, they were almost touching, and let drool drip onto him.

“Emily, fuck. Please.” Chris groaned.

I considered tormenting him more, making him beg for it, but instead, I just plunged onto his cock, deep throating him in one quick movement. Chris groaned, and pushed his hips up, trying to force his way deeper into my throat. I had him in my mouth to the hilt already so his movement just pushed my head back. I worked his cock with a mixture of my mouth and my hand, and then pulled away. Chris whined.

I sucked on my fingers and inserted one into his arse before returning to sucking his cock. He moaned and writhed below me. His breath was coming in shallow, and I inserted another finger into him. I ran my tongue along his perineum and took his balls into my mouth. I pumped my fingers in and out of him and returned to sucking his cock. He started humping my face. He was groaning and his hands were balled into fists. I wondered how much longer he was going to last.  

I started to press a third finger against his arsehole, and he cried out.

“Orange! Orange, Em!” He yelped.

“Want me to stop?” I asked pulling back from him.

“No, just two is enough.”

I laughed and returned to his cock. Chris was soon, moaning and panting, his body tense.

“I’m gonna come, Em.” He breathed.

I increased the speed of my fingers fucking his arse and began deep throating him again. He bucked his hips and came into the back of my throat. I drank it down, every last drop, and pulled my fingers from him.

I crawled up over his body and unfastened the belt from his wrists. He pulled my shirt off from around his eyes, and then grabbed me, pulling me into his arms. I giggled and squirmed against him.

“Chris,” I squealed. “I’m supposed to take care of you.”

“I don’t need aftercare.” He said, digging his fingers into my ribs. “I need to retaliate.”


	39. Chapter 39

A week later I was lying in bed at home, drinking tea and smoking a joint. East was curled up at my feet and I was watching ‘London’ on the TV. Gaby knocked on my bedroom door and poked her head in.

“Whatcha doin’?” She asked.

“Nothing really. I’m certainly  _not_  watching movies with my boyfriend in them because I miss him.” I laughed.

Gaby laughed and crawled into bed next to me, I put my arm around her and she rested her head in the crook of my arm and took my joint from me.

“Isn’t that his ex?” She said, holding a lung full of smoke.

“Yeah, and there’s heaps of sex scenes in this. It’s  _awesome._ ”

She shook her head and laughed at me.

“What’s up with you?” I asked her.

“Nothing, just feeling lonely I guess. Richard keeps texting me. I don’t want to change my number, but I feel like I’m going to have to.” She sighed.

“He’s a cunt,” I growled.

“I feel like I’m going to be single forever, Emmy. Like he was the best I can do. And I don’t want that. So I’m just going to die alone with cats.”

I giggled. “You don’t even have any cats.”

“That’s worse, I don’t even have any cats.” She groaned.

“Gabs, you’re like the most beautiful, awesome person I know. You are not going to be alone forever. You’ll always have me.”

She squeezed me, and I wrapped both my arms around her. We sat like that, watching the film and passing the joint back and forth.

“Emmy?” Gaby said.

“Mm?” My head was fuzzy and I felt warm and sleepy.

“How come you never hit on me?”

I pinched the bridge of my nose. “I think I’m too stoned to have this conversation,” I said.

“But seriously?”

“You’re straight, Gaby.”

“But you didn’t know that.”

I shook myself, trying to clear my head. “Gabs, I was dating Chris when we met. I know we hadn’t really been going out long, but it was something I was excited to explore. I can absolutely guarantee you though, had I met you first, I would not have responded to his flirting. I’d probably still be pining over you and trying to have you not realise that I was in unrequited love with you right now.”

I took a deep breath. “You know how people talk about soul mates? Like you only have one, and you have to find that one person to be happy? I don’t think that’s true. I think maybe there are lots of people who can fit that role. Maybe some are only your soul mates for a little while. Like for that brief period in your life that person was exactly who you needed. And then some are more permanent, and just complete who you are, make you a better person. Maybe there are some you never even get to meet, and there is a part of you that you never quite complete. But I do honestly think you are my soul mate, Gabs. I think we were supposed to meet and be friends.  We were made for each other. I think Chris is my soul mate too, but for a different part of me. And while on a logical level I believe that destiny is complete bullshit, I feel like I met Chris first because if I hadn’t I’d be missing a part of myself right now. And think about it, how come I met Chris first? We work together. In the same building, on the same floor. We share a lab. Why did it take a month to meet you? Why was it a week after my first date with Chris? That’s weird, right? Part of me thinks it was so I wouldn’t miss out on having both of you in my life.”

“You’re really quite romantic, deep down, aren’t you?” Gaby sighed.

“I try and keep it pretty deeply buried.” I giggled.

“I do like that though.” She smiled, leaning back into me. “I am glad I found at least one of my soul mates. I hope I can find the one I get to have sex with though.”

* * *

Chris returned home a week later. I think he was more excited to see East than he was me. To be fair, he had known East longer than me, and I did just see him three weeks ago. I kind of thought that when he was back Gaby would start spending more time at her place, but that didn’t really happen. She was spending four nights a week at her place and three with us give or take depending on the week. Chris just rolled with it, like that’s how things had always been. He was still shooting Captain America, and on the nights both Gaby and I were home when he got home he’d always just join in with what we were doing. Like it was the way things were meant to be. If we were cooking, he’d go set the table. If we were working, he’d come sit by us, and mess around on his iPad. On more than one occasion he got home late and we’d be watching TV, he’d just flop down between us, and we’d snuggle up to him.

Work was still taking me out of town, and I was doubling down on it a bit. If Chris wanted to go away, I needed to make sure I wasn’t going to fall too far behind. I had to teach again in the new year, and that was going to mean my research took a back seat. But if I didn’t get some papers out, that would mean I’d have to kiss any further career in research goodbye.

Chris had these crazy outlandish plans for our trip too. He wanted to spend two weeks in Australia, then go to Orlando for a week over my birthday, and finish up with a week in Boston for Thanksgiving. The plans sounded crazy and amazing and wonderful, but I had already skipped out on work for almost two months already this year. It sort of didn’t matter. A lot of my paper just involved movement and territories, which was basically being collected with the GPS trackers and would continue to do that no matter where in the world I was. The other major parts of my work were genetics and prey numbers which were also data that didn’t need to be constantly tracked. As long as I did it at regular intervals.

“You know, you do technically only get paid for nine months of the year. The work you’ve done over the summer has pretty much been gratis.” Gaby said. We were sitting in the lab at work, going over some genetic samples for her research. I’d been complaining to her about how excited Chris was, and how I absolutely didn’t think I could do the trip.

“Yeah, I know, but the work still needs doing.” I sighed.

“But like, you can access a lot of it while you’re away right? I mean you kept working in England.”

“Yes. But in England Chris was working, so I just worked when he was filming. If I go to Australia and then Orlando, it will be time-consuming. I’ll be doing just that. And even if I don’t count the three weeks I’ve already spent just visiting Chris as time off because I did kind of keep up with work then, I still had a mega break down that lasted a month where I did nothing at all.”

“I don’t know, Emmy. If it were me, I’d just get as much done now as you can, and then it will all be waiting when you get back. It’s still a couple of months away anyway. You can get heaps done in that time.”

“You’re trying to sabotage my career aren’t you,” I said glaring at her, as I handed over some notes on the slide I’d been looking at.

Gaby laughed. “Damn it! You saw through my evil plan!” She put my notes in her file and started packing things away. “But seriously, you guys deserve some time alone together. You’ve had a fucking crazy year. Plus you haven’t been home in  _forever_. And if you turn down a trip to Disney World  _and_ Wizarding World of Harry Potter now that is there, I’ll have to stop being friends with you.”

“Harry Potter …” I said wistfully.

“Right? Just do it. No one here is going to notice. Say yes, and I’ll spend the night at my place so you can tell him.”

* * *

Because Gaby had agreed to stay at her place I decided to make a special dinner for Chris. We actually hadn’t had a lot of alone time since he got back, because of work, and Gaby being around so much. I wondered if it had bothered him at all because if it did, he hadn’t really let on.

Chris was getting ready to wrap on Captain America and had basically just ditched the whole diet and exercise thing, so I made a fettuccine carbonara. I knew he liked it, it was something his mom made. It was also something that sort of seemed fancy but actually was ridiculously easy. Plus it was easy to just finish off at the last second, so if he was running late nothing was being ruined.

I kind of tossed around the idea of getting really ready for him to be home too. Like getting dressed for a full-on kink session. Chances were he was going to get home exhausted though and I didn’t want to pressure him into something he didn’t have the energy for. So in the end, what I did was just put a sundress on over nothing. If he discovered it, it would excite him, but there was nothing extra written into it. It was just me; naked.

I heard his car pull up, so I turned the gas on my pot of water, which was already sitting at the boil. It was bubbling by the time he came through the front door, and I threw the pasta in and began cooking off the bacon and in a separate pan garlic in some olive oil and white wine.

Chris came into the kitchen, East trailing after him. He came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist, kissing me on the side of my neck.

“Hey gorgeous, Gaby not here tonight?” He asked, pulling away and getting a beer from the fridge.

“Nope, she’s at her place.”

“Her  _other_  place.” Chris laughed.

“You don’t mind her being here so much do you? We kind of got into the habit when you were away. I can ask her to stop coming around so much if it does.”

“Nah, it’s totally cool. I really like having a full house. As long as she gives us space sometimes, and gives up the room if my family is in town.”

“Well, if you’re sure.”

I took the bacon and garlic off the heat, while the pasta finished cooking, and went and kissed Chris properly, hugging him tightly to me. He ran his free hand down my back and grabbed my arse.

“Need any help with the food?” He asked me, as I pulled away from him.

“She’s right,” I said. Chris laughed at my little use of Aussie slang.

He went and sat at the table, and watched me as I finished preparing and serving up the food. I sat down opposite him and he took a mouthful of pasta and ate it with a lustful moan. “And she can cook Italian food.” He groaned.

“Don’t get ahead of yourself. I can cook that. Anything else, it’s coming from a jar.” I laughed. “Hey, so about the holiday …” I said, changing my tone, making it more serious.

“Oh, please don’t say no. We can make it shorter if you want. But I really just want to go away with you.”

“No, I don’t think a shorter time will work.”

Chris looked crestfallen. I suppressed a giggle.

“It’s really going to have to be the whole four weeks, or I just don’t think it will be worth it.” I kept my serious tone. Like I’d just delivered bad news.

“But, Em, what if …” He trailed off as he realised what I’d actually said. “Wait, what? We can do it? The whole four weeks?”

I grinned. “Yes. We can do it. I’ll have to probably work a lot of weekends up until then, but I can do it.”

Chris jumped to his feet and came around the table to kiss me. He dropped to he knee next to me, and pushed his hands into my hair, pulling my face to his. His excitement was intoxicating.

He sat back in his chair and was almost bouncing with excitement. “So, let’s plan it.” He said. “Your birthday is the 23rd and Thanksgiving is the 25th.” I smiled at the fact he already knew the date for Thanksgiving, he’d really been thinking about this a lot. “So we probably want to do Orlando from the 18th to the 24th. So what if we fly to Australia on the first and then Boston from the 24th to the 30th? That’s the whole month.”

“Sounds lovely.” I sighed. “Hey, I know you want this to be mostly about us, but I would really love it if we could maybe fly Gabs out to us in Orlando for my Birthday. Even if it’s just that day. Maybe 22nd to the 24th too? We can do Wizarding World together. I get it if you had other ideas. And I can pay for it with my own money.”

“Don’t be stupid, of course, that’s fine. It’s your birthday. I’m happy to pay for it. In fact, I kind of don’t want us to have your money and my money anymore. We live together, I just want us to be together.”

It felt like my heart stopped. I actually grabbed my chest. This was big. For most people, this was just an inevitable part of moving in together. You had to share bills and pay your mortgage or rent, you ate together. It made sense. But I’d basically been freeloading that stuff off him. It was his house. I just lived in it. Our finances had never merged in any way. I’d buy food, sure, but he hadn’t really been around to eat it much. And when he was, he also bought it, so it kind of just was this non-issue. Us merging our finances basically meant his money became mine because I barely had any. He was trusting me with something massive and I wasn’t sure I was equipped to deal with it in a responsible way. “I … Chris … That’s …” I couldn’t think of the words to say what I wanted to.

“Take a breath, Em. Are you having a stroke?” He laughed.

“I might be.” I giggled. “I mean if you’re sure that’s what you want. I feel like access to your bank account might be a terrible thing to trust me with. I am way into buying toys.”

He laughed, putting his hand to his heart. “I’d noticed. But it is what I want. I mean, we don’t have to go all the way and get joint bank accounts yet. But if there is something like that you want to do, and it’s not crazy over the top expensive, then I don’t want you to have to worry about not being able to do it. It can come from my pool of money.”

I took his hand and kissed it. “Thank you. I love that we are making a life together. It’s hard, and kind of strange with you being away as long as you have been. But I like that it’s happening.”

“If it’s okay with you though, with Gaby coming to Orlando, just that time you said. I imagine that being in Australia will be full of hanging out with friends and dealing with your family. And Boston will be my friends and family. Orlando would be our only really truly just us time.”

“No, that’s fine. Just my birthday would make me happy.”

“So where in Australia are we going? Where did you grow up there?”

I scrunched my nose. “Canberra, I guess. That’s where most of my friends are. And also my parents and brother. I moved around a lot though, so you’re not going to see my childhood home full of amazing memories like I did with you and Boston. I do have a few friends in other states, Melbourne there is a couple. Sydney too. But I think mostly boring old Canberra.”

“I feel like it’s bad that I’ve never even heard of Canberra until now. Is it like a small town? Why haven’t you ever said anything about it.”

I burst out laughing. “It’s the capital city of Australia, ya nerd.”

Chris made a face. “Shit, I should know that. Shouldn’t I?”

I shrugged. “You’re an American. I won’t hold it against you.”

He kicked me under the table.

“I guess I should have told you more about my hometown though. I don’t know,” I grimaced. “I do talk about home, right?”

“Not a lot. Sometimes. You don’t name names often though. Except when you talk about Jessica. I only really know some of your friend’s names back in Australia thanks to the little conversations we have over Facebook. I’m looking forward to meeting Shan and Naomi.”

“Wow. That’s really bad. Sorry. You talk about your childhood so much.”

“Yeah, but I enjoyed mine.”

“I feel like I should tell you something about it, but I literally can’t think of something to say. What’s wrong with me that the only name I’ve ever mentioned to you was my ex? That’s seriously fucked up.”

“Maybe a little fucked up. You do live in the present though, babe.” Chris got up and started clearing the table.

“Well, shit. Here you go, a little story from my childhood.” I furrowed my brow, trying to think of something. Chris leaned back on the sink watching me. “So, I guess my dad was – is – a career public servant. We moved around for his work a lot. Probably every two or three years. When I was about 15 I moved to Canberra. So I don’t really consider it my hometown. It is where I spent the most significant amount of time though. I was there for nine years.” I shrugged. “My parents got me a horse because I put up such a stink about moving again when I was supposed to be studying to get into University. She was an Arab, named Amira Dama. I called her Amy. And she was a really pretty chestnut. Had to sell her when I moved. That really sucked.”

Chris came over and kissed the top of my head. “See, that wasn’t so hard was it.” He said. “Were you good at riding?”

I laughed. “Not really. I had some lessons, not enough. I kind of just like going off on trail rides though, and as long as you sit okay, and know how to rise for a trot and not fall off. You’re kind of good to go.”

“Do you want to own a horse again?”

“When I’m settled down, sure. I liked having one. They’re expensive friends who don’t really like you much.” I reached under the table and gave East a pat. “Not like you huh, buddy. You like everyone.”

Chris took my hand and pulled me to my feet. He pulled me to him and we began to sway back and forth. Not quite hugging, not quite dancing.

“I’m so excited you said yes.” He said.

“Me too.”

He slid his hands down to my arse. I took one and pushed it under my skirt.

“Well, hello there.” He said gripping my bare flesh. “Did you make some plans without me?”

“Nothing specific,” I said and pulled him down into a kiss.

He pushed the straps of my dress down, and I shrugged it off. It slid to the ground and Chris lifted me up, carrying me to the kitchen counter. I pulled Chris’ Henley off, throwing it towards where my dress lay on the ground. Chris started kissing me. First staring at my mouth. Then trailing them down my neck and over my collarbone. He paused at my breasts, running his tongue in circles over one of my nipples, sending little tingles through me. He continued down over my chest and stomach. He reached my pubic mound and stopped, standing up and looking at me.

“No, I don’t want to do this.” He said.

I sat up straight and blinked at him. “Oh, uh, alright then,” I said a little startled. “Let me down, and I’ll go get dressed.”

“No, not sex, ya meatball.” He laughed. “I meant, not like this.” He turned around. “Climb on, we’re going downstairs.”

I jumped on his back and he carried me down to the bedroom. I jumped off when we got to the room and he stepped behind me and began trailing his hands over my body in an absentminded way.

“What are you thinking?” I asked, leaning into him a little.

“I really want to tie you to the bed. Just not sure how to do that.”

I laughed. “Ah, the classic tie the girl to the bed schtick.” I laughed “You could wrap the ropes around the side of the bed between the slats.” I suggested.

“Probably not the safest thing in the world.”

I turned in his arms. “What the fuck are you planning?”

He raised an eyebrow at me. “Alright, we can try it. But seriously Em, you need to be super aware of how you’re feeling in your arms. I do not want to dislocate your shoulder. Call out red straight away if you feel like there’s too much pressure there.”

“Of course.”

He kissed me, kneading my arse with his hands.

Chris led me to the piano stool. “Sit here and start without me.” He said. I giggled and shook my head. I put my fingers in my mouth and sucked on them, then inserted them between my folds. I began rubbing them up and down as I watched Chris get things set up. He went into the walk in and dragged the chest out to the bedroom. He pulled out two lengths of black cord and began tying them to each side of the bed. I couldn’t help but laugh.

“What’s so funny?” He asked.

I was still stroking my cunt, and my answer came in short bursts through my shallow breathing. “It’s just – you don’t look like you. – You’re blond and – huge. It’s like – I’m watching Captain – America get ready – for some kink.”

He laughed with his whole body. “Yeah, that guy would not be into this.”

He finished attaching the cord to the bed and fished some leather arm straps from the chest.

“Hands.” He said approaching me.

I held my hands in front of me. He buckled a strap to each hand, took my hand and led me to the bed. I lay down in the middle and he attached each strap to the ropes with a metal snap hooks. My arms were held slightly above my head and splayed out to the sides. I was able to move them a bit but not much.

“You alright?” Chris asked me.

“Yes, but I need you to stop being you. It’s making me feel weird.”

“Would you prefer if I was your old pal, Steve Rogers?” He said putting on his Captain America voice.

I cracked up laughing and kicked him. He grabbed my ankle. “I don’t think so, Emily.” He said. His voice had dropped. It was a dark growl. My body tingled.

“Sorry.” I breathed.

“Good girl.” He pulled a black satin sleep mask from the chest and placed it over my eyes.

He stepped away from the bed and I lay there in the dark. Waiting. I felt myself begin to tremble.  I knew Chris was still standing nearby. I heard him take something out of the chest, but then he just stood next to the bed. I could hear him breathing. I made a completely involuntarily squeak sound and tried to cover my mouth, forgetting about the bonds and jerking the ropes against the bed.

Chris chuckled softly. “Shh … relax.” He soothed.

I tried to still myself but every nerve was on edge. My cunt was dripping. Chris touched something to my arm. It was cold and I jumped.

“Do you know what this is?” He asked running it down my skin. I shivered as it trailed over the peaks of my breasts.

“No,” I whispered.

“Would you like me to show you?” He dragged whatever it was down my stomach.

I swallowed. “Yes, please.”

Chris took my ankles and raised my legs in the air so my bum was off the mattress. He slowly ran the thing down the back of my legs. It made me squirm. Without meaning to I kicked my legs, and he hit me across my arse with what I now realised was a riding crop. It was so sudden and unexpected I cried out.

“Ow, fuck.” I yelped.

“Know what it is now?” He asked.

“Yes.” I breathed.

“You’re going to like this, aren’t you. You filthy slut?” He growled at me.

I smiled and licked my lips. “Yes. I am.”

Chris then proceeded to tease me using the crop. He would drag it over me. Gently tickle it over my skin. Just when I’d begin to relax and enjoy the touching he’d crack the crop against me. Sometimes a few times. Sometimes only once. I couldn’t see what he was doing, so I never had any idea what to expect. He began to use his free hand to stroke and touch me too. Massaging my breasts, running up and down my stomach. My nerves were on fire. He started to finger me, and just as I started to surrender to the orgasm beginning to build in me. Moaning and grinding against his hand. He smacked me across the clit with the crop.

I screamed out “Fuck! Fuck you!” The hit had brought tears to my eyes.

He hit me again. Same place. The sting spread out through me. I jerked against my bondage and started crying. “Please, Chris. No. No more. I’ve been good.”

“Oh, poor baby.” He cooed running the crop along my jawline. I started to relax, and my breathing calmed, and he hit me for the third time. Right on my clit.

My body spasmed, and my jaw clenched. “Orange – orange.” I panted.

“You okay, Em?” Chris asked.

“Yes, just please don’t do that again. And I’ve slid down too much, my arm is being pulled funny.”

Chris took me by the waist and pushed my back up the bed. “Alright?”

“Yes. Thank you.”

I felt Chris adjust himself between my legs, and then his face pressed into my cunt. His tongue lapped over my poor, aching clit. It felt like heaven. Each time his tongue touched my swollen nub it was a mixture of relief and core tingling pleasure.

He pushed his fingers into me and using his fingers and tongue together he brought me to orgasm. I came jerking, and clenching my body. He lapped up my juices and then raised himself up onto his knees between my legs. He ran the crop along my thigh and flicked it against my hip. I moaned at the sensation.

“Tell me what you want, Emily.” He growled, pushing the crop against my leg.

I trembled. What did I want? I wasn’t even sure. Just him. I wanted him.

Chris tapped the crop against my leg impatiently.

“I want you to hit me.”

“With the crop?”

I shook my head. “Your hand. Across my face. And then …” I swallowed and a tremor went up my body that caused my legs to squeeze against him. He grabbed my thigh with his free hand and gripped my flesh painfully.

“And then what?”

“I want you to use me like the piece of trash I am.”

Chris dropped the crop, it rolled up against my leg. He then crawled up over my body. I could feel the heat radiating from his skin. He stroked his fingers along my chin. I tilted my head back and opened my mouth. His lips met mine. It was like an attack. He bit and sucked at my lips. His tongue explored my mouth. He was resting a hand on my collarbone his thumb pressed into my throat and his pushed down on me. The bindings on my arm pulled taut and I moaned.

He pulled away from me, still exerting pressure on my shoulder and started tracing the fingers of his free hand over my cheek, and lips. I started to whimper. I just wanted him to hit me and get it over with, but he was torturing me. Dragging it out. Maybe he wasn’t even going to do it. He was just going to let me think he was. I debated tormenting him. Making him so angry he just hit me so it would be done. That’s not how I wanted to play this though. I wanted to be in control of me. Be patient. Let my nerves sing the way they were.

His cock had been pressed up against me and he took his hand away from my face and guided his length into my cunt. The sudden change in direction threw me. I started to cry. My nerves were tattered. The tears soaked into the mask and the few that escaped and rolled down my cheek Chris brushed away with his thumb. Suddenly with a loud crack, he hit me, open-palmed across my left cheek. It was like a release. Every nerve sang out and then relaxed. My skin burned from it. I groaned.

“Thank you, Chris.” I breathed.

Chris didn’t acknowledge me. He just sat up on his knees again, lifted my legs onto his shoulders, and began driving into me. It was aggressive and rough. He had no interest in making me come again. His fingers just dug into my legs, to hold me in place. Yet, I felt like I was going to. Each time his cock slammed into me a shockwave spread out through my whole body.

“Fuck, yes! Chris, Fuck me!” I groaned.

“Shut your fucking mouth, slut!” Chris snapped, slapping me on my thigh.

My body arched at the words. Everything about his actions was making me lose control of myself. I pulled against the bonds holding my arms back. I came again and Chris pushed my legs forward closer to my body. I thought he might be about to come too but instead, he pulled out of me and slammed into my arse. The sudden invasion was painful and shocking. The new pain blended with the orgasm that was still coursing through me to make this new thing that I’m not even sure I can describe. It took hold of me. It balled in the pit my stomach, and my whole body tensed up. I curled my toes and clenched my hands into fists.

Chris fucked my arse relentlessly. I cried for him to stop, knowing full well without the safe word he wouldn’t. My words seem to spur him on in fact, he picked up speed and began to moan. Just before he came, he pulled out and spilled over my stomach. I felt his seed, warm and sticky pool in my belly button.

He leaned over me, running his hands up my sides, over my shoulders, and up my neck. He pulled the mask away from me. I blinked up at him, the light shocking me a little.

“Hello, beautiful.” He said, kissing me, and beginning to unfasten my restraints.

“Hello, my love.”

When both my arms were free, I hugged myself to him.

“What do you need?” He asked me.

“Ice. I think I need ice.”

“Do you want a painkiller too?” He asked, kissing me gently on the head.

I shook my head.

He let me go, and dashed upstairs to the kitchen, returning with an icepack wrapped in a towel. I pressed it to my stinging clit, the relief was instant. “You know what else I brought?” He said he was holding something behind his back. I raised my eyebrow. He pulled a tub of ice cream from behind his back with two spoons.

I grinned. “I love you, Christopher Evans.”


	40. Chapter 40

Chris and I made our plans for our trip. We booked flights with QANTAS. We were flying first class. I was kind of excited just for that. We had decided it would be best to stay in a hotel for the time in Australia too. It was going to piss my parents off, but they were undoubtedly going to get pissed off at some point anyway. At least they could be pissed off in a different building to us. We booked a room at the Hyatt. Mostly because I had always loved the building. For our week in Orlando we were staying in Disney World at the Grand Floridian Resort for 5 nights, and then two nights at the Hard Rock Hotel at Universal Studios. Gaby would be joining us for those two nights at Universal. After Florida, we were then spending the week with Chris’ mum in Boston.

Chris finished up with Captain America. There was a massive wrap party that I chose not to go to. We were still not sure about the whole ‘making our relationship public’ things. It was one thing for people he worked with to know about me and meet me, but it was another thing to go to a big public event together. Especially this one where people were beginning to pay attention to him. Chris didn’t get back until sometime late the following morning and he had Hayley and Sebastian with him. They were all still drunk, and proceeded to annoy me while I tried to work to the point I ended up having to give up on it entirely until they passed out on the couch.

October was pretty uneventful. We forgo any Halloween celebrations, thanks to our flight out the next morning, and just spent the night fielding trick-or-treaters. I’d never had trick-or-treaters come to my house before. I really liked it. Halloween is awesome. Stupid Australia not doing it.

And finally, it was November. We were off on our trip. Gaby was taking care of the house and East while Chris and I were away. We boarded the plane and were directed to our seats by a flight attendant. First class was crazy. They make it look like all it is is just bigger chairs and ice cream on TV. It is so much more than that. The seats were all separate and in these pods. They were huge. I mean, the seat itself took up as much room as two whole seats in economy. Including the pod, it was basically two entire rows. There were drawers in the pod for keeping your things, an extra seat so you can actually eat with the person you were traveling with on a large fold-out table and a TV. Not to mention that the chair was a massage chair. I don’t think I’d be worrying about my comfort for this flight. I sat in my chair and looked at Chris across the aisle. I frowned.

“What’s the problem?” He asked. “Not fancy enough for you?”

“You’re so far away.” I groaned, scrunching my nose. “How are we going to fool around?”

Chris patted his lap and I laughed.

After take off I did actually go over to him and sit on his lap. He reclined his seat back so our legs were up and I lay curled into him, laying my head on his chest. I guess it wasn’t completely unheard of because none of the flight attendants said anything to us other than to offer us drinks.

“So, there’s something you should know, that I have been a bit worried about telling you,” I said, running my hand up and down the veins on his arm.

“If it’s that your Grandparents are massive racists, then don’t worry, I usually expect that,” Chris said.

“No. Not at all actually. My great grandmother was actually Aboriginal. And as far as I’m aware they weren’t at least in an obvious way racist to any other races. Quite accepting of immigrants and refugees. It’s the gays my family can’t tolerate, remember?” I said. Chris laughed. “But I don’t have any grandparents left. The last of them died about five years ago. This is about Jessica.”

“What about her?” Chris asked.

“Well, she’s kind of still friends with most of my friends back there. I met her through them. I think it’s kind of why I tend not to talk about them much. Talking about them usually ends up with me talking about her, and I  _hate_  being that person. So yeah, anyway, you’re probably going to meet her.”

“Wow. Okay. That’s fine, I can handle that.” Chris said.

“Don’t be nice to her.”

“Oh, I won’t.”

I knew he would be nice. He was always nice.

We sat quietly for a little while, I started nuzzling at his neck.

“You know, for someone who’s one-eighth Aborigine you’re pretty white.” He said.

“Super white. Can’t even tan.” I laughed. “I do love that part of my heritage though. My parents didn’t encourage me to embrace it much. I think for dad, he faced a lot of racism growing up. Particularly a lot of people saying he was useless and lazy because he was part aboriginal. I think that’s why he’s always pushed me so hard. My Nana wanted me to learn about it though. She was taken from her mum as a small child because the government thought that Aboriginal women couldn’t raised mixed babies. Nanna was really adamant that she claims that bit of her culture and life that was stolen from her back. She taught me about our tribe and our history. Where they were from. Some of the language. I can’t remember any of the language though. I feel really sad about that. Like I’ve let her down. With the fact my parents just raised me ignoring that bit of my cultural background, and the fact I am so very, very white, I don’t like to go telling people 'oh hey I’m aboriginal’ because it feels like given I am so protected in this blanket of white privilege, it’s a disservice. Still, Nana wanted me to embrace it, so I try and keep it with me, for her. And for me.”

“I’m sure she’d be proud of who you are.”

“I hope so. She wasn’t around when I came out, and I wonder how she would have taken it. Part of me is glad I will never know.” I shook my head. “Anyway, my cousin’s are really cool. They live down in Melbourne. One of them does a lot of stuff with Indigenous Education. The other is just a massive hipster and runs a really disgustingly hipster coffee shop in Fitzroy. Their dad is from Singapore and does stuff with humanitarian aid. I seriously love that side of my family. I wish I was raised by them.”

“They do sound pretty cool. Will I get to meet any of them?”

“I don’t think so. Melbourne isn’t really on our itinerary. I told them I was coming into Canberra, maybe one of them might come up and see us. If you really want to meet them, we could fly down for a couple of days.”

Chris shrugged. “That’s up to you, babe.” He said. “It’s funny how you can get such different people in one family isn’t it?”

“You’re about to meet my brother, and find out how unbelievably true that is.” I smiled.

“You don’t talk about him much.”

I laughed. “There’s a good reason for that. Also, I don’t want to talk about him now.” I nuzzled at his neck and nipped at his skin.

“Shit, we were on such a good role.  Ruined it.”  He said snapping his fingers.  "I was learning so many new things about you.“

That kind of hurt.  I know he didn’t mean to hurt me saying it.  I just felt really guilty that I never talked about this stuff with him before.  "Sorry.”

He shrugged.  "We’ll get there.“  His hands ran up and down my side and he kissed my forehead.  I don’t know if he did it to reassure me or not.  I felt better though.  "You wanna grab a blanket from the drawer? It’s kinda cold in here.” Chris suggested. I pulled the drawer open and pulled out the black blanket that was kept inside.

“God, look at this,” I said shaking it out over both of us. “Plushie. Blankets in cattle class are all thin and scratchy. First class is fancy.”

Chris laughed. “I will show you the world. Shining shimmering splendid.” He sang.

“Oh don’t stop,” I said.

Chris continued singing. “Tell me, princess, when did you last let your heart decide?”

I started running my hand up and down the inner seam of his sweatpants, my fingers teasing along his bulge.

The next line came through a chuckle. “I can open your eyes, take you wonder by wonder. Emily.  You dirty girl, what are you up to?”

I started giggling. “I don’t remember the line 'Emily. You dirty girl, what are you up to?’ In that song. That’s a little racy isn’t it?”

“Disney is all kinds of racy.”

He tilted my face up to him and we kissed. While we slowly moved our lips against each other, I slipped my hand into the waistband of his pants and started stroking my fingers up and down his length. He hummed into my mouth and moved his hands so they were holding my face. I let my hand still just resting it on his inner thigh and he broke the kiss.

“Why’d you stop?” He asked.

I smirked.

“Oh god, what are you going to make me do?” He laughed.

“I just want to hear you sing more. I love it when you sing to me.”

“Is that all? I’ll sing to you.” He said placing a kiss on my forehead. “You want more Aladdin?”

“The Little Mermaid.”

“I should have known,” Chris said and started singing quietly. “Look at this stuff, isn’t it neat.”

I gripped his cock and started working my hand up and down his length.

“Emily has her hand on my man-meat.”

I started giggling. “You didn’t just say man-meat.”

“Wouldn’t you think I’m the man, the man who has everything?” He sang grinning at me.

I rolled my hand over the head of his cock, slicking it with the precome that had already begun to pool. I started nibbling on his neck, my tongue drawing circles on his skin.

“Look at this trove, treasures untold. Please don’t give me a hickey when we’re going to eat with your parents tomorrow.” He sang.

I was silently giggling as I slid my hand down his length cupping his balls. He continued to sing Part of Your World quietly, occasionally throwing in dirty lyrics such as 'I want Emily to jerk me off, I want to come right on her hand’ and 'Up where they walk, up where they run, keep doing that and I’m gonna come’. Gradually he started to find it harder to keep singing. His voice turned raspy, and his eyes closed the tendons in his neck pulled taut.

Just before the last verse, he stopped singing. “Fuck, Em. I’m gonna come.” He breathed. I had a quick glance around the cabin. The light had been dimmed and no one was walking around. I crawled down a little under the blanket and took his cock in my mouth sucking and rolling my tongue along his shaft as I continued to roll my palm over his balls. He jerked suddenly and spilled into my mouth. I swallowed it all, licking him clean and sat back up, curling against him again.

He kissed me on the forehead. “You want me to get you off?” He asked, his hand stroking over my arse.

“Nah. I think I might just go brush my teeth and get some sleep,” I said pushing myself up.

“Can you try and sleep in here with me?”

“Try and keep me out.”


	41. Chapter 41

We had a connecting flight through Sydney Airport. We were pretty fresh still when we arrived in Sydney thanks to a fairly decent sleep on the plane. It took so long to get us both through security, customs, quarantine, on the bus to the domestic terminal and then through security again, and onto the connecting flight that by the time we were settled int out seats, we were waning badly. It was just after six in the morning when we arrived and the flight to Canberra was at ten. We still only just made it to the terminal for boarding. The plane was a tiny little thing with two rows of two seating and propellers. Despite the flight being only half an hour, I still fell asleep again.

We were hiring a car for our stay in Canberra and I was a bleary mess when we were filling out the paperwork. We finally got everything sorted and loaded our bags into the boot.

“Are you driving?” I asked.

“Fuck no! You guys drive on the wrong side of the road.”

“Christopher Robert Evans, you chicken!” I exclaimed. “Well, I really hope I don’t crash and kill us both. I am cactus.”

We wound our way out of the maze that is the Canberra Airport, and I spotted some kangaroo’s grazing in a nearby horse paddock.

“Look, Chris, we’re in Australia,” I said pointing to the mob.

Chris got really excited. “Kangaroos! I can’t believe I saw Kangaroos as soon as we left the airport.” He said peering out the window. “Emily, there’s a baby one!”

I smiled. “They’re everywhere in Canberra but I can never not get excited to see them,” I said, squeezing his knee.

We got to the hotel and had the car valet parked. The Hyatt is an old sprawling series of buildings right on the lake within view of Parliament House and the National Library.

“What’s with the giant flag on the hill?” Chris asked.

“That’s parliament house. The hill is a building. That’s where government happens.” I said. “Also, it’s awesome rolling down the roof. You want to go roll down the roof?”

“I do want to go roll down the roof.”

We went inside and checked in. Chris had booked a diplomatic suite. I had flat out refused to let him book the presidential. It had a baby grand piano in it. It was too much, and I wouldn’t do it. A bellhop showed us to our room and gave us a tour. It was bigger than the apartment I’d lived in when I first moved to LA. By a lot. It had a separate dining room and lounge, and the bathroom had a huge spa bath in it.

“This may be a little more than we need, Chris.” I chuckled. “Do you think we might have people over for a dinner party so we can use that massive dining table.”

“Hey we could have a room with a piano in it, but no. That’s too extravagant. I could be playing the piano right now.” He came over to me and hooked his arms around me, sliding his hands into the back pockets of my jeans. “How about I fuck you on the massive dining table. Then you don’t have to feel bad we didn’t use it.”

I ignored him. “I know you’re not supposed to sleep until night when you’ve got jet lag, but I am so tired. I don’t think I am going to make it until night.”

“I can think of something we can do to stay awake,” Chris growled.

“Won’t work. I’ll fall asleep. You’ll just have to do stuff to me while I’m asleep.”

Chris laughed and kissed me. I felt like I melted into him. If he let go of me I’d fall to the floor. When we broke apart I leaned into his chest, resting my head against his heart. He held me and stroked my hair.

“I think I’ll go have a shower.” I sighed, pulling away from him. “Then coffee. Then after that; sex.”

Chris followed me to the shower. I turned on the water and he started stripping my clothes off me. “You are such a pest, Evans,” I complained.

“I’m helping.” He laughed.

He started to undo my pants, and I wrapped my hands around his neck, pulling him into a kiss. He pushed me against the shower door and ground into me. I dragged his shirt off over his head.  He let me go, and I pushed my jeans off and stepped into the hot water. He followed right behind me. I stood under the water, my head completely submerged in the spray, pretending to ignore him as he ran his hands over my body. He grabbed my crotch with his hand and slipped two fingers between my folds. He pushed a finger against my clit and I fell forward, bracing myself against the shower wall. His cock pressed against my arse. He was hard.

I let Chris finger me like that for a little while letting the little sparks travel through me. I started to hum softly as his fingers circled and pressed against my clit. I turned in his arms and he caught my mouth with his. I ran my fingers along the shaft of his cock and took hold of it, pumping it with my hand. I began to trail kisses down his chest. I ran my fingers through his chest hair and circled my tongue over his nipples.

Pulling him so he was under the shower head, I crouched in front of him. Opening my mouth I let the water pool there as I licked along the head of his cock. I took him into my mouth and swirled that water around his length before swallowing. Chris groaned and his hands went to my hair. He’d thrown me off balance and I needed to steady myself by gripping onto his thighs.

I worked his cock with my mouth, deep throating him and then pulling away and tracing the point of my tongue along his length. With the water falling down over us both it would become hard to breathe and I’d have to pull away suddenly and take a deep breath before diving back onto him.

“Open your mouth,” Chris growled.

I did as asked. Water fell into my mouth and spilled down my chin. Chris gripped my hair tightly and began to thrust into me. First slowly and barely pushing in at all, but he gradually picked up both speed and force and was soon slamming his cock into the back of my throat. I was having trouble staying on my feet, so I shifted to kneeling, bracing myself against him. I was grateful that I seemed to have my gag reflex under control. He stopped suddenly and pulled back from me. I reached for him, but he took my chin in his hand shook his head.

“Stop. Stop.” He panted. “I want to …” He trailed off and shook his head.

I stood up and he grabbed my face and dived upon me. His kiss was aggressive and fueled by an animalistic lust. I felt light headed and I put a hand on his chest to steady myself. His hands worked their way from my face and down my back, and suddenly he lifted me up, pushing me against the bathroom wall and entered me. I moaned into his mouth and pulled away, my head falling back.

“I thought shower sex sucked,” I said.

“I needed to be inside you.” Was his response, and it did things to me. This urgent need that suddenly came on him sent sparks through my body. I wrapped my arms and legs around him, trying to pull him deeper into me. My cunt clenched around his cock. He thrust into me again and again. It was urgent and driven, but not rough. I moved a hand into his hair and gripped it, pulling his head back.

“Say that again,” I said. I wanted it to be forceful commanding. But it came out like pleading. I wanted him to need me. Needed it.

“I needed to be inside you.” He growled looking deep into my eyes.

It was like a gate opened within me, I came shuddering around him. He followed soon after, jerking into me. When the last little jolts of our orgasms had pulsed through us, Chris pulled out of me and set me on my feet. My legs felt wobbly and I leaned against him.

“I love you, Emily,” Chris said. He tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear and then wound it around his finger.

“I love you too.”

“Want to get out of the shower now?” He asked me.

“No, but I will because they have no water left here. We probably just used all of it.”

I stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around myself and then my hair, and went and lay on the bed. My phone had blown up while I was in the shower. I had a tonne texts and messages on Facebook checking to see if I had arrived yet. I started answering them. I felt so stupidly tired now. Like my brain was kind of rattling around in my skull and my eyes were hurting. Chris came over to the bed with his own phone and lay down at a right angle to me, using my stomach as a pillow. We lay like that for a little while, while we both messed around on our phones.

“Em, your stomach is making some inhuman sounds. Do you want to go eat?”

“I don’t know what I want. I’m so fucking tired.” I complained.

“Go to sleep then, ya meatball.” He laughed.

“No,” I whined, dragging out the word forever. “I’ll wake up at two. And then I’ll just have to sit here being awake.”

“What about we go get some lunch in the restaurant. We can go for a walk down by that lake after?”

I groaned. “Ugh, okay. Get off me and I’ll put some clothes on.”

I changed into yoga pants, a loose-fitting Doctor Who tee that reached my mid thighs and braided my hair down my back.

“You look like death,” Chris said to me. He had pulled on some jeans and a blue jumper and somehow looked amazing.

“And fuck you too, Chris,” I said. “Ugh, now I don’t even want to go out. Do I have to put on makeup?” I slouched over to him and pressed the top of my head to his chest.

“You don’t have to do anything. Come on.”

I pulled on my purple converse and followed him out the door, dragging my feet on the carpet.

We went and ate at the café. They had a buffet lunch and Chris went and put some things on a plate for me because I couldn’t even bring myself to do that. I drank about three cups of coffee while we ate, so by the end of lunch, I had this weird mix of exhaustion and caffeine buzz happening. It was like I wasn’t quite in my body anymore.

Chris and I went outside. The sun was warm and there was a little humidity in the air, but the wind coming off the lake was freezing. It did help wake me up though.

“You’ve got some colour back.” Chris said “Feeling more awake.”

“Yes. And freezing.” I shivered “Why didn’t I grab my jumper?”

Chris chuckled. “Jumper.”

“We’re in Australia now, pal. You’ll call it a jumper.”

Chris put his arm around my shoulder and we started walking down to the lake.

“What will our kids call it do you think?”

Our kids. He really did seem to be thinking about our future more and more.

“They’ll be Americans, they’ll say sweater,” I said. “And I’ll resent it.”

Chris sighed. It sounded really happy, and content.

We crossed under the road and headed to the path along the edge of the water.

“So tour guide, gonna tell me about where we are?”

I adopted what I considered a tour guide voice. “Well, here we have Lake Burley Griffin. Lake Burley Griffin is a man-made lake …”

“I like how you seem to be from California. Why are you giving tours of Canberra?” Chris said laughing.

“If you’ll please hold any questions until the end. That would be great.” I said. “If you look to your left you’ll see a concrete pontoon. That’s Captain Cooks spout. It is a fountain that can spray water into the air at a height of around 150 metres in the air. That’s a bit under 500 feet for the metrically challenged. They turn it off in high winds because it sprays the cars traveling on the bridge with water.

"Fun fact about Lake Burley Griffin, it was formed using the Molonglo River, which flooded over a cemetery and filled the lake with corpses.”

Chris spluttered like he was trying not to laugh but couldn’t help it. “Best tour guide ever!”

We walked along the path for a while. There were lots of joggers about for there lunchtime run.

“Hey Em, I was thinking while we’re here we could pack up the stuff still at your parent’s house and ship it to our place.”

Oh god! I hadn’t even thought about doing that. My stuff was here for when I got back. It was silly to pay to just ship sentimental things around when you’re planning on coming back. I did want that stuff though. I was staying now, right? It was Chris and me now. There was still this nagging voice in my head that screamed, ‘What if it doesn’t work? You’ll have to pay thousands of dollars shipping your stuff back to Australia and on top of that have your family be all smug about it.’

Chris stopped walking and held my hand to stop me too. “Em?” He said looking a little concerned.

“Oh shit. Sorry, got lost in my head for a second there.” I smiled at him.

“What are you thinking?” He asked. “Be honest. We’re a team, okay?”

“I think it’s a good and logical idea. And it terrifies me.”

He hugged me. “What scares you?”

“I don’t know. We haven’t really made a proper commitment. What if we break up and then all my stuff is stuck in America?”

“I wouldn’t leave you stuck like that. Is that who you think I am?”

“No. You’re not that person at all. Ugh. I’m sorry. Of course, we should do that.”


	42. Chapter 42

The following day began the catching up with people from Canberra part of the trip. Oddly the first catch up we had was with Ben from Comic Con. He’d asked if Chris and I would stop by the store and maybe we could go get lunch. I had been keen to go to my old comic haunt anyway but it actually took a lot to convince Chris to come along.

“Emily, I just don’t think it’s a good idea. The way we met … how do you know he’s not just trying to be friends with the guy playing Cap?”

“How do you know anyone you meet from now on won’t be that person? How do you know I  _wouldn’t_ have been that person if we met after Cap? I like him, we talk on Facebook a lot. About comics and politics and science. Never about you. Besides, it’s my comic shop. I was really friendly with the owner. I bought my comics there for nine years. I’d like to stop by and say hello.  If you don’t want to come, don’t come.”

He eventually relented, mostly because he didn’t want to be left at the hotel alone. We parked out the front of the store and went inside. There was a gentle ring of bells as the door shut behind us. We wended our way through the racks of comics and other merchandise to the counter up the back. A woman came out of the back room.

“Emily!” She exclaimed. “Are you back in town? How was America?”

“Hi! Only back briefly. Just bringing this guy in to see my hometown.” I said patting Chris on the chest.

“Oh yes, and who is this?”

“Dee, this is Chris.” I said as way of introduction “He’s my boyfriend.” I said the last bit at a loud whisper. Like it was a conspiracy.

Ben came out of the back room about then. “Emily! You’re here.” He came around and hugged me. “Nice to see you too, Chris.” They both shook hands.

 ****“How do you know Emily’s boyfriend?” Dee asked looking slightly confused.

“We really strangely met at Comic-Con. It’s that small of a world I guess. You know who this guy is though, Dee?” Ben said. I felt Chris stiffen up beside me. I reached for his hand. “He’s the guy playing Captain America in the new movie.”

“Oh my gosh! I thought you looked familiar!” Dee gushed. “Feel free to say no, but do you think I could get a photo with you? And maybe could you sign a figure or two?”

And now I felt bad. I shouldn’t have put him in this position. What was wrong with me?

“Um … yeah, sure.” Chris said. Dee and Chris took a selfie together and then he signed a few Cap toys.

“Hey Dee, if you’re planning on putting that on social media, do you think you can hold back for two weeks? Just so I know there won’t be people trying to spot him while we’re out?” I asked.

“Of course, Emily,” Dee assured me.

Ben, Chris and I then headed out of the shop to grab lunch next door. It ended up being really fun. Chris relaxed a fair amount and actually did seem to enjoy himself. Ben didn’t get a very long lunch break though, so even if he hated every minute of it and was just acting, it didn’t last long. Ben actually seemed a little nervous to talk to Chris. So most of the time was just us talking about other people we knew or comic arcs we liked. When Ben went back to work, Chris and I headed to the car.

 ****“I am so sorry,” I said when we were both seated. “I should have thought something like that might happen. I’m just so used to no one really giving a shit about us.”

“Probably something we’re both going to have to get used to from now on.” Chris shrugged. “It wasn’t so bad. You’re right, Ben is a nice guy. And obviously, you were on good terms with Dee too. She remembered you and where you moved to. You weren’t just some customer. I feel fine doing the celeb thing for people who we’re friendly with.” He raised his eyebrow at me “I will, of course, punish you later.”  
I clapped my hands. “Oh, fun! I’ll have to put you in awkward social situations more often!”

That night we had dinner booked in with my parents. Chris and I had gone back to our hotel room to get refreshed before we headed over. I started to get really worked up. How fucked up is that? I mean, I lived with them for 24 years and now I was just freaking out about going over for dinner. I didn’t know if I should get changed into something more formal or stick with the jeans and t-shit I had on. Should I put makeup on? Should I make Chris wear a tie? Maybe he should shave.

I was pacing the room, and Chris stepped in front of me and took me by the shoulders. “Emily, you need to calm down.”

“I’m sorry. I don’t know what the hell is going on with me. They’re my parents, I shouldn’t be like this.”

“When you last saw them, things got heated. You’re worried it will happen again. I get it. But  _this_  is not helping.”

I took a deep breath. “You’re right. What time is it?”

Chris looked at his watch. “Five.”

“Maybe we should just go over, and get it over with.”

Chris shrugged. “If that’s what you want.”

We drove over and arrived to an empty house. I still had my key, so I just let myself in.

“Your parent’s house is nice,” Chris said, as I led him through the hall to the entertaining area.

“It’s pretty new. We moved in five years ago - ish? They built it. Want to see my room?”

Chris’ eyes lit up. “Of course!”

I took him down the back hall into the room at the very end. It was pretty much exactly as I left it. Photos of friends and a poster for the X-Men movie pinned to the wall. A desk with a stack of biology textbooks on it. A couple of bookshelves. One filled with books, the other with comics and collectibles and my single bed. Mum had made it up with a lavender bedspread I didn’t recognise. That was pretty much the only thing that had changed since I’d moved out. I actually felt a little touched they’d kept it for me.

“Twin bed, huh?” Chris said lying back on it. I climbed on top of him, sprawling myself over him and propping myself on his chest with my elbows.

“Bringing people back for sleepovers wasn’t something I thought was a great idea. Single was enough. Besides, look how tiny this room is. Like anything bigger would fit.”

“It’s better than I could have imagined.” Chris grinned, running a thumb down my jaw. “I especially love the X-Men poster.”

“Imagine if it had been Fantastic Four. That would have been embarrassing.”

Chris laughed and pulled me into a kiss.

I pulled away from him suddenly. “Oh, I do have something!” I squealed and dropped off the side of the bed and pulled a huge box from under it. Inside was this pile of action figures just in a jumble. I dug around until I found the one I wanted.

“Look it’s you!” I said holding up a rather battered looking Captain America.

Chris took it from me. “Are these from when you were a kid?” He asked looking into the box.

“Oh no, it’s much more embarrassing than that.” I laughed. “Some of my friends and I were really into thrift shopping. Mostly clothes, but also we’d try and find cool things. It just became a bit of a joke for me to buy any marvel action figures the store might have. Then they started buying them for me. It got really out of control. I may well also have a Johnny Storm. I have like six Captain Americas.” I started digging through the box and found one.

“Yeah! I have one look!” I said holding up the figure.

“Holy shit, Emily!” Chris laughed. “That is actually me.”

“No. It’s just like a generic one.” I said looking at the figure.

“Seriously. Em. It’s me.” He took it from me and held it to his face. “See. I have this. Well, mom does.”

I put my hands on my cheeks. “I had an action figure of my boyfriend before he was my boyfriend!” I gasped. “It’s fate.”

He fell back laughing. “You also have Hugh Jackman in that box. Should I be worried?”

“I mean, probably. He’s fucking hot.” I took the action figure off Chris and then pretended to walk it up to the Cap figure he was still holding.

“Well hello, there Cap. Looking mighty fine today. We should make out.” I said dropping my voice low.

“Please don’t make me make out with myself, Em,” Chris said, chuckling.

“But that’s like my wet dream.” I put the Johnny Storm figure in my pocket. “Fine. But he’s living in my handbag from now on.”

“Come here, dork.” He said dropping the Cap figure back into the box.

I climbed back onto him and he flipped us over, pinning me to the bed. We started making out like we hadn’t really done since we’d first started dating. Even the time when we were just being silly back at his mum’s place at Christmas wasn’t like this. Then it was obviously part of a joke we were both sharing. Now it was almost like we were getting to know each other’s bodies again but in a way, we both knew full well wouldn’t lead to sex. Our mouths caressed each other slowly and tenderly. Our tongues would dip into each other’s mouths, but only briefly. Like we were just sneaking a taste of each other. I held his jaw in one hand, while the other gripped his bicep. He slid a hand up under my shirt, and cupped my breast, grazing his thumb over my nipple through the fabric of my bra.

We were interrupted by the sound of a car pulling into the garage.

“It’s show time,” I said, pushing Chris off of me.

I straightened myself up and stepped into the hall at the exact same time as my mother entered through the door to the garage.

“Emily! You’re here already!” My mum said, hugging me. “Have you lost weight?” She added holding me out at arm’s length.

“I don’t think so,” I answered defensively.

“I think she has too, Mrs. Stephens,” Chris said coming up behind me.

“Oh hello, Christopher. It’s very nice to see you again.” She said in a very clipped voice which led me to believe otherwise. I had no idea why she’d suddenly gone cold on the Catholic male I was seeing when she had seemed quite pro Chris originally. “Why are we standing around in the hall? Come along.”

We followed my mum to the entertaining area. My brother was in there with his fiancée watching TV.

“How long have you been here, Aaron?” I asked slightly shocked.

“I don’t know. 10 minutes?”

“You had to know I was here though right? Car out the front, lights on. Why didn’t you come say hello?”

“Let’s not pretend I’m here for any reason other than mum and dad made me. I couldn’t give a shit what my lezzie sister is doing.” He stood. My brother is a large man. He stands at around six foot three and is just in general broad. I wouldn’t say he’s overly muscular, just broad. Built like a brick shit house is how I’d describe it to most people. He has very dark, almost black hair and dark eyes. He walked over and stood towering over me. I took two steps backward and collided with Chris. “Oh but you aren’t a lezzie anymore are you. That was just a phase to upset mum and dad. Now you’re just a slut shacking up with this guy.”

I felt Chris pull himself upright, and I reached backward touching him on the chest. Reassuring him I was okay.

“Well fucking fine then. You hate me. I get it.” I said to Aaron.

“Emily! Language young lady!” My mother snapped.

“Oh, I say fuck and get called out on it, and he calls me a lesbian slut and that’s totally fine. I see where I stand. Thank you.”

Aaron’s fiancée, Layla had gotten to her feet and taken his arm. Layla was in contrast to Aaron, tiny, around five foot four, and rake thin. She had red hair and freckles. “Aaron, just sit down.” She said trying to pull him away from me. He gave me one last death glare and returned to the TV. “Sorry, Emily.” She said, “Hi, I’m Layla.” She said turning to Chris and offering him her hand.

It actually took Chris a moment to respond. “Oh, um, hi. Chris.” He said shaking her hand.

“He’s very handsome.” She said to me.

I sometimes wondered what person Aaron was when I wasn’t around that he could convince Layla to marry him.

I turned to look at Chris. He was tensed up so much and his eyes were wide. I put my hands on his shoulders and mouthed ‘I’m fine’. He pulled me into a hug, crushing me into his chest. “I love you.” He whispered into my ear. I didn’t know if it made me want to laugh or cry. I pulled away from him.

“Mum, can I help you with dinner?” I offered.

“I was thinking we might just get takeaway. It’s getting so late, and I’ve been at work all day. Does Chinese sound fine?”

“Yeah, that’s okay with me. If you want to order some things, Chris and I can go pick it up. It will be my shout.”

“Oh,  _now_  she offers to pay for dinner. Are you made of money all of a sudden, Emily?” Aaron snarked.

“I’ve got more than you do, dipshit,” I replied in an over the top sweet voice without turning to look at him.

“Why don’t you pay mum and dad back for all the shit they covered when you were at University then?”

I turned and glared at him. “If mum and dad want me to pay them back because I lived with them while I studied, whatever the fuck that even means, then, by all means, I’m quite happy to. But as I paid for all my textbooks myself, and I’m paying back HECS myself, and I paid board. I don’t actually know what you’re talking about. I wasn’t aware that living with your parents while you went to school was something that accrued debt. But I guess we can’t all go straight from school to cutting up animals for a living.”

“Aaron! Emily! Please. You haven’t seen each other for over a year, can you not just get along for one night?” My mum pleaded.

“Sorry, mum,” I said. Aaron didn’t say anything at all.

Mum placed an order at a nearby Chinese restaurant, and Chris and I went out to get it. As I approached the car, Chris span me around and pulled me into a kiss. He stroked my hair and pulled me as close to him as I could physically get.

“Oh my god, Emily. I love you. You know that right?” He said.

“I love you too. You need to let me go through. You’re making me feel overwhelmed, and I’m going to start crying.” I said. I had to gulp down air to keep the tears at bay.

“What is your brother’s problem? I don’t think I have ever wanted to knock someone out quite as much as I did just then.”

I shrugged. “We’ve never gotten along. Not that I can remember. I’m not entirely blame free. But he’s also an angry bigot, and he sees me as a personal affront to his life choices.” I said. “But I’m used to him. I can deal with it. But not if you try and protect me from it.”

“I thought he was going to hit you.”

“He may well have, it wouldn’t be the first time. But I can handle it. Please?”

The look of total helplessness he gave me broke my heart. “He used to hit you?”

“We used to hit each other.” I sighed. “Please, Chris?”

“But the size of him.”

“Yes. He’s massive. And I have had to get stitches more than once. And I’ve gone to school and had to lie about what happened to me more than once. But he wasn’t always bigger than me. And we’ve always physically fought each other.” I pressed my forehead on his shoulder. “Please, please can it wait? So I don’t start crying in front of him?”

Chris’ fists were clenched. I took one and pried it open, running my thumb down his palm.

“Please?”

He took a shuddering breath. “Okay.”

A car pulled up next to us and rolled it’s window down. It was my dad. “Emily, did you only just get here?” He asked.

“No. We’re just going to pick up the dinner. We’ll be back soon.” I said, giving him a wave and then climbing into the car.

We drove to the restaurant in silence. When I went to pay Chris brushed me aside. I thought about arguing with him but decided it wasn’t worth the effort. If we shared money now, did it really matter who paid for what?

On the way back I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to press the issue. “Chris, I know you’re angry and upset and maybe you feel helpless, but seriously while I’m in there I can’t be worried about how you’re dealing with this. I need to focus on me actually dealing with it. Hopefully, Aaron goes back to his normal just point blank ignoring me. Then we’ll all be totally cool. But if he keeps attacking me over nothing, and you try and protect me, or I feel like that’s what you’re wanting to do, I’ll cry. And if I cry, he wins. Do you get that?”

“Emily …” He said, he sounded miserable.

“Chris, feel sorry for me all you want  _after_ we leave. But seriously, if you want to help me … actually really help me … you need to go in there and be happy and pleasant, and not look at me like you’re a helpless puppy, or like you’re about to start a fist fight with my brother. I don’t care if you’re acting. It’s what I need from you for you to help me.”

I pulled the car up out the front of my parent’s house and switched the engine off. I sat and waited for him to respond.

He leaned over and kissed me. “If that will help you, that’s what I will do.” He said, running his thumb over my bottom lip, his palm cupping my cheek.

“It will. Thank you.”

Dinner was going along fairly well. Chris did exactly as I asked. He became friendly and talkative.  He actually seemed to be genuinely getting on really well with Layla. Aaron did as I’d hoped, and started to ignore me but I could tell Chris and Layla getting along was starting to bother him. It made me feel quite smug him sitting there silently fuming as Layla and Chris chatted happily. He would never speak to anyone the way he spoke to me, so the idea of telling Chris or Layla to stop was not something he’d even consider.

“Chris, you have such beautiful eyes. So does Emily, don’t you think? How can both of you have such lovely blue eyes with such long lashes? Your kids will be so pretty.” Layla said.

“If our kids look anything like their mother they’ll be stunning,” Chris said.

“Aw, you’re really sweet too. Emily, he’s so sweet. How did you meet again?”

“At a bookstore. He bought me a book. He’s quite romantic really.” I turned to my parents. “Oh, Chris and I are going to come by during the day over the next week and pack up my room and ship my things to us in America, is that okay?”

“Emily, I really don’t like that you two are living together. Why can’t you be more like Aaron? He and Layla waited to move in together until after they got married.”

“I guess we can’t all be as perfect as Aaron.” I sighed. “Wait, they waited?” I turned to Aaron “You’re already married?”

“Yes. We have got married three months ago.” Layla said.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I said, trying really hard to act like I was excited by the news and not hurt.

“Why would I tell you?” Aaron said.

“I don’t know. Because we’re family maybe? I would have liked to have come.”

“But I wouldn’t have wanted you to be there, and as it was  _my_  wedding …”

I was stunned. I knew he didn’t like me, but I’d always still had this thing in my head; he’s my family and family is important. Even if you don’t get along, they’re the people who are supposed to always be there. Aaron didn’t feel that way at all. I disgusted him and he wanted no part of me.

I needed to leave but I couldn’t let Aaron know that it was because of him. My eyes darted around the room, searching for something, anything that might give me a reason to leave.

Chris yawned rather dramatically. “Man, jet lag is the worst.” He said. “Em, do you mind if we head back to the hotel soon? I am going to fall asleep at the table.”

Relief washed over me. “Of course. Sorry, Mum and Dad, I better get him back.” I said standing. “I’ll see you again soon. Nice to see you, Layla. Congratulations.”

I gathered up my things, and after briefly hugging my parents goodbye I headed for the car, trying not to run. Pulling my keys out of my purse I found my hands were shaking. Chris took them from my hand.

“It’s okay, I’ll drive.” He said, and I fell into him. He held me for a moment and then moved me away from him at arm’s length. “They’re watching us leave, do you want to get in the car so you don’t do this in front of them?”

I nodded and walked around to the passenger seat. When Chris pulled the car out I started crying.

“Other side of the road,” I said, laughing through my tears.

“Fuck!” He yelped, swerving to the left. “I’m going to kill us both.”

“It’s easier to remember when there are other cars on the road.” I sniffed.

“I regret bringing you back here, Emily. I’m sorry I’ve made it so you had to be around them again.” Chris sighed.

“You didn’t force me into it. They’re my family, Chris.” I said.

“Are they though? I’m your family. Gaby is your family. Those people are assholes that don’t deserve you in their lives.”

I wiped my eyes. I know he was trying to help, but it just made me feel worse. “Don’t say that. I know they aren’t my biggest supporters, but my parents do love me in their own way. Maybe Aaron doesn’t, but …” I didn’t know how to finish so I just trailed off.

“Emily, I promise you, that for the rest of our lives I’m going to make you feel loved in the way those people should have when you were growing up. Every second, of every day.”

His words made me uncomfortable. I never felt like I was lacking for anything growing up. Having been away from them, and finding people who loved me so much, I realised I had been lacking something. I didn’t even know what love was until now. Not really. For him to make that promise, it scared me. What if he couldn’t deliver on it? Would I be able to find that again?

“Gross,” I said, trying to play down what he said.

He reached over and took my hand. “Don’t do that, Em. Don’t try and make this a joke.”

“I’m sorry.” I sighed. “I love you too. And I appreciate your saying that.”

“I mean it, Emily. I love you. You’re part of my family now.”


	43. Chapter 43

Chris and I spent a few days packing up my old bedroom, and when it was done we organised a courier to come and collect it. The things I didn’t want anymore we took to a charity. The job took a little longer than it should have. Partly because I actually had cognitive dissonance over keeping books. I’d put them in the donate pile, because books are replaceable, and then move them back because they were my books and I liked them. Chris ended up intervening and just sealing up the box and addressing it to himself. The other problem was that Chris had to look through all my photos before packing them up. Each photo involved long discussions. Who the people were. Where we were. How old I was. Sometimes we’d leave before my parents got home. Sometimes we’d stay and eat. When we did stay things went fine. We talked about small things, and I actually felt like an average family.

On Friday my friends Shan and Amelia were holding a party for me. I dressed up for it. I was really quite excited. Facebook wasn’t quite the same as actually getting to be with people. I wore a halter neck dress that had little woodland creatures running along a field at the bottom, and the rest looked like a cloudy sky. I even wore a double-layered petticoat underneath to puff out the skirt. I carefully styled my makeup and hair trying to match it to the look of the dress. Chris teased me, saying I looked like I belonged on a Hot Topic catalog. I didn’t care, because I liked it.

“Am I underdressed?” Chris asked me, as I pulled on my dress boots. I looked him over. He was wearing a dark blue cardigan over a white tee and black jeans. And fuck him, he looked amazing.

“You’re fine,” I said, running my tongue over my bottom lip. “It’s totally casual anyway. Just a couple of my girlfriends and I like wearing this kind of thing. We’ll be the ones out of place.” I walked over to him and put my lips to his ear. “Put on the red belt,” I whispered.

Chris chuckled and slapped my arse. “Dirty girl.” But he started pulling his belt off and disappeared into the bedroom, reemerging with the red belt on.

I smiled at him and grabbed my coat. “Let’s do this.”

We arrived at the party, not too many people were there, so we did a quick circuit greeting my old friends, and introducing them to Chris, before going to sit with Shan and Amelia at their outdoor setting. Shan is a thin geeky looking guy. He dresses almost exclusively in jeans with white business shirts. Despite how he looked he was actually incredibly cool and really politically minded. He wanted to save the world, and if anyone could do it, I believed it would be him. His family immigrated to Australia from Sri Lanka when he was very young and he was proud of his heritage but angry at the government. Amelia was a large blond woman and the most stylish person I knew. There was nothing about clothing or makeup or hair styling that I knew I didn’t learn from her. She was probably the most down to earth and together friends I had too. She knew what she wanted and would create a firm plan of attack to get it.

“So Chris, these two people are the most important people you’ll meet tonight.” I said. “Shan and Mealy are the two people who make it so I don’t have to worry about introducing you to two sets of friends. They draw my two worlds of pre-university and university together.”

Amelia leaned forward and touched Chris on the knee “My name is Amelia, only she calls me Mealy.” She said.

“Mealy was my best friend ever in high school. We were pretty much inseparable right?”

“That’s true.” Amelia smiled.

“And Shan was the first friend I made at University. We had paired up to work on a project for an early Biology course. We kind of had this weird thing going on.”

Shan laughed. “Yes, a weird thing is pretty much how I’d describe it too.”

“What do you mean?” Chris asked. Amelia groaned and covered her face.

“We would hang out in his dorm room a lot, and I don’t know how to describe it. We didn’t kiss or anything. We’d just kind of touch each other while we watched old movies.”

“There was a hand job once,” Shan added.

“Yes, thank you, Shan. There was a hand job once. I appreciate you telling my boyfriend that.”

Shan laughed. “I just thought it was relevant. I mean it’s weird. We never kissed but you know? That’s weird right, mate?”

Chris was laughing and ran a hand down his face. “Yes, that is weird. Sounds like Emily though.”

I elbowed him. “Anyway, then I decided to ask him to my friend Amelia’s eighteenth as my date, and he saw her and that was it. He only had eyes for her.”

“Nice.” Chris laughed.

“God, I hate when you talk about that.” Amelia laughed. “I hate being all jealous of stuff that happened before I met him, but I can’t help it.”

I looked at her and raised my eyebrow. “Mealy, let’s not pretend that I haven’t also had my fingers inside you.”

Amelia covered her face blushing deeply while Shan rocked back laughing.

“I thought Jessica was the only girl…” Chris started saying.

“Excuse me, Christopher, do you count every non-reciprocal fingering as having sex with someone?”

He laughed and shook his head.

“I didn’t think so. Now, let me tell you what this bitch did.”

“No, no, let me tell it!” Amelia squealed. “So, like we were 16, and I was all, I think she’s gay. So I invited her around to my parent’s house when they were away. And I basically jumped her. I started kissing her.”

“I was so shocked,” I said. “But I was like; wow, this is really happening. So I start feeling her up, and she pushes my hand in her pants. So I blunder my way through. I’d gotten myself off before, but not anyone else. This is the first kiss I ever had, let alone anything else. I somehow manage to get her off. Like big time, gushing orgasm.”

“That was my first ever orgasm,” Amelia said almost wistfully.

“And I’m like, okay, so my turn now? And Amelia turns to me and goes …”

“Sorry, but I don’t like girls like that.” Amelia finished.

“God, that seriously set me back two years. I didn’t trust any sexual advances towards me at all until Michael, and then that fuck head screwed me over too.” I said shaking my head.

Amelia looked sad for a moment. “Yeah, it was kind of shitty. I’m glad you forgave me for it.”

I shrugged and shook my head. “Anyway, despite the fact I’ve now given them both handies, they’re married to each other. It’s our special bond.” I said giggling.

“Emily was my maid of honour,” Amelia said. “You should have seen her Chris. She was so pretty.”

Amelia pulled out her phone and flicked through some photos. She found the one she wanted and handed the phone to Chris.

“Oh wow, look at you. You look so pretty and girly.” He said putting a hand on the middle of my back and showing me the photo of myself I’d seen so many times. A photo my friends liked to torture me with. I was standing in front of Amelia. She was in her wedding dress, her hair set and veil in place. I was wearing this pale pink floaty dress, that somehow both hugged my figure and floated loosely around it. Amelia was pinning small pink and white flowers in my hair. I was grimacing.

“I think they made me wear that to torture me.” I grinned.

“Well, since you just told one of my biggest secrets to someone I only just met, I’m not positive I want to tell you the news we have that I’ve been saving up from telling anyone until we saw you.”

I pouted. “No,” I whined.

“Oh, don’t torment her,” Shan said.

“I’m pregnant, Emily.”

My reaction was instant. My hands flew to my mouth and I squealed. I then jumped from the chair and hugged Amelia, squeezing her so hard, and rocking her back and forth. “Oh my god! I am so happy!” I squeaked.

Amelia patted me awkwardly on the back. “Okay. Thanks, Ems. Now get off me.”

I turned to Shan. Chris was shaking his hand and patting him on the back. I jumped on him. He hugged me tightly. “You’re going to be a dad!”

“I know!” Shan grinned. “Scary isn’t it?”

I let him go and sat back down. “Oh my god!” I said. “I’m seriously buzzing now. I’m so excited for you.”

“We’re pretty excited too,” Amelia said, touching her stomach. “It’s still early. Like 6 weeks. But I just felt like you should know first. So don’t tell anyone else, okay.”

I was beaming. “Thank you. And I won’t.”

We sat chatting for a little while, I was just thinking about getting up and circulating again when a woman wearing a 1950’s style green polka dot dress came over and sat in my lap, kissing me on the mouth.

“Hello, my beautiful Emily.” She said. I pressed my head against her back. She smelled like vanilla and sandalwood.

“Hey, Ronnie,” I said. “I missed you.”

Chris cleared his throat.

“Chris, this is Veronica. Ronnie. Ronnie, my boyfriend, Chris.” I said.

Veronica extended her hand like she was a 1920’s movies starlet. “It’s a pleasure.” Chris took her hand and kissed it but almost like he didn’t know what else to do.

“He’s very handsome, Emily.” The way she spoke was like she was permanently bored with everything.

“He’s also very sweet,” I said, smiling. Veronica had this ability to make you feel like you were slightly high around her. Or like you weren’t quite existing on the same plane as everyone else.

Chris was looking confused and slightly concerned.

“He looks worried, Emily,” Veronica said. She let one of her shoes drop to the ground and put her bare foot on Chris’ thigh. “Are you threatened by me?”

“Chris, you don’t need to worry about Ronnie. She’s literally like this with everyone.” Amelia said.

“How dare you, Amelia?” Veronica said affronted. Then she leaned over and cupped Amelia’s face in her hands. “No, you’re right. I am like this with everyone.” She then became very distracted and stood up. “Oh look, there’s Naomi. I must go say hello.” And she left.

“Chris, Ronnie is the one who exposed Jessica as the cheater she is. The way she did it is not pleasant, and I don’t like thinking about it.” I explained. Ronnie had invited me around to her place and I’d walked in on them having sex. “I know she’s very overtly sexual. But I don’t think about her like that. I never have, and I never will. She is fun to be around, you never know what to expect.”

“It’s okay, Em. I trust you.” Chris said, taking my hand. “Just when she came and sat on you, and the kiss, and the way you said how you missed her. Not going to lie, made me feel a bit jealous.”

“Yeah, I can see how that must have looked,” I said. “You know what happened though? You know when you smell something and it makes you remember something really strongly? Well, Ronnie smells like lying in a field in the middle of nowhere at two in the morning, reading poetry by torchlight and looking at the stars. And of convincing security guards to let us backstage and meet the band. And of suddenly getting in the car and driving four hours to see a flower that only blooms once every thirty years.”

“But not of the flower, that thing smelled like a pile of rotting corpses.” Amelia laughed.

“No, that was disgusting. Though interestingly, now when I smell rotting meat I’m like ‘mm … friendship’.” I leaned over and took Amelia’s hand and squeezed it.

“So, what do I smell like?” Chris asked running a thumb up and down my forearm.

I leaned into him, my face pressed up against his neck and I inhaled deeply. He smelled of salt, and musk, of spices and a little sage. I sighed, leaning back and closing my eyes. “You smell like slow dancing in the kitchen with no music my hand held at your heart. Of watching the sunrise at Christmas melting the snow that had fallen overnight. Of crying until I had nothing left in me but being held and knowing I was safe and cared for. And of watching the fireworks at Disney Land, my body completely exhausted and being told I was loved.”

I opened my eyes and Chris was smiling at me, his eyes crinkled at the corners. “Sometimes Em, I think you must be the least romantic person in the world, and then you say something like that and it makes my heart hurt.”

I grinned. “Also of kinky sex stuff.”

Chris laughed “And there she is.” He wrestled me into a hug.

“You know they’re seeing each other now?” Shan said when we’d both stopped clowning around.

“Who is?” I asked.

“Ronnie and Jess,” Shan said.

“They are fucking not!” I exclaimed.

“They are fucking so,” Shan said calmly. “It started about eight months ago. I don’t know for sure, but I think they’re keeping it open, because … well … they’re them.”

“She’s not coming tonight is she?” I asked glancing around the yard.

“We told her not to. She was kind of pissed, and you know Jess.” Amelia said.

“I should expect her.”

She nodded.

I took Chris around the party again, catching up with people. Chris really seemed to be enjoying himself. When he met my parkour friends I lost him to them as they discussed sport, so I just let myself relax and be with my friends. We were playing a card game together when Chris found his way back to me. All the chairs were taken, so I stood and when he sat down, I climbed into his lap.

“What are we playing?” Chris asked stroking his fingers along the back of my neck.

“Cheat. But we have to drink if we get caught. Or if we accuse falsely. I’m a little bit drunk. You wanna play?”

There was a sudden call of cheat from the table and Shan had to drink.

“Sure. Next hand.”

It was coming up to my turn and I’d lost track of what number we were at. I was just figuring out what to play when Jessica showed up.

“Hello, Emily.” She said up against my ear. I jumped, dropping my cards to the ground and looked up at her. She towered over me, her dark skin reflected light from the lamps so that it looked like she’d been dipped in bronze. She was wearing a tight dark blue dress, that reached her mid-thigh, and clung to her body so that you could see the lines of her ribs. Her black hair was cut short and styled in twists. When I had known her she’d always worn her hair straight with extensions that fell to her waist. The change suited her.

“Fuck, Jessica. What are you doing here?” I snapped.

Everyone at the table seemed to recognise at once the game was over and started packing up, some left to find something else to do.

“I heard you were dating men now, I just wanted to see who you were lying about yourself with.”  Jessica seethed.

“Go home, Jessica.” I groaned. Chris had wrapped an arm around my waist. Almost protectively.

“Staking a claim are you, dear.” Jessica said, “I’d be worried too. She did always come back to me. Time and time again.”

I stood, and almost simultaneously Shan did too. “Jess, please leave. Don’t ruin this night for her.” He said.

“I am entitled to be here. We were together for three years. I get to be able to see her!” Jessica yelled. I flinched away from her.

Chris stood up calmly and put a hand on my hip. “I think you lost any entitlement you feel you might have had when you continued to break Emily’s trust and heart. We’re together now. Coming here tonight won’t change anything.” He said.

Jessica straightened herself up to her full height. In the heels, she was wearing she was taller than he was. “You know she’s gay, right? Like she probably likes vagina more than you do. I heard you were staying at the Hyatt though. So I guess you must have money. Is that how it is, Emily? Money can buy your sexual orientation too?”

“Fuck you, Jessica. Seriously. Just fuck you.” I wanted to yell it, but I couldn’t even bring myself to. She had ruined me until I met Chris. How dare she come here and act like I was somehow the one in the wrong?

Veronica had come over and taken Jessica’s hand. “Darling, come now. I’ll take you home. Let’s not do this to our beautiful Emily.” She said.

“No! Screw that! She broke my heart and you helped her! I will say what I want to say!” Jessica yelled.

I was stunned. My mouth fell open and I almost had to shake myself to respond. “ _I_ broke  _your_  heart?  _Me_? You cheated on me more times than I can actually count. How fucking dare you?” I turned, taking Chris’ hand. “Come on, Chris. I don’t have to stand here listening to her.”

I started to walk, but she grabbed my arm. “Don’t you walk away from me, Emily!” She screeched.

I spun around and slapped her full across her face. She reeled backward. “That is exactly what I’m going to do. This man has stood by my side and loved me and devoted himself to me through some of the worst things I’ve ever been through, and you couldn’t even do that when things were going well. So fuck you! Go home. You aren’t wanted here. Not by me.”

Chris smiled and looked at Jessica. “Look, I get it. She is worth fighting for. I would fight for her too. And I will if I need to. But you threw that away and now she is with me. I plan for that to stay that way until my last breath.”

I turned to Chris, my heart felt like it skipped a beat when I looked into his eyes. I wrapped my arms around him and kissed him, pouring all the love and gratitude I felt for him into it.

When we broke apart, Jessica was being dragged away by Veronica. I looked over at Shan and he laughed. “Always so much drama when you two are in the same room. I am surprised you even lasted three years as a couple.”


	44. Chapter 44

It was quite early in the morning when the party finally broke up, and Chris and I took a really expensive taxi ride back to the Hyatt. I rested my head against his arm, and he held one of my hands in both of his.

“Did you have a nice time, my love?” I asked him sleepily.

“I really did. Well except for that one bit.” He laughed. “I really like your friends. Especially Shan and Amelia. They’re good people. I liked seeing you with them too. And talking to them about you. I’ve learned a bunch of new things. Still not sure how I feel about Veronica though.”

I laughed. “She’s not for everyone, that’s for sure. But she’ll grow on you, like a cancer if you let her. I just really like how spontaneous she is. I always over think every little thing. You know? Ronnie doesn’t seem to make plans ahead at all. It can be exciting.”

“How did you meet her?”

“Jessica used to make me go to this LGBT group and she was a member. I wasn’t super keen on her, to begin with. But she does have this ability to just insert herself into your life when she wants to.”

The taxi pulled up at the hotel. Chris paid and we walked through the lobby. Me clinging to his arm and leaning against him, my shoes in my hand.

“Can I ask you something about Jessica?” Chris asked.

“Sure.”

“Shan said you guys were always dramatic, but you always talk about her like she was all love and light.”

I snorted. “Jessica and I burned white hot and faded quickly,” I said wistfully. “She was both a positive and a negative experience for me. She helped me find myself. Opened the world to me. But she was jealous and untrustworthy, and in our last year together we fought a lot. Especially in public. I thought she was over it all. Like it was two years ago. We have been around each other since we broke up, we actually can get on okay most of the time. I guess she’s been building me up in her head since I’ve been away. That can happen I suppose. Or maybe she just expected me to wait for her until she was ready?” I stumbled a little and Chris caught me. We stood looking at each other for a second and then broke down in drunken giggles.

“I am going to say something now, just because you’re so drunk I’m going to assume you’re not going to remember tomorrow.” Chris laughed. “Jessica is fucking stunning. Is she a model?”

I started giggling and grabbed Chris’ arm to stop him walking. “Right? She’s a goddess. But no, she’s a lawyer. I do punch above my own weight when it comes to hot significant others.”

Chris pulled me into his arms. “Oh, a boxing metaphor, that’s hot.” He started dragging me along to our room again.

“Something about going eight rounds. Fuck, I don’t know shit about boxing.” I giggled.

We had reached our door, and I almost fell through it. Chris caught me, and I held onto his arms.  "I have come to realise I didn’t even know what love was until you. I really, really love you, Christopher Robert Evans.“

I pulled him down to me, and kissed him. It was wet and alcohol-fueled. I started unfastening his belt. "Will you punish your dirty girl?” I asked biting my lip.

“No, absolutely not. We are both way,  _way_ too drunk for that.” He said lifting me off the ground and carrying me to the bedroom.

“But … red belt.” I whined.

“Red belt will just have to go here on the chair,” Chris said pulling his belt from the belt loops and placing it on a lounge chair in the corner of the room.

“Red belt would like it much better around my throat,” I said, nuzzling against his neck.

Chris laughed and kissed me on the forehead. “I can see the headline. ‘Captain America murder’s Australian scientist in bizarre sex act’. No thanks.”

I turned and made a weird help me unzip gesture to him. He slowly pulled the zipper of my dress down, running one hand along my bare skin as the material fell away from each other, his lips were pressed against the back of my neck.

“I’ll very happily have awkward drunken sex with you. Would you like that?” He teased.

I turned to face him, letting my dress fall to the ground. “Yes, please.”

He kissed me, lifting me from the ground again, and lay me back on the bed. When he climbed on top of me and I spread my legs so he was kneeling between them. His lips traveled along my stomach and I closed my eyes, resting a hand in his hair.

There was a knock at the door and someone calling out room service. Chris shifted beside me and left the bedroom. I rolled over and opened my eyes. Light was creeping in through the curtains. I’d fallen asleep on him. Chris had rolled his red belt up and left it on my bedside table. I smiled and closed my eyes again.

The bedroom door opened. “You hungry, babe?” Chris asked.

I made a sleepy noise of agreement but didn’t move. He wheeled the room service trolley into the room, and I pushed myself up out of the bed, blinking my eyes.

“Thank you for taking my bra off. I hate sleeping in those things.” I said, stretching.

“You’re welcome.” He grinned.

“Sorry I fell asleep on you.”

“That’s okay, I just finished without you.” He joked. I took a swipe at him but fell short by about a foot.

Chris lifted the lid on my plate and revealed Eggs Florentine. I groaned and dipped my finger into the hollandaise sauce. Sucking my finger, I closed my eyes and moaned.

“Wow. You can’t just do that kind of thing.” Chris said and pounced on me. He pushed me down onto the bed, took my hand and put the same finger I’d just had in my mouth into his.

I looked up at him and ran my tongue along my bottom lip. “Food.” I breathed.

He dropped my finger from his mouth and grimaced. “I see how it is.”

I squirmed away from underneath him. “I gotta pee.” I yelped and ran to the bathroom. When I came back out I’d also washed the makeup from my face and run a brush through my hair. I’d also ditched my underwear, and sauntered over to the bed naked. Chris was sitting at the end of the bed a cup of coffee in his hand and chewing on a piece of bacon.

I came and sat down next to him and started eating my breakfast.

“You just going to eat breakfast naked?” He asked nudging me.

“I’d preferentially do everything in the nude if I could.”

“Then why are you always dressed at home?”

“Because East is shy.” I giggled. Chris shoved me.

“Are we going for a run later?”

“Yeah, I thought we could run to the carillon. They should be playing it a few times today. We might get lucky.” I said and took a huge mouthful of egg and spinach. I closed my eyes, savoring the salty tang of the sauce.

“What’s a carillon?”

“Oh man, you’re in for a treat,” I said through a mouthful of food. “It’s like this huge building that is also a musical instrument. You play it like an organ I think. But it’s bells.”

We finished eating and Chris rolled the trolley back into the hall. When he returned he almost stalked into the room. I was still just sitting perched at the end of the bed. The look on his face made me tingle.

“So …” He said and glanced over at the belt sitting on the bedside table.

I shifted on the bed so I was on my knees and grinned up at Chris. He approached me slowly, pulling his shirt off and dropping it to the floor. He ran his thumb over my bottom lip and pushed it into my mouth. I sucked on it, raking my teeth over the pad.

“Eager are we?” He growled. “What are you up for?”

I let his thumb free and gave him a half smile. “I’m yours. You can use me however you want.” I breathed.

“Good girl.” He said softly. He walked over to the bedside table and picked up the belt.

“What do you think we should use this for? Do you think he might like to mark you today?” Chris asked walking back and winding the belt around his hand.

“Is the belt a boy?” I asked.

He hit me without warning along the side of my hip with the end of the belt. I yelped.

“Always such a smart mouth.” He said and ran the metal hoops used to fasten the belt along my jawline. “Answer my question please.”

I shivered. My nerves seemed hyper-aware to everything and the thoughts of what he had going through his mind excited me. “I am yours, Chris. You can do whatever you like.” I said.

“That’s what I like to hear.” He said and just stood, running the belt over my skin. I knelt there at the end of the bed, waiting. Little chills running through me everywhere the belt touched. Without warning he swung the belt wide, it arced through the air and came down across my arse. I clenched my jaw, and fell forward, I had to put out my hands and brace myself on Chris to stop myself from falling off the bed. The look of sheer contempt he gave me sent shivers through me and made my cunt tingle. I dropped my hands and straightened myself up.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered looking at the ground.

“Get. Up.” He ordered, anger dripping from the words.

I stood in front of him looking at my feet.

“Turn around, bend over and put your hands on the bed, palms flat.”

I did as I was instructed. As soon as I was in position he hit me hard across the arse again. It took all my willpower to not clench my fists and cry out.

He hit me again, and again, almost always over the same spot. I somehow managed to stay quiet, but tears leaked from my eyes and I was grinding my teeth together. Occasionally he’d move the belt and hit me right along the spot where my arse joined my legs. Lights would pop in my vision, and I couldn’t help but cry out. When that happened Chris would pause and run his hand along the curve of my bum soothing the burn that was growing there.

I felt my arms begin to shake and had started to take deep deliberate breaths. In through the nose, out through the mouth. He hit me again, I’d lost count at this point, we were at more than ten but less than twenty. Much further than I usually went before either he stopped or I used a safe word. This time when he hit I felt the metal loops of the buckle cut into my skin. The fucker had hit me with the buckle. I was a little relieved it wasn’t your standard hook and eye belt now, to be honest.

“Fuck!” I yelled, and my arms gave out on me.

“Get up, Emily,” Chris growled.

“No, please. I can’t … I can’t.” I whimpered.

“Get. Up.” He snapped. I think he had wanted to yell. It was almost a yell. But we were in a hotel after all.

“Please, Chris, I’ve had enough. Please.” I pleaded.

He grabbed my hair and dragged me to standing, he pressed his mouth to my ear. “You’re mine, Emily. I’m going to do whatever I want with you. Isn’t that right?”

“Y-yes.” I stammered.

He turned me to face him and raised my face to look at his. I stared into his blue eyes, tears rolling down my cheeks. He wiped them away with the ball of his hand and kissed me. It felt like it was all teeth and fury. As we kissed he draped the belt over my shoulders, so it hung down over my breasts.

He pushed me away from him like it was me that had initiated the kiss and he hadn’t wanted it. I nearly fell back onto the bed but was able to steady myself before I did. He took the ends of the belt in his hands and pulled the end through both hoops then slowly dragged it up to my throat so the metal was sitting flush against my skin.

“You remember asking me to do this last night?” Chris asked me taking hold of the end of the belt and running his fingers up it’s length.

“Yes.” I breathed.

“I’m going to use it to control you. Sometimes, you’ll get choked. I’ll be watching you carefully. But don’t hesitate using your safe words or signals if you’re feeling worried. Do you remember them all? Show me.”

“Orange for back off, red for stop and this.” I opened and closed my hand “If I can’t speak.”

He touched my face gently. “Try not to panic. I’ve got you okay? You’re safe.”

I swallowed and nodded my head.

When he next spoke he was my dom again. His voice had dropped to a deep growl. “Get on your knees. You won’t be standing again.”

I dropped to my knees and for a brief moment, the belt pulled tight on my throat. I gasped and he allowed it to relax.

He walked around the side of the bed and I followed on my hands and knees. He pulled off his boxers, his cock standing hard against his belly. He climbed up onto the bed, sliding backward so he was sitting up against the headboard. The belt pulled tight again, but I moved up onto the bed, climbing up on all fours, so the pressure was soon released. He pulled me so I was between his legs, my head positioned over his cock. I waited for direction.

“Well, what are you waiting for?”

I sucked on my lips to wet them and then plunged my mouth on his cock. I slowly worked my mouth up and down his length, running the tip of my tongue along his shaft. I brought my hand up to begin stroking him too but he yanked the belt and it snapped against my neck. I let out a muffled squeal at the sudden sting. I dropped my hand back down and returned to just using my mouth. I sucked just on the head, swirling my tongue around and then pulled off and kiss along the bottom of his shaft. I’d deep throat him and he’d use the belt to hold me in place. I’d be trapped, my airway completely blocked by his cock, but as soon as I’d start to struggle he’d let me go again. I never felt unsafe, so each time he’d do it I’d test my limits further, see how long I could wait until I really felt like I had to take a breath.

The fifth time he did it, I may have pushed myself too far. My vision started to swim, and I panicked. He let me go and I pulled away from him suddenly which yanked the belt tight around my throat before I could get a full breath. I was in full-blown terror mode. I didn’t know what to do. There was a safe word, right? What was it? I needed to breathe.

Chris was quick to react. He grabbed the belt at my throat and pulled it free. I took a deep shuddering breath and knelt in front of him panting and shaking. He went to hug me, and I placed a hand on his chest and shook my head. “Don’t break.” I panted.

“Get on your hands and knees, Emily,” Chris ordered and I smiled, following his instruction.

He adjusted the belt around my neck so that the strap ran down my back and moved behind me. He rolled the strap around his fist, so it was pulled taut but not choking me. Now if I moved forward at all it would pull tight and cut off my airway.

He pushed my back legs apart and moved between them, gripping my cheeks he spread me, burying his face into my arse. He lapped at me, his tongue traveling from the opening of my cunt to my anus. I moaned and my head fell forward. The belt went tight. I let it cut my breath off for a little. I could still breathe, but my breaths were harsh and jagged and heightened the feelings of pleasure building in me. As Chris licked my cunt, I became light-headed. I tingled to the core but felt disconnected from what was happening.

I straightened up, and loosened the belt with my hand, taking a deep breath, and all the feelings that had just felt so apart from hit me all at once, spreading through me and taking me over. I groaned loudly and had to make a conscious effort not to fall forward again. I threw my head back. My arms trembled having to hold me up.

Chris moved to his knees, still gripping my arse. He thrust his cock deep into my core with one quick forceful movement. I stumbled forward, and he yanked me back using the belt, my hands pulling away from the bed for a moment.

Chris fucked me. There was no other way to describe it. I was a thing to be used. He seemed unconcerned if I was comfortable or enjoying myself. He just pounded into me. Each thrust would make me stumble forward, pulling the belt tight against my throat. I loved it. I was his and when he used me it affected me in a primal way. I gave into it. Moaning. Panting. Clenching around his cock. I kept my head held back, so I wouldn’t accidentally fall forward and choke myself.

Chris wrapped his hand around my waist and began to finger my clit. Helping me to orgasm. I started to feel it take over me and arched back. Chris yanked the belt tight, cutting off my air supply. I gasped for breath, nothing came, and my vision went hazy. I started to disconnect from myself again. The belt relaxed and as I gulped in air I climaxed, loudly and with every part of my body. I pushed myself so I was kneeling upright and leaned back grabbing his neck. Normally I would never risk touching him without permission in one of these scenarios but I couldn’t help myself. I dug my nails into the back of his neck, pulling his head to me.

He bit down onto my shoulder, and slid one hand up under the belt, holding my throat. “Fuck, Emily.” He grunted and he jerked inside of me.

I collapsed to the bed. I felt exhausted and spent. My throat felt raw, and my arse ached. Chris lay down beside me and spooned me too him. “I bet you’re thirsty. Want me to get you a drink?” He asked.

“Yes, please.”

He got up and left the room, returning with a glass of water and some lotion. I drank the water greedily, and he rubbed the lotion onto my burning skin.

“You are going to have such a bruise.” He said, sliding his hand over my bum.

“Sitting in the restaurant with Shan and Mealy tonight is going to be fun for me.” I giggled.

Chris kissed me in the middle of my back. “Every time you squirm tonight, it’s going to make me think of this and want you.” He growled. “You’re all I’ll be able to think about.”

I rolled over to face him. I grazed my finger along his eyelashes, raked my nails through his beard, and stroked my thumb along his bottom lip. “That was the sexiest fucking thing anyone has ever said to me. Are you ready to go again? Because I’m about to jump you.”


	45. Chapter 45

Chris and I spent the rest of that morning in bed, fucking, making love and something somewhere in between the two. And when we weren’t doing that we were kissing, touching, rubbing against each other, or just tangled together breathing each other in. We moved to the spa at around midday and after that, we ordered further room service and ate it lying in bed.

The rest of our stay in Australia we spent hanging out with my friends and me trying to show Chris a bit of what my pre-him life was like and just a little of Australia in general. I took him out to Tidbinbilla, a wildlife preserve and he got to touch a wild emu. His reaction of total fear that was quickly replaced by sheer delight was my everything. I wish I had recorded it because I wanted to be able to go back and relive that again and again.

We had been sitting, having a picnic in a clearing. There were a few people around, but as it was mid-week it was fairly quiet. We were both lying sprawled out, my head was on his stomach, and he would occasionally feed me fruit. Two emus emerged out of a clearing and headed towards us. One making a beeline for our picnic basket. I stood up and put one hand on its neck and the other on it’s back, guiding it away from us. Chris freaked.

“Em! What are you doing? Those things can kick you to death, can’t they? Don’t touch it.” He yelped backing away from the emus.

“It’s fine. Come over and touch him.” I said. I held my hand flat out in front of the bird, palm up and it pecked at me, expecting that I was holding food. I started scratching it on the back of the head.

Chris hesitated, but I held my hand out to him and he came over. I took his hand and guided it to the back of the bird. I went and grabbed my camera to take a photo. Chris began stroking the emu down its back, completely ignoring the fact it had started eating fruit from the plate on the ground.

“Em! It’s like I’m patting a dinosaur!” He squeaked, his delight written all over his face.

I snapped some photos of him. “Don’t let it eat our food, Chris,” I said.

“I don’t know how I’m supposed to stop it,” Chris said. He was grinning ear to ear.

Later in the week, we went horse riding together along some of my old trail riding spots. Being around horses again made me realise how much I missed them. I mean granted, considering how bruised my butt was maybe the ride wasn’t the best idea ever, but it was worth it. After we got back, I just stood with my face pressed up to the neck of my horse breathing him in.

“You really need to look into riding again back in LA,” Chris said, coming up behind me and wrapping his arms around my waist.

“Time and money.” I murmured into the horse’s coat.

A stable hand came and led the horse away, and I turned in Chris’ arms and looked up into his eyes. I ran a hand through his beard.

“Stop worrying about money, dumb ass.” He said, slapping my arse.

I yelped and rubbed my butt. “Ow, shit.”

The look he gave me when he realised why made my cunt tingle. His eyes narrowed and he ran his tongue over his lips. I took his hand and we headed back to the car.

“You obviously love it though, Em.” He said “I was getting a little jealous of that horse. The way you kept playing with its hair, and how you never stopped smiling the whole time we were out.”

I nudged him. “If you play your cards right. I might ride you later too.”

“Well durr.” Chris said and rolled his eyes. “But seriously. Why not?”

“Maybe sometime. But I’ve taken almost three months off work this year as it is. If you actually think I’m going to have time to do anything except work when we get back home, you’re living in some wonderful fantasy world, and I’d sure love to join you in it. But I can’t, because I have work.”

I climbed into the car and started it up. Chris climbed in next to me, and I pulled the car out of the car park. Chris put his hand on my knee and just rested it there. We drove past a flock of Gallahs and they flew into the air in a noisy cloud of pink and grey.

“I’m going to miss all the cool birds they have here,” Chris said giving my leg a squeeze.

“That’s funny. I miss Australian birds almost as much as I miss my friends.” I said. “American birds are kind of boring in comparison. Except for maybe hummingbirds.”

“Look just because Australian birds are cool, doesn’t mean you get to dis American birds,” Chris said, with a mock tone of offense.

I poked my tongue out at him.

His hands traveled up my leg, slowly but with a deliberate pressure. He wanted to make sure I felt it through my jeans. I took his hand, running my fingers gently along his and then moved him away from me.

It wasn’t long until it had returned again. He walked his fingers up my leg and then pushed against my crotch.

“Chris.” I groaned. “What are you doing?”

“I’m doing exactly what you think I’m doing.” He said matter-of-factually. He started unfastening my jeans.

“Chris,” I whined. “Is this some kind of revenge for the drive to New York? Because I am not that good of a driver.”

Chris chuckled. “Well, you’re going to have to pull the car over then, because I am going to get you off right now.”

“You’re covered in horse. It’s gross. Besides when have you  _ever_  gotten me off with just your hand?” I laughed and pushed him away again.

“I’ve made you come with just my hand.” Chris laughed. “You seriously don’t remember, with the mirror. I made you watch.”

“That barely counts. I’d only just broken a year-long dry spell and we’d been talking about sex for over an hour.  _And_  I was watching myself which was totally new for me. Those are some pretty big extenuating circumstances.” God, being reminded of that night though.  _Fuck_  …

“You don’t think I can do it?” Chris exclaimed. “I can get you off with just my hand.”

“I bet you can’t. I bet you can’t even if we’re back at the hotel and I’m totally into it.”

Chris ran his hands through his hair. “All right. You’re on. We go back to the hotel now. We take a shower and get this horse off us, have a little drink. And then I’m going to make you come with just my hands.”

I grinned. We’d reached the highway back into Canberra so it wouldn’t be long until we were back at the hotel. “And if you can’t? What do I win?”

“What do you want?”

I paused and thought about it. What could he give me, that would be both hilarious and amazing? What would he absolutely  _hate_  but at the same time be something I’d be into. The perfect idea popped into my head so suddenly I burst out laughing. “If you can’t, you have to have sex with me roleplaying as Captain America. You need to wear a costume, you need to do the voice. Everything.”

Chris laughed. “Okay. I’m going to agree to that because I’m not going to lose. And when I do win, I get two things.”

I squirmed in my seat. This was going to be good.

“First, for a full week, at a time that we both agree on, you have to wear only skirts or dresses with no underwear. And during this week, at any time of day or night, if I want to have sex with you, or I decided you need to go masturbate, or I just want you to stick your finger in your pussy so I can taste you. Then you have to. No complaints, no excuses. You just have to.”

I shivered as my cunt sent a little pulse through me. “Well, that doesn’t sound like I lose regardless of what happens. What’s the second thing?”

“When we get back home, you start horse riding again.”

I sighed. God, I loved this man. He just wanted me to be happy. “I can’t promise that. At least not regularly. I just don’t have the time for it.” I said. “But  _if_  you win, I will look into  _sometimes,_ going trail riding when I have the time. Does that sound like a reasonable compromise?”

“I’ll take it.” He said, and he placed his hand on the back of my neck and gave it a squeeze.

We returned to the hotel, and had a long hot shower together, washing the dust and dirt from out ride off. He rubbed my back while I stood letting the water fall over me. He wanted me relaxed and ready for him. He started to kiss my neck and one hand came around and cupped my breast. I turned on him.

“That’s cheating.” I grinned. He ruffled his hair sheepishly, the most adorable smile on his face.

“Just laying the groundwork.” He laughed.

We got out of the shower, and I toweled myself dry. Chris went and grabbed some beers from the mini fridge and handed one to me.

I dropped my towel and climbed up onto the bed. “We need some rules,” I said.

Chris sat next to me, his towel still wrapped around his waist. He took a swig of his beer and ran his hand up my calf, starting at my ankle. “First rule is you have to let me do it. No trying to distract yourself so you can win.”

I smiled at him and bit my lip. “Oh, I’ll be into it. You don’t have to worry about that.” I teased. “Well, you are  _only_ allowed to use your hands. No mouth, we’re not fucking, and no other accessories. Plus, it’s all below the waist. You thought you could get me off in the car while I was driving. You had no plans to stray elsewhere.”

“I’m not even allowed to kiss you?” Chris asked.

“No. You wouldn’t have been able to kiss me if I was driving. I’ll be good. I’ll do whatever I can to help myself along, whether that be watching you, or just relaxing back and closing my eyes. But you are hands only.” I sipped my beer and thought. “And one last thing. You get half an hour. If I’m close, I’ll let you continue, if I’m not; times up, buddy.”

Chris laughed and leaned into me, his face close to mine, our lips almost touching. “I’m not going to need that long.” He whispered. We kissed, and I squeezed my legs together. I was tingling all over. He was going to win the bet, and I didn’t give a single shit.

“Is that it?"  He asked. "Shall we begin?”

I took a long drink from my beer. “Sure. How do you want me?”

Chris looked at me, his jaw clenched and his brow furrowed. I ran a finger along the line of his jaw.

“Lie down, legs spread. We may move, but let’s start with the classics.” He said and smiled.

I lay back and spread for him. He lay down beside me on his side and slid an arm under my head. “Is that alright? Not breaking any rules?” He asked, a sarcastic edge to his voice.

I snuggled up against him and pressed my head to his chest. He was warm and his heart was beating just a little quicker than normal. “That’s fine. Just as long as you don’t start stoking my hair, or trying to grab my boobs.”

Chris laughed and placed a kiss on my forehead.

“Hey, that’s breaking a rule though.” I giggled.

“I haven’t started yet.” He shot back.

I closed my eyes and breathed him in. He faint musk underlined the clean soapy scent of his skin. His fingers slipped between my folds and traveled up and down my crevice with no problem. I tried to stifle a moan, and then remembered that was against the rules.

“Fuck, Em. You’re so wet already. This is going to be a cakewalk.” Chris laughed. He pushed down on my clit with his thumb and I gasped. “Can you see alright from where you are, if you want to?”

I opened my eyes and looked down my body. I was elevated a little thanks because of his bicep, but my breasts and his arm blocked most of the view. The muscles in his forearm, tensed and relaxed as he moved his fingers up and down my slit. His veins bulging. “Not really, but I can always sit up if I need to. I’m liking how your arm looks though. Might be lucky, could be enough.”

“I don’t need luck,” Chris growled.

I lay down and closed my eyes. Chris continued to just stroke his fingers languidly up and down my pussy. He was taking his time allowing me to give myself to him. I let myself relax into his embrace, slowing my breathing. My head fell back over his arm, my mouth open and as I relaxed into a regular breathing pattern, Chris began circling his finger around my clit. My breath picked up slightly, and I hummed.

He dipped a finger into my cunt and then took his hand away from me completely. I opened my eyes and looked at him. He was sucking on his finger, a devious smile on his face.

“Chris, the rules.” I squirmed. He knew that would affect me. The muscles in my thighs tensed and I squeezed my legs together.

He removed his finger from his mouth and pushed my legs open again. His hand returning to my pussy. He raised an eyebrow, and his eyes glittered. “You said I was only allowed to do things I’d have done in the car. I’d have done this in the car.” He began applying pressure to my clit, rubbing the tip of his finger in small circles. It sent a jolt through me and I moaned, arching my back. “Did you want a taste?”

I swallowed hard and licked my lips. “Yes.” I squeaked.

Chris laughed and pushed two fingers into my cunt. I gasped, and he began to slowly move them in and out of me. He pressed his thumb against my clit and rolled it around over the small nub. “My dirty girl loves the taste of herself.” He growled. “Don’t ya, dirty girl?”

I moaned and squirmed under him.

“Oh, don’t be shy, dirty girl. Tell me how you like to taste yourself.” He hooked his fingers inside me, pushing them against my g-spot. My hips bucked against his hand.

“I love to taste myself.” I whimpered. My eyes had fallen closed again and all my senses were focused on the movement of his hand and the sound of his voice.

“You really love to taste yourself off me. Don’t ya, dirty girl?” He said his voice deep but also filled with a mischievous glee. “You love licking your juices off my skin and sucking them from my mouth.”

“I do.” I panted. “I love it.”

“Ask me to taste yourself, dirty girl.” He growled. He dragged his fingers along my g-spot.

“Oh god!” I groaned, my legs shut tight around his hand trying to suppress the tingle shooting through me.

“Come on now, dirty girl. You promised you’d play along.” He teased.

Mewling, I forced my legs open for him again, moaning as he resumed his ministrations. Chris pressed his face up close to my ear. His hot breath was tickling my neck

“Ask me.” He whispered.

I whined and shook my head. Chris inserted a third finger into my cunt, and my internal muscles clenched involuntarily. I felt stretched and full up. The beginnings of an orgasm had started to build deep inside of me.

“You don’t want to lick my fingers clean, dirty girl?” He began fucking me with his fingers, his hand moved quickly, thrusting in and out of me. I tilted my hips upwards so he had easier access.

“I do want to.” I cried.

“I know you do, you filthy thing.” He purred. “So ask me, and you can.”

“Please, Chris.” I moaned and grabbed his hand. I didn’t try and stop him, or pull him away. I just held on as he worked his magic on me.

“Please what?”

“Please, let me taste myself on you.” I was panting now, and I’d begun to writhe beneath him. It was as if my body was trying to escape the orgasm that I knew was coming.

Chris pulled his hand away from my cunt. I let out a little cry of frustration at the sudden cessation of the proceedings. I opened my mouth, and he traced a finger along my lips, painting them with my fluids. I rubbed my lips together, like I would when I was applying a gloss to them. When I opened my mouth again, his fingers were waiting for me. I greedily took them into my mouth, sucking them clean.

“That’s my dirty girl.” Chris cooed. “Clean them off for me.”

Fuck! His dirty talk was going to be the thing that tipped me over. I turned my head to look at him, his fingers still in my mouth. His eyes glimmered and he had a devious looking half smile.

“You’re close aren’t you?” He asked, pulling his fingers from my mouth. I bit down on them as he did, and my teeth scraped along his skin. I didn’t answer him, I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction. He grinned. “Yeah, you are, dirty girl.”

I rolled completely on my side facing him, hooking a leg over his hips. He focused his attention on my clit. His fingers were like lightning, moving quickly and sending sparks through my body. I began to make helpless whimpering noises.

“You like that, huh? I wonder if I should keep going? Or maybe you might like this more?” He plunged his fingers into me, and they immediately pressed up against my g-spot. I cried out and grasped at his bicep, digging my fingers into his muscle.

“You know, Emily.” He said working his fingers inside of me, his thumb rubbing against my clit in perfect synchronization. I was moaning now, trying to keep my eyes open and focused on his. “Once I win this bet, and that’s going to be pretty soon, I am going to fuck you. I’m really fucking hard right now. I had thought I might make you return the favour. But it really feels so good in here,” He gripped my cunt at the word here, and I let out a loud groan, “that I just really want to go in balls deep.”

I could feel my orgasm wound tight inside me, wanting to escape and take me over but it just wasn’t quite getting there.

“You have – to win first.” I panted.

Chris laughed. “You’re close, dirty girl. Why don’t you come for me?”

I started humping his hand, I wanted to let my hands join his to get myself to climax. I  _needed_  it. But that wasn’t the game. So I just held onto him. “I’d love to, Chris.” I groaned. “And if you don’t figure out how to make it happen soon, you’re going to miss your chance. And when  _I_ win, I’m going to leave you as unsatisfied as I am.”

Chris leaned his head in close to mine. I thought he was going to kiss me, but he didn’t. His lips were so close to mine I could almost feel them. He was trying to tempt me. Make me be the one that started the kiss. Then he wouldn’t be the one breaking the rules. “The stakes have been raised.” He breathed, his lips brushed over mine as he spoke.

Then with no warning, he pinched my clit. Hard. The move happened so suddenly and with such force, I jumped away from him cursing. I lay on my back, my legs squeezed together and he shifted his body, so he was leaning over me. He pushed my legs apart roughly and pushed his palm down onto my clit. My whole body jerked in response.

I was nearly there, I arched my back, and ground my hips into his hand. “Fuck. Yes. Chris. Please.” I moaned.

“That’s it, my dirty girl.” He said, pushing three of his fingers deep into my cunt. “Come for me.” His fingers hit the sweet spot and I came loudly, and with my whole body. I spasmed beneath him, clutching at the sheets, my head thrown back in ecstasy.

Chris jumped to his knees and burst out laughing. “I fucking told you! Can’t get you off with just my hands, huh? In. Your. Face!”

“Shut the fuck up, Evans.” I laughed and pulled him down into a kiss. He climbed between my legs and pressed his cock up against my mound and hovered over me, his arms holding him up, one placed on each side of my head.

“I win, Emily. I’m the winner.” He grinned.

“Yes, you win. Great job there, slugger.” I said patting him on the cheek. “Now, are you going to fuck me or what?”


	46. Chapter 46

Flying to Orlando took forever. We were actually on planes for almost 24 hours. That didn’t even count the time at the airports making connecting flights. I legitimately don’t know what we were thinking. By the time our plane landed in Orlando we had been traveling for somewhere close to 30 hours. I was exhausted to my core and the plane was trapped on the runway for the next hour because there had been a nearby lightning strikes. I felt like I was going to cry.

I pressed my face into Chris’ bicep. “Disney World had better be worth it,” I muttered.

Chris put his arm around my shoulder and my head fell into the crook of his arm. “My life is so hard! I’m going to Disney World!” Chris mocked.

I punched him and he caught my hand. We then spent the rest of the wait play wrestling with each other, while receiving dirty looks from the much more serious passengers around us.

We finally got let off the plane and when we made it through security a car was waiting for us. It was pouring rain and I was really glad that we had opted for a pick up rather than a car rental.

The hotel was decorated for Christmas. A massive multi-story tree stood in the middle of the lobby. As soon as I saw it I went from grumpy exhausted traveler to overly excitable fangirl. I almost skipped along as we followed our personal butler to our room. Yes, you did read that right. No, that was not my idea.

Chris had asked me to just let him organise the hotel, and not criticise his decision when we got there. Also, I was to remember he worked for Disney now, so don’t think about anything too much. But oh lord, it took a lot of willpower not to criticise it. He’d booked the two bedroom suite. Two bedrooms. Two! Because you know, there were two of us. So yay; room each!

I stood in the second room staring blankly at it. “So I guess I’ll sleep in here, and you can take the other one.”

“No, I don’t think so.” Chris grabbed me around the waist and dragged me squealing to the other room, tossing me on the king-sized bed. There was a set of towels rolled up to look like Mickey Mouse on the end of the bed, a red rose sitting on top of them. They fell to the floor and scattered as I bounced on the mattress.

“Okay fine!” I giggled. “I’ll have this room and you can have the other one.”

Chris crawled over to me and nuzzled into my shoulder blade. I stroked his neck and he gradually fell asleep in my arms. A feeling of extreme content washed over me. I drifted off to sleep, Chris pressed against me, listening to the sound of the quiet almost snore he made and smiling so much my cheeks hurt.

I woke the next morning at four. Jet lag had thrown everything off and I was not just awake, I was wide awake. Chris had rolled away from me but was still fully clothed and above the covers of the bed. My bladder was killing me.

I crept out of the room, used the bathroom and started up the shower. It had been almost two days since I showered now and when I stepped under the water it felt like the best place in the world. I was washing my hair when Chris stumbled into the room.

“Did I wake you, my love?” I asked.

“I don’t know. Maybe? I don’t think so.” He said blearily and started stripping off his clothes.

“Are you even awake now?” I laughed.

“Part of me is.” He grinned and dropped his pants to the ground. His cock sprung out as he did and stood hard in front him. He climbed into the shower, and I wrapped my arms around his neck.

“Thank you for bringing me to Disney World,” I said smiling up at him.

His face lit up, his smile creasing the corners of his eyes. “Thank you for coming to Disney World with me.”

He took my face in his hands and leaned into me. When we kissed it was slow and deep. His lips caressed mine tenderly, his tongue just skimming into my mouth. I ran a hand down his chest and along his abs tracing along each ridge working my way downwards until I reached his cock. I went to wrap my fingers around his girth but he caught my hand in his.

“After the shower.” He breathed. “We have lots of time.”

I pouted. “I can’t even touch it?”

Chris laughed tipping his head back. “Maybe just a little.”

I traced the tips of my fingers along his shaft and it twitched in response.

Chris and I dragged out our shower. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other. We were cuddling, stroking, kissing. He finished washing my hair for me, when he massaged the conditioner into my scalp it made all of me tingle. When he stood under the shower head I sucked water from his skin as it ran over his pecs.

When we finally left the shower I had only just managed to wrap a towel around me when Chris had lifted me from the floor and carried me to the bedroom. He placed me sitting at the end of the bed, and I spread my legs, letting the towel fall around me.

Chris knelt on the ground between my legs. My wet hair was dripping and sending little rivulets of water running down my skin. He followed the path of one with his eyes as it traveled over the curve of my breast and down my stomach. He caught the drop with his mouth and then ran the point of his tongue back along its path. When he reached my breast, he swirled his tongue over my nipple and as it hardened under his tongue he captured it in his mouth, sucking and nibbling on the hard peak.

I hummed and pushed my hands into his hair. “Chris?”

“Mm-hmm.” He responded, not looking up just continuing to suck on my nipple. He placed a hand gently on my hip and the other had started to stroke lightly along my pubic hair.

“You know I love you, don’t you?” I asked.

He looked up at me, releasing my nipple and I touched my fingers to is beautiful pink lips. “I know.” He replied, nipping at my fingers.

“I’m very happy right now.”

“I’m glad, Em. It’s all I want for you.” He said. His fingers slipped between the folds of my labia, sliding along my clit. I moaned softly.

“It’s you though, you know? Not here. You. You make me happy.”

Chris smiled up at me and I kissed him. His fingers circled over my clit and he pinched it gently causing me to moan into his mouth.

“You make me happy too, Em,” Chris said pulling away from me. He slipped a finger inside my cunt and swirled it inside of me. “So does this.” He said and plunged his face into my crotch.

I squealed as he began lapping at my pussy. Hooking a leg over his shoulder, he grabbed hold of my thigh digging his fingers into it. I watched him as he worked his magic on my cunt, my hands tangled together in his hair. He was being delicate and deliberate with his actions. Every movement he made found some new way to send a wave of pleasure coursing through my body.  I fell back on the bed, my back arched, grasping at the sheets. Chris increased the pressure of his movements and I gasped and squirmed backward on the bed.

Chris laughed as I pulled away from him. “Where are you going, Em?” He asked hooking his arms around my legs and dragging me back to him. I put my feet on his broad shoulders as he returned his attention to my cunt holding me in place by my thigh. He pushed his fingers against my g-spot and sucked my clit into his mouth. I cried out and writhed on the bed. Sweat had begun to bead on my skin. “Please, Chris. I need you.” I panted. “I need you inside me.”

Chris nibbled on my clit and then raised his head. Dragging his beard along the inside of my thigh. “Be patient, Emily. I’m not done here yet.” He scolded. “You taste fucking amazing today.” He pulled his fingers from my cunt and his tongue took up residence where they had just been. He drank me up, lapping my juices from their source. This wasn’t a move he used often and as he pushed his tongue into my cunt, his fingers moved deftly over my clit. The unique sensation sent an orgasm rocking through me. I spasmed, twisting and writhing away from him. He released my leg and I squirmed my way up the bed.

Chris climbed up onto the bed and stalked towards me on his hands and knees. “What’s up with you this morning? Don’t you like coming anymore?” He laughed, pushing my legs apart and moving in between them.

“I don’t know.” I whimpered. “Everything is feeling really intense I guess.”

“Well, that sounds terrible.” He teased.

I laughed and pulled him towards me. My arms still trembled a little but he didn’t resist and we kissed. He let me lead as I explored his mouth, getting as much of me from his mouth as I could. He knew the ritual and encouraged it.

As we kissed he pushed his cock into me. My internal walls clenched around him and I groaned into his mouth. The need to be in control, to ride him, hit me. I pushed on his shoulder, tilting my body against his. I am not strong enough to actually get him to move without him letting me but he took my hint. He scooped his arms under my back and without pulling out or breaking our kiss he rolled us both so I was on top, straddling him.

I sat up and resting my hands on his abs, I began grinding against him, rocking my hips, clenching my cunt around his cock. I stared down at him, my brow furrowed in concentration. Chris chuckled and touched my face. He ran his hand down my neck and along my chest. He began massaging my breasts. His large hands engulfed them and every time he applied pressure to my soft flesh it would create this mixed feeling of both relief and a cunt tingling pleasure.

His breath started to pick up, and his eyelids grew heavy. I increased the speed of my hips, riding him like it was a race. His hands fell from my breasts, one gripping my hip, the other found my cunt and he began rubbing my clit. His hand working in combination with his cock buried deep inside of my sent me over again, I leaned back, my head tipped up and I cried out, tensing around him.

I climbed off him as the little aftershocks of my climax were still pulsing through me and Chris grunted in frustration. “I’m close, Em.” He panted.

I patted his arm, climbed in between his legs and plunged my mouth on his cock, taking him deep into the back of my throat. He bucked his hips and groaned, his hand grabbing my hair. His cock was soaked in my fluids and I sucked him clean.

He was so close though and as I dragged my lips up over his length, he suddenly jerked, cursing me and spilling into my mouth. The taste of his semen mixed with the taste of me making a heady cocktail of us. I drank it down greedily, lapping up every last drop.

Chris let go of my hair and I crawled up beside him and lay my head in the crook of his arm, listening to his breathing calm. He held me to him. We lay, not saying anything, just being together.


	47. Chapter 47

We took our time getting ready to go to the park. I had wanted to dress up for Disney. I had photography plans, so I put on my woodland creatures dress and spent quite a while in the bathroom perfecting my hair and makeup, aiming for Disney Princess. By the time I was done, I’d managed to pull off the whole ‘doe eye’ look. Smokey eyes with a pale blue highlight. I’d even used mascara so my lashes looked almost like I was wearing falsies.

Chris also seemed to want to look perfect and it actually started to get really annoying. He kept changing his mind about what he wanted to wear. He put on something casual like jeans and a tee, and then switch to something really formal. I don’t know what was going through his head, but he eventually settled on dress pants with boots and a light blue, short sleeved button up shirt. He also shaved which really shocked me. I came out of the bathroom to see him pulling his boots on and his face clean shaven. I stopped dead and did a double take when I saw him.

“Are you ready to go?” He asked me.

I blinked and shook myself. “Um, yes. Just need to put my shoes on.”

There was a park representative waiting for us in the hotel lobby. I guess we were doing the VIP thing again today. I wondered if that was something he got because of Marvel, or if he’d paid for it but I didn’t want to ask. His money, he can spend it how he wants.

We headed over to the Magic Kingdom. Magic Kingdom had the most in common with what Disney Land California was, so part of me was a little disappointed that was how we were starting out. I wanted to go to Epcot and ride on Spaceship Earth. I had to admit, Cinderella’s castle was magnificent. I couldn’t stop taking photos of it.

At the park Chris was just all over the place. He would get really clingy; holding both my hands in his and then pull away suddenly. If I tried to put an arm around him he’d push me away. When I made suggestions about what we could do next they were rarely good plans. He would always say something like 'That’s in the wrong direction’, 'That ride will take too long’, 'We need to follow this plan, Emily.’ It really started getting to me after a not long at all. My emotions felt raw and exposed and just before midday I couldn’t take it anymore.

“Chris!” I snapped at him when he rejected the idea of us going to ride space mountain. “You are really ruining this for me today. Whatever the fuck you have going on in there,” I tapped him on the forehead “Can you please just spit it out, because I am about to go back to the hotel and leave you here alone.”

Chris looked really alarmed. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me to him. “I’m so sorry, Em.” He said. “I didn’t … it’s just …” He looked over at William our park guide. “We’re going to see Ariel right?”

William looked at his watch. “Yes, we can definitely head over there now.”

I groaned. “We met Ariel at Disney Land. Do we have to do that again?”

“But you liked it.” He said defensively. “You’ll like it. Come on.” He took my hand and we walked to Ariel’s grotto. His palms were clammy and I followed him reluctantly, dragging my feet as we walked.

When we got there, there was no one else around. We weren’t being fast passed, he’d had this set up for us. I was beyond perplexed at this point. We followed William through a curtained off area and Ariel was sitting on a large bench with an open clam shell behind her, dressed as a mermaid as opposed to human princess when I’d met her at Disney Land.

“Hello, Emily! It’s nice to see you again!” She said as I walked toward her. Obviously, it wasn’t the same Ariel as last time. This whole set up was complex and elaborate. I turned to Chris and raised my eyebrows. He was beaming. God, he called  _me_ the nerd.

“Hello, Ariel,” I said a little unsure of myself.

“Why don’t you come sit next to me.” She said, patting the bench. I went and sat beside her. A Disney photographer had started taking photos. They must have been awesome because I’m pretty sure I just looked confused and slightly defensive.

“Have you been enjoying your life since you left the ocean to live with your handsome prince?” She asked me.

“Yes, very much so. I love him a lot. He makes me very happy.” I said smiling up at Chris, completely perplexed.

“I’m so happy to hear it!” She said, and she hugged me. I hugged her back feeling completely awkward now. “You see, I think he might have something to ask you.”

I looked at Chris and he dropped to one knee. It felt like my heart stopped, my breath caught in my throat. He took my hand and looked up at me with those beautiful blue eyes. “Emily,” He said his voice shaking a little “I love you with everything I have. My life has been better for you being part of it. I can’t imagine us not being together and I don’t want to. Will you marry me?”

Oh god, this was it. This was the moment I had to choose between him and my career. I feel like I should have thought about it more. But it was him, right? I loved my job. I loved that what I did meant something. But he was my family. Could I imagine continuing without him?

I blinked my eyes, tears had started to well up. Oh god, how long had it been since he finished talking? Say something Emily, you stupid bitch! “Yes, Chris. Yes, I’ll fucking marry you!” I squeaked. He slid the ring on my finger. It was a vintage white gold ring with fine, intricate scrollwork, and an understated round cut diamond. It was beautiful and feminine without being garish and over the top. It also wasn’t too big, I could easily wear it working without it being a hindrance for me. He’d obviously put so much thought into matching this ring to my personality. It was perfect.

Chris got to his feet and pulled me to mine and we kissed. We took our time with it. Slowly and deliberately using our lips to caress each other’s. I had that feeling that maybe I should feel bad about the poor Disney actors who were having to witness this over the top piece of PDA, but I couldn’t actually bring myself to actually feel bad about it. All I wanted was for him to know how much I love him and how happy he made me.

When we pulled apart, Chris leant his forehead against mine and looked into my eyes. “I can’t wait, Emily.” He said.

After we left Ariel’s Grotto, we headed back into the park, Chris held my hand tightly his smile hadn’t left his face since I said yes.

“You should take a look at the ring.” He said after stopping to kiss me again. “I had it engraved.”

I reluctantly slid the band from my finger and held it up so I could read the inscription. I read the word and laughed while at the same time blushing. He really was a massive dork. The inscription read:

 _Part of your World_.


	48. Epilogue

I lay in bed listening to the sound of Chris quietly snore. He was draped over me, spooning me from behind. We’d just gotten home from Boston, having spent Christmas and the New Year with his family. I suppose they’d be counted as my family soon. When do you start calling them your own family?

I guess things would be changing for us soon. In four months Chris would be off again to film the Avengers. In six months Gaby would be leaving us. Her contract was up at UCSD, and she was waiting to hear back from a few places, none of which were anywhere near us. That really broke my heart. I couldn’t imagine not having her as a regular feature in my life.

When Chris got back, Captain America would be released into the world, and god even knew what that meant for us. I remember living in China and being hounded by people when I went out, wanting photographs and just to talk to me. Would it be like that for Chris? Surely it couldn’t be that bad. I mean, he probably wouldn’t stand out as much as I did in China. Would his fans like me or hate me? Would I have to hide from social media because of his fans? Or would they ignore me completely so I could just continue being a complete idiot without anyone particularly noticing me?

There was also the wedding. We hadn’t really talked about it much yet. We’d had a lot of other things happening I guess. We had briefly disagreed about location, but that was it. Getting married meant I was really restricted about where I could find a new job, at least in academia. There was a really high likelihood I’d have to give it up. I was really freaked out about that. Who was I if I wasn’t a zoologist? What would I do with myself now?

None of that mattered right now though. Right now we were together. My future husband and me. We were happy, and in love, and I was his.

_~To Be Continued in Kiss the Girl~_


End file.
